Count On Me
by littlemissaddicted
Summary: Mer/Der AU. Meredith and Derek are best friends, but one of them wants more. When circumstances force them to be pretend lovers, what happens? Now rated M for later chapters. Chapter 41 is finally up!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I don't own, nor do I have any affiliation with Grey's Anatomy.

**COUNT ON ME **

**A/N: **What happens when best friends pretend to be something more? This was the question that started the idea for this fic. It will be AU, most definitely. I realise that not everybody likes AU fics but this is just something I wanted to write. It's been rolling around in my head for some time, so I finally began to write it. I'm not sure how long it will be, I guess we will see. This fic will be Mer/Der, because really, I don't write anything else...lol. I'm going to try to update as regularly as I can. Hope you like it! If there is any interest, I'll keep it going. Thanks for reading. :-)

--

Meredith struggled against the sheets twisting around her body, yet only managed to aid the sheets in their efforts to confine her to her bed. She was in the throes of a nightmare, which in itself was not unusual. As a little girl she had been prone to them. The vivid nightmares that sent her quivering and shaking down the hall to seek what comfort she could from her parents. Comfort that had never, ever come to fruition. She would stumble as she groped her way in the dark, fear causing her legs to shake and shudder as she frantically sought for the one thing she could she knew she would never get. Because she was alone. All alone in the big, dark house. All alone because the man who had promised never to leave her had packed his bags and walked out, leaving her to face growing up alone. Night after night Meredith would wake up and wander down the hall, only to be greeted with the empty bed, the empty room, the empty house. While her mother worked all hours at the hospital, Meredith suffered her own individual form of torture knowing that when the inevitable nightmare reared its ugly head, no one would be there to soothe her, to tuck her back in and assure her everything would be alright. No one was home to check under her bed for monsters, or scare away the ghost she was sure lived in her closet. Instead the small, frightened little girl would lock herself in the bathroom with her one-eyed teddy bear and rock herself backwards and forwards until the fear gradually began to fade away. It had taken two years before she had managed to suppress the nightmares, two years before she had forced herself, at age 8, to stay in bed rather than retreat to the locked bathroom. Eventually the fear had faded and she had overcome the images that she could never remember come morning.

But now the nightmare was back. At 24 years old she thought she had outgrown them, that she had managed to blot out the part of her life that stirred up memories better left buried. Yet they must have been closer to the surface than she had realised.

With a great gasp Meredith woke up and sat bolt upright, her pulse racing furiously in her chest and the beat thundering in her ears. She wiped the hair out of her eyes and reached over to flip on the lamp. As the light spilled out into the room it fell upon the edge of the letter sticking out of the drawer where she had haphazardly stuffed it not 2 minutes after it had arrived. All it had taken to bring the insecurities rushing back was that shiny gold envelope.

Meredith pulled the blankets up under her chin and settled back against the pillows, never taking her eyes off the small edge of paper peeking out at her. Should she or shouldn't she? Was it worth the risk? Look what had happened from merely reading his name. He had obviously moved on. The envelope proved that. Wasn't it time she did the same? But how could she move on if she never reconciled with the past?

Meredith gave a deep groan and pushed the blankets away and slipped out of the bed. She padded across the carpeted floor and stood facing the chest of drawers with her arms at her sides, her hands balled into tiny fists.

"Oh for God's sake," she muttered, furious with herself. "Just make a decision!"

She raised her hand, grasped the corner of the envelope and yanked. Hard. The gold paper shimmered in the light as it sprung free from the drawer and lay in her hand. She opened it up and pulled out the invitation, rereading what she had read only that afternoon.

_Mr Thatcher Grey and Miss Alice Hall request the pleasure of your company at their marriage celebration to be held on..._

It was as far as she could get. He was getting married. Why he had thought to invite her was beyond her. She was his daughter in name only, and had been for years. She hadn't seen him since he had walked out the front door into the rain and never looked back. No birthday cards, no Christmas cards, no contact of any kind. So why he wanted her at his wedding she would never know. This was actually the point, if she cared to think about it in detail. If she was honest with herself, she would have to be willing to admit that she wanted to know _why_ he had bothered to send her an invitation. Why, after 18 years, did her absentee dad want to see her? She turned and walked towards the bed and climbed back in under the covers, the invitation clutched in her hand. She had to make a decision. To go, or not to go, that was the question. It was only a case of a simple yes or a no. Only there was nothing simple about it. If it was simple she wouldn't be up at 3.30 am, her stomach churning with indecision.

Meredith reached over and picked up her cell phone from her bedside table and dialled the number she knew so well. The first tear fell down her cheek as her call was answered.

"Hello?" The husky tones of the one person she could trust implicitly broke through the last of her defences.

"Derek?"

"Mer?" Derek croaked out, blinking his eyes rapidly in an attempt to wake up.

"Yeah." Her voice was quiet, reserved.

Derek struggled into an upright position and glanced at the red digits flashing on the alarm clock next to his bed. 3.32 am. He gave a deep groan and rubbed his hand over the stubble growing on his chin.

"Mer, what's wrong?" He asked.

"Nothing. Well, it's just...no, nothing's wrong." She said, stumbling over her words.

Derek frowned, concern lining his forehead.

"You called me at 3.30 in the morning. Something is obviously wrong, Mer. And I know you're crying." Derek said softly, his voice a gentle caress.

"How...how do you know that?"

"I can hear that little catch you get in the back of your throat when you are trying hard not to cry. I bet you are in bed right now, twirling a strand of hair around your fingers. You feel bad that you woke me at some ungodly hour or the morning, but you don't feel bad enough to let me go back to sleep. Right now you are wondering whether you want to tell me whatever it is that you called to tell me, but you're going to anyway." Derek replied.

Meredith pulled her fingers away from her hair and stared down at her hand. It never ceased to amaze her just how well Derek knew her. It shouldn't, really. She knew him just as well. The reason they were best friends became abundantly clear. He could tell what she was thinking, or how she was feeling, often before she had even admitted it to herself. He was the one constant in her life, the one person it would hurt the most to lose.

"He's getting married." She whispered, almost as if saying it out loud meant she had to make her decision there and then.

Shit. Derek didn't need to ask who she meant, the pain in her voice spoke volumes. Meredith was strong in many aspects of her life. She didn't crack under pressure. If you were lucky enough to gain her loyalty, you had it for life. She was independent, but then she had had to be. Whether that was something she was born to be, or whether it was a case of necessity was hard to say. Either way, she could take care of herself. Unless her father's name came up. His abandonment had hit her hard. Harder than anything else in her life. When he was mentioned, even in passing, she clammed up. She didn't often talk about what life was like for her before he had left, but Derek was under the impression that she had adored him. He had been her everything, only to leave her with nothing.

"When?" Derek asked, closing his eyes and rubbing his jaw.

"In a few weeks. The invitation went to my old place and was redirected here. I only got it this afternoon. Derek, what do I do?" She asked softly, desperation creeping into her words.

"You mean, do you go?"

"Yeah. I have to rsvp and I...I don't know what to do." Meredith answered, throwing the blankets that suddenly seemed too heavy for her legs away from her and swung her feet over the side of the bed. "Why now? Why does he want to see me now? He had 18 years to see me and he didn't want to, so why now?"

"I don't know, Mer." Derek said softly. "You never heard his side of the story. Maybe he had a reason to stay away."

"And maybe he didn't." Meredith replied, bitterness lacing her words.

"So that's what you are afraid of." Derek said matter-of-factly.

"I'm not afraid!" Meredith protested.

"Yes, you are. You're afraid that if you go to the wedding, if you take this opportunity to finally confront him, that he won't have any answers for you. You're afraid that the last shred of hope you have will be smashed to pieces. If he doesn't have any excuses to offer then he is exactly what you think him to be. That's what you're afraid of, Mer."

Derek waited for her reaction. None came. There was silence on the other end of the phone.

"Mer?" Derek prodded. "Come on, talk to me."

Silence.

"Meredith."

Derek heard her give a deep sigh that ended with a sob.

"Sometimes I hate how well you know me." Meredith responded.

Derek gave a small laugh. "Yeah, but you love me really."

"What if he walks away again?" She murmured, her question confirming what Derek already knew. She was more than afraid. She was terrified.

"What if he doesn't?" Derek challenged back.

"I'm more worried about the first option, to be honest." Meredith replied, wiping her eyes.

"I know you are. But wouldn't you rather know for sure? I know you. If you don't go you will wonder for the rest of your life. You've had 18 years to get over him leaving and you haven't, Mer. Can you really live with that wonder forever? Is the truth really worse than never knowing?" Derek answered.

"I don't know. I don't know, Derek. I never understood why he left. But it's more than that. He doesn't know how much I missed him, or how much he missed out on. And I want him to know those things. I want him to miss me like I..." Meredith broke off.

"Like you missed him." Derek said, finishing her sentence in the way only he could.

"Yeah." She said quietly.

"So go to the wedding. Get your answers. Find out what he's like now. 18 years is a long time, Mer. A lot can happen in 18 years."

"I can't go by myself." She responded quietly, nervously gripping the invitation in her hand.

"Are you asking me to come with you?" Derek asked.

"Only if you want to. I know that it's alot to ask, but I can't go by myself. I mean, I can, but I...it's just that...I..."

"Mer! Stop rambling. Of course I'll come with you." Derek replied, shaking his head and smiling slightly as he listened to her nervous chattering.

"Really?" Meredith asked, holding her breath.

"Like it's even a question." Derek responded.

Meredith let out her breath and felt the nerves begin to lessen in her stomach. Derek would go with her.

"I'm sorry I woke you so early. I just...I'm sorry."

"It's fine. Don't worry, I'll be sure to return the favor." Derek smiled.

"Okay, well...goodnight, Der."

"Night Mer."

Meredith was just about to hang up when she heard Derek call her name.

"Yeah?" She questioned, snuggling back down in the bed, feeling the weight leave her shoulders.

"I'll come see you in the morning, alright?"

"Yeah, thanks Derek."

"Anytime."

Derek hung up the phone and slumped back against the headboard. He was happy that, at least for now, he had managed to help her. When she felt pain, he felt pain. Her loss was his loss. Yet when she was happy he felt like the sun was at its brightest, that nothing could ruin how happy he was as a result. He had been in love with his best friend for years, only he couldn't tell her. She was his everything and he feared that telling her how he really felt would jeopardise their friendship. He was happy with what they had now. At least as happy as he could be when he wanted more. He wanted everything from her. He wanted more than friendship, but telling her was impossible. He would never do anything to risk losing the only woman he had ever loved.


	2. Chapter 2

"What the hell do you think you are doing?" Derek asked suddenly, straightening up from where he had been leaning against the kitchen doorframe and walking into the room.

Meredith gave a little squeal and tossed what looked like it had once been bread into the air. With her hands on her hips she swung around and threw him a glare before bending down to scoop the burnt, dry looking toast from the floor. Ignoring his laughter she threw the toast like a frisbee onto the kitchen counter, indignation evident in every gesture.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to give you a fright." He said, laughter jerking his words.

"Look what you made me do!" Meredith accused, pointing her finger towards the smouldering mess of...something.

Derek walked over to her and leaned to take a closer look.

"What exactly is that supposed to be?" He asked, prodding the lumpy mess with his finger.

"It was blueberry pancakes, until you arrived and scared the crap out of me." Meredith muttered grumpily.

"Oh, come on! I had nothing to do with that. You did..._that_...all on your own!" Derek protested.

"Well, I can't cook when I'm stressed!" Meredith argued, brushing her hand against her face.

Derek broke out into a grin before looking around the kitchen.

"Mer, you can't cook even when you aren't stressed. Why would you even attempt it? You had to know it was going to end badly." Derek reminded her.

"Excuse me, but I can cook. I make an excellent boiled potato." Meredith said, her face completely straight.

Derek laughed out loud, his bright blue eyes shining in merriment before his gaze drifted down to her lips and his laughter died away. His lips curled into a soft smile as he leaned in and brushed his thumb lightly against the corner of her mouth.

That was a mistake. A big mistake. Now all he wanted to do was lean in and press his mouth to the lips beckoning for his attention. He wanted to kiss her in such a way that left no doubt about his feelings.

Meredith jerked back, surprise evident in her gaze. The annoyance at her ruined attempt at cooking faded away and her mouth went slack as she watched his eyes soften into an expression she didn't recognise. He looked...tender.

"You have flour on your face." Derek said softly, answering the unspoken question in her luminous green gaze.

"Oh," was all the reply she could muster as his fingers brushed back and forth across her skin.

Derek realised he was still stroking her face, his fingers rhythmically moving across her pale, milk skin. His thumb rubbed against her bottom lip before his hand fell away from her face. Meredith was frowning at him, a puzzled look crossing her graceful features as she unconsciously bought her hand up to touch her lips, the exact place his clever fingers had just vacated. Derek knew that he hadn't needed to hold contact with her for that long, but it was hard to force himself to remove his hand from the softness of her skin, even that brief touch sending tingles up his arm.

"So, why were you cooking breakfast?" Derek asked suddenly, wanting to break the awkward silence, his hand still burning from that simple touch.

Meredith gave him one more confused look before shrugging. "You said you were coming over. I thought the least I could do was make you some breakfast."

"Having second thoughts now?" Derek asked, pulling a face as he looked at what was apparently, in some form or another, blueberry pancakes.

"Um...it might not have been the best of ideas," Meredith admitted, glancing around the mess that was now her kitchen.

"It's a good thing I ate before I came then," Derek said.

"Yeah, but I wanted to make you breakfast." Meredith complained. "But nothing went how it was supposed to!"

"So, maybe you will think twice next time before you decide to seal my fate by poisoning me," Derek replied, winking at her.

Meredith signed and reached into the refrigerator. "I have orange juice, you want some?"

Derek looked apprehensive. "Did you squeeze it?"

"No, I didn't." Meredith shot him an exasperated look. "Although I am perfectly able to squeeze orange juice. I'm not completely useless!"

"Then sure, I'd love some. And I know you aren't useless, Mer. That's the last word I would use to describe you."

Meredith didn't comment and reached up grabbing a glass out of the cupboard and filling it with juice.

"You want help with the dishes?" Derek asked, reaching across and taking the glass from her shaking grasp.

"Yeah, if you want." Meredith replied. "I'll wash, you can dry."

Derek watched as she stacked the dishes and ran the water into the sink, her face masking how she was really feeling.

"Mer?" Derek said suddenly, reaching out and gently laying his hand on her arm. She looked down at his hand resting so softly on her arm before raising her gaze to match his. Quick as lightning, Derek pulled her into his arms, holding her tight against his chest. They fit together perfectly, her head tucking neatly under his chin, his arms wrapping around her in the most familiar way. Meredith curled her arms around his neck and squeezed tightly, sighing as she felt him run his fingers through her hair. There was something about his embrace that always made her feel so safe, so secure, completely at peace. He knew when to reach out and when to hold back. He knew that right now this was enough. The simple act of holding her close was enough to right what had felt and gone so wrong.

Derek closed his eyes as meredith stretched her arms up around his neck and gripped tightly. Her breath tickled the base of his neck as she turned her face against him and sighed. He wanted to stay this way forever, to always be able to hold her close for no other reason than simply because she was Meredith. He had known from the minute he stood watching her in the kitchen that she hadn't so much wanted to cook him breakfast, as she had been cooking simply to keep her hands busy. He could tell that she was wound up tight as a bow and ready to snap any minute. So he had played along, pretending that she was okay while all the time being well aware that she felt awkward and unsure of herself, scared silly of who she was, the usual result of Thatcher's influence over her. But he had seen it in her eyes. She needed him and he couldn't resist her silent plea. He had never been able to.

So there they stood, the sink full of water as they clung to each other in the middle of the kitchen. Derek breathed in the scent of her hair, the lavendar uniquely her.

After a long moment, Meredith pulled back and stuck her hands in the soapy water, furiously scrubbing at the dishes as a lone tear made its path down her cheek. Derek glanced sideways and saw the drop pooling on her chin. He reached over and gently wiped it away with his knuckle. She turned slightly and smiled at him, briefly laying her head against his shoulder before she straightened and went back to her dishes. Derek picked up a towel and stood beside her, silently waiting for a dish to dry. It was a scene that really was the epitome of their friendship. Each one standing with the other, ready to face whatever may come.

A/N: Third update coming soon. Thanks so much for the reviews:-)


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N**: Thanks for the reviews, they make me want to write faster! Glad people seem to be liking this story:-)

Mark Sloan lounged on the sofa, draping his long leg over one armrest, a grin on his face as he stared at the chess board resting on the coffee table.

"Come on, Derek. Make a move! You've been staring at the board for 20 minutes!" Mark said suddenly, straightening himself and swinging his leg back around.

"I'm thinking!" Derek protested, rubbing his forehead in frustration.

"Yeah, well think faster man. I'm beginning to get bored," Mark complained.

"Mark, we're playing chess. I think we were already the definition of bored." Derek said dryly, finally selecting his move.

Mark slid down onto the floor and studied the board before moving his desired piece.

"Yeah, well, at the rate we're going, we'll still be sitting here in two weeks time," Mark muttered, watching as Derek swiftly made a move.

"I won't be here in two weeks, I'm going to a wedding." Derek replied, leaning back and resting his weight against his arms.

Mark looked across at him and frowned. "Whose wedding are you going to that didn't invite me? We know basically the same people!"

"Maybe they like me better," Derek grinned.

"Well, that's not possible." Mark responded quickly.

"I'm going to a wedding with Meredith," Derek said casually.

Mark raised one eyebrow and clasped his hands over his stomach. "Really?" He drawled. "And who, pray tell, asked whom?"

"It's not like that. I said I'd go with her to her dad's wedding. It's no big deal." Derek protested.

Mark shook his head and rolled his eyes. "You two are so pathetic. Actually, you are so pathetic. You're 26 years old. If you like the woman, just ask her out, for god's sake. Trust me, Derek, it's a lot less effort than inventing reasons to take her somewhere."

"I'm not inventing reasons to take her anywhere. She asked me if I would go, I said yes. End of story." Annoyed, Derek reached across and picked up a chess piece, moving it and slamming it back down again.

"So you're taking her as a friend." Mark asked.

"No, she is taking me as a friend." Derek bit out.

"Right. Because if I didn't want to go somewhere alone you'd jump at the chance to take me." Mark said, ending the game with one final move.

"Mark, just leave it alone." Derek warned.

Mark raised his hands in surrender and pulled his lean, muscular body up off the floor.

"Whatever dude, it's your life. I'm going to get another beer."

Derek watched as Mark walked into the kitchen, annoyed that Mark seemed to have figured out that his feeling for Meredith weren't strictly platonic. He was fairly certain Mark didn't know just how deep his feelings were, but he had certainly picked up on something and never failed to bag him about it.

The front door opened with a bang, the noise pulling Derek out of his reverie.

"Derek?" A voice called from out in the hall.

"I'm in here, Mer." He called back, getting up from the ground.

Meredith burst into the room, throwing her purse into the corner of the room.

"I did something stupid." She blurted out.

"What? Since I left your place 6 hours ago? That didn't take long." Derek grinned.

"Derek! This isn't funny!"

"Alright, so what stupid thing did you do?" Derek asked, sitting down on the sofa and gesturing to the armchair for her to sit down.

Meredith ignored him and kept pacing, panic coming off her in waves.

"After you left, I rsvped. I figured I should ring to confirm. Make sure they knew I was coming." Meredith said, jerking around to face Derek.

"So?" Derek asked, confusion crinkling his brow. "I thought we decided that you would go."

"We did!" Meredith cried out.

"Hey gorgeous!"

Meredith did an about turn and saw Mark striding into the room, two beers clasped in his hands, one of which he tossed to Derek.

Meredith rolled her eyes in exasperation but a small smile turned up the corner of her mouth.

"Mer?" Derek prodded. "Getting back to your stupidity..."

"Oooh," Mark drawled, "A topic I love to talk about."

Meredith glared at Mark before resuming her pacing.

"Mer?" Derek prompted again, setting his beer down on the coffee table.

"I accidentally rsvped for you...as my boyfriend." She finally blurted out, standing still as she watched his reaction. It wasn't long in coming.

"What? How the hell do you accidentally tell complete strangers that we are dating?!" Derek exclaimed, leaping up from the sofa.

Meredith winced, twirling her hair around her fingers.

"It just...sort of...slipped out. I rung up to tell them we were coming and some woman answered the phone. She wanted to know what your name was...something about name cards...and then she asked who you were. I panicked!" Meredith cried.

"You panicked? Why the hell didn't you just tell her we were friends!" Derek asked, his voice rising.

"I...because!"

"Good one, Mer," Mark teased, sitting back against the couch, thoroughly amused. "You know, it's a pity I don't have popcorn."

His comment received dirty looks from both Meredith and Derek. He merely grinned and sipped his beer.

"Because why?" Derek demanded.

"I couldn't tell them that I was so pathetic that I needed my best friend to come with me!" Meredith replied, twisting her hands nervously in front of her.

Derek sighed and sat back down, grabbed his beer and took a big gulp. "Okay, so I have to pretend to be your boyfriend for a day."

"Um..." Meredith replied quietly, her voice trailing off.

"Oh God," Derek groaned. "There's more."

"Of course there is," Mark said cheerfully.

"Would you shut up!" Derek said, glaring in Mark's direction.

"Yeah, there's more." Meredith said warily.

"What, are we having a fake baby too?" Derek asked sarcastically, glancing down at her stomach.

"What? No!" Meredith replied, tugging on her sweater. "It's just...it's not for a day. Apparently when I rsvped I committed us to all the lead up events before the actual wedding. There's supposed to be dinners and dance lessons and...something about golf, or tennis...I don't know, I wasn't really listening. Oh, and the rehearsal dinner."

"So how long?" Derek asked.

"A week." Meredith replied, nervously bitting her nail.

"So we have to pretend to be dating for a week?" Derek replied, his jaw dropping in astonishment.

"Yes. Derek, I know I shouldn't have lied, but when she asked me...it just seemed weird to be taking a friend...and it just came out. And I can't take it back without making myself seem like an idiot. Please, please, just do this for a week. I'll book us a hotel. We'll have seperate rooms and everything. You won't have to pretend the whole time. Just around other people." Meredith begged.

"I don't think he'll need to pretend." Mark said quietly, glancing at a stunned Derek.

"What?" Meredith turned around and stared at Mark.

"Nothing." He replied. "It's not important."

Meredith shrugged and turned back to Derek. "So? Will you do it?"

"I'd have to take time off work." Derek replied.

"You're an author. You write novels. You can do that anywhere." Meredith pointed out.

Derek gave a deep sigh of exasperation. "Fine. Yeah, I'll do it."

Meredith's face broke out into a smile. "Thank you! Look, it's just for a week and then we can just go back to being us and pretend it never happened."

"Yeah." Derek replied.

"Derek, I'm sorry." She said quietly. "I really never meant to drag you into this."

"It's fine, Mer. It's only for a week. No one we know will even be there." Derek said, smiling at her. "It'll be fine."

Meredith nodded and sat down beside him on the sofa, grabbing his beer and taking a sip.

"That was mine." Derek said, pulling a mock annoyed face at her.

"So I'll get you a new one." Meredith got up and walked out into the kitchen.

Mark waited for her to leave the room before a chuckle escaped his lips. "So much for that 'taking her as a friend' theory."


	4. Chapter 4

"Liz, you need to move closer to Ryan." Meredith instructed, setting the camera down and walking towards her clients.

"But he went to the gym this morning and he hasn't showered!" Liz whined, shuffling a little to the left but nowhere near close enough.

Meredith groaned inwardly as she tried to move the uncooperative teenager closer to her brother.

"I didn't have time and you know it!" Ryan grumped, crossing his arms over his chest. "Besides, I don't stink! I changed my clothes, and I used dad's cologne."

"Yeah, well, you used too much." Liz muttered, wrinkling her nose. "You smell like you're 40."

Meredith grabbed Liz by the shoulders and forcibly moved her over before her brother could retaliate. "Look, your mom wants one decent picture of the two of you together and then you can go," she reminded them. "This would go a lot faster if you would just do as I tell you."

"Why do we have to have this done every year?" Ryan asked, the perpetual scowl never leaving his face.

"Because I said so," came the authoritarian voice from behind them.

Mrs Kostali walked up to her children, her elegant shoes clipping across the floor. "And I'm the one who pays your allowance, which you won't get if you don't do as you are asked. I don't think one decent portrait of the two of you smiling is too much to ask for."

Liz rolled her eyes and moved into position, flipping her long dark hair over her shoulder. Ryan's scowl deepened before he too moved.

Meredith gave a sigh and adjusted the light before heading back to her camera.

"Okay, on 3 I want you both to smile. 1...2...3."

Click.

"Okay, that was great," Meredith encouraged, "but Ryan, could you look at me this time and not your shoes?"

" 'Spose so," he muttered, lifting his head.

Meredith schooled her reaction, refusing to let her exasperation show as she counted again. This time the siblings smiled sweetly as Meredith framed the shot, the smiles fading the minute she set the camera down.

"Can we go?" Liz asked impatiently, already halfway across the room.

"Sure," Meredith replied, giving a sigh of relief.

"Thank you, Meredith. I'll be in next week to select the one I want framed." Mrs Kostali said smiling.

"Alright, but you will be dealing with Ray, not with me." Meredith said, walking over to the front desk and opening the drawer, pulling out the order forms.

"Oh? Are you going away?"

"Yes, I am. My...father...is getting married." Meredith said quietly, filling out the photo order form.

"Oh, how nice!" Mrs Kostali exclaimed, taking the slip of paper Meredith handed her. "Well, I'm sure you will have lovely time. Where is the wedding?"

"Seattle." Meredith replied, surpressing a grimace.

"Beautiful city. Have you ever been?"

"I lived there once." Meredith replied briskly, hoping the conversation would come to a close.

"Well, I'm sure you'll have a wonderful time," Mrs Kostali answered, swinging her handbag over her shoulder and striding out the door.

"I'm sure I will," Meredith muttered, watching as the woman ushered the two still squabbling teens out the door.

"You know, I often wonder why Adele and I never had kids, but it is at times like these it isn't such a mystery," A voice said over her shoulder. "You kept your patience very well."

Meredith laughed, turning to face her boss. "Thanks, Richard. But next time, send them to Ray."

"I don't believe I can do that." Richard said, grinning at her.

"Why? Because you like to torture me?" Meredith groaned.

"No, because she demanded the best, and you my dear, you are the best." Richard said smoothly.

"And that means I deserve punishment?"

"It does when you work for me. Of course, if you would allow me to frame and sell your photographs you wouldn't have to take the portraits." Richard began, his brow creasing.

"Richard, please don't start." Meredith begged. "You know I can't do that."

"And why not? You have a natural talent with a camera and an eye for detail that could make you a well-known photographer if you would only let yourself go. This job is a safe one for you, Meredith, but it doesn't stretch your imagination. You're wasting your talent doing what you're doing. Don't get me wrong, you do it extremely well. My business has increased since you came here. But you don't push yourself."

"Yes, so you have told me a hundred times." Meredith said, walking away from him. "Don't forget you gave me next week off."

Richard shook his head in frustration and headed out to the gallery. Meredith had worked in his gallery for 3 years and in that time had gained a reputation as the go-to person for portraits. But she had talent that she was determined to squash, refusing to let him frame and sell the photos he had seen in her portfolio when she had applied for the job. He knew what she was capable of. Even her portraits captured the mood, the personality, the very heart of the subject. She was extremely gifted. He could only hope that one day she would find something that would inspire her to be all she could be.

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Derek ran his hands through his hair, watching the cursor as it bounced happily on the empty screen. It was mocking him, he was sure of it. Mocking his absolute lack of creativity. No matter what he did he couldn't seem to write. So far all he had to say for his day was that the seven cups of coffee he had consumed in the last 3 hours hadn't had any effect whatsoever. If he was honest with himself he would admit that he was nervous. As the days rolled on, and the closer it got to leaving for Seattle, the more nervous he became. Maybe nervous was the wrong word. Apprehensive. And it wasn't that he was only worried about himself. He was worried and anxious for Meredith. He had convinced her to open herself up for a whole lot of hurt, and there was the very real chance that she would know what it was to have her heart broken by the same man twice. Besides that, a week of pretending to be more to her than he was was going to mess with his head. Hell, it already was. It wasn't that long ago that the book had been rolling along nicely, the characters more than willing to cooperate.

With a sigh, he gave up, closing his computer down.

" At least that damn cursor isn't sitting there, looking at me." Derek muttered to nobody in particular as he leaned back in his chair, stretching his arms above his head. " And now I'm talking to myself. Great, nice to know I'm certifiably insane. I should probably warn everyone I know. Oh god, I'm rambling...she finally rubbed off on me. It took her years, but if she's anything, it's persistent. And I'm still talking to myself..."

Derek picked up his empty coffee cup and groaned at the ring it had left on his desk, carrying it out to kitchen and dumping it in the sink. He grabbed a dish cloth and returned to his office. As he leaned over his desk to wipe away the coffee ring his cell phone started buzzing in his pocket.

"Hello?" he answered, pressing the phone to his ear with one hand and wiping the coffee stain with the other.

"Sweetheart!" His mother's voice said happily in his ear. "How are you?"

"Marvellous," He muttered grumpily, swiping at the stain again, determined to at least attempt to remove it.

"Well, that sounded sincere," his mother scolded. "At least lie with a little bit of effort. What's wrong?"

"No, it's just...writer's block, nothing serious. How are you? Is everything alright?" Derek asked, smiling in spite of himself.

"Oh yes, everything is just fine. I was wondering if you had a moment to talk, that was all." Amy responded.

"Sure, at this point I have nothing but time. What's up?" Derek said, sitting back down in his chair and stretching his legs out in front of him.

"Well, I met this lovely young woman the other day," Amy began, enthusiasm pouring into her words.

"Mom, stop. I refuse to go on anymore of your blind dates. The last one was a nightmare!" Derek said firmly.

"Derek Shepherd, Anthea is a lovely girl. Why is it you reject anyone I find for you?" Amy asked indignantly.

"Because I can find my own women, Mom. I certainly don't need you to do it for me!" Derek responded.

"You know I love you Derek, but your dating record leaves a lot to be desired." Amy replied, attempting to soothe him somewhat.

"Yes, possibly because you force me to go out with these woman who...there are no words! One of them had verbal diarrhoea. Then there was the infamous Polly, who ate food from other people's plates the one time we went out to dinner. Oh, and who could forget the woman who liked to get up and sing along with the movies? Oh, she was really fun. I think it was five guys who threatened to deck me if I couldn't get her to shut up." Derek said, rolling his eyes in frustration.

"Granted, some of them weren't quite right for you, but I did find you some nice girls too, Derek, you just refuse to put in the effort. Now the woman I met is an attorney. Her name is Monique, and she wanted me to give you her number. Apparently Friday nights are out because she attends yoga classes, but any other night, provided she isn't in court, is absolutely fine."

"Mom, I'm not going out with her." Derek said in exasperation.

"Well, why not? You haven't even met her, what possible reason could you have to refuse her?" Amy cried.

"Because I'm dating someone already." Derek said, his brain a few seconds behind his mouth.

"Oh, really? That's wonderful, dear! All I ever wanted was you to find someone you could love the way I loved your father. Who is she?" Amy asked.

"Meredith." Derek blurted out, his eyes widening when he realised what he had said. "I'm, uh, I'm dating Meredith."


	5. Chapter 5

His mother fell silent, not a sound escaping her lips. Derek sat there in shock, unable to comprehend the unbelievably deep hole he had just dug himself. He was up the creek without a paddle now, and he wasn't sure he remembered how to swim. He considered telling his mother that he was joking, that he really wasn't dating his best friend, that he had lied out of sheer desperation...but he just sat there, his eyes wide and his mouth open. Whatever had possessed him to say such a daft thing? Granted, the women his mother seemed to deem appropriate for him were beyond description, which really didn't say much about her opinion of him, or her taste in his potential life partners. But she always had his best interests at heart, truly believing that the woman she was recommending would make him happy. What she failed to realise was that there was only one woman he wanted and she just happened to be the one woman he couldn't have.

"You're seeing Meredith? You mean you're...oh my," Amy whispered through the phone.

"Er...yes, I am." Derek responded awkwardly.

"Sweetheart..." Amy said slowly, "are you sure you know what you are doing?"

Derek's heart was pounding in his chest. He never lied to his mother, not about important things. In fact he couldn't remember the last time he had been anything less than completely honest with her. She was like the human lie detector, she always had been. And yet now, when he told one of the biggest lies of his life, the alarm didn't seem to be going off in her head. In fact, she didn't even seem surprised, just...concerned.

Derek didn't know how to answer her question. What was he doing? He really had no idea. It had seemed like a good idea at the time, but now...now he wasn't so sure.

"Mom? What do you mean?"

"Meredith is...she's not like the other women you have dated, Derek. She's...special." Amy said quietly.

"I know she's special, Mom. I've always known that. I still don't see your point."

"I just want you to be careful, that's all I'm saying. I love her and I love you. I don't want to see you hurt each other. Please don't take this the wrong way. I'm not saying this as I mean it. I don't disapprove. In fact it's quite the opposite. I'm thrilled to pieces, I really am. Meredith is a wonderful girl, and she suits you. You fit together wonderfully, you always have, ever since you first met." Amy said sincerely.

"Then what's you point?" Derek asked, tapping his fingers impatiently on his desk.

"Just...promise me that you'll take this seriously. That you aren't just messing around. I don't want you both to mess up a friendship that's lasted for 10 years on some fling. You both deserve more than that."

Derek felt like a heel. The lowest of the low. His little lie was rapidly spinning out of control. The last thing he wanted was for his mother to worry about him. Determined to reassure her he flattened his hand on the desk, took a deep breath and said the words for the first time out loud.

"Mom, it's not a fling. I love her."

"I know you do, Derek." Amy began.

"No, I really love her. In a big...do anything for her, love everything about her, adore her just as she is, want forever with her kind of way." Derek replied, feeling his heart lighten at the thought. Forever.

"You really mean that, don't you?" Amy asked, a huge smile breaking over her face.

"I really do," Derek said sincerely.

"And does Meredith know that?"

"No, I haven't told her. This is...it's really new, Mom." Derek replied.

Well, it was sort of true, he thought. While the feelings he had for Meredith weren't new, the fact that they were dating definitely was. They were now officially dating, and had been for about 3 minutes. Well, officially dating as far as his family were concerned. 3 minutes. He felt that fit under the 'really new' category. It wouldn't be long before his entire family knew about his new girlfriend. He groaned at the thought.

"Derek?" Amy asked, hearing him groan down the phone. "Are you alright?"

"Um, yeah. Mom, I really have to get back to work." Derek said quickly.

"Of course, dear. Well, bring Meredith over for a meal sometime soon, alright?"

"Sure, Mom. That would be nice."

"Alright, then. I love you." Amy said, smiling.

"Love you too." Derek responded, before hanging up the phone.

Derek leaned forward, pressing his elbows on his knees and cupping his face. "Well, this could get interesting."

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"Are you insane?" Mark asked, grabbing an apple from the bowl on the kitchen table.

"It's definitely a possibility," Derek groaned, pulling a chair out and sitting down, his head dropping into his hands. "Mark, what do I do?"

"Well, you could grow a pair and tell your mother to butt out of your love life, such as it is." Mark suggested, crunching on the apple. "Of course, that advice would have been more helpful an hour ago."

Derek lifted his head from his hands and glared up at him. "Gee man, that really helps. Thanks."

"Look, Derek, you made your bed, now you have to lie in it. Either tell Amy the truth or get ready for a multitude of family barbeques with your new girlfriend." Mark pulled out a chair and sat down opposite Derek.

"Oh god. We're going to have to go to those." Derek moaned. "Mer's going to kill me."

"In that case, why worry about any of this. Tell her what you've done and all this goes away." Mark said happily, wiping the juice trickling down his chin away with the back of his hand.

"Why are you so pleased about this?" Derek demanded to know.

"Derek, you really need to learn to see the funny side of life." Mark suggested, dodging the question.

"You think this is funny? It's not funny. What the hell do I do?"

"You could start by not being so dramatic. Jeez. Look, just tell your mom the truth. Tell her that you made it up so she would stop forcing you to associate with satan's spawn."

"I can't." Derek muttered, dropping his head back in his arms.

"Why not? You're her only son. She can't hold a grudge against you for that long."

"Look, I told her...I said...I told her something about someone and she knew I wasn't lying. She knew I meant it. And I did mean it. I can't tell her that I lied about it."

"Wow...that made no sense. But if you're not going to tell Amy then you have to tell Meredith." Mark replied.

"Not necessarily." Derek answered raising a finger in the air. "Mom can think we are dating, I'll just make excuses as to why Mer and I can't come over and then no-one needs to know anything."

"Sure, that'll work. Because Amy never sees Mer. In fact, I'm certain she's lost her phone number. She would never dream of calling her future daughter-in-law and congratulating her on having the good sense to date her only son." Mark said sarcastically, taking another bite of his apple.

"I never said we were engaged." Derek protested.

"Yeah, because that's the part to focus on." Mark replied in exasperation.

"What...you think she she'd call Mer?" Derek said suddenly, the pitch in his voice raising slightly.

"Well, let's think about this. We are talking about a woman who finds women for you all the time. Why would said woman be interested in the woman her son ends up dating, albeit fake dating." Mark asked, rolling his eyes.

Derek leapt to his feet, knocking the chair over in his haste.

"If Mer finds out from my mother she'll kill me, bring me back from the dead and then kill me again!" Derek called out on his way out the door.

Mark sat at the table, apple in hand, shaking his head. He hoped that at some point this pretense would become a reality. He couldn't imagine a better scenario if he tried.

"Meredith, would you mind closing up? Adele and I are going to her sister's for dinner and I promised I'd be home early." Richard asked, walking over to where Meredith sat flicking through a stack of photos.

"Sure," she said absently, tucking her hair behind her ear. "Have a nice time."

"Thank you, but I doubt it. I can't stand the woman." Richard murmured, picking up one of the photos and tilting it towards the light. "You know, you captured this woman beautifully. Like I can see right into her soul. She looks...sad, yet she's smiling. Not many people can bring that inner turmoil out in someone who's smiling, and seems to be happy, Meredith."

Meredith gave a small smile and tucked the photos away in a drawer. "Have a nice time, Richard."

Richard pulled a face and put his jacket on, waving goodbye as he opened the door and stepped out into the street.

Derek swung the car into a free parking space and leapt out. Running towards the gallery he turned to press the button on his keys. locking the car. He went to pull open the door when a man stepped out.

"Derek, nice to see you," Richard said. "I assume you are after Meredith. She's inside."

"Thank you." Derek replied, standing aside to let Richard through before bursting through the door.

Meredith was sitting with her back to him, her long blonde hair streaking over her shoulders. She turned in her chair, a smile breaking across her face.

"Derek! What are you doing here?" She asked, standing up.

"I have to tell you something. But first, has my mother rung you?" Derek asked, running his fingers through his hair.

"No, why?" Meredith asked, confusion evident in her voice.

"Good." Derek said, relieved.

"Good? Derek, what's wrong?"

"I may have told my mother we were dating." Derek said, watching her face carefully.

Meredith's face paled and her jaw dropped. "You what?"

Derek shut the door and walked towards her, wincing at the look on her face. Stunned. Shocked. Mad. Worried. Upset. It was the last one that got to him as her face twisted into a look of horror and dispair.

"Derek, please tell me this is a joke to get back at me. Pleeease." Meredith begged.

"No, it's not a joke." Derek said softly.

"What were you thinking?!" Meredith cried out, her finger automatically curling around the strand of hair floating over her shoulder.

"I wasn't thinking. I think you inhabited my body for that split second. Yours was the first name that came into my head." Derek replied, desperate to make her understand.

"Why was any name coming into your head? Why would you tell your mother you were dating anyone when it isn't even remotely true! You haven't been on a date in...i can't even remember the last time!" Meredith replied, now tugging on her hair.

"I was thinking that if I didn't come up with something to get out of my mother's next blind date I was going to have to find a tall tower and jump off it! Mer, I can't go on anymore of her dates, with any of her so-called wonderful women. I can't. And you do remember the last date I went on because I made you come and sit at another table as a witness to the hell my mother kept putting me through!" Derek stormed, pacing in front of her desk.

Meredith let out a little giggle, some of her anger wearing away. "That's right! Well, now, what was your problem with that one? I personally thought she was a keeper."

Derek threw her a look over his shoulder. "Sure you did. That's why you came over to our table and slapped me for cheating on you. Thanks for that, by the way. It did my reputation good."

"Well, someone had to help you.The 'oh my god's' and that laugh...she was getting on my nerves and I was all the way on the other side of the room! Slapping you seemed as good a way as any to accomplish the rescue." Meredith grinned, collapsing back into her chair.

"Look, I lied. I shouldn't have. But there is no difference between what you did and what I did. So what's the big deal?" Derek asked, still pacing.

"Not a difference? Derek, there is a huge difference! I don't know my father. I won't know anyone at that wedding. But I know your mother. I know your family. I love your family! Lying to them is completely different from lying to a bunch of people we've never met and don't really care about!" Meredith cried, her finger a blur as she continued to nervously pull on her hair.

Derek groaned, his hand automatically threading through his hair. "Okay, so I didn't really think of that at the time."

"Obviously." Meredith muttered.

"Hey, you panicked too! I'm not the only one at fault here. I messed up. You lied. We both clearly suck under pressure. All I'm asking is that you go along with this until I can find a reason for us to decide we are better at being friends. That's it." Derek said, turning to face her.

"Oh, that's it? You are asking me to continue a charade for a lot longer than a week, Derek. And this is with people that know us! My family consists of...well, me...and possibly my father. If he counts. Your family is...you, Kathleen, Nancy, Brooke, Kimberley and your mother. Not to mention the hundreds of other Shepherds that always go to your family gatherings." Meredith reasoned, her face changing as it dawned on her. "Oh, you're going to make us go to the barbeques. As a couple. Aren't you?"

"Mer, calm down." Derek began.

"Calm down? Derek, we have to lie to your entire family. That's like trying to lie to a small country!" Meredith panicked, her breaths coming in short burst.

Derek knelt down in front of her, pulling her hands away from her hair and lacing his fingers through hers.

"Mer, we can do this. It's not like we don't know each other well enough to fake it. We don't have to come up with a story about how we met or any of that. It's going to be okay. Please, please do this for me. At least until I can find a way to get my mother to forget about the fact that I'm still single. I promise you it will turn out okay." Derek said softly, holding their hands against his chest. "Please."

Meredith felt her panic begin to fade and her face softened. He was her best friend. She would do anything to help him, and he had said he would pretend for her. The least she could do was return the favor. He had never let her down and she wasn't about to let him down now. She leaned forward, placing a gentle kiss on Derek's cheek. "Alright. I'll do it."


	6. Chapter 6

"Look, Cris, can I borrow the dress or not?" Meredith asked, scooping out the entire contents of her underwear drawer and dropping them down onto the bed.

"Sure, it's not like I would ever wear it." Cristina replied, watching as her friend darted around the room, throwing clothes onto the bed and narrowly missing Cristina's head.

"Hey, watch it!" Cristina demanded, scooting up towards the headboard. "Exactly how long are you planning on staying?"

"A week. That's it. Then I can come home." Meredith replied, opening the wardrobe and hunting for shoes.

"Right. So you weren't planning on moving to the other side of the country?" Cristina asked, glancing at the rapidly growing pile on the foot of the bed.

"No, why?" Meredith asked, disappearing into the bathroom.

"This is a lot of crap to take for a week!" Cristina called, raising her voice over the noise coming from the bathroom. "What the hell are you doing in there?"

"I'm...but...lost...nice!" Meredith yelled back, her words lost in the din she was making.

"Yeah, I got none of that." Cristina called back.

Meredith poked her head out the bathroom door, a hair dryer dangling from her hand. "I'm trying to find my hair straightener and my curling iron."

"You do realise that those two things negate each other though, right?" Cristina asked, picking up a magazine and thumbing through it.

"Well, obviously I'm not going to use them both together!" Meredith scowled.

"Why are you using them at all? When was the last time you even cared enough to straighten or, god forbid, curl your hair?" Cristina asked curiously.

"Look, I'm meeting my father for the first time in 18 years. I'm meeting my soon to be step-mother and I dragged Derek along for the ride. I don't want to embarrass myself, or him, for that matter. I want to look nice. So, I need to find the damn straightener and curler." Meredith replied, frustrated.

"Whatever. You want some help looking for them?" Cristina called out.

"Oh no, I'm fine. Making wonderful progress on my own, thanks. You just sit there and read while I slowly get closer to ripping my hair out in chunks!" Meredith responded, sarcasm dripping from her voice.

"That could help, you know. Once your hair's gone, you won't need to find them." Cristina said slyly, her mouth curling up in amusement.

"Cristina!"

"Yeah, okay, I'm helping. I'll go check the other bathroom." Cristina closed the magazine and stood up, starting to walk out of the room.

"No, Cristina...I...I need you in here." Meredith called, her voice sounding strangely muffled.

"Why?" Cristina walked into the bathroom. "Oh my god! What did you do?"

"I'm stuck." Meredith replied, her head buried in the bathroom cabinet, her backside wiggling back and forward.

"I can see that. How do you get stuck in a cabinet? There's heaps of room. Just pull your head out!" Cristina laughed.

"It's not funny! And it isn't my head that's stuck. My hair is caught on something. I just need you to reach in and untangle me." Meredith replied. "It hurts when I pull it."

"First of all, I beg to differ. It is funny." Cristina replied, bending down and looking in the cabinet. "Second of all, yep, you've caught it on a loose screw. You know, you should really think about having this bathroom redone. It's falling apart."

"Yeah, well, could we discuss this later? My neck is really starting to hurt. This is not the most comfortable angle." Meredith said rapidly.

"Yeah. I need you to give me some slack, you're pulling too hard. Relax would you? I can't untangle you if you don't give me something to work with." Cristina answered, shuffling closer to Meredith and reaching into the cabinet. "Meredith, you're pulling too hard!"

"Well, hurry up!"

Cristina unwound the hair from the exposed screw and retreated out of the cabinet. "Okay, try now."

Meredith gingerly pulled her head back and, feeling no pain, pulled back completely out of the cabinet, rubbing her head. "Ouch!"

Cristina started to laugh, her eyes lighting up with amusement.

"What is so funny?!" Meredith said indignantly.

"You reminded me of Winnie-the-Pooh," Cristina said, still laughing. "You know, when he gets stuck and all you can see is his tush sticking out the hole."

"Are you saying I have a big ass?" Meredith asked, the corners of her mouth turning up slightly. "Because I happen to have a very nice posterior, thank you very much. And how do you know about Pooh?"

"Hey, my dad used to read it to me. So I liked the books. Sue me." Cristina retorted.

"You know, I'm doing all this for a guy I hardly know." Meredith said quietly, her amusement dying down. "I don't know my dad."

"I know." Cristina replied, leaning back against the wall.

"I'm leaving tomorrow, Cris."

"I know that too."

"So what if it's a huge mistake?" Meredith asked, moving over to sit next to Cristina.

"Then it's a mistake. It's only a week, Mer. And if you hate it you can always come home early. No-one's making you stay."

"Yeah. And I'll have Derek."

"Exactly. Look, you'll be fine. But for now, I'm leaving before you decide to look for your stuff in the toilet. I'm not digging you out of there. I draw the line at that." Cristina said firmly. "Besides, if you want that dress then I better go find it. I'm fairly certain it's not hanging in my closet."

"Thanks. I appreciate it." Meredith said, looking up at her from the bathroom floor. "Can you bring it by tomorrow? Derek's picking me up at 2 tomorrow afternoon."

"Sure." Cristina said before disappearing out the door.

Meredith crossed her legs and sighed. She wasn't sure she was ready to face her past just yet. But the time was rapidly approaching when she would have to see the man who had hurt her more than any guy she had ever dated. It all started tomorrow.

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"You're late!" Meredith accused, grabbing Derek's arm and pulling him into the house.

"It's 2.03, Mer. And would you let go of my arm!" Derek responded, yanking his arm away from her.

"Oh, sorry. I'm just...I'm nervous. Which is ridiculous, who gets nervous over a wedding? Although they do say that weddings and funerals bring out the worst in families. But does a dead mother and an absentee dad make a family? Because if not this week could go well, all things considering. Still, I'm thinking that I'd rather go to a funeral. Does that make me a horrible person? It's just...well, funerals don't go for a week. They barely last a day! Why did he have to choose a wedding? Why couldn't someone have died? Oh god...I'm officially the worst person in the world. Who wishes for a funeral? I'm pond scum. Which is actually an insult to pond scum. I'm the bacteria that makes pond scum!" Meredith ranted.

"Mer? You're doing it again." Derek said, his eyes twinkling.

"I can't help it! This is a terrible idea!" Meredith wailed, twisting her hands in front of her."What made me think this was a good idea? Actually, not what, who? And that would be you, Derek. This is all your fault!"

"Good to know," he murmured, glancing around at the number of bags littering her hallway.

"I'm sorry. This really isn't your fault. Although you were late which wasn't good for my nerves. And now I'm pond scum, which isn't good for my self-image. Basically, this trip is not starting off well. Which means that it won't end well." Meredith burbled, talking to no one in particular.

"Meredith." Derek said loudly, but to no avail. She was in full freaking out mode, which meant the rambling would only get worse unless she was stopped.

"And I'm the pathetic long-lost daughter who has to go dateless to her father's wedding."

"Except you're not going dateless so that isn't an issue," Derek reminded her.

"Yes, but I made you come and who knows what could happen. Maybe we could send a letter and say I'm too sick to make it. But then that would make me even lower than pond scum bacteria, and I don't know if I'm ready for that yet." Meredith rambled, gesturing wildly.

"Meredith!" Derek yelled, grabbing her by the shoulders and turning her around to face him. "You might be pond scum, but you will be the pond scum that missed her plane if you don't snap out of it. We need to go. Now."

Meredith nodded, bending down to pick up her purse while Derek loaded himself up with her bags and carried them outside.

"Derek?" She said softly.

Derek turned back to look at her and felt his heart clench slightly. She looked absolutely terrified, standing in the doorway, her beautiful green eyes gazing at him. He dropped the bags onto the sidewalk and walked back to her.

"Mer, it's going to be okay. You booked the hotel so we don't have to see them all the time. I'll be with you every step of the way, okay? Anyone who wants to mess with you will have to go through me. Think of me as your personal body guard. I promise you, we will get through this." Derek said tenderly, lifting his hand and wiping away the lone tear glistening on her cheek. "And you're not pond scum."

Meredith smiled and took a deep breath. "Okay, I'm ready. Let's go."

A/N: Next update they arrive in Seattle. :-P Thanks for the reviews!! xxoo


	7. Chapter 7

As they taxied down the runway, Meredith forced herself to take deep breaths. Derek had given her the window seat, being his usual considerate self. But as they began to climb higher and higher into the air, and as she watched Boston fall away below them, the more unsure of herself she became. She had a great job, great friends, she lived how she wanted to...she truly had a wonderful life. She had done something with what she had been given, she had made something of herself without any help from anyone. But the abandoned little girl from all those years ago worried that it wouldn't be enough. That after no contact for 18 years she would be a disappointment to the person she had always tried so hard to make proud of her. This is crazy, Meredith told herself silently. Who's to say that he won't be a disappointment? I'm not the one who left, I'm not the one who walked out in the middle of the night without so much as a goodbye. It didn't help that Seattle held memories of her past either. After her father had left they had stayed in the house for another 8 years. When Meredith was 14, Ellis had been asked to leave Seattle Grace and to move to Boston and become the chief of surgery there. Typically, Ellis gave no thought to what her daughter wanted and a week later they moved from Seattle. For Meredith, that meant leaving behind the best and worst days of her life. The insecure teenager that she had been, the insecure teenager that still lingered today, had worried that her father would never be able to find her now that she was on the other side of the country. But as Ellis Grey had slowly made a name for herself, appearing in medical journals and pioneering surgery techniques, Meredith had realised that they would be easy enough to find. All her father would have to do was follow his ex-wife's career. Only, he never had. Meredith realised that it didn't matter if she moved to Timbuktu, Thatcher merely wasn't interested in finding her.

Derek glanced up from his book and turned to look at Meredith, watching as she pressed her face against the window. She was tense, her arms gripping the armrests, her knuckles white. He reached over and placed his hand softly over hers and squeezed gently. Meredith turned and looked down at his hand lying so naturally against hers and smiled. Typical Derek. He knew without words when she needed someone, something. He had always been able to read her like a book, from the very first day they met.

_14 year old Meredith walked up the steps to the new house and sat down, her elbows on her knees. Her mother had started her new job and hadn't left a key under the rock as planned. Meredith sighed and felt tears sting her eyes. It had been a crappy day, one of the crappiest. She had been late to school and the day had preceded to get worse from then on out. She missed her friends, the good friends she had had back in Seattle. Back home she already knew where the toilets were without having to ask. She knew where her classes were. She had someone to sit with at lunchtime, someone to compare notes with. In Seattle, things might not have been perfect, but she fit in. In Boston, things were so very, very different. Her mother was more distant than ever, the Chief of surgery taking up any spare time she might have had. Meredith was more lonely than she had ever been. And now, to cap off the day, she was locked out of the house until Ellis finished surgery, or decided to come home, whatever came first. Her eyes could no longer hold her misery as the tears spilled over and rolled down her cheeks, pooling on her chin. She brushed them away with the back of her hand. Meredith tugged her sweater closer to her and hoped her mother would show up soon._

_"Hey," A voice called, lifting her attention to the sidewalk._

_A tall, dark haired boy leaned against a bike and smiled at her. He looked about 16 or 17._

_"Hey," Meredith mumbled, embarrassed to be caught sitting on her front step, her eyes red and swollen._

_"You're Meredith, right?" He asked, unconcerned that she was essentially brushing him off._

_She looked up at him again in surprise before nodding. "How do you know my name?"_

_"I saw you at school. I asked around." He said simply._

_Meredith didn't know what to say to that. She didn't think anyone had even noticed she was there, but apparently he had._

_"Oh," she said, feeling stupid._

_"I'm Derek."_

_Meredith smiled at him then, no longer intimidated. There was something about him that made her feel at ease, comfortable in his presence. His smile was friendly, his demeanor approachable. And she was no longer lonely._

_"I'm Meredith." She replied._

_"Yeah, I know." He answered, his bright blue eyes twinkling._

_"Meredith blushed. "Oh, right. You do. I knew that. You just told me that, so of course I knew that. But it seemed like...I don't know, it's just what you do...and you might have forgotten...maybe."_

_"You're rambling," he laughed, walking up the path._

_"Yeah, I do that." She admitted, hoping he wouldn't say anything about her tear-streaked cheeks._

_He didn't, he merely sat down next to her, stretching his long legs out in front of him. "So, are you waiting for somebody?"_

_"What? Oh, no, I live here." Meredith replied quietly._

_"Okay. So, were you planning on going in or sitting out here all afternoon?" Derek asked._

_"Um...I don't have a key. We just moved in and my mom was supposed to leave one out but I guess she...forgot." Meredith said quietly, sadness flashing across her face._

_"Ok. So, why don't you come to my house? I just live up the street. You can see my house from here." Derek said, pointing._

_"Oh, I'm fine here, really. I'll just wait till she comes home."_

_"Okay." Derek replied, leaning back on his elbows._

_Meredith frowned. "What are you doing?"_

_"Waiting with you." He said simply. "Unless you've changed your mind."_

_"But...are you sure it would be okay?" Meredith asked hesitantly._

_"Yeah. You can stay till your mom gets home." Derek smiled, standing up and reaching a hand out to help her up._

Meredith had accepted the hand, and the unconditional friendship that had gone with it. For years the Shepherd family home had been her real home, with Derek's mom taking an interest in Meredith the way her own mother didn't have time for. Meredith jerked herself out of the past, a smile forming across her face.

"What are you smiling about?" Derek asked, feeling his own face break out in a smile, a direct result of hers.

"Nothing." Meredith replied, relaxing into the seat.

"Okay, because you always resemble the cheshire cat," Derek replied dryly.

Meredith grinned. "I was just thinking about how we met."

"Yeah. You rambled even then," he teased.

"You made me nervous," Meredith admitted.

"What, with my insanely good looks?" Derek winked.

"No, because a strange boy was stalking me." Meredith shot back at him.

"I wasn't stalking you!" Derek protested. "I would have if you had refused to come with me though."

Meredith laughed. "Whatever. Go back to your book, I'm fine."

Derek grinned and picked up his book again, but left his hand on hers. Meredith turned her hand until her palm was facing upwards and held onto his hand. Derek gave a small smile and squeezed her hand again, his eyes never lifting up from his book. Meredith turned her head into the seat and slept, her hand cupped safely in his.

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"Are you ready?" Derek asked, pushing the trolley ahead of him with one hand and ushering Meredith along with the other.

"No." Meredith replied, disappearing from beside him.

"Mer?" Derek called, glancing around and not seeing her. He stopped suddenly, feeling a thud against his back and then a muttered curse.

"Watch it!" A frowning young woman called before vanishing into the crowd.

"I'm sorry!" Derek yelled over his shoulder as he turned the trolley around.

Meredith was standing completely still in the middle of the airport, people rushing all around her, yet none seemed to phase her.

"Thanks for that. That wasn't at all embarrassing.' Derek muttered, pulling the trolley up next to her.

She said nothing but stood, wringing her hands in front of her.

"Mer, how many of these freak outs are you likely to have between now and meeting your dad? Because I'd like to know in advance so that I can prepare myself." Derek said, looking at her closely.

"I'm not freaking out." She said, not blinking but staring straight ahead.

"I can see that." Derek murmured. "But we both know you are and this is the third time since I got to your house. You have to snap out of it or we are never going to pull this off."

"But that's just it. How are we going to pull this off?" Meredith asked, finally turning to look at him.

"You do realise that no-one has ever met me, and the only one you know is your dad. I hardly think they are going to be hard to fool." Derek reminded her.

"Still, we have to be...couple-y." Meredith said urgently.

"Is that even a word?" Derek teased.

"Shut up, this isn't funny! We have to be the perfect couple so that if and when this goes wrong I can walk out of there with my head held high."

"And us being the perfect couple will help accomplish that?" Derek asked, his eyes twinkling in amusement.

"Yes." Meredith insisted.

"Okay, so we will be the perfect couple. I'll even been...what is it Cristina calls me?" Derek asked, grimacing.

"McDreamy." Meredith said giggling.

"Right. So I'll be even more...dreamy...whatever the hell that is...we'll be sickly sweet." Derek promised.

"But not too sweet!" Meredith said quickly. "I don't want to seem fake."

"Honey, we are faking it." Derek reminded her.

"Right, I know." Meredith replied.

"Okay. So can we go get our bags now? Are you going to freak out before we get to the carousel?" Derek asked, starting to push the trolley through the crowd of people.

"I'm good. Let's just get this over with." Meredith replied, walking swiftly beside him.

Derek left her in charge of the trolley while he waited for their bags to come around the conveyer belt. When he saw them he reached over and hauled them all off, motioning for Meredith to come to him. As they loaded them onto the trolley, Derek felt his own set of nerves kick in. It was a 'meet the father' situation only...not. This was different, true. But still, all history aside, the man was still Meredith's father. And as they were 'dating' Derek couldn't help but feel a little nervous.

Brushing the nerves aside, Derek acted as normal as he could. "So, I guess we go get a taxi."

"Yeah, I guess we do."

They were walking side by side, exiting baggage claim when Derek heard Meredith gasp.

"What?" He asked, glancing over at her. She was pale as a ghost, her mouth open.

"Oh god!" She moaned, her breathing accelerating.

"Mer, what?"

"What is he doing here? Derek, what is he doing here! They weren't supposed to pick us up!" She hissed.

"What, they're here? Now?" Derek asked, frantically looking around for a sighting of the man he had only ever seen one picture of.

"What do we do?" Meredith said, tugging on his jacket sleeve.

"Relax. Take my hand and smile." Derek said through his teeth, plastering a smile on his face, still wondering where exactly Thatcher was.

Meredith moved closer to him and reached for his hand, clutching it tightly within her own. The smile was there, but...

"Mer? We want to look pleased to be here, not like we want to murder them in their beds. I'm right here, this is going to be fine." Derek murmured softly, watching as she adjusted her face. "Much better."

Meredith watched as her father tapped the woman standing next to him on the arm, before pointing in her direction. She was about the same height as Meredith, her greying blonde hair piled on top of her head. Her face broke out into a smile and she headed towards them, Thatcher following a few feet behind.

"Oh, you must be Meredith," the woman Meredith assumed was Alice cried, grabbing Meredith's free hand and pulling her into a hug.

Meredith refused to let go of Derek's hand, clinging tightly to him as a woman she had never met hugged her like an old friend.

"Hi," Meredith said awkwardly.

"Oh, forgive me. How rude I am!" The woman exclaimed. "I'm Alice. I'm so pleased you could make it!"

Thatcher stood back, watching silently as Alice introduced herself to Derek.

"It's nice to meet you too." Derek replied, allowing himself to be swept up into the same hug Meredith had just received.

As Alice let go of him, Derek realised that Thatcher still hadn't said anything and glanced towards him and then down at Meredith. She was starting back at him, no emotion showing on her face, clasping hold of his hand as if it was her lifeline. The silence stretched forward, permeating the air.

"Thatch, meet Derek." Alice said suddenly, breaking the ice.

Thatcher stepped forward and offered Derek his hand.

Derek pulled his hand away from Meredith, ignoring her glare, and smiled at Alice, thanking her with his eyes, and accepted the offered hand.

"It's good to meet you, sir." Derek said quietly, glancing back down at Meredith for a split second before smiling at her father. Inwardly he wanted to kill the man who had still said nothing, not one word to the daughter he seemed to have forgotten he had.

"You too, Derek." Thatcher replied, shaking Derek's hand.

When Derek released Thatcher's hand, Meredith grabbed hold of it and squeezed, pulling him slightly closer to her.

Thatcher noticed the movement and looked over at her, a small, awkward smile on his lips. "Hello Meredith."

Meredith nodded and swallowed hard, acknowledging his words but not offering any of her own.

"Well." Alice said, smiling and beginning to walk towards the main doors. "I see you both have your bags. I guess we better get going then."

"Oh, we don't mind taking a taxi." Meredith blurted out all of a sudden, running to keep up as the entire party moved forward. "We booked into a hotel for the week and we should really check in."

"Nonsense." Alice said firmly, linking her arm with Thatcher's.

"Excuse me?" Meredith asked quietly.

"You are absolutely not staying in a hotel. Why, you are staying with us, of course. We couldn't drag you all the way out here and expect you to stay in a hotel." Alice said happily.

Meredith looked at Derek, sheer panic on her face. Her 'do-something!' look was out in full force.

"That's very kind of you, Alice, but we have already booked it." Derek said politely, squeezing Meredith's hand reassuringly.

"Well, it can be unbooked. I won't take no for an answer. I have everything set up for you. It would mean the world to us if you would stay." Alice replied. "Wouldn't it Thatch?"

"Er...yes." He replied, smiling down at his soon to be wife.

Derek looked at Meredith helplessly, his heart twanging at the look on her face.

"The car is this way." Alice said, gesturing over to the right hand side and walking swiftly in that direction, leaving Meredith and Derek to follow after them.

**A/N:** I'm just adding this in to fix any confusion. First of all, I realised that I had mixed up Amy and Alice in this chapter, which I have now fixed...blushes Secondly, there is a reason that Derek also lied to his Mother...it was needed as an avenue for Mer to realise a few things...important things. :-D You'll find out why this wedding is so important to **and** for Meredith soonish. But the wedding itself is more for Meredith than it is for the mer/der of it all. Please be patient with me. The point of this story is not Derek falling in love with Meredith...he is already there. The point is Meredith realising that maybe she feels more for her best friend that she has ever had cause to think about. Don't worry though, I woud never NOT have them together, so at least you know how this will end. :-D


	8. Chapter 8

As Thatcher navigated the traffic, Alice chatted away happily in the front seat beside him. She was either completely oblivious to the awkward pall that hung in the air or she had decided to ignore it and blaze right on through. Derek had taken a liking to the bubbly woman from the moment he had met her, probably because she reminded him a little of his own mother, though Amy tended to be a little less...talkative. Still, Alice seemed to be the genuine sort, doing her level best to include them all in the conversation she was essentially holding with herself.

"So, Meredith, how long has it been since you've been in Seattle?" Alice asked, turning around and smiling.

"10 years." Meredith replied quietly.

"My, that's a long time! You haven't even been back for a holiday?" Alice enquired sweetly.

"No." Meredith answered, still speaking softly, the one syllable responses all she seemed to be capable of at that moment.

"Well, we will have to make the most of your stay then, dear." Alice said, turning back around to face the front.

Meredith turned to look at Derek, her eyes saying what she couldn't. _Der, I can't do this._

Derek read the look on her face and replied in kind, engaging her in a silent conversation. _Yes, you can. It'll be okay._

The look on Meredith's face said that she didn't believe him. Derek flashed a quick look towards the front seat, checking to see that the older couple were otherwise occupied. Alice, it would seem, was discussing wedding plans with Thatcher, content to leave the couple be for the present. Derek turned back to Meredith, again translating her expressions. It was something that they had perfected over the years - the ability to have a full conversation with absolutely no words whatsoever. It had come in handy over the years when they found themselves in situation where talking was inappropriate, with one of both of them needing to speak to the other. That odd communication technique was being put to good use now, the two of them saying things with their eyes that they could never say in front of their hosts. Meredith was pleading with him now, her eyes liquid pools of worry and anxiety.

_But we have to stay with them for the entire week._

_I know. I'll be there with you the whole time._ Derek answered, smiling reassuringly at her. _Remember, I'm your body guard for the week. I'll run interference for you._

Meredith took a deep breath and nodded, turning once more to stare out the window, watching as the streets of Seattle streaked past her. In coming here she was exorcising the ghosts of her past. She was tackling Thatcher and she was also faced with the city in which she had once lived. The place where some of her best and worst memories took place. But she could do this. Derek had faith in her and she trusted his judgement. She knew there were things she had never told him, little things that hadn't seemed important when she was in Boston, things that had almost disappeared from her memory in the time she had spent away from Seattle. But as she gazed out at the place she knew so well, those little moments were coming back to her. Some good, some bad. She had come here for a reason, to put to rest the things from her past that held her back from the future. And that's exactly what she intended to do.

Derek watched the slight transformation that came over Meredith. Her posture altered enough that he would notice, but not so much that she shifted in her seat. Meredith raised her chin, a determined look on her face. Derek smiled to himself. Her stubborn nature was coming out now, just the way he hoped it would. Meredith could be stubborn to a fault when she wanted to be, and while he often found it frustrating, this was one of those times when it could be her greatest asset.

"We're here!" Alice announced, breaking into Derek's thoughts.

Meredith watched as Thatcher swung into the driveway, the house coming into view. It was a large, two storey brick house with green shutters and a driveway that curled around to the right, the house situated on the left of the driveway. A low stone fence surrounded the property, making it seem less intimidating than a fully fenced house. The white verandah wrapped around the house, completing the look. Thatcher pulled up in front of the house and switched off the engine.

Meredith gripped the door handle and pushed open the door, stepping out into the cool air. She leaned against the car and gazed at the house that would be her home for the next week. They had arrived.

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Alice put her arm around Meredith's shoulder, squeezing gently. "Well, this is home."

"It's lovely," Meredith replied, surveying the property.

"Well, we like it," Alice said smiling, " so I suppose that's all that matters."

Thatcher and Derek unloaded the bags and carried them towards the house. As he climbed the porch steps, Derek threw Meredith a reassuring smile over his shoulder before disappearing into the house. Meredith pulled away from Alice and started to follow him.

"Meredith?" Alice called suddenly.

Meredith turned, startled to see the change that had come over the woman. Alice nervously brushed the hair out of her face and glanced quickly at the men's retreating backs before catching up with Meredith.

"Give him a chance. Please. I know things are...difficult...between the two of you, but he...you need to give him a chance to explain." Alice said softly.

Meredith tensed, turning away from her soon to be step-mother and began walking back towards the house.

"Meredith...what has he told you?" Alice called again, her voice pleading with Meredith to be reasonable.

Meredith stopped and swung around, annoyed that a woman she had known for all of 30 minutes was now asking questions Meredith was reluctant to discuss even with Derek.

"Nothing. He's told me nothing." Meredith snapped. "He walked out of my life and I never heard from him again until that invite turned up."

"So he's made some mistakes. Huge mistakes. Despicable choices. But he's human, Meredith." Alice replied quietly. "I know that I'm not your mother, I know that I have no right to say anything to you. But he regrets what he did, I know it."

"I would really rather not discuss this." Meredith said tightly, feeling the insecurities come rushing back. She had already decided on the ride from the airport that she would find a way to get the answers she needed. Yet from the reception she had received from Thatcher she wondered if he really wanted her there, if he ever intended to explain things to her, or if this was just his way of apologising without putting any effort in. Meredith decided then and there that avoiding the issue was not going to help. It was possible that Alice would be able to help her understand enough so that she could approach Thatcher. Logically, talking to Alice made sense. Still, Meredith resented the fact that Alice was willing to go so far to see her and her father reconciled, while Thatcher basically ignored her completely.

"I know. I'm sorry. I'm not usually so pushy. I just don't want to get married to a man who has something so big on his mind. I want to get married to a man that has everything sorted, that is able to make such a commitment with a clear mind. I don't want him to wake up 10 years from now and find out that he doesn't really want to be married to me, that it was just another thing he did so that he could avoid confronting his mistakes. That's selfish, I know." Alice replied, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"Alice, was it his idea or yours?" Meredith asked by way of a response.

Alice took a deep breath and sighed, understanding immediately what Meredith was asking. "It was mine."

Meredith closed her eyes giving a slight shake of her head and muttered, "Hardly surprising."

"I wanted to meet you before the wedding but Thatcher was adamant that you wouldn't come. He wanted to ask you but I don't think he knew how," Alice hastened on. "You have no idea what it meant to me when you called to say you would be at the wedding. You know, no one would have blamed you if you had declined, but I'm so pleased you are here. And I know your father is too. I imagine that this isn't easy for you, but for all he's done, he's still your father. You owe him a second chance."

"No offense Alice, because I like you. I do. You seem like a very sweet person. But I don't owe that man anything. _He_ left _me_. It was his choice, not mine. I might be giving him a chance to explain, but don't think I'm doing it because I feel I owe him." Meredith replied sharply.

"Alright. Fair enough. Whatever your reasons, I'm happy you came." Alice responded quietly.

"Alice." Meredith said, touching her lightly on the arm. "I came here to put my past to rest. That's what I intend to do. I'll give him the chance you want."

Alice smiled warmly at Meredith. "Thank you. That's all I ask. Now come on, I'll show you to your room."

Meredith nodded and waited for Alice to pass her before following her into the house.

Derek was standing in the kitchen, unscrewing the bottled water Thatcher had obviously offered him. When Meredith walked through the door he looked at her with concern. "I was just about to come out and get you. Everything okay?"

"Everything's fine." Alice replied, opening the refrigerator and retrieving a bottle of water for Meredith.

"Mer?" Derek asked, not willing to let it drop till he knew she was alright.

"It's fine, Derek. Thank you Alice," she said, accepting the offered water.

"You're welcome. Alright you two, let's get you up to your room. Thatch, I'm putting them in the blue room. Could you carry their bags up?"

"Sure." Thatcher replied quietly, gathering the bags and disappearing upstairs, Alice following close behind him.

Derek had started to climb the stairs when Meredith yanked on his arm. Hard.

"Our _room_? We're sharing?!" She whispered, her eyes wide.

Derek merely smiled and continued climbing, Meredith following anxiously after him. They reached the top of the stairs and turned left, walking down a long hallway before they reached Alice and Thatcher.

"We've put you in here," Alice was saying, pointing to the bedroom that would be theirs for the next week. "I hope it's alright."

"Wherever is fine with us." Derek responded.

Meredith walked into the room and looked around. The room was a pale blue, a large mirror covering one wall and a large window facing out onto the front yard. Meredith's eyes strayed to the bed, the double bed, the only bed in the room. _Oh shit,_ she thought. _Derek's going to kill me._

"I'll leave some towels for you both in the bathroom. It's just across the hall, and it is the one you can use. It's the guest bathroom, so it will be yours for the week." Alice was saying. "We'll leave you to get settled."

Thatcher and Alice left the room, closing the door behind them.

"Der, I'm sorry. I had no idea that...well...that we'd be in here...together...alone...together." Meredith rambled, gesturing towards the bed.

"Mer, it's okay. You can have the left side, I'll have the right and if it is a big deal, we can stuff a pillow between us." Derek said dryly, moving his bags towards his side of the bed.

"But I promised you we'd get hotel rooms...separate hotel rooms!" Meredith said. "Maybe I should ask if we could have separate beds..."

"No way." Derek said firmly.

"Why no way?" Meredith asked. "I'll just say we aren't at that point in our relationship."

"No!" Derek protested. "That reflects really badly on my manhood. We are staying here."

"It reflects badly on your manhood?" Meredith asked, giggling.

"Yes." Derek responded. "Stop laughing!"

"I'm sorry, I just never thought of you as the type of guy who cared about his manhood." Meredith laughed.

"Mer, let me clue you in on a universal truth. Every guy cares about his manhood." Derek said seriously.

"Right." Meredith replied, her eyes dancing with amusement. "I'll be sure to remember that."

"You're mocking me." Derek stuck his hands on his hips.

"No! I'm not, honestly. From now on I will give your manhood my very best attention."

Derek raised his eyebrow, his mouth curling before he burst out laughing. "Really?"

Meredith's mouth dropped open. "I don't mean your...I don't mean _that_ manhood, I mean...the...you know, the...your..."

"My?" Derek teased, enjoying the flush that colored her cheeks.

"You know what I meant!" Meredith answered hotly, pressing both hands to her cheeks.

Derek grinned. "Well, I thought I did but now I'm having some really dirty thoughts."

"Derek, stop it." Meredith begged, her cheeks getting hotter.

"Sorry." Derek laughed, pulling her hands away from her cheeks. "I really am."

"Yeah, sure." Meredith grumbled good-naturedly.

"So, what was Alice talking to you about?" Derek asked curiously, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"My father." Meredith replied, sitting down beside him. "She thinks I need to give him a chance."

"Maybe you do." Derek replied. "Isn't that why we are here?"

"Yes."

Meredith ran her palm along the bedspread, turning her face away from Derek. "He has said two words to me since we arrived. Two, Derek."

"I know. But you haven't said anything." Derek said softly.

"What do I say to him? He has barely looked at me. It was Alice's idea, you know. Not his. _She_ was the one that wanted me at the wedding."

"Maybe." Derek replied, lying backwards on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.

"What does that mean?" Meredith asked, turning back to look at him.

"It means that Alice doesn't strike me as the type to do something she knew would upset or offend anyone. So maybe it was her idea, but I doubt she would have done it if Thatcher was violently opposed to the idea." Derek responded, looking up at her.

"You think?" Meredith asked hopefully.

"I do." Derek confirmed, pulling her down to lie next to him.

"Ok." Meredith said quietly, laying her head on Derek's shoulder.

Derek smiled and ran his hand through her hair, before shocking her completely with the next words out of his mouth.

"So, I think we should practice kissing."


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N**:Thank you all so much for the reviews! Never fear, there will be more kisses to come. :-P

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_Derek smiled and ran his hand through her hair, before shocking her completely with the next words out of his mouth._

_"So, I think we should practice kissing."_

Meredith let out a little giggle, placing her palm on his chest and pushing herself upright. However, when she looked down at Derek, amusement twinkling in her eyes, the laughter died away and the original shock at his words returned. She looked taken aback. "Wait, what?"

"I said, I think we should practice kissing." Derek repeated calmly.

"Yeah, I heard you the first time." Meredith said slowly, giving her head a little shake.

"So then why did you say 'what?'" Derek asked.

"Because! I don't know...that was the last thing I thought you were going to say." Meredith answered, lying back down and covering her eyes with her arm.

"Meredith." Derek turned onto his side and propped himself up on his elbow, staring down at her. "Mer."

"You weren't joking, were you?" Meredith said, pulling her arm away from her face and gazing up into his deep blue eyes.

"I never joke about lip action." Derek replied, grinning.

"Lip action? Seriously, Derek? When was the last time you had 'lip action?' " Meredith asked dryly.

"This is my point." Derek said. "It's been so long I might have forgotten how. I need the practice."

Meredith rolled her eyes, a smile tugging the corner of her mouth.

"When was the last time you did?" He countered, raising an eyebrow.

"Me? 3 weeks ago." Meredith answered, grimacing.

"And clearly it wasn't any good. Although apparently memorable."

"It was...wet." Meredith replied, pulling a face. "As in sloppy wet. And he was sort of making out with my chin...it was not really lip action...I'm actually not sure he knew where they were. He just sort of picked a spot and went for it."

Derek chuckled. "So what were you kissing him for?"

"I wasn't kissing him, he was kissing me." Meredith corrected. "And it wasn't voluntary. I took a portrait for him and he was...extremely grateful."

"Clearly," Derek observed. "I wonder what you'd have got it you'd had it framed."

"I'm happy not wondering, thanks. Besides, I passed that joy on to Ray," Meredith said, smiling broadly. "He has a beard. He's got chin protection, so I don't feel bad."

"That, and the protection of a penis," Derek pointed out.

"I don't know...this guy might not notice." Meredith said slowly, her eyes sparkling. "I think he'd chin anything that moved."

"Poor Ray..." Derek murmured, shaking his head at her. "That's cruel, Mer."

"He's a big boy, he can handle it." Meredith replied.

"So, are we doing this?" Derek asked suddenly, figuring he had given her enough time to get used to the idea.

"Practicing? Do you think it's necessary?"

"Well, I would rather get any awkwardness out of the way now...away from prying eyes. You know, in private." Derek replied, nerves fluttering in his stomach. He figured he might as well take what opportunities he could and make the most of Seattle. He could hardly pin her to a wall in Boston and talk his way out of why he had done it...no, he couldn't do that, not unless he told her the truth. And he wasn't willing to do that. But here...here he could make the most of every situation. Either he would get over his feelings for her or he would self-combust.

"Okay." Meredith said simply.

"Really?" Derek asked, surprised at her easy acceptance.

"What, have you changed your mind?" Meredith asked, suddenly uneasy. Had she just made an idiot out of herself? Had he actually been joking? Had her curiosity as to what it would be like taken away her ablility to read him?

"No." Derek answered. "I just figured I'd have to talk you into it."

"No, I think you're right." Meredith replied, looking up at him and smiling. "Just aim for the lips."

"Believe me, I will be." Derek muttered, before he leaning over her, staring down into her blue-green eyes.

"Here we go," he whispered, before lowering his head.

One minute he was leaning over her, the next his mouth found hers, pressing gently against her lips. And then everything changed. In a split second it went from a gentle, sweet kiss to a hot, demanding, all-consuming kiss. He teased and tantalized, nibbling along her lower lip, coaching her until her mouth opened, giving him access to what he had wanted for so long. Meredith, lost in the moment, wound her arms around his neck and pulled him closer to her. He rolled until he was pinning her to the bed, his hard thighs flattened against her own. Meredith gave a small moan and moved her hips instinctively, arching against him. Derek threaded his fingers in her hair and thrust his tongue deep in her mouth, learning all her intimate secrets. Derek had never experienced such raw desire, feeling it shoot through him like lightning, igniting his need for her. As his mouth slanted over hers again and again, Meredith felt a heat begin to build inside her and she moved against him again, hearing him give a low growl and rock his hips into hers. Her tongue dueled with his, exploring the textures of his warm, hot mouth. She felt like she was on fire, liquid pooling in her stomach, the slow burn becoming a raging inferno, a burning only Derek could quench. When Meredith moaned again, a sound full of need, Derek realised he was only a few seconds from losing all control and he wrenched his lips from hers, rolling away from her.

Silence filled the room as they both sought for some semblance of control, their rapid breathing the only sound to be heard.

"So...I think we can pull it off." Derek bit out, breathing heavily, his loins scorching and his groin tight.

Meredith lay on the bed and pressed her hand to her forehead, her own breath coming in short, sharp gasps. "Um...yeah."

Staring at the ceiling, Derek tried to cut the awkward tension in the air. "Yeah. We'll be very convincing."

Meredith nodded. On shaky limbs she sat up, confusion and unfulfilled passion clouding her mind. "I'm...going...to go...to the bathroom...redo my lipstick." She jerked out, managing to get up from the bed and making her way to the door. She wrenched it open and stumbled out into the hall, closing the door behind her. She made it to the bathroom and pushed the door shut, leaning up against it, her legs shaking so much they barely held her up. She looked at herself in the mirror, her eyes glazed, her lips red and swollen.

"Oh my god," she whispered, pressing her hand to her lips. "What the hell was that?"

She hardly knew what had just happened. Never had she been kissed like that before. Never had she reacted so intensely in all her life. She had literally melted into him, feeling his hard body against her own. Her heart was pounding in her chest, the beat reverberating in her ears. She didn't know what had just happened, but she had never, ever felt that way. But it was Derek. Derek, her best-friend. Sure, he was good-looking. Incredibly hot, actually. She'd have to be blind not to notice. The hair and the eyes and the body...it was all good. Combined with a heart of pure gold, he was a catch. And, while she'd never told him, she had had a huge crush on him for the first few years of their friendship. She had even considered him her soul mate until she realised that he was never going to feel anything for her but friendship. Besides, she didn't believe in soul mates or fairy tales. Happy ever afters didn't exist. She never wanted to be put in a position where she could be hurt again the way her father had hurt her. A meaningful relationship was out of the question, especially with someone who could hold her heart in the palm of their hand. And Derek was someone she could fall for with no effort on her part. If she was honest she was definitely already part-way there. But falling for him was not an option. Because she knew, once she fell completely, that would be it. She'd be done. He would be it for her. So, they had chemistry. Chemistry didn't mean anything. It didn't mean anything, she told herself, trying to convince herself that it was true, pushing down any feelings the kiss had brought to the surface. Their friendship wasn't going to change, she would make sure of it. It couldn't change because that would be the one thing she wouldn't survive. Friendships lasted a lifetime. Relationships might break up but friendships were a constant, this she knew. The odd feelings she was experiencing would go away. As long as Derek never knew how she was starting to feel, everything would be fine. The fact that her legs, among other things, were still tingling...it didn't mean anything. She would do whatever it took to hold on to the one person she couldn't live without.

Derek watched Meredith stumble from the room and cursed. "Shit!"

The need for her that he had always been aware of had exploded the second her lips touched his. Now he was a shaking mass of incomplete arousal and desire, the passion that had taken hold of him still pumping through his veins. At least now he knew. There was no escaping it. She was the one for him, no question. There had been a rightness, a completeness in the kiss that he had never experienced before. He had looked on their kiss as a test of sorts, and boy oh boy had they passed. There would be more kisses to come this week. But as long as Meredith never found out how he really felt, everything would be fine. Derek groaned. There was no denying it. He was totally screwed.  



	10. Chapter 10

**A/N:** Thanks for the reviews. You all made my day!! xxoo So, short chapter here, I know...really short. But Mer's thoughts needed a chapter to themselves. Happy reading!

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Meredith gazed at herself in the mirror, trying to install enough courage in herself to open the door and talk to her best friend. So far, it wasn't going so well. Every time she thought she was almost ready, her mind flashed back to his lips gliding over hers, his hard thighs pressing her to the bed. Which made it hard to focus, to concentrate, to achieve the zen-like state she needed to leave the room. So, she was still staring into the mirror, silently commanding herself to move her ass. It felt like it had been hours since she had entered the bathroom, when in reality she knew it had only been a few minutes at the most. But Derek...oh, this was not good timing. It was really, freaking bad timing. And so inconvenient. Why would things have to be awkward now? Now, when she was trying to pull the biggest con of her existence. That is if it was a con...who really knew...she was so confused. And she was Meredith confused, which was twice the confused state of normal people. She had a tendency to blow things out of proportion...but this was already a huge thing...how out of proportion could she blow it? Blow it...Meredith groaned, her thoughts definitely not leading her down the zen-like path.

Meredith reached into her pocket and pulled out her cell phone, scrolling through her contacts till she found the name she wanted. She dialed and waited for her call to be answered.

"Hello?" A surly voice barked into the phone, panting ever so slightly.

"Cris?" Meredith whispered, holding the phone close to her mouth.

"No, Santa Claus." Cristina said sarcastically. "Of course it's me, who did you expect to get when you rung _my_ number?"

"Wow...did someone piss you off by any chance?" Meredith asked, raising an eyebrow at her friends tone.

"I was sleeping." Cristina said briskly. "Or do timezones mean nothing to you."

"Crap. I'm sorry. I completely forgot." Meredith groaned, her voice apologetic. "So, it's...what, 10 pm there? Cris...why are you sleeping at 10 o'clock? You're never asleep by then..."

"So, maybe I wasn't exactly _sleeping_." Cristina stressed.

"Oh god. That was too much information." Meredith moaned. "Now I have mental pictures. That's great. Thanks so much."

"Hey, you asked."

Meredith could just see Cristina shrugging, the fact that her friend knew she had interrupted sex not phasing her in the slightest.

"What's up, Mer?" Cristina asked, her tone now bordering slightly on concern.

"What makes you think something's up?" Meredith asked, breezily. Granted, it was a faked breezily, which seemed to be a theme in her life right now, but breezily all the same.

"You interrupted orgasm-producing foreplay. Something better be up." Cristina threatened.

"I...it's just...I...we..." Meredith couldn't seem to get the words out, they were stuck in her throat, effectively muting her.

"You what?" Cristina asked.

_I kissed Derek. And it wasn't your average kiss. It's not like I kiss my best friend every day. How I wish I could, though. God, how I wish I could._

"I..."

_He literally kissed the breath out of me. And I was more than willing for it._

Meredith found she couldn't do it. Telling Cristina felt...wrong. Not because Cristina was a little annoyed. No, it felt wrong, like it would tarnish their moment if someone else knew exactly what had happened to her. Which was crazy because it hadn't been 'their moment' at all. They had faked it. Or at least, it had started that way. But by the time his lips touched hers...she hadn't been faking it.

"Nevermind." Meredith said, sighing.

"Mer...your dad...he didn't say something ass-ish, right?" Cristina asked carefully.

"What? No. No, not...no." Meredith replied unsteadily.

"Because I can...Brian, stop it! Can't you see I'm busy!" Cristina voice rang out, before her tone changed again. "As I was saying, I can come...Brian, no! If you have any regard for your testicles, you'll stop that now...I mean it...Mer, I can come there and kick his ass, if you want."

"No, it's under control. Cris, leave that poor guys testicles alone."

"Hey, he doesn't want me to leave them alone. Sometimes..."

"Stop!" Meredith interrupted, pulling a face. "I get the picture. I wish I didn't, but I do."

"Then butt out of my sex life. Unless you want tips. It's been a while for you, I'm guessing." Cristina stated.

"Hey, I don't need tips! And not from someone who threatens to remove the guys testicles." Meredith protested. "I'm not into mutilation."

_No, I'm into Derek. Damn it. Where did that thought come from? Stop it, Meredith! It was a kiss. One kiss. Granted, one perfect kiss from the perfect man, but one kiss all the same. Just. A. Kiss. From your **friend**, Derek._

"Neither am I." Cristina was saying. "So, what was with the phone call."

"Nothing. Just wanted to tell you I got here safely." Meredith lied, leaning back against the bathroom vanity.

"Right. You could have just text me for that." Cristina said dryly.

"Yeah, well, turns out I'm not too smart." Meredith answered.

_Completely true. I started this whole thing. It's my fault I had to find out that his kisses blow my socks off. Not that I'm wearing socks. But if I was, well...by now I wouldn't be. Holes...yep, I'd have holey socks. Nope, definitely not smart._

"Fine. Whatever. Don't tell me. Ring me later if you want." Cristina offered. "But try not to ruin another orgasm. Makes me cranky."

Meredith laughed, "Sure, I'll schedule my calls around your pleasure."

As she ended the call and slipped the phone in her pocket, Meredith groaned. She had come to a realisation. She had a thing for Derek. Nope, she definitely wasn't smart. Falling for a friend...stupid. Falling for your _best_ friend...even more stupid. Falling for anyone...worst mistake ever. Period.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: The italics in this chapter are flashbacks, and although Derek is the one flashing back, the pov is for both Meredith and Derek, how they both felt at the time. So, don't get confused...lol. This chapter is a little sad, but don't worry, the next chapter gets back to normal. I hope. Next chapter follows directly after this scene and will be posted very, very soon. Thanks for the reviews, as always! You all rock! Julia, I will respond to you here as I can't respond to anonymous reviews. Thank you for your interest. And yes, 'Tears In Heaven' will be updated soonish. I'm pleased you like it. :-) 

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Derek lay down on the bed, waiting for Meredith to return. She was taking an extraordinary long time, which wasn't surprising considering what had just happened between them. While it was true Meredith was an avoider, she tended to tell him things she wouldn't tell just anything. The situation with her father excluded, Derek didn't think there was anything he didn't know about her. Until now. He had no idea what was going through her head and was more than concerned that he had frightened the living daylights out of her. He had known that it would be good between them, but not that...explosive. However, now that he knew it was going to make it even harder not to do the pinning her against the wall thing. Which set his mind wandering again, and not to a place he wanted to go right now. Right now he needed to figure out a way to cut through the awkwardness that was bound to happen, an awkwardness that seemed so unnatural for them. They weren't the awkward sort. Never had been. Their relationship transcended that strange shyness between people who knew one another, but didn't really _know_ each other. He knew how she thought, how she felt, what she was saying...all without her having to say a word. He knew her the way she knew him. They had experienced things together, supported each other through the times when pain had been all they had had to look forward to, when things were too hard for them to handle on their own.

_" Mer?" Derek whimpered softly, his tear-streaked face contorted with pain._

_" Derek." Meredith murmured , speaking softly. She climbed in beside him, tugging the covers up around them both and gently edging his head onto her shoulder. Her arms wrapped around his body, holding tightly, trying to take his pain inside herself...anything to take away that look on his face. He reciprocated in kind, returning her hug, breathing her in._

_Meredith ran her fingers through his hair and tried to stop the tears slowly rolling down her own cheeks. Peter Shepherd was dying, the cancer spreading through his body slowly killing him. Killing him and his family. For Derek, he was losing more than a father, he was losing his role model, his confidant, the person he did 'manly' things with. He had Mark, but his father had been the one to teach him to ride a bike, to fish, to drive a car. Growing up with four sisters...four older sisters...Derek had loved that time with his father, the time for just the two of them. The once a year fishing trip was a tradition, carried on even past high-school. At 21, Derek still looked forward to the yearly fishing trip. But last year would be the last one. Now his father was dying, lying in the hospital bed, surrounded by all his family...except Derek._

_"Der?" Meredith said, tilting his head and making him look at her, her heart contracting at the sight of his swollen, bloodshot eyes. "Your mom says you won't go with them. To the hospital."_

_Derek said nothing, closing his eyes and leaning further into her chest._

_"Derek? You need to go. He wants to see you." Meredith pushed gently._

_She was walking on eggshells, so unsure of herself. At 19, she wasn't sure what you said in this type of situation. What did you say to someone who was losing their parent? ' I'm sorry' didn't work. It was what you would say to someone your vaguely knew, or even hadn't met. It had an air of fakeness about it. Meredith refused to say she was sorry. Sorry didn't help Derek, sorry didn't change what was happening. But Amy had rung her in a state, not knowing what to do about Derek. Peter wanted to see him, wanted to talk to him...and he was sliding downhill fast, his strength slowly waining. When the family had been called, they knew the end was close. But Derek had refused to come, instead retreating to his room and listening as the cars pulled away without him. Amy begged Meredith to get him to come, saying that the only person Derek wanted was her. So now she had to do right by the man facing his end and the man who was facing the rest of his life without his father. The weight of that responsibility drowned her, making it hard for her to think, to work out what she could do._

_" No." He replied, that simple word having so much feeling behind it. Why couldn't people understand he meant what he said?_

_"Derek...he's asking for you." Meredith said, desperation creeping into her voice._

_"I said no, Mer. Why will no one respect that?" Derek demanded, rolling away from her embrace. Fury fought with sadness, neither one winning, both feuding for first place._

_"Why won't you go?" Meredith asked softly, brushing away the tears that continued to fall, her own heart breaking at the thought of losing a man she had come to love as she had once loved her own father._

_"I..." Derek began before the sobs began raking through his body, the bed jerking with his movements. Sadness had won._

_"Oh, Derek..." Meredith moaned, moving over and cuddling up against his back, her body flush against his._

_"I don't want to see him die, I don't want that to be the last memory I have of him. I don't want to see him sick, lifeless. I want to keep the memory of him as I knew him, the man I love. I don't want my last memory to be him dying," Derek sobbed quietly. His father had been a big, strong man before he had got sick. He had loved to travel, to spent time with his wife and family. He had been an outdoorsman. The man he was now was a shadow of who he had been and it hurt Derek to see it._

_Meredith gave a mournful sigh, ignoring the tears that now flowed like a waterfall down her face, pooling on his shirt._

_"I understand that, Derek. But..."_

_"But what?" Derek asked, stiffening._

_"But what he wants...the last thing he wants to see before...he wants his last memory to be his family around him...all together for one last time. The last thing he wants to see is that you will all be together, supporting each other. He wants to die feeling loved, knowing that his family will get through this...together." Meredith said quietly, rubbing his back._

_Derek rolled over, turning to face her, pain evident in every feature. He took her hands in his, holding them close to his heart. She was right, he knew she was right. He owed his father so much. He owed him his chosen last memory. The sobs had quietened, yet the single tear making its mark on his face was more heartbreaking that if he had lost control altogether._

_"It hurts." He said simply, his eyes shimmering. "I hurt."_

_"I know. I know." Meredith murmured, giving him a small smile. "I know you do."_

_"Will you come with me?" He asked, his eyes begging. "I can't go if you...if you're...I need you."_

_"I'll come. Derek, I'll come. But we need to go now."_

He sighed and sat up, stretching his arms about his head, closing his eyes and letting the memory take him. It didn't hurt him to remember as it once had, the pain had dulled, and while he still missed his father that nagging feeling in his stomach when he thought of him had gone away. He could remember in peace.

_As they walked up to the cancer ward, Derek reached down and took hold of Meredith's hand, feeling her give him a comforting squeeze. It was enough to know that she was there...she was always there. He drew strength from her, he always had. As the reached the door, Meredith pulled back, motioning for him to go in. He grabbed her hand again, and pulled, but Meredith was adamant that she stay on the closed side of the door._

_"Derek, let go. I'll wait for you. I promise." Meredith whispered, motioning towards the door again._

_As she spoke the door opened and Amy stood there, a relieved smile on her face. "Derek." She whispered, pulling him into a hug. "There isn't much time. I'm so pleased you came. Thank you."_

_As she spoke, she glanced at Meredith with gratitude radiating from her eyes. " He wants to see you, too, Meredith."_

_Derek gave his mother one last squeeze and released her, pulling Meredith into the room behind her._

_Peter lay in the bed, his breathing labored with his daughter's filling the room. Peter motioned to Meredith with a minuscule movement of his fingers, all he could manage._

_Meredith felt the tears start to flow again as she made her way to his bed and bent down beside him. He turned his head towards her and smiled, the old smile that had slowly died as the pain got worse and the cancer spread. Yet now, as he lay in his final minutes he found the smile that she loved, and this time it reached his eyes. She grasped hold of his hand, feeling him attempt to squeeze hers but ultimately unable to find the strength. He began to speak so quietly that she leaned her ear towards him to catch his words._

_"Don't you cause any trouble now." He murmured, smiling. "I won't be here to watch you and keep you safe. You stay safe for me, Meredith. You are as much my daughter as anyone, and I love you."_

_"I love you too," Meredith croaked out, a tear falling onto their joint hands. "Thank you for all you did for me...I...thank you."_

_"You look after him for me. He'll look after you. You'll be okay." Peter whispered, nodding slowly, his chest heaving with the effort it took to speak._

_Meredith nodded and leaned towards him, kissing his cheek gently before letting go of his hand and standing up. She moved back, giving Derek space to get through._

_Derek took the place Meredith had just vacated, crouching down next to his father. His eyes filled with tears as he listened to what his father had to say, seeing his father glance towards Meredith before whispering in his ear._

Derek let his eyes drift open, a soft smile on his face as he remembered his father's last words to him, words that had proved to be true since the day Peter had passed away. They had propelled him onwards, they had made Derek see a few things more clearly, to see things differently. They were words he had never forgotten and would always be thankful for.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: So...next chapter as promised. A bit lighter than the previous one! The point of the last chapter was to find out how long Derek has waited to tell her, and what it was that made him realise that he was in love with her. But enough of my rambles... happy reading:-)

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Derek stood up, deciding that if she wasn't going to come to him, he would go to her. He had no intention of telling her how he felt, at least not yet. The wedding was big for her. Deciding to come, accepting the invitation was a huge step and he wasn't going to make things harder for her. Her feelings came first for this week, they had to. He needed to tell her, he needed to explain. His dad's words rang in his ears, over and over. _'The thing you love most is standing in front of you, Derek, you just don't realise it. Don't lose it. Don't lose her. Don't leave it till it is too late. Life is short. True, real love doesn't come around all that often, and when it does...son, you grab it with both hands and you never let go. Remember that I love you and I'm proud of you. I always will be.'_ But he couldn't tell her yet, could he?

Derek sighed. It had taken him a while to realise that he loved Meredith. He had always loved her, always looked out for her, always cared for her. But his father's words had struck something in him 5 years ago, something that had made him take stock and reconsider his life. Then it had hit him. The thing standing in front of him. Meredith. It was Meredith. He had never felt about anyone the way he felt about Meredith. It was more than the way one felt about a friend. He had had five years to get used to the fact that she was his soul mate, his other half...his better half. How he longed to tell her, to explain that the way he felt about her had nothing to do with being best friends, and everything to do with her being the love of his life. His perfect woman. But fear held him back. The fear that she would freak, that she would run. Telling her was risking everything he held dear. Not only the woman he was in love with, but his best friend. He couldn't survive the loss of both. So the fact that they were one and the same made things very difficult for him. So, no, he wouldn't tell her. Not yet. Not when she had the opportunity to make some real progress with her father. No, telling her now was selfish.

He paced around the room, giving her a few minutes to decide to come out on her own before he went and got her. Thoughts whirled around his head...to tell or not to tell...that was the big question. Yet what his father had told him was true. _'Don't leave it till it is too late.'_ Derek's biggest fear for the last five years had been that she would find someone else who made her happy before he had built up the courage to tell her the truth. It stopped now. Every second he waited was another opportunity for some other guy to steal her way. It stopped now. Well, not right this second. But at the end of the week, he would tell her. When she had dealt with her father, when she had laid that part of her past to rest, he would tell her. No anesthesia. He was ripping the band aid off, one week from today.

Derek opened the door and stepped out in to the hall, crossing over to the bathroom and lifting his hand to knock. She was talking. She was definitely talking in there, he could hear a mumbled voice penetrating the wooden door. Derek frowned, lifting his hand to knock again when a word floated clearly towards him.

'Orgasm.'

Derek's eyes widened. Oh god. She was definitely talking to someone. And unless she had enjoyed their kiss a _lot_ more than he had, he had to conclude that the orgasm she was talking about was not hers. At least not a recent one.

'Cris...testicles...ass.'

Derek raised an eyebrow, a slow feeling of dread and embarrassment building in his stomach. He gave an inward groan, raking his hand through his hair. Girls talked. They shared things men would never dream of sharing. He should have known she would ring Cristina. According to Meredith, guys missed out on that part of a relationship where you discussed sex and your intimate love lives with your friends. He could just imagine how that conversation would go with Mark, the two of them discussing new sexual positions. Or, more to the point, Mark bragging about his new method of getting girls to bend their legs in new and unusual ways. Not a conversation he was dying to have. But girls talked. So, Cristina was the logical choice. What testicles had to do with their kiss, he had no idea. Was she referring to his? Comparing him with another...partner. He pulled a face. Girls didn't really do that...did they? The comparing thing? Besides, how would she know? She hadn't been anywhere near his testicles...or any other part of his 'water works', as his mother referred to them. She couldn't compare what she had never seen. And did she think he was an ass? Or was she admiring his ass? He could only hope it was the latter, and that she wasn't mad at him for turning their practice session into...well, more than that.

Plucking up the courage he knocked on the door, stepped back and waited.

Meredith heard the soft knock just as she slipped the cell phone into her pocket. She froze. She knew it was Derek. She had known from the minute she left the room that he would come looking for her. But what the hell did she say? 'Hi Derek, I've just realised that I'm falling for you...hard. Our kiss nearly blew me out the window. But not to worry. Let's go tour Seattle.' It wasn't something she could just slip unnoticed into a conversation. It would be a great way to ruin the best relationship she had even been in...had. **Had.** Because they weren't in a relationship. They had a relationship, but they weren't in one. She knew that. She did. But at this moment it was becoming harder and harder to convince herself of that.

_Act naturally_, she told herself firmly. _Act natural._

Meredith slowly opened the door and stepped out into the hall.

'Hi.' Derek said, smiling at her, albeit a little awkwardly, his hands jammed in his pockets.

'Erm...h-h-h-hi.' Meredith responded, fiddling nervously with her hair and stuttering slightly.

_Oh yeah, great one Mer. That's totally natural. You always sound like a type-writer, I'm sure he won't notice a difference,_ she chided inwardly.

"Hi." Derek replied, stifling the desire to roll his eyes in frustration. He had never been lost for words around Meredith. All it had taken was one kiss to scramble his brain to the point where talking became impossible.

"Y-y-y-y-ou already said that." Meredith pointed out softly, closing the door behind her and averting her eyes, nerves still making her stutter.

_Yeah, so he's repeating himself but at least he's talking. Meanwhile, I stand here like an idiot, doing my best Morse code impressions._

"Right. I did. Sorry." Derek bit out, turning his gaze away from her.

_I hate this._ Meredith thought, her mind screaming at her to make some intelligent comment that would break the iceberg that currently sat between then. And it wasn't your normal iceberg...she was talking 'hit the titanic' iceberg. Out of control, want to sink your relationship iceberg.

_I hate this!_ Derek groaned, the awkward silence beginning to seep into his bones. _This isn't us. This definitely isn't Mer. She never shuts up. She has that cute ramble thing going on...ramble, Mer, ramble!_

As if in sync, they both looked up, staring at each other in complete silence, him with his hands still in his pockets, her with her hair twirled around her finger.

"So..." Derek began, stopping when he realised that that was the only word he had to say.

"So..." Meredith responded, her eyes flitting back and forward.

"I rang Cristina." Meredith blurted out.

"Oh." Derek replied, opening his mouth to say more but closing it again when nothing came to mind. He had known that. But telling her that he had been eavesdropping on her testicle and orgasm conversation probably wasn't the best way to sort out the situation they found themselves in.

They were back to the awkward silence.

"Look, we can't let this get weird." Derek said, sighing.

"I know." Meredith said softly.

"Okay. So, we kissed. No big deal." Derek replied, the lie rolling smoothly off his tongue.

_One week. In one week I'll tell her. One week._

"Right." Meredith responded. "No big deal."

_Although it did make some things clear. Maybe we shouldn't have kissed. Things were so much easier when I was oblivious._ Meredith thought. _But maybe it will go away. Maybe I'm falling in lust. Look at him. It wouldn't be hard to do. But love? Do I even believe in love?_

"Exactly. No big deal. And we are going to have to kiss a lot this week, Mer."

_Yes!_ Derek's brain screamed.

_My legs might not hold me up for much longer if he keeps reminding me of that._ Meredith told herself, though nodding in agreement at his words. _Why couldn't he have been short with a bowl hair cut. Why does he have to be...McDreamy with the gorgeous blue eyes. __Lust, it could totally be lust._

"Okay. So, I say we suck it up and we just do it." Derek said, seeing her nod.

Meredith giggled, unable to help herself, her face flushing at his words.

"Okay, I didn't mean 'do it', do it." Derek groaned, grinning a little at her blush. "I meant...you know what I mean."

"Yeah, I know. We won't let it get weird." Meredith replied, pulling her hand away from her hair and sticking it out in front of her. "Deal?"

"Deal." Derek replied, reaching for her hand and grasping it in his, for the first time in his life blocking out his father's voice.

_One week. I will tell her in one week._


	13. Chapter 13

"My, what are you two doing standing in the hall?" Alice asked quizzically.

They glanced around in surprise as their host made her way towards them. Derek slowly dropped his hold on her hand, letting his hand fall to his side. Meredith glanced at him in alarm before a mysterious twinkle appeared in the corner of her eye.

"Yes Derek, why are we out in the hall?" Meredith asked cheekily, her expression serene.

Derek shot her a look, before turning to answer the question. Alice was standing beside them now, staring at him expectantly.

"Oh, we were...Meredith was...in...in the bathroom." Derek said quickly.

"Oh." Alice replied, looking confused before apparent understanding dawned. "Ohhhh."

She glanced at Meredith who smiled innocently, ignoring the dig in the ribs from Derek.

"We weren't doing...what you think we were doing...she was just...showing me where the bathroom was," Derek finished, his cheeks flushing.

Alice looked back and forth between the two of them and smiled. "If you say so. Derek, relax. Thatcher and I live together. We know how it is. We've been there, done that. Anyway, I just came up here to ask if you two were hungry, I am heating up some soup if you would like some."

"Yes, please." Meredith piped up, doing her level best to hide her smile. "We'll be down in a minute."

"Alright dear." Alice said, looking pleased. "Just come down when you're ready."

"Meredith!" Derek hissed, watching as Alice disappeared around the corner, her footsteps dying away. "What did you do that for?"

"What, I'm hungry!" Meredith protested innocently.

"That is _not_ what I meant, and you know it!" Derek said tightly, pulling her by the arm back into their room and shutting the door. "She thought we were having sex!"

Meredith gave in to the laughter she had been suppressing, pulling away from him and wiping her eyes as they filled with tears.

"Mer, it isn't funny! She thinks we got off a plane and the first thing we did was have sex in her pale pink bathroom!"

"Which apparently they have already done...you know, been there, done that." Meredith added, squishing up her face. "Not something I really needed to know, to be honest. And really, who wants to have sex in a pink bathroom"

"Mer!"

"Derek, relax. Geez, I didn't know you were such a prude."

"She thinks we had sex...in their house...while they were downstairs...in their bathroom!" Derek ranted. "That's disturbing on so many levels!"

"This coming from the man who was worried that his manhood would be called into question if we didn't share a room? Now you're actually worried that she thinks we may have had sex?" Meredith asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Hey, there is a difference between sharing a room and your step-mother thinking she stumbled upon us 30 seconds after having sex." Derek said firmly.

"She's not my step-mother!" Meredith responded. "Not yet, anyway. What's the big deal? It's not like she actually caught us going at it in the hallway or anything. And we didn't even do anything!"

"She doesn't know that!" Derek pointed out, pacing the floor. "Oh no!"

"What now?" Meredith groaned.

"What if she thought that we weren't in the bathroom?" Derek moaned.

"Which _we_ weren't." Meredith pointed out. "Besides, wouldn't that be a good thing? Your whole 'doing it in her bathroom' argument is pointless if that's the case, so who cares?"

"Who cares? If she didn't think we were in the bathroom, she'll think we were doing it in her hallway!"

"Why are you acting like such a girl?" Meredith asked, sitting down on the edge of the bed and laughing.

"She'll tell your dad," Derek replied, sitting down beside her and putting his head in his hands.

"Maybe. Maybe not." Meredith shrugged. "Even if we were, we weren't doing anything wrong, Derek."

"He's your dad, Meredith." Derek pointed out, lifting his head out of his hands.

"Barely. Relax, I'll take the blame if he says anything." Meredith assured him, smiling as she slowly rubbed his back.

"It's not that." Derek muttered.

"So, then what is it?" She asked, not understanding why he thought it was such a big deal.

"He's _your_...you know what, it doesn't matter. Let's just go downstairs." Derek replied, standing up and pulling her to her feet, smiling at her. "The soup will get cold."

"You know, that's the most you and I have ever said 'sex' during a conversation." Meredith chuckled, opening the bedroom door and walking out into the hallway.

"Yeah," Derek said sighing softly and closing the door behind them.

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As Derek followed Meredith downstairs he couldn't help but wish that the past five minutes had been a dream. He was aware that Meredith - who knew every embarrassing thing that had ever happened to him...well, with the exception of the thing that he and Mark _never_ talked about - he knew she didn't understand why he had suddenly turned into, as she called him, a girl. But it wasn't that. Normally he would be able to joke about it and laugh it off, but it was her parents. Maybe they were not both her biological parents, but they were the closest that she had left. He didn't want Thatcher's first impression of him to be that he was like some horny teenager, unable to go the length of the country without jumping his girlfriend. He was excellent in 'meet the parents' type situations. He would be charming and even if they didn't like him to start with, he would always win them over. First impressions were vital, and this was Meredith he was talking about. Someday he hoped to ask that all important question that would make him the happiest man alive. The problem was that Derek tended to be a traditionalist. He wanted to be the guy who asked her father for her hand in marriage. Of course, even if the answer was no he would still do it anyway. But he had been raised by a man who respected tradition in all its forms, who believed in doing things the way they should be done. He knew that if he ever got up the nerve to tell Meredith, if they ever got to the point where he asked her to marry him, she wouldn't like the idea that he had asked Thatcher of all people for permission to marry her. If Ellis was still alive he would have asked her. She had terrified him, but he would have asked. Granted, it would most likely have been by phone, but he would still have asked. Now he was not ' Meredith's charming boyfriend,' he was ' man who has sex in our bathroom.'

Derek, lost in his thoughts, never noticed Meredith's sudden stop and walked right into her, knocking her off-balance. It was an automatic response to wrap his arms around her waist and to haul her up against him to stop her from toppling over. They had reached the bottom of the stairs and were about 3 steps from entering the kitchen.

"Sorry." He said, his arms dropping to his sides when she suddenly grabbed hold, keeping them tight around her, his body pressed up against his back.

"Derek!" Meredith hissed, her hand tugging on his shirt.

"What?"

"Shush!" She hissed again, walking backwards a few steps, forcing him to retreat, still holding onto her.

"Mer, what the hell...?" Derek asked, trying to remove his arms from around her waist, but she was having none of it, hanging onto him tightly.

"There are people in there!" She whispered.

"Yes, that would be Thatcher and Alice. You've met them...or did our non-sex curdle your brain?" Derek said dryly.

"No, there are other people in there!"

"Okay, Mer, you've interacted with other humans before, I'm sure you'll be fine." Leaning down and whispering quietly in her ear, his breath tickling her neck.

"Okay, you can't mock me when I'm panicking!" Meredith protested, turning in his arms and tilting her head up to look into his eyes.

"Over-reacting," Derek corrected softly, his arms resting gently around her hips.

"This is awkward enough without more people," Meredith said desperately, doing her best to ignore how right it felt to be in his arms. "Thatcher and I...it's already awkward enough!"

"Mer, you're looking at this all wrong. More people could help. There isn't so much pressure to make conversation. It'll be fine. But if we don't go in there soon they're going to make all sorts of assumptions..." Derek replied, trailing off and raising his eyebrows meaningfully.

Meredith smiled, relaxing in his arms. "Like what, we're having sex on the stairs?"

"It's possible." Derek said smirking. "The last conversation didn't go so well."

Meredith giggled softly before sighing and resting her forehead on his chest. "I'm sorry I'm such an over-reacting...you know, there isn't even a word for what I am!"

"There are lots of words for what you are." Derek said tenderly, raising his hand and pressing it gently into her back, pulling her that little bit closer. "Bossy, feisty, determined..."

"Are there any good ones in there?" Meredith asked, interrupting him.

"Brave, sweet...beautiful," Derek continued, lifting her chin with his finger. "You need to let them see the real you, the real Meredith."

"What if they don't like the real Meredith?" She asked quietly.

"What's not to love?" Derek rebutted, smiling tenderly at her. "Let's just go in there and smile. The rest will come."

Meredith pulled away from his, looking uncertain.

Derek held out his hand and waited. Meredith glanced down at his offered hand, then back up to his reassuring face and took hold of his hand, lacing her fingers with his.

"You ready?" Derek asked, squeezing gently.

Meredith nodded. "I'm ready.

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	14. Chapter 14

Derek lead her into the kitchen by the hand, smiling at the small gathering of people in the kitchen. Alice stirred the pot bubbling away on the stove top while Thatcher sliced a fresh, crusty loaf of bread. A young man and woman sat at the table, talking quietly. Derek wouldn't put them any older than Meredith, at the most maybe a year. The woman was gorgeous is a traditional kind of way. Her blonde hair fell in waves down her back, her bright eyes sparkling as she laughed at something the man said. Her smile was infectious, a pleased smile spilling out onto Derek's face. She seemed nice, harmless enough. She didn't appear to be the type that would cause Meredith any problems. The man she was obviously with responded with a pleased smile, if not a slightly arrogant one.

"Something smells good." Derek remarked, letting go of Meredith's hand and slinging his arm over her shoulder. Alice turned around, smiling. The couple at the table looked up, the man looking apprehensive, the woman welcoming. Thatcher turned briefly before going back to the task at hand."Meredith, Derek...we have some extras here tonight. They just happened to pop around so I invited them for dinner." Alice exclaimed, wiping her hands on a towel and making her way across to where Derek and Meredith stood in the doorway.

"Just happened to pop around?" The man muttered, jerking at the dig in the ribs the girl gave him.

She motioned to the man who stood up, still starting at Meredith, neither pleased nor angry, simply...observant.

"Meredith, I'd like you to meet Alex Karev, my son." Alice said proudly, clasping the towel to her chest and throwing Alex a look.

He moved away from the table, walking towards her. Meredith had felt her stomach drop to her knees as son as she heard the word 'son.' So that made him her almost step-brother. As he reached her, he held out his hand and waited.

Meredith slowly offered him her own, feeling his warm hand clasp her own.

"So you're Meredith." He said quietly, releasing her hand.

"Um...I guess so," Meredith replied, glancing at Derek.

Alex nodded before gesturing towards the blonde at the table. "That's my girlfriend, Izzie."

Izzie stood up and hurried across to stand beside Alex, smiling warmly. "It's so great to meet you! We've heard all about you!"

"Really?" Derek asked grinning, "And you still wanted to meet her?"

Meredith rolled her eyes and slapped him on the chest with the back of her hand, his teasing relaxing her ever so slightly.

"It's nice to meet you too," Meredith replied, leaning her body towards Derek. "This is Derek, my boyfriend."

Meredith could feel herself relaxing even more as timed ticked by. So, Alice had a son...big deal. He seemed...well, nice might be pushing it, but he certainly wasn't horrible. He was more cautious than anything else. Izzie she had taken an immediate liking to. She was bright and bubbly, a smile constantly on her face.

Derek smiled, squeezing her shoulder while leaning over and shaking Alex's hand and smiling warmly at Izzie.

"Right, well, now that's all out of the way, let's eat shall we?" Alice said happily, shepherding them all towards the table. "Alex, you and Izzie take the right side, Meredith and Derek you take the left."

When everyone was seated, Alice began handing out the bowls of soup she had ladled and, when she was done, took her place opposite Thatcher at the ends of the table.

"How long are you staying?" Izzie asked, breaking off a piece of her bread and popping it in her mouth.

"Just for the week," Derek replied, casting a sideways glance at Meredith.

"Oh, well that should be fun!" Izzie exclaimed. "I know Alice has a lot planned for this week. You definitely won't be bored."

"What exactly have you planned, Mom?" Alex groaned, spooning a mouthful of vegetable soup into his mouth.

"Now don't you moan! It's one week out of your life, Alex. That's all I'm asking for." Alice said firmly.

"Thatcher, you had no say in this?" Alex asked, smirking.

"I let her have free reign." Thatcher said smiling, the first decent emotion he had shown since Meredith and Derek had arrived.

"You didn't want to make plans with her? For your wedding day?" Izzie asked, clearly appalled.

"I made the plans for the last one. That didn't work out so well." Thatcher replied, smiling before it dawned on him what he had said. The smile slid off his face, a look of horror replacing it. Derek glared at him, fire burning in his eyes. Izzie looked confused, Alice look concerned and Alex was staring at Meredith's bowed head, a frown crinkling his forehead.

Meredith tensed, staring down into her soup as she felt all eyes on her, seeping into her skin. The room had fallen deathly silent and no one moved, save for Derek who cupped her knee in his hand, gently rubbing his thumb in calming, circular motions. His touch gave her the strength to look up.

"I suppose it didn't." She said softly, picking up her water and bringing the glass to her lips, sipping softly.

"So what do you do for a living?" Alex asked, looking over at Derek and diverting attention from Meredith.

"Me? I'm an author. I write mostly crime fiction."

"Oh my god..." Izzie cried. "You're not Derek Shepherd?"

Derek chuckled softly and nodded.

"You're _the_ Derek Shepherd!" Alice gasped. "I can't believe I didn't make the connection!"

"That would be me." Derek replied, smiling at the women.

"Oh, I love your novels.You're the best there is." Alice gushed. "I own them all."

"So do I!" Izzie said grinning. "I loved 'Bridge to Nowhere."

"Well, thank you." Derek said sincerely. "It's always nice to know people read them."

"You already know people read them," Meredith replied rolling her eyes, relieved that attention had been taken off her. "You get fan mail every week telling you that."

"True." Derek grinned, his hand still resting on her knee.

"I bet you get some good ones." Alice laughed.

"Oh, women propose to me on a regular basis." Derek said cockily, winking at Meredith. "Luckily for me, I have the one I want."

Meredith could feel herself blushing as Izzie punched Alex in the arm.

"Ow! Iz! What did you do that for?" "He demanded, rubbing his arm.

"How come you don't say things like that to me?" She asked, frowning at him.

"Because I would sound gay. Famous people...they get away with the cheesy lines. Besides, I have a suspicion you are one of the women who sent him a proposal." Alex said grinning.

Izzie gasped. "Alex!"

"You did, didn't you!" Alex said laughing.

Meredith smiled, her eyes twinkling while Derek looked mildly uncomfortable.

"I didn't!" Izzie protested.

"Sure, babe. Whatever you say." Alex said, smiling at Meredith.

"I apologise on behalf of this ass." Izzie said to Derek, jerking her head in Alex's direction.

"Alex stop teasing the poor girl." Alice protested, spooning another portion of soup into her bowl. "I don't know why I didn't recognise you from the picture in your books, Derek. I've seen it often enough."

"Mer took that." Derek said, smiling at her. "I didn't trust anyone else."

"You're a photographer?" Thatcher said suddenly, joining the conversation.

"Um...yes." Meredith replied, smiling uncertainly.

"Oh." He said softly. "You always wanted to be a ballerina."

"I was five. Things change." Meredith replied quietly.

"I suppose they do." Thatcher answered, looking across the table and catching Alice's eye.

"What do you take photos of?" Izzie asked, dodging Alex's attempts to grab her hand, instead slapping it away.

"Mostly portraits, although occasionally I do special events." Meredith replied. "I work in a gallery in Boston."

"People come from all over the country to see her." Derek said proudly.

"Derek." Meredith murmured.

"Well, that's wonderful!" Alice said, smiling at her. "I should have had you do our wedding photos. Although you're part of this family, we want you in them, so that probably wouldn't have worked. Have you ever sold any of your work? Anything we might have seen?"

"No. I stick to portraits." Meredith answered, reaching for her glass...anything to occupy her hands.

"Not that you have to." Derek added quietly.

"Derek, stop it." Meredith muttered.

"Well, I'd love to see some of your work sometime." Alice replied, glancing back and forth between the two.

Meredith smiled non-committedly, taking another sip of her water.

"Well, while we are all here, I suppose we should discuss what's happening this week." Alice said smiling at the people gathered in her kitchen.

"Alice, maybe they would like to get some sleep?" Thatcher prodded. "You can explain it all to them in the morning."

"Oh, alright, dear." Alice accepted, standing up and gathering up the plates, glancing at Alex. "Were you and Izzie wanting to stay?"

"We better get going." He declined. "Don't worry, we won't skip out on wedding week."

"Well, I definitely won't." Izzie responded happily. "I'm excited."

"Well, good." Alice smiled. "Maybe we should have a girls' day out tomorrow. All three of us."

Meredith felt her stomach clench and prayed that Alice was just a really, really bad counter. Three? That meant...

"You, me and Meredith."

_Oh god,_ she thought. _Damn, she can count. What were the chances of that? Although, considering the fact that she would be in her early 50's, I guess the chances were quite high. Maybe I can develop a contagious disease between now and tomorrow._

"Actually Alice, I was hoping Meredith could show me around Seattle tomorrow morning." Derek said suddenly, giving her knee a slight squeeze.

_Okay, no need to kiss someone with chicken pox. Derek's being dreamy._

"Oh. Well that's understandable. We're having a family gathering here tomorrow night, so as long as you are here for that, I don't see a problem." Alice said smiling.

As Meredith was breathing a sigh of relief the front door swung open.

"Would I be invited to that one?" A voice called from behind her shoulder.

Meredith and Derek turned around, staring at the woman framing the doorway. She was in her 70's, her grey hair pulled back into a tight knot on the back of her head. She walked with a stick, leaning on it heavily, though she spoke with an air of authority.

Meredith looked at Derek, who shrugged. Neither of them knew who this was, but it was apparent the rest of the room did, the silence deafening.

"Well?" The woman said frowning, her expression softening when she noticed Meredith. "Is anyone going to tell this young woman who I am, or do I need to do it for you?"


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Wow. Just...wow. So the last update got quite the response...lol. Thank you all so much for the reviews, they mean a lot! Really. Hopefully this explains some things and hints at others. If you are still slightly confused, then I did my job. :-) Happy reading! (I have some assignments to complete over the next few weeks, so updates may not be as frequent, but I will try my best.)**

_"Well?" The woman said frowning, her expression softening when she noticed Meredith. "Is anyone going to tell this young woman who I am, or do I need to do it for you?"_

Meredith glanced around the table, completely confused. Who was the woman? And why did her mere presence cause the people in the room - minus Izzie - to look slightly panicked? Although Alex didn't have the same shocked look as the two adults sitting at the heads of the table. He looked...pleased, a smile smile threatening to crack at the corner of her mouth.

"Well?" The woman demanded again, her cane resounding on the floor as she walked further into the room.

Derek stood up, offering his seat to the woman before placing his hands on Meredith's shoulders and standing behind her chair. The woman gave him a grateful smile and sat down, hooking her cane over the edge of the table.

"Thank you, young man. I'm not as able as I used to be." She said, the tone in her voice softening.

"You're welcome." Derek murmured, flashing a look from Thatcher to Alice and back again.

No one moved. No one seemed willing to explain who this person was, and why she felt she could just walk in and sit herself down. Izzie and Meredith both looked uncomfortable, neither of them seeming to have any idea who the woman was.

"Come now Thatcher, don't sit there with that look on your face. Are you going to tell her who I am?" The woman asked, raising an eyebrow. "Because if not, I'd be more than happy to enlighten her."

"What are you doing here?" Thatcher squeezed out, his fists clenching on the table.

"You didn't honestly think I would miss this, did you?" She asked, her face stony.

"Ida, please." Alice begged softly.

"Ah, so nothing has changed, has it? After all this time you still haven't explained yourself. What you did. Well, don't you think it's time you did?" The woman asked Thatcher, her expression one of extreme disapproval.

"I'm sorry..." Meredith said softly. "I...who are you?"

"How did you even know she was coming?" Thatcher interrupted, his face heating with anger.

"A little birdy told me." Ida replied, patting her hair.

"Who?" Thatcher demanded, before looking at Alice. "Did you tell her?"

"Of course she didn't." The old woman replied impatiently. "She's far too loyal to tell me anything, no matter how much right I had to know."

"Thatcher, it wasn't me. I swear, I never told her Meredith was coming." Alice said quickly.

"Excuse me...what does Mer have to do with any of this?" Derek asked loudly.

"And who might you be exactly?" Ida asked, turning to Derek and smiling at him.

"I'm Derek Shepherd, ma 'am." Derek replied, stretching out his hand.

"Well, it's nice to meet you, Derek Shepherd. I take it you are with this lovely young woman here?" She asked, nodded towards Meredith who was sitting next to her, staring at her in complete confusion.

"Yes, I am. It's nice to meet you too, ma ám."

"Oh please, Derek, I'm 73, not 100. Call me Ida." She replied.

"I still want to know who told you." Thatcher interrupted again.

"Well, I have no intention of telling you." Ida replied calmly. "It seems to be a continued theme running through this family."

"Ida, she doesn't know. She doesn't know any of it." Alice said softly. "Please, let it go for now."

"Let what go? Would someone tell us what is going on?" Derek demanded, his hands rubbing Meredith's shoulders.

"Derek, I would love to." Ida began, before Thatcher slammed his hand down on the table, the sound resonating through the room. Izzie jumped, her face contorted with shock.

"You will do no such thing. Not until you tell me how you knew?" Thatcher demanded once more.

"I told her."

The entire table turned towards the person who had spoken. Alex took it all in his stride, shrugging.

"Alex!" Alice gasped, her hand flying towards her mouth. "Why would you do such a thing?"

"She had a right to know. Meredith has a right to know." Alex replied, anger tinging his words.

Izzie placed her hand on his arm, squeezing gently before throwing Meredith a concerned glance.

"I have a right to know what?" Meredith asked softly.

Her comment was completely ignored as Thatcher stood up with such force his chair flew backwards, scraping across the wooden floor.

"You had no right, Alex. This is none of your business.!" Thatcher bit out, his anger directed at both his soon to be step-son, and the older woman to his left.

"She's going to be my step-sister. That makes her my family and my business." Alex replied, standing up. "Someone had to tell the truth, and it didn't seem anyone here was willing to do it. Lies seem to sit with the rest of you but not with me. I won't lie. It's as simple as that."

"Oh, Alex." Alice moaned, lifting teary eyes to meet Thatcher's.

"Would someone tell me what's going on?" Meredith demanded, glancing around the room. "What am I missing?"

"A lot." Alex muttered. "More than you know. More than this."

"Alex, that's enough. It isn't your place to explain any of this." Alice snapped suddenly. "You've said quite enough."

"Thatcher?" Ida piped up. "What's it going to be?"

Thatcher pulled his chair back to the table and sat down, his face both furious and yet strangely sad. He waved his hand in the air as if brushing off a fly and stared down at the table, his demeanor very hard to read.

"Meredith..."Ida said gently. "Thatcher is my son, my only son."

Meredith heard the words, she mouthed the words but the meaning behind them was lost on her. "But...that would make you..."

"Your grandmother." Ida finished for her, tears pricking her eyes. "It makes me your grandmother."

"I have a grandmother?" Meredith asked numbly, staring at Ida in wonder. "Your my...I have a...oh."

"Yes, you have a grandmother. I know this is a lot. I'm sorry, I am. But I wanted to meet you." Ida said quickly.

"Mer?" Derek said softly, crouching down beside her chair. "Mer?"

"I have a grandmother." She said again, looking down at him.

"I heard." He murmured. "Are you alright?"

"I...I...I have to go. I have to...excuse me." Meredith said by way of an answer, pushed her chair back and disappeared up the stairs.

"Oh...I didn't mean to upset her." Ida said, glancing at Derek as he stood up.

"It's a lot for her to take in." Derek replied, placing a comforting hand on the old woman's arm. "I'll go and see if she's okay."

As he turned to leave he felt a hand grasp his arm. "Derek. Do you think...would it be alright if I went?"

"Mother." Thatcher warned.

"I won't tell her anything." Ida snapped. "But you kept me from that girl since she was 6 years old. I want to get to know my grandaughter. I don't need your permission and I won't ask for it. The rest she will learn in time. But someday you will have to tell her why you left. For both their sakes."

"How can I trust you? You've always threatened to tell her." Thatcher said bitterly.

"Yes, I have. But you will be the one to tell her. I didn't raise a coward. Be the man I raised you to be and I won't have to tell her." Ida replied sharply, pulling herself to her feet.

"Derek, would it be alright if I came with you?" Ida asked again.

Derek looked at the silent pleading in the woman's eyes and nodded, offering her his arm. The pair walked slowly out of the kitchen, leaving the rest of the party somewhat quieter than they had been when they arrived.

"Ida?" Derek began as they made their way slowly up the stairs.

"I'm sorry, this will take me a minute or two. My hip isn't what it once was." Ida replied with a smile. "Go check on her if you like. I'll get there eventually."

"I'm not leaving you." Derek protested, tightening his grip on her arm.

"You're a very sweet young man." Ida replied. "Worthy of my grandaughter, I think."

"Oh, I don't know that anyone is worthy of her." Derek replied, smiling at her. "But I give it my best shot."

"I can see you do." She replied, returning his smile. "You care for her and that is enough for me."

"Ida, what were you all talking about?" Derek asked, helping her up the last step.

"Don't ask me things I can't tell you, Derek. It isn't my place to say."

"But you know. And you've known for years. Mer deserves to know, she needs to understand. That's why we came here." Derek protested quietly as they began walking down the hall towards the bedroom.

"Yes, she does deserve to know. She deserves the truth. But not from me. She needs to hear the truth from her father. I've pushed my son for years, to the point where he began shutting me out of his life. I love my grandaughter. I love my son. I don't want to hurt either one. Please...wait to hear the truth from him. I have pushed him far enough." Ida replied, her cane sinking into the carpet with each step.

"And if he doesn't tell her?" Derek asked.

"If he doesn't tell her then I will. You have my word, Derek."

"Alright. I don't want her to get hurt." Derek said, smiling sadly. "She's been hurt enough."

"And that is what makes you worthy of her." Ida said smiling.

Derek shot her a grateful smile, his hand reaching for the door handle. "You ready?"

"Yes, I've been ready for years."

Meredith was sitting on the bed when she heard the handle turn, and felt Derek enter the room. She always knew when it was him, like some sixth sense that drew him to her, making her aware of where he was. Besides, she had fully expected him to follow her. It was what he always did. What she would have done for him. She expected nothing less.

"Mer." Derek said, walking into the room and standing in front of her. He lifted her chin with his finger and tilted his head slightly, his eyes shining in concern as he framed her face in his hands.

"I have a grandmother." She said again, looking at him in amazement.

"You do. She's here, Mer." Derek dropped his hands away and motioned towards the door.

Ida, leaning heavily on her cane, stepped forward, coming to rest beside Derek.

"I'm sorry, Meredith. I know it came as a shock." Ida began.

"Lavender." Meredith blurted out.

"Excuse me?" Ida asked, sitting down beside her on the bed.

Derek walked over to the window and stared out, giving the two women their space.

"You smell like lavender." Meredith said quietly, turning to face her grandmother.

"Why yes, I do." Ida confirmed, smiling. "So do you."

"You always smelled like lavender." Meredith continued.

Ida opened her mouth to reply but Meredith carried on speaking.

"I spilled a bottle." Meredith said softly, her eyes glazed with a far off memory. "On the carpet. In Seattle. Beside the fireplace."

Ida looked taken aback, her neck straightening. "Yes, you did."

"My mom was mad because she hated the smell." Meredith murmured. "She said it shouldn't be considered a flower."

"Yes, she did. Meredith, you remember that?" Ida asked softly, a tear spilling out the corner of her eye. "You were only 4."

"I...I think so. You left the next day but you gave me the bottle. You said it would remind me of you. I hid it under my mattress so mom wouldn't find it and throw it out."

"That was the last time I saw you." Ida said quietly.

"I missed you." Meredith replied, wiping away a tear. "But then...I forgot about you. I'm sorry, I..."

"I never forgot you. I sent you birthday presents...I don't know if you got them." Ida said, smiling sadly.

"I...I don't remember." Meredith said apologetically. "I don't...I don't know."

"You and I used to have fun." Ida said, smiling brightly. "I used to take you to the park, or on the monorail. We did a lot together when I visited you."

"I...I don't remember that." Meredith replied softly.

"Well, you were only little." Ida said. "I wouldn't expect you to. Meredith, I'm sorry I didn't make the effort I should have made. Your father...he didn't want me to see you after he left and I...I granted him that. Unwillingly, mind you. But I stayed away and I shouldn't have."

"He didn't want you to see me? Why?" Meredith asked, glancing over at Derek.

"I can't tell you that. He will tell you. That's why you are here, that's why he asked you. It isn't up to me to tell you. But your mother didn't want me to see you, either. And after Thatcher had left...it was really her decision whether or not I could see you. I knew she wouldn't let me, so I let it go. I never insisted. But I've missed you every day for over 18 years, Meredith." Ida said, brushing away the tear rolling down her cheek. "If Alex hadn't rung me...I wouldn't even know you were here."

"What do I call you?" Meredith murmured, looking into her grandmother's sea green eyes.

"Grandma. You always called me Grandma. But you can call me whatever you want."

"Grandma." Meredith said, rolling the word around her tongue as though testing it out for the first time.

Ida reached over and gently touched Meredith on the shoulder, before drawing her into a warm embrace. Meredith inhaled the smell that had always comforted her during her childhood, the smell she had made her own and felt a small measure of peace.

As Derek watched grandmother and grandaughter embrace, he smiled. Mer had one family member who seemed to truly value and love her for who she was. But though that thought gave him immense satisfaction, he had a strange feeling he knew why Thatcher had left and for Mer's sake, he hoped he was wrong. 


	16. Chapter 16

After Ida left, Alex and Izzie volunteering to drive her home, Meredith stared at herself in the bathroom mirror. She gathered her hair up, tying it back into a messy ponytail. She had a grandmother. She'd always had one. It was a hard concept to grasp, the idea that she hadn't needed to be alone growing up. She had someone that loved her, someone who had kept loving her for her entire life. It was comforting to know that she had family, a family that loved her because of who she was, not because it was seen as the right thing to do. In her own way, Ellis had loved her. But at times it had felt like conditional love. If Meredith got the highest grades, the best recommendations...if she won her mother's approval through what she accomplished, well, then she won her love. Meredith had spent years struggling each day to achieve something that would make her mother notice her, to give her the loving attention she craved. The higher Ellis climbed in her own ambitions, the more she expected of her daughter, to the point where Meredith wasn't sleeping enough, instead studying till all hours of the morning to make sure that her test results were worthy of the great Ellis Grey.

Derek had changed all that. He had proved to her that it wasn't what she did in life that mattered, but who she was. He hadn't befriended her because she got straight A's. He hadn't cared that Ellis Grey was her mother. His friendship had never, ever been conditional. He had made her realise that, for him at least, she was perfect just as she was. His family had become her family, accepting her into the fold with absolutely no strings attached. His father had questioned the boys she had dated, his mother had helped her pick out a dress for prom. They had been the parents she longed for. She loved his family and appreciated what they had done for her more than they would ever know. They looked on her an another Shepherd, a part of their family.

But, despite the unconditional acceptance, the unconditional love that Derek's family had provided her with, she had always felt a little like an outsider. Not once had they done anything to make her feel that way, it was just what it was. A feeling she had. The feeling that her own family didn't want her. She wasn't a Shepherd, she was a Grey. Meredith Grey. The fact that Derek's family treated her like one of them hadn't made it true. She had always missed that feeling of closeness she had had with her father. When he had been around she had felt like part of a real family and the hole in her life when he had left was more like a crater. Derek's family had helped fill the void, but it had never disappeared completely. And now she found out that, after all these years, she had someone who was her family. Her real family. A family that belonged to her, a family she belonged to. A grandmother whose love had never diminished after years of separation.

Meredith closed her eyes and felt Ida's arms around her once more, the warm, tight hug of someone who loved her. She vaguely remembered those hugs, that scent wafting through the air and wrapping around her. But more than that she remembered the feeling of peace, of contentment, of love that had come with those hugs. She had a grandmother. Meredith opened her eyes slowly as a gentle knock broke into her thoughts.

"Mer?"

"Come in." She called out, studying her face in the mirror again.

"Hey." Derek said smiling. "I want to do my teeth, if that's okay."

"Yeah, sure." Meredith replied, moving over slightly to give him room beside her.

Derek twisted the lid of his toothpaste and squeezed a little onto his toothbrush.

"You look like her." Derek commented, turning the tap on.

Meredith's face broke out into a smile. "I do, don't I?"

Derek grinned, his heart warming at the happiness shining out her eyes. "You do. You both have the same eyes, the same smile."

Meredith traced the line of her lips with her finger as though testing to see whether he was right.

"She's nice, isn't she?" Meredith asked softly, almost needing his approval.

"She's more than nice, Mer. She loves you." He replied softly, gently pulling her hand away from her mouth.

"Yeah...I think she does." Meredith said, her voice full of wonder and amazement.

Derek released her hand and stuck his toothbrush in his mouth, scrubbing his teeth. Meredith hunted around her for her toothbrush, pulling it out of her toilet bag. Derek stopped brushing his teeth and opened the toothpaste, squeezing the tube and holding it out for her. Meredith held out her toothbrush, waited for him to apply it to her brush before sticking it in her mouth and beginning to brush. Derek sat the toothpaste down and resumed brushing, the bristles moving over their teeth in unison. Their eyes caught in the mirror and they grinned at each other, their mouths full of bubbles.

When Meredith was ready she covered the side of her mouth with her hand and spit into the sink, rinsing her toothbrush and wiping her mouth with a face cloth. Derek raised an eyebrow and followed suit, spitting into the sink.

"What's with the hand?" He teased, wiping his own mouth.

"You can't watch me spit. That's gross." Meredith replied, wrinkling up her nose.

"Ahhh." Derek responded, laughing a little as he walked past her and out into the hall.

Meredith rinsed out the sink, packed away their toothbrushes and followed him into the bedroom.

"What are you 'ahhing' at?" She demanded, walking over to the bed and pulling back the covers.

"Nothing. I guess it's unlady-like to spit or something?" He asked, pulling the curtains closed.

"Since when do I know what's considered lady-like?" Meredith scoffed, fluffing her pillows.

"My point exactly." Derek replied, grinning at her.

"Hey!" Meredith protested, picking up a pillow and throwing it at him.

Derek caught it before it hit him in the face and laughed. "Alright, you asked for it!"

"Don't you dare!" Meredith squealed, sliding in under the covers and pulling them up over her head.

"Oh, I dare, all right." Derek said in a deep voice. "You asked for it, Miss Grey."

He walked over to her side of the bed and pelted the lump under the covers with the pillow, the sound of her giggles making him laugh.

"Derek, don't!" She moaned, rolling onto her side and curling up in a ball. "You're bigger than I am. You have an unfair advantage!"

Derek grinned. "Oh, I'm bigger. Braver too, it would seem. I'm not the one hiding under the blankets."

"I'm not hiding!" She protested, poking her head out of the covers.

"Right." Derek laughed, pulling the blankets away from her and pulling her towards him till her legs dangled over the edge of the bed.

"You're happy, right?" He asked tilting his head, the laughter dying away.

Meredith brushed the loose bits of hair out of her eyes and nodded. "Yeah, I'm happy...why?"

"I know it was a shock for you. I just wanted to check that you were alright."

"I'm fine. Better than fine. I have a grandmother." Meredith said smiling.

Derek knelt in front of her, his hands on her thighs. "You do. And you're happy."

"I am."

"Okay." Derek stood up, tossing the pillow back on her side of the bed.

"Derek..." Meredith said softly, standing up.

"Yeah?" Derek turned towards her.

She filled the gap between them in two shorts steps, placed her hands on his chest and pressed her lips lightly to his.

"Thanks for caring."


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N:**_ Firstly, I'm supposed to be writing an essay but I kept thinking about this chapter, so I wrote it and now I will go back to studying. :-P Secondly_, _I have no idea why I can't add breaks in the middle of the text...for some reason they don't show up. So, I have had to resort to a line of 'y's' in the middle of this chapter. Sorry about that, I have no idea why that has happened. So if you were wondering why the y's are there, they are meant to show the second half of the chapter, so to speak. Thanks for the reviews, and sorry for any confusion! :-)  
_

As Meredith went to move away from Derek he grasped hold of her arm, stilling her movements. She gave him a curious look, allowing him to pull her back towards him. Staring into her eyes he lowered his head, his lips meeting hers and lingering for a few seconds before the kiss was over. A slow smile grew over his face, his eyes sparkling. Meredith swayed ever so slightly when he let her go, her expression bemused.

"What was that for?" She asked, her hand briefly touching her tingling lips.

"I decided I deserved a better one." Derek said grinning, stripping off his shirt.

"A better kiss?" Meredith asked again, trying not to look at his bare chest and failing.

"Yep." Derek said casually, sitting on the bed and untying his shoes.

"Derek?" Meredith asked unsteadily. "What are you doing?"

"Getting ready for bed, which you should be doing too." Derek replied, standing up again and unzipping his trousers.

"But...I'm standing right here." Meredith reminded him, her eyes drifting down to where a line of hair disappeared into his boxers.

"Yes, I can see that." Derek acknowledged, tossing his clothes on top of his suitcase.

"Here, in the room." She said again, looking up at the ceiling, willing herself to not look over in his direction.

"Mer? I'm not blind." Derek said, his lips twitching.

"Right. Yeah. You know I'm not blind either, right?" Meredith replied slowly.

"And you say I'm the prude?" Derek asked laughing. "You've seen me without a shirt, Mer."

"Right. I know. But...pants...no pants...and muscles...hair...it's all...and you're..." Meredith babbled, her hands gesturing wildly.

"Mer?" Derek interrupted, walking towards her and capturing her wrists in his hands.

"What?" She asked, stopping mid ramble, her gaze wandering up his thighs to his chest before reaching his eyes. "Um...what?"

"I often sleep naked. If you weren't here, I probably would be. So stop panicking and get dressed. My bottoms aren't coming off." Derek promised.

"You sleep...naked?" Meredith gulped.

"Sometimes." Derek shrugged, letting go of her hands.

"Oh." She replied stupidly, trying to block out the image that came screaming into her head.

_Great. What did he have to tell me that for? It was bad enough with the no shirt and the muscles and the hair and...now I have to cope with the mental image of no bottoms? How is that fair? Someone must really hate me. What, is the universe trying to test my endurance, my stamina? Because it's fast disappearing._

"So I guess you don't, huh." Derek was saying calmly, sitting down on the bed.

"Don't what?" Meredith replied.

"Sleep naked."

_Don't let her say yes. Please don't let her say yes. I'll be screwed. Totally screwed._Derek thought, his mind begging her to listen to him. _But I asked. God, why did I ask? Is teasing her really worth forgoing sleep?_

"I..." Meredith stiffened her spine, the teasing glint in his eye cluing her in to the fact that he was baiting her.

"Sometimes." She shrugged, hoping she appeared casual when she felt anything but.

"Hmmm." Derek replied, the only noise he was capable of making at that moment.

"Okay, I'm getting dressed. Close your eyes." Meredith commanded, pulling her pajama's out of her suitcase.

"Ah...sure." Derek said, closing his eyes.

"No peaking." Meredith warned, stripping off her top.

"Scout's honor." Derek promised, raising his hand.

"You weren't even a scout." Meredith replied, rolling her eyes.

"Hey, don't roll your eyes! It's an expression." Derek replied firmly.

"Hey, you're peaking!" Meredith cried, clutching her top to her breasts.

"I am not!" Derek protested, his head turning to follow the sound of her voice.

"Then how did you know I rolled my eyes?" Meredith demanded.

"I've known you for 10 years. It was a classic 'rolling eyes' moment." Derek informed her. "I'm not peaking."

"Fine. But I'm still turning around." Meredith informed him, facing the wall.

The temptation was too great. Ever so carefully he slid his eyes open, her blurry outline slowly becoming clear. She was indeed facing the wall, her hands reaching behind her to undo the clasp on her bra, her long fingers edging the straps down her arms. Her back was smooth, the skin flawless before she slipped on her singlet top. He gave and inward groan and fell back onto the bed, squeezing his eyes shut. She was tempting enough with clothes on a few feet away from him, let alone wearing only skimpy pajamas and sleeping right next to him. _One week._ He told himself. _You just have to last one week._

It was going to be a long night.

yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Meredith tossed and turned, twisting from one side to the next, unable to get comfortable. Derek groaned and turned over to face her.

"Mer?" Derek said huskily. "What's the problem?"

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Meredith moaned. "I know I'm keeping you up. It's just...I can't sleep."

_I know the feeling._ Derek thought, giving a deep sigh.

"Okay. So what's up?" Derek asked, giving a little yawn.

"I have a grandmother." Meredith began.

"Mer? We've sort of already established that." Derek said gently, closing his eyes.

"I know. But..." Meredith trailed off.

"But what?" Derek asked quietly, his eyes still closed.

"Why didn't my dad want her to see me?" Meredith asked softly.

Derek opened his eyes and gazed into her worried ones. "I don't know, Mer."

"I mean...he didn't have to see me. But why would he stop her from seeing me? Why will no one tell me what's going on?"

_Tell her what you suspect. Tell her. Don't you want to warn her? Do you really want her to be blindsided with it?_ Thoughts were whirling round his brain, unable to come to a decision. _But what if it isn't what you think it is? Then you've hurt and worried her for nothing. Is it worth the risk?_

Derek looked deeply into her eyes, their blue-green depths so familiar to him. _I can't be the one to put pain in her eyes. I can't. I can't do that. Not to her._

"I don't know, Mer." He said again, laying his hand flat on the bed, palm up.

Meredith lightly placed her hand in his, allowing him to wrap it up in his warmth.

"I'm mad at him." She said softly.

"You're allowed to be mad at him." Derek commented, lazily drawing circles on her hand with his thumb.

"Yeah?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah." Derek confirmed.

"It doesn't make me a horrible daughter?"

"No. It makes him a horrible father." Derek replied, catching her gaze.

"I know. But...what if he has an excuse?" Meredith asked. "Do I have to forgive him?"

"No, of course not. You don't have to forgive him, Mer. But maybe you should give him the chance to explain before you decide whether you will forgive him or not." Derek said softly.

_He better not break her heart._

"But no one will tell me anything." Meredith pointed out.

"We've been here less than a day, Mer. We have a week." Derek reminded her. "And by the sounds of it, we will be spending a lot of time doing wedding stuff. He'll explain, that's why you're here."

"I'm here because Alice invited me." Meredith reminded him, sighing deeply.

"True. But she asked you to give him a chance. She obviously expects him to take it." Derek said softly.

"Yeah, I guess." Meredith murmured.

"We'll find out. I promise you, before we leave Seattle, one way or the other...we'll find out the truth." Derek whispered.

"Okay." Meredith replied, giving a small smile.

"Get some sleep, Mer. We can't do anything about it tonight. We've got a busy day tomorrow. We need sleep."

"Right. I'm showing you Seattle." Meredith said smiling.

"Yep. My own personal tour guide." Derek said, returning her smile.

"Just you and me?" Meredith asked.

"Just you and me." He promised, lifting his arm up in invitation.

Meredith scooted over in the bed, feeling his warm arms enclose her. She tucked her head under his chin, snuggled into him and closed her eyes, almost instantly falling asleep.

Derek pulled the blankets up around them and gave a small sigh.

Yep, it was definitely going to be a long night.


	18. Chapter 18

Meredith woke as the morning sun slanted through the slight gap in the curtains, casting soft shadows around the room. She was extremely warm, heat radiating from the body nestled close to hers. And a hand that had never been before where it was currently nestled. Derek's palm caressed her breast, his thumb brushing back and forward across her nipple as he slept. Realisation dawned. She was still cuddled up in Derek's arms. She held her breath, stifling a moan as his hand slid down to her hip bone and moved over to slide under her pajama top before coming to rest on her bare stomach. She exhaled shakily, her body tingling from his touch.

"Did we sleep like this all night?" She whispered to herself, not daring to move in case she woke him up and she lost her human blanket.

He was curled against her back, his arm now slung around her waist plastering her to him. Their legs were intertwined, his rough, hairy legs wrapping around her smooth ones, his hard thighs pressed against her backside. Meredith's face broke out into a smile as she felt him shift slightly beside her. This was definitely something she could get used to, waking up in his arms. It felt natural, like they could do it every day for the rest of their lives.

_Whoa! The rest of our lives? There's a dangerous thought._ Meredith frowned. _But is it a welcome thought? God, I don't know. I don't know what I want. Do I want to be with him enough to risk everything, my whole existence? He's been my rock for so long, my best friend, my family...is it worth it?_

She now worried that she was getting too comfortable, far too comfortable in the role she was playing. Because that was all it was, a role...it wasn't real. Yet it had felt so normal last night to kiss him, to press her lips to his as though it was something they always did. Why was that? Was it the friend thing or was it something more? He had reciprocated it, drawing her in for yet another butterfly producing kiss. Simple kisses had never affected her the way his did. So many things had changed, _were_ changing...it was hard for her to keep up. She now had a grandmother and she would soon have a step-brother and a step-mother. It might not be the traditional family, it might not be the Shepherd family, but it was still a family. Just how many family members was she going to gain in the space of a week? And now she was feeling things for Derek she would never have dreamed she could feel. It wasn't love. At least, she didn't think it was love. Or was it? Meredith wasn't sure that she had ever been in love, not the all-consuming love that existed in fairy tales or romance novels. Because it was fictional, wasn't it? Fairy tales weren't real and romance novels were merely the suppressed wishes of women worldwide...they had no basis for real life, at least not from Meredith's experience. But Derek was the perfect man. She hadn't thought that existed either, yet here he was, cuddled up beside her. _Her perfect man._ The man she would compare all other men to, all the while knowing that they would never measure up. The thought of another man made her feel slightly nauseous, her stomach flip flopping inside her. She didn't want another man, she wanted Derek. But still the doubts niggled away in the back of her mind..._relationships don't last...I could lose him forever...he doesn't see me the same way..._they were always there, stopping her from blurting something out.

"Hmmm," Derek murmured, his arm tightening around her waist as he slowly woke up.

He blinked rapidly, his eyes gradually adjusting to the light. He yawned and took a deep breath, the scent of lavender tickling his senses.

"Mer." He said softly, burying his face in the back of her neck and inhaling the familiar smell.

"Hey." She said quietly, completely relaxing into his embrace, pushing aside her thoughts for the moment.

"What time is it?" He asked, his hand unconsciously stroking the smooth skin of her stomach.

Meredith shuddered slightly at the contact before leaning over and picking up her cell phone from the beside table.

"Hey, where do you think you're going?" Derek muttered, pulling her back towards him.

"I'm trying to find out the time for you." Meredith replied, giggling quietly.

"I don't need to know that badly." Derek replied, pulling the blankets back over them. "Come back here."

"Derek, we need to get up." Meredith protested, all the while snuggling back into him.

"Mmmm...in a moment." Derek whispered into her hair.

Derek felt the warmth from her skin radiating down his spine. When he had finally fallen asleep in the early hours of the morning after invisioning things he was certain were inappropriate and would never happen, he had slept like a log, the tiny woman in his arms the perfect heating device. He was insanely comfortable and relaxed with his palm cupping her stomach, his legs tangled with hers. It really was the perfect way to wake up.

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"Seriously Derek, we need to get up. We've been lying like this for 10 minutes. Donna Reed will no doubt be cooking breakfast." Meredith said, stretching a little and yawning.

"Who's Donna Reed?" Derek asked frowning, releasing his hold on her waist.

"Alice." Mereith muttered, blowing out the corner of her mouth, pushing the hair back off her face. It simply fell back into her eyes.

Derek chuckled, gently brushing the hair away and tucking it behind her ear. "Mer, be nice."

"That _was_ nice. It's not like I called her Satan...or Stalin." Meredith mumbled, struggling into a seated position.

"She is in no way Satan...or Stalin for that matter." Derek pointed out. "And knowing how you feel about Donna Reed, I'm guessing it isn't a compliment."

"Fine, she's not Stalin." Meredith mumbled, swinging her feet out of bed.

"Meredith." Derek said in a low voice as he got out on his side of the bed.

"Or Satan." Meredith admitted begrudgingly, tossing the pillow from the bed onto the floor and watching as Derek followed suit.

They both leaned over their side of the bed, pulling up the sheet and straightening it out with their hands.

"So why are you mad at Alice?" Derek asked casually, helping her pull the blankets up and tucking them in.

"Are you kidding me?" Meredith asked, raising an eyebrow.

"No." Derek said simply, folding down the top sheet.

"She lied. And I'm not mad at her, I'm annoyed. There's a difference." Meredith replied, bending down to pick up the pillows.

"Mer, they all lied." Derek pointed out, arranging the pillows on the bed.

"I know that." Meredith bit out, walking over to open the curtains, letting the sun stream into the room.

"Ida, Thatcher, Alex, Alice...they all know, it isn't just her." Derek pushed again, walking over to stand next to her, gazing out the window.

"I _know_ that." Meredith replied again, placing her hands on the window sill.

"He should be the one to tell you."

"I know that!" Meredith said for the third time, frustration creeping into her voice. "God, Derek."

"Mer, you can't be annoyed with her and not the rest of them. It isn't fair." Derek reasoned, turning to face her.

"Why are you defending her?" Meredith asked, her voice raising ever so slightly.

"Why are you defending him?" Derek asked quietly, watching the play of emotions over her face.

"Answer the question." Meredith said slowly.

"Because you are being unreasonable." Derek replied simply. "Now answer mine."

Meredith turned away from the window to face him, sparks shooting from her eyes but she said nothing.

"You don't owe him any loyalty." Derek said softly, reaching out to touch her arm.

She jerked away from him as if his touch had scolded her, backing away from him.

"I..." She broke off, turning away.

"Mer. You don't owe him a damn thing." Derek said hotly. "You're annoyed with Alice because you don't want to be annoyed with Thatcher. I know you, I know what you're thinking. You were mad at him before. You can stay mad at him. But you don't owe him your loyalty. He has no bond with you, you owe that man _nothing!_"

"We had one once." Meredith whispered, folding her arms across her chest. "We had a bond once."

"I know you did." Derek said softly, walking over to her, his heart dropping as she continued to back away.

"You're one of the most loyal people I know, Mer. The most loving. But he doesn't deserve that loyalty, not from you."

"How would you know?" Meredith said through clenched teeth. "He might. You don't know that."

"Mer...if he hadn't done something he was ashamed of he would have contacted you a long time ago." Derek said gently.

"But what if...what if he had a reason...you're the one that keeps saying he might have had a reason. Derek...what if he does? I don't want to...I can't...he might have a reason." Meredith said in desperation.

"Mer...he also might not." Derek replied pulling his hands away from her.

"What are you, the optimism killer? Why are you doing this now?" Meredith snapped, flattening herself against the wall.

"Because I care about you!" Derek snapped back, anger and worry getting the best of him.

"Then be a friend!" Meredith bit out. "Let me have a little bit of hope."

"No." Derek replied firmly. "No!"

"Why not? Why won't you let me!" Meredith replied, tears pricking her eyes. "I need...it's...why, Derek?"

"Because hope can be dangerous! I know how badly you want him to have a reason, and that worries me Mer! It worries me that when you find out the truth it will crush you. Just...please, for my sake if not for your own...please don't have too many expectations. You have to accept the fact that maybe he is just a bastard. Maybe that's being kind to him. Maybe he _doesn't_ have some grand reason, and if he does have one, maybe it wasn't worthy of abandoning his daughter!" Derek replied, anger flashing in his eyes, waring with concern.

Meredith was breathing heavily, her eyes sparkling. Her expression sunk down from anger into despair. She knew he was right. He was right.

"God Mer, don't look at me like that." Derek groaned, reaching out to her again. "I'm sorry."

This time she didn't shrink away from, this time she reached for him at the same time his arms stretched towards her, allowing him to pull her into a fierce hug. She stood on tip toes, tightening her arms around his neck as he squeezed her gently around the waist, his arm rubbing her rhythmically on the back, drawing small circles with his hands.

"I didn't mean to snap at you." She whispered, burying her face in his neck, inhaling his earthy scent.

"Me neither." He replied quietly. "I just don't want to see you get hurt, Mer."

"I know. I'm sorry Derek." Meredith replied, pulling back and staring into his clear blue eyes. "I didn't mean to...well, bitch at you. I'm a bitch."

"You're not a bitch." Derek said firmly. "You're actually very sweet. It's only sometimes that I need to be afraid of your tiny, ineffectual little fists."

"I still bitched at you." Meredith muttered.

Derek gave a tiny smile, pressing his forehead against hers. "Bitch at me anytime. I'm a big boy, I can take it."

Meredith smiled. "Yeah, I know. You always do."


	19. Chapter 19

Tension was thick in the air, so thick it would need a chainsaw to cut through it. Derek felt extremely uncomfortable as he ate his breakfast as fast as he could, gulping his orange juice down like a man dying of thirst. It meant his hands were occupied - anything to distract himself from the awful silence. Meredith had been right, Alice had gone all out cooking pancakes, bacon, eggs, tomatoes, mushrooms...everything and anything they could possibly want was right there.

Yet right at that moment, all Derek wanted was to get the hell out of there, to escape with Meredith and go someplace where the air wasn't heavy with strain. Meredith sat beside him, pushing her eggs around her plate as she stared down at the soggy mess she had made. Alice flitted around the room, topping up orange juice glasses and refilling coffee that didn't need to be filled. Thatcher sat quietly, as he had for the majority of their stay, casting sideways glances at Meredith, his face flushed. He seemed to be expecting an argument or a fight...something which never eventuated.

Derek could feel the anger begin to burn inside him, slowly bubbling up. Meredith wasn't her normal self. She was a strong person in most aspects of her life but for some reason she become mute around Thatcher. A quiet, scared little girl who was afraid of her own shadow. She was someone so different from the woman he knew and loved. She lost her spark, like a candle snuffed out. She was more than capable of standing up for herself, and yet she wouldn't do it. It was as if she had invisible chains holding her back, preventing her from telling the man who called himself her father exactly what she thought of him. Derek sighed. Meredith had no problem yelling at him, she was perfectly able to tell him that she was mad at her father, but when it came to actually confronting Thatcher, she could never seem to do it, instead retreating inside herself as a turtle retreats in its shell for protection.

"So what have you two got planned for today?" Alice asked giving a slight smile, though all the while chewing nervously on her bottom lip as she attempted to break the silence.

"Mer's taking me on a tour." Derek replied, smiling in answer to the gratitude flashing in Alice's eyes.

"Well that sounds nice." Alice said softly, picking up coffee pot and lifting it up in invitation.

"Thatcher, Meredith - would you like another cup of coffee?" Alice asked carefully, trying her best to draw them both into the fragile conversation she had started.

"No thanks," Meredith said quietly.

"I'll take one." Thatcher said abruptly, his face softening as he looked at his fiancee.

Alice's eyes lit up in response. "Meredith, could you pass your father the sugar please, dear?"

Meredith glanced up in surprise, her gaze falling on the sugar bowl in front of her, the tiny white flowers imprinted on the side standing out against the dark blue of the bowl. "Ah...sure."

Meredith picked it up with both hands, sub-consciously understanding that this action was meant to break the ice. Thatcher reached over and smiled weakly at her, taking the bowl.

"Thank you, Meredith." He murmured, spooning sugar into his coffee.

"You're welcome." Meredith returned, turning her attention back to what had once been scrambled eggs.

Alice watched the awkward exchange with a pleased look on her face before she poured more maple syrup on her pancake. "So, where were you planning on taking him, Meredith?"

"Oh...I'm not sure. Just around, I guess." Meredith replied, turning her head and smiling at Derek. "He's never been here before, so..."

"So it doesn't matter where she takes me." Derek finished for her with a grin, sipping his coffee. "We should really get going actually."

"Yeah, I guess we should." Meredith said, setting down her knife and fork with an air of relief. The strain and the unanswered questions were getting to her, knotting her stomach.

"Well, I'm sure you'll have a great day together. Just try and make it back in time for the barbeque please." Alice reminded.

"Sure. What time does it start?" Derek asked, pushing back his chair.

"6.30."

"Oh, we should be back by then." Derek assured her. "Right Mer?"

"Sure."

"Okay then." Alice said happily.

"If you'll excuse me, I'll call us a taxi." Derek said, pushing back his chair.

"You can take the car if you like." Thatcher said quietly, looking at Meredith.

She looked up in surprise, frowning a little before glancing at Derek.

"We don't want to put you out..." Derek began, returning Meredith's gaze before Alice interrupted him.

"Nonsense." Alice said firmly. "Take the car."

"Really, we can just take a taxi." Meredith protested. "It's no big deal."

"It could rain." Thatcher interrupted. "I wouldn't want you to have to wait for a taxi if it's wet. Just take the car."

"I...its...thank you." Meredith said quietly.

"Well, if you're sure." Derek replied. "That would be great, thanks."

"It's no trouble." Alice replied. "Meredith dear, you might want to grab a jacket. It can get cold rather quickly."

"Oh." Meredith said in surprise. "Sure, I'll go get one."

Meredith stood up, placing her hand on Derek's shoulder. "I'll be back in a minute."

Derek smiled and nodded, watching as she disappeared upstairs. When he was certain she had left, the smile slowly slid from his face.

"Ida is coming to the barbeque, right?" He asked abruptly, pushing back his chair and standing up.

"Is it important?" Thatcher asked, his features tightening.

"It's important to Meredith, so yes, it's important." Derek replied.

"Derek, I'm not sure it's such a good idea." Alice began.

"She said she won't tell Mer, if that's what you're worried about." Derek interrupted.

Alice turned to look at Thatcher.

"She'll be there." Thatcher said tensely. "I'll make sure she's there."

Derek nodded, pushing away from the table just as Meredith entered the room.

"Ready, Der?"

"Yeah. Everything is sorted, let's go." He replied, smiling at her.

"The car keys are on the hook by the front door." Thatcher said, picking up his coffee again.

Derek nodded again. "Thank you."

"Have a good day, you two!" Alice called as they closed the front door behind them.

"Wow." Meredith said quietly. "That was...weird."

"What was?" Derek asked as they walked down the porch steps and headed towards the car parked in the driveway.

"The whole morning was weird, actually." Meredith replied, giving a little chuckle.

Derek grinned. Away from the house she was back to her old self, the light coming back in her eyes, their green depths sparkling. It was as if a weight had been lifted from off her shoulders, leaving her carefree and happy.

"So are you ready to give me the grand tour?" Derek asked, unlocking the car door and opening it for her.

"What am I, the queen?" Meredith asked grinning.

"What?"

"Well, what's with the door?" Meredith giggled.

"Oh my god. It's true. Chivalry really is dead." Derek muttered. "Would you just get in the car."

"Yes, my lord." Meredith mocked, climbing in and laughing as he shut the door.

Derek walked around the car muttering to himself, his lips still moving when he got into the driver's seat.

"I'm sorry, Derek. It's just...I don't think a man has ever held the door open for me before." Meredith said smiling broadly.

Derek shook his head. "That's just sad."

"Why? It's not like I don't know how to do it myself." Meredith protested, buckling herself in.

"Because. It's a nice gesture!" Derek protested. "I always hold the door open."

"You've never done it for me before," Meredith pointed out. "Not the car door, anyway."

"I've never dated you before." Derek pointed out, raising an eyebrow.

"Good point." Meredith laughed. "Need I point out that we aren't actually dating now?"

"Nope." Derek grinned. "But we're together on this trip and that's what I do. Get used to it."

"You know what? I actually liked it." Meredith admitted, staring out the window as Derek backed the car out the driveway.

Derek threw her a cocky smile. "Of course you did."

"You realise it's behavior like that that makes Cristina call you McDreamy, right?" Meredith asked, her eyes sparkling.

"Hey, I've never dated Cristina!" Derek protested, looking slightly horrified at the thought. "How would she know?"

"You have that look." Meredith shrugged. "Go straight here."

"What look?" he replied, following her directions.

"The McDreamy look."

"There's a look?" Derek asked warily.

"Definitely. And you've got the hair."

"I'd shave it off if it would make her stop calling me that." Derek muttered.

"No!" Meredith bit out. "You can't shave it off!"

"There's no point if I also have 'the look.' " Derek grumbled.

"True." Meredith giggled. "And you've _definitely_ got the look."

"So you've said."

"It's not an insult, Derek." Meredith said smiling.

"It was the first time she said it." Derek reminded her. "Do I go left or right, Mer?"

"Right." Meredith replied. "Follow this road around."

"You could charm her if you wanted to." Meredith said quietly as Derek turned the corner.

"I know." Derek said grinning.

"If you weren't scared of her, that is." Meredith mumbled, a tiny giggle escaping.

"I'm not scared of her!" Derek spluttered.

"Oh, you are so!" Meredith laughed.

"I'm not scared, I'm wary." Derek clarified, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. "She didn't exactly respond will to me the first time we met."

"A simple case of mistaken identity," Meredith replied.

"Hey, she yelled for five minutes straight before she realised I wasn't Dave!" Derek reminded her. "Then, when she finally realised she never even apologised."

"She's Cristina." Meredith shrugged. "Turn left up here."

"So does she always yell at your ex-boyfriends?" Derek asked.

"Only when they cheat on me." Meredith replied. "You've been warned."

"I don't cheat." Derek said, glancing at her. "Ever."

"And that's what makes you McDreamy." Meredith smiled.

"I thought it was the hair." Derek said, blushing slightly.

"That too."

"Where exactly are you taking me?" Derek said suddenly, watching the buildings as they passed by.

"My favorite place in Seattle." Meredith replied smiling.

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A/N: This is a bit of a filler update. Next update - Mer's tour of Seattle. (Such as it will be...lol) Thanks for reading :-)


	20. Chapter 20

"This is your favorite place?" Derek asked, straining his neck as he looked up.

Meredith crossed her arms over her chest and gave a small, happy sigh. "Mmm hmmm."

"The Space Needle?" Derek asked incredulously. "Your favorite place is the Space Needle?"

"Yes." Meredith repeated, a silly smile on her face. "I've missed it."

"The Space Needle?" Derek asked again. "Seriously?"

"Okay, is there something wrong with the Space Needle?" Meredith asked, turning to look at him. "You've never even been up it."

"I know...but...Mer, really?" Derek questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, really. Why is this so surprising?" Meredith asked, pulling a face.

"Your favorite place is one of Seattle's main tourist attractions? If not the main one?"

"Are you expecting my answer to change?" Meredith asked, putting her hands on her hips.

"No." Derek replied. "I was just expecting you to take me to someplace that no one knows about. You know, some undiscovered part of the city. But you've taken me to the Space Needle."

"Yes, I have." Meredith replied, taking a step back and looking up the 520 foot tower.

"Because your favorite place is the Space Needle." Derek continued, raising his hands in defeat and looking confused.

"Yes, it is." Meredith replied, smiling.

"Care to tell me why?" Derek asked, turning to face her, the smile on her face bringing forth one of his own.

"Come on, let's go." Meredith said, ignoring his question and pulling him along by his arm.

"Hang on!" Derek replied, laughing. "Could you not drag me along like I'm four?"

"Well, then hurry up." Meredith replied impatiently, stopping and holding out her hand for his, a cute smile pulling at the corner of her lips.

Derek reached out and grasped her hand, entwining their fingers together. Meredith stared at their hands for a second before leading him towards the ticket booth.

"Good morning." The woman behind the glass partition said briskly, her head down as she read something in front of her.

"Morning." Derek replied politely.

At the sound of his voice the woman glanced up. After taking one look at him her demeanor changed completely from sullen and bored to flirty and, in Meredith's opinion, slutty.

"Just the two of you?" The brunette asked, fluttering her eyelashes slowly and thrusting her shoulders back, her breasts straining against her shirt.

"Yes, please. Two adults." Derek replied, returning the woman's smile.

"Certainly." The woman replied, watching Derek intently from beneath her lashes and smiling coyly at him, ignoring Meredith completely.

Meredith's frown was fully formed now, annoyance and extreme irritation growing inside her. The woman was now leaning over against the desk, her shirt gaping open as she fiddled with the necklace dangling only about an inch from the top of her cleavage. Meredith shifted uneasily beside Derek, her frown turning to a scowl.

_What, does she think he's my brother?_ Meredith fumed silently, her eyes narrowing. _Can she not see that he's mine? Mine. He's my McDreamy. M.I.N.E._

"I need your names to print on the tickets." The woman was saying, her words dripping in sugary sweetness. "If you'd just write them down for me, that would be great."

"Did you want his phone number too?" Meredith muttered, snatching the pen from the woman and scrawling both their names on the piece of paper.

"What?" Derek asked, leaning closer to her. "Did you say something?"

"No." Meredith replied, smiling up at him. "Nothing at all."

"Okay." Derek replied, giving her a confused look.

"Alright, that's one ticket for Meredith Grey, and one for Derek Shepherd." The woman was practically purring. "If you'll just wait a minute, I'll print them out."

_If I throw a ball of string would she chase it?_ Meredith thought. _It's really a pity I don't knit. If I did I could poke one of her overgrown melons with a knitting needle. What's the bet it would pop? Those can't possibly be real..._

"Sure." Derek said easily.

Meredith stared at the woman, watching as the acrylic nails clickity clacked over the keyboard and felt an unknown emotion roll over her in waves. Huge waves that crashed down on her, taking with them any rational thinking. She was feeling strangely...possessive. And...jealous. She'd never felt jealous before, certainly not with Derek. It wasn't a nice feeling. At all. Then again, it wasn't a nice feeling watching some big-breasted, red lipped woman attempt to seduce her...whatever he was...from behind a glass partition either.

Meredith didn't know what came over her. One minute she was silently fuming and the next she was sliding her hand slowly up Derek's chest till it nestled in his soft hair, pulling his lips down to hers. They connected and all bets were off. Derek immediately responded, slinging his arm around his waist and pulling her to him, his tongue sweeping across her lips before gaining entrance to the moist secrets of her mouth. Meredith moaned in the back of her throat, giving back as good as she got as she kissed him back just as passionately, her tongue dueling with his.

"Here are your...oh!"

The kiss softened, taking her by surprise. It had started out demanding and was slowly down into something almost...romantic. He was sweeping her mouth gently, his tongue brushing against the roof of her mouth as he leaned her against the booth, his body pressing her against the glass. His hands slid up into her hair, gently cupping her head as they made slow love with their mouths. He nibbled gently on her bottom lip, giving a soft moan as she slowly ran the tip of her tongue over his lips before pressing her lips firmly to his once more.

"Excuse me..." A cool voice pulled them out of the little private world they had been creating.

They pulled away from each other, theirs eyes connecting and locking as they slowly drew apart. Derek leaned forward and dropped on more small, tiny kiss on her lips before his hands slid out of her hair and fell slackly to his side, his gaze never leaving hers.

"Here are your tickets." The woman said carefully, all the while shooting daggers at Meredith with her eyes.

Meredith could feel the flush start somewhere around her neck as it heated up her face and she tore her eyes away from the deep blue eyes currently locked with hers. She took a deep, shaky breath and took the tickets from the woman, clearing her throat.

"Thank you." She whispered, ignoring the icicles dripping from the woman sitting in the booth.

As they began to walk away, Derek placed his hand on the small of Meredith's back and lead her over to the side, out of earshot of the attendant.

"Mer?" Derek asked, his gaze searching her flushed face.

"Oh my god." She moaned, covering her face with her hands.

"What was that?" Derek asked quietly.

Meredith mumbled something into her hands and shook her head.

Derek gently grasped hold of her wrists and pulled them away, her embarrassed face coming into view.

"What?" He asked, holding her hands down by her sides.

"I don't like that woman." She muttered, staring intently at the concrete.

"Oh, you know her?" Derek asked in surprise, his hands slipping down her wrists to hold onto her hands.

"No, I don't know her." Meredith groaned, rolling her eyes.

"Okay..." Derek said slowly. "Then how do you know you don't like her?"

"I suppose _you_ liked her." Meredith muttered under her breath.

"Okay, what has gotten into you?" Derek demanded.

"Nothing!" Meredith replied sharply.

"Well something has." Derek reasoned. "Aside from anything else that just happened, you're snapping at me."

"I'm not snapping at you." Meredith replied, softening her tone.

"Okay, fine. But you are staring at the ground and not me." Derek pointed out. "Did I do something wrong between the car and now?"

"No."

"Meredith.." Derek groaned, "Would you just tell me, please."

"I'm embarrassed." Meredith answered on a moan.

"So, it's only me. You can tell me anything." Derek said smiling.

"No, I mean I'm humiliated. I'm mortified, absolutely freaking mortified!"

"Over the kiss?" Derek asked, his brow creasing.

"No, over the fact that it happened _against_ a glass booth with a woman on the other side!"

"At least it wasn't a bad kiss." Derek said grinning.

"This isn't funny. This is humiliating!" Meredith protested.

"Mer? You kissed me, not the other way around." Derek pointed out.

"Right. I know that." Meredith replied awkwardly, suddenly feeling really hot and bothered.

"So...why exactly did you kiss me if it's so humiliating?" Derek asked tilting his head.

"Kissing you isn't humiliating. Kissing you, like _that_, in public - that's humiliating." Meredith clarified.

Derek leaned towards her, his voice low. "Good to know. So why did you kiss me then?"

"I...because that woman was flirting with you!" Meredith answered, the words tumbling out as her face flushed again.

"So why do you care?" Derek asked slowly, his pulse increasing as he waited for her answer.

"I shouldn't, I know. But I did." Meredith admitted softly.

"But why?" Derek asked urgently. "Why did you care?"

"I...I don't know." Meredith replied quietly, giving her head a little shake. "Derek, I don't know!"

Derek gave a little sigh.

"Can we not talk about this now?" Meredith begged, giving his hands a little squeeze. "Please...I...please?"

Derek stared into her eyes, watching the panic and uncertainty that was floundering around in her green depths. From the look on her face, she was right. She didn't actually know why she cared. But for now, for Derek, it was enough that she did, whatever the reason. _At the end of the week._ Derek reminded himself. _6 days. She has enough to worry about. 6 days. _

"Sure, Mer." He replied smiling reassuringly, letting go of her left hand and leading her towards the entrance with her right. "Come on, come show me your favorite place."

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Meredith felt relief fill her as he let it go and began walking towards the gift shop at the base of the needle. She exhaled the breath she hadn't realised she had been holding. She was so completely confused. In fact, she had been nothing but confused since they had left Boston. This fake dating thing was a lot more complicated than she had expected it to be. It was dragging up feelings she had thought she had lost when she was 17. Only her old, school-girl crush on her best friend was turning into something more and it scared her. No, it terrified her. She didn't know what to do. It was times like these that she called Derek and spilled out her problems. He was the one who would help her make sense of the ramblings in her head. But he couldn't help her this time and it made her feel alone. Alone and scared. For the last ten years there had never been a time when she couldn't go running to Derek for help. It was a very symbiotic relationship they had going on, and her current confusion was messing with it, leaving her vulnerable and unsure.

_This is why you don't develop feelings for your best friend._ Meredith chided herself silently. _It's stupid. It's beyond stupid. It's...damn. Why can't I think of another word for stupid?_

"Idiotic!" Meredith burst out happily.

"What?" Derek asked, turning away from the man who was taking then tickets and escorting them to the elevator.

_Shit. I said that out loud?_

"Yes, you did." Derek said grinning at her, his eyes sparkling in amusement.

Meredith's eyes widened in shock.

_Oh shit!_

"That wasn't out loud too, right?" Meredith whispered sharply, the possibility dawning on her.

"You just swore again, didn't you?" Derek whispered back, placing his hand on the small of her back and leading her into the elevator.

"I said it out loud **again**?" Meredith hissed.

"No." Derek whispered back. "You just had your 'oh crap' look on your face."

"Oh. Well, I could have said something worse." Meredith murmured, smiling in spite of herself.

The attendant gave a small cough, stifling a laugh as the door closed and the elevator began it ascent.

"True." Derek grinned, his expression moving to one of owe as the elevator lurched upwards, the sunlight streaming in through the glass panes.

Meredith gave a happy sigh and watched as the sparkling waters of Puget sound spilled into view. Ten seconds later Mount Rainer in all its glory appeared, standing out against the clear blue sky. Next it was the skyscrapers getting taller and taller, as though a child was building a city with a box of lego. Meredith gave a happy giggle as the elevator kept lifting them higher and higher, the ground falling away beneath their feet.

Derek watched the change that came over Meredith as they reached the top, the bell dinging as the door opened. She was like an excited little kid, pulling him out the elevator, across the floor and out onto the observation deck. Her eyes filled with wonder as she took in the view around her, the water, the mountain, the houses, the buildings. Seattle in all its glory laid out before them.

"It's beautiful." Derek remarked, staring out across the landscape.

"I know." Meredith said softly. "I love it up here."

"I can see that." Derek replied quietly, watching her with a small smile on his face as she walked around the 360 degree circle, seeming to want to take in everything at once but not quite managing it.

"I've missed this place." Meredith whispered, standing still and closing her eyes, breathing in the crisp morning air.

"Hey, there's a ferryboat!" Derek exclaimed suddenly, leaning against the metal netting and watching as the ferryboat pushed its way through the water.

"Really?" Meredith replied, opening her eyes and walking over to join him, leaning into his side.

"Yeah, over there! I have a thing for ferryboats." Derek admitted, pointing her in the right direction.

"I know." Meredith giggled. "Bet you've never seen on from this angle before though."

Derek laughed. "No, can't say that I have."

"Amazing, isn't it?" Meredith sighed, a happy glow seeming to take over her face.

"What is it about this place you love so much?" Derek asked quietly, slinging his arm around her shoulder as they gazed out at the view.

"I've been coming here for years." Meredith said quietly. "I used to come here to think."

"About what?" Derek asked gently, moving to stand behind her, his chin resting on her shoulder, his arms slung around her hips.

"Anything. Everything." Meredith replied softly, leaning back against him. "There's something about being up here, above it all. When I come up that elevator it all falls away. All my problems. It's like I can leave them all at the bottom. Like everything that has been bothering me has no place up here. Everything seems so clear, so right. I can watch the cars as they drive along, the people walking underneath me. I didn't feel so alone. It sounds silly."

"No it doesn't." Derek said. "It sounds...peaceful."

"It was."

"So that's why it's your favorite place."

"Yep. You know it was up here that I decided to be a photographer?" Meredith informed him, smiling slightly.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." Meredith confirmed. "I wanted to be able to capture beauty the way beauty captured me."

Derek smiled, tightening his hold on her.

"But then I got home." Meredith said quietly, the tone in her voice dulling slightly.

"And you told your mom." Derek guessed.

"She said it was a waste. A pointless occupation. That taking pretty pictures was something anyone could do, it was merely an ordinary job done by ordinary people. That it wasn't something worthwhile, that I was smart enough to do anything." Meredith told him, tears pricking her eyes.

"Well, she got one thing right." Derek said softly.

"What?" Meredith asked, slightly astonished. She pulled away from him and gave him a quizical look.

"You are smart enough to do anything. But she was wrong, Mer. Not everyone can do what you do, not everyone can take a portrait of someone or something and give that person back a piece of themselves that they thought they had lost. You're not ordinary, you have a gift for bringing out emotions in people and places that people dream of having. It's not a waste. It's actually something pretty damn special." Derek replied, turning to face her, his finger raising her chin up to face him. "You make people see what they thought they had lost."

Meredith gave a watery smile. "Yeah."

"It's true." Derek insisted.

"You know what I did when she told me that?" Meredith asked, turning to face the water once more, feeling him stand beside her, the way he always did.

"I can guess." Derek replied with a smile. "You came back here."

Meredith smiled. "I did. I came back and I stood here for ages, replaying her words in my head."

"And what did you decide?" Derek murmured.

"To do it anyway." She said smiling sadly. "It was an inner rebellion."

"That's my girl." Derek said smiling, laying his hand over hers as it rested on the guard rail.

Meredith gave a little shiver as the wind picked up, whipping around them and causing goosebumps on her skin. Derek felt her shiver and shrugged out of his jacket, drapping it around her shoulders.

"Thanks," Meredith murmured, pulling the lapels tight against her chest, his scent wafting around her, the jacket warm from his body. "I left mine in the car."

"You're welcome." Derek said softly, giving her a tender smile.

"You know, it's weird." Meredith commented, giving a sad sigh.

"What is?" Derek asked.

"How can two people have nearly the same name and be so completely different?"

"Who, Alice and your mom?"

"Mmmm." Meredith murmured, hugging the jacket to her. "She told me to bring a jacket. Alice did. Like she was my mother or something. My mom wouldn't have thought about that if I had said I was going to Antarctica. She'd just have given me money for a cab to the airport."

"It's all in the spelling." Derek replied, nudging her with his shoulder.

"What?" Meredith asked with a frown.

"Yep." Derek said seriously, though his eyes sparkled. "We wouldn't be friends if I was a D-E-R-R-I-C-K."

"Really." Meredith said dryly. "That would have made all the difference, huh?"

"Oh yes." Derek replied with a grin.

Meredith gave a little laugh and shook her head, turning to lean her back against the railing.

"Mer, some people are made to be parents. Some aren't. Just because your mom wasn't the most maternal person doesn't mean she didn't love you." Derek said carefully, his amusement dying away.

"I guess." She said softly.

"So, if you love this place so much, why haven't you been back in so long?" Derek asked curiously, turning the conversation away from her mother.

"I...I don't know." Meredith replied, suddenly very interested in her shoe.

"Mer?" Derek pressed again, curiosity getting the better of him.

"I might have been tempted to stay." She replied quietly.

"Oh." Derek replied, taking an indrawn breath. "Oh."

"You live in Boston, Derek. Your family lives in Boston." Meredith pointed out slowly, watching him from beneath her lashes.

"I...I know. We could come visit. You know we would visit you. That's what planes are built for." Derek said softly, his heart racing at the thought that she could have been thousands of miles away.

"I know. It's not a big deal, Derek. I just didn't want to be that far away. Planes or no planes."

"Right." Derek said softly. "And now that you're back? Do you want to move?"

"Here? To Seattle? I...no. I don't think so. " Meredith replied. "Not all the memories here are good ones. I would like to visit more though."

Derek merely nodded slowly. "So come visit more. I'll offer my services as a travelling companion."

"Really?" Meredith said laughing.

"Sure. You're paying, right?" Derek asked, waggling his eyebrows.

Meredith giggled. "You're the famous author! You should be paying for me."

"And you're the sort after photographer." Derek tossed back at her.

"I'm not the one who has people sending them underwear in the mail." Meredith pointed out.

"Probably a good thing." Derek said grinning. "I would of course have to kill them."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Of course you would."

"So, what else did you want to do today?" Derek asked. "We have...5 hours before we absolutely have to head back."

"I don't know. Where do you want to go?"

"You know what? This tour is more for you than me. I haven't been anywhere. You pick." Derek said with a smile.

"Well, there is one place I want to go." Meredith admitted.

"So let's go then." Derek said smiling, leading her inside. "Your wish is my command."


	21. Chapter 21

"You drive." Derek informed Meredith as they walked out through the gift shop and into the open air.

"Seriously?" Meredith asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, seriously." Derek replied with a grin, tossing her the keys.

"But you never let me drive." Meredith reminded him, grasping the keys in her fist.

"True." Derek said slowly as they walked towards the car. "Though there is a reason, Mer."

"You only know what Mark told you!" Meredith protested.

"He was shaking." Derek pointed out, standing beside the car, waiting for her to unlock it.

"So, he's a big baby." Meredith shrugged, sticking the key in the car door.

"He asked me if traffic lights meant anything to you." Derek chuckled. "Apparently he wasn't satisfied with your answer."

Meredith giggled, climbing into the drivers seat. "No, he wasn't."

"So what was your answer?" Derek asked curiously, buckling up his seat belt.

"I said sure they did. The green light meant go, the yellow light was a decoration and the red light..." Meredith broke off with a laugh.

"The red light was what?" Derek asked as she trailed off.

Meredith giggled. "The red light was just a suggestion."

Derek laughed, shaking his head. "That was cruel, Mer."

"You want to know something?" Meredith said quietly, mischief gleaming in her eyes. "I did it on purpose."

"You drove like a maniac on purpose?" Derek asked, raising an eyebrow.

"He told me that I drove like an old woman!" Meredith exclaimed, putting the car in gear. "I wanted to prove him wrong."

"I'll take that explanation because I taught you to drive. It could reflect badly on my teaching skills."

"Right." Meredith grinned. "So basically if I'm a bad driver it's your fault."

"Or you were just a really bad student." Derek countered, winking at her.

"I was an excellent student."

"Except for that one, tiny hole in the fence, yeah, you were." Derek grinned.

"Okay, what happened to never mentioning that again?" Meredith asked, turning left and leaving the city behind them.

"Sorry, couldn't resist." Derek smiled.

"Yeah, well try." Meredith muttered, her face flushing slightly. "It was one slip of the foot."

"Which cost us a hole in the fence and 3 garden gnomes." Derek chuckled. "Poor, poor Fergus, Flink and Bainbridge."

"Derek..." Meredith moaned, throwing him a pleading look.

"Sorry." He chuckled. "Consider the subject dropped."

"Thank you."

Derek leaned over and dropped his purchases from the Space Needle onto the backseat of the car.

"What on earth did you buy?" Meredith asked, glancing at him curiously before turning her attention back to the road.

"Nothing." Derek shrugged.

"You obviously bought something." Meredith pressed again. "It's now lying on the backseat of my dad's car."

"If you wanted to know what I was buying maybe you should have kept me company." Derek replied teasingly.

"I went to the bathroom!"

"And I went shopping." Derek grinned.

"In a gift shop?" Meredith said dryly.

"Yep."

"Alright..." Meredith trailed off.

"It's just souvenirs, Mer. Magnets, pens...that sort of thing." Derek informed her, shrugging out of his jacket and tossing it over the bag in the back, a small secret smile curving his lips.

"Oh. Well you could have just told me that."

"Why? You're cute when you're annoyed." Derek grinned.

"I must be cute around you all the time then." She replied, rolling her eyes.

"I like to think so." Derek said seriously, though his eyes sparkled.

She shook her head in exasperation, her smile bright.

"So, we need to get lunch at some point." Derek reminded her, looking out the window and watching as the houses flew past them.

"Oh right, I forgot. We can get some after this. If that's okay?"

"Sure." Derek said easily. "Want to tell me where we're going?"

"You'll see."

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Meredith turned the corner into the quiet street and pulled over in front of the house. She leaned back against her seat and took a deep breath, all the while staring out the car window. She knew this house well, it was the place that had shaped much of her childhood.

_"Where's the frying fish, Daddy?" Meredith asked, glancing up at the stars._

Thatcher laughed, drawing her close to his side and pushing the swing into motion with his feet. "That's **flying** fish, not the frying fish, honey."

"But fish don't fly." Meredith screwed up her nose. "You fry fish, Daddy. Don't you 'member?"

"But these are stars. In the stars the fish can fly. You see up there? That big bright star?" Thatcher pointed up towards the sky, his daughter squinting her eyes as she followed her father's directions. "That's the tail of the fish."

"I see it, Daddy!" Meredith exclaimed, bouncing happily. "It looks just like a real fishie!"

"So you don't want to fry that one?" Thatcher teased, tweeking her on the nose.

Meredith giggled. "Don't be silly, Daddy. I'm not big enough to reach that fishie!"

"Oh? Why not?" Thatche asked, pulling her onto his lap.

"Cos I'm only four." Meredith reminded him, holding up four fingers.

"Only four?" Thatcher asked, pushing the swing a little harder. "I thought you were forty!"

"No Daddy, I don't have forty fingers." Meredith told him, wiggling a little. "And I can count how little I am on my hands."

"Someday you won't be able to."

"Yep. When I'm all grown up like you and mommy." Meredith giggled.

"Exactly." Thatcher confirmed. "We better go inside, it's getting cold out here."

"Will you and mommy yell again?" Meredith asked quietly, turning her big green eyes on her father.

"Mommy's not home." Thatcher said briskly.

"Oh." Meredith replied. "When is she coming home?"

"I don't know." Thatcher answered honestly. "But she'll be home soon."

"Ok, Daddy. Can I have some hot chocolate?"

"Yes." He replied, smiling at the little girl who reminded him so much of his wife, in looks, not temperament.

"With marshmallows?" She asked hopefully.

"Yes," He said again, "With marshmallows."

"I get four cos that's how old I am." She said happily, sliding off his lap and running inside the house." 

Meredith exhaled slowly, the memory fading as she felt herself jerk back to the present.

"Mer?" Derek was saying softly, waving his hand in front of her face.

She turned to face him, a watery smile on her face.

"Are you alright?" He asked frowning. "You've gone white."

"I'm fine, Derek." Meredith assured him, closing her eyes and tilting her head back.

"You don't look fine." Derek argued, leaning forward in his seat to stare out the window at the house they were parked beside.

"Oh." He breathed softly. "This was your house?"

"Yes." Meredith said smoothly, rubbing her forehead.

"It's nice." Derek commented, inwardly kicking himself.

_It's nice? What the hell kind of comment was that?_ Derek groaned.

"It was, once." Meredith said softly, opening her eyes. "I used to love that house."

"And now?" Derek asked quietly, shifting around to face her.

"Now...I don't know. It holds so many memories." She whispered.

_Meredith slid under the covers, her small body shaking as the wind raged outside, the rain splashing against the window and rolling down the pain. A tree branch scraped against her window, the noise making the little girl shudder in fright. She hated storms, especially when the wind whirled and swelled around the house, causing her imagination to run wild. It was times like these that she imagined herself as Dorothy, sitting in a house being swept high into the sky by the swirling, roaring wind. Only she didn't have Toto to comfort her. She was alone._

"There's no place like home." Meredith whimpered. "There's no place like home. There's no place like home."

A window slammed somewhere in the depths of the house and Meredith sat up with a gasp. It wasn't working. The storm was still beating in her ears, terrifying her down to her very core.

"Daddy, it's not working." She sobbed quietly, wiping away her tears with the back of her hand and clutching onto her teddy bear. "It's not working. I need **you**. Where have you gone? Why did you leave me? Home isn't here anymore. I'm scared!"

She curled herself into a tiny ball, her pale face turned towards the window. Outside the clouds moved across the moon, spiraling her into complete and utter darkness. She gave a frightened moan and clutched her teddy even tighter in her small, frail arms, the only bit of comfort she could find amongst the paralysing fear.

Meredith had always been jittery around storms, from the time she was old enough to register what they were. But her dad had always taken her in his arms and rocked her gently, telling her stories or singing quietly. She had felt safe and secure in their arms and gradually she would drift off to sleep, the storm fading into oblivion. As she got older he told her she didn't need to be afraid, that she was a big girl now. Trying to break her fear, Thatcher had told her that when she felt scared she should do what Dorothy would do.

Meredith stifled another sob as a fresh load of tears gathered in her eyes, spilling down her cheeks one by one.

"There's no place like home. There's no place like home." She recited again, closing her eyes against the overwhelming darkness. Somehow the voluntary darkness was less frightening.

But the peace that had once resided inside her was gone. Her daddy had disappeared 3 nights ago, the night of the last storm. Meredith had watched him leave, a suitcase clutched tightly in his hand. She had called out to him, begging him to come back but he had walked out without a second glance, his figure silhouetted against the dark sky. Any sense of security she'd gained had vanished the minute the door had closed. Her fear of storms was back with a vengeance, heightened by the abrupt departure of the man she loved with all her heart.

Her home had disappeared the night he had stepped out into the rain.

"He left when I was six." Meredith said quietly, staring down at her hands. "I remember it like it was yesterday. It was raining hard, and I was scared. I pretended I was Dorothy."

"Dorothy?" Derek asked gently.

"From 'The Wizard of Oz.' " Meredith said softly. "He told me that if I was scared, I just had to remind myself that there was no place like home. That I was home and I was safe. It was the first night I had tried it. I remember being so excited because it worked. It really worked. I wasn't scared anymore. I climbed out of bed and went into his room to show him how brave I was. He was packing a suitcase and mom was sitting watching him. I asked where he was going, and mom looked at him as if she expected him to answer. He turned to me but he didn't say anything. He just left. A few nights later I tried it again and it didn't work anymore."

"Meredith..." Derek breathed, reaching out to grasp hold of her limp hand.

"It's the only time I've ever seen my mother cry." Meredith whispered.

"She cried?" Derek asked, slightly astonished, squeezing her hand gently. The Ellis Grey he had known had been a bitter, demanding woman who threw herself into her career. He couldn't imagine her showing any sign of weakness, let alone crying. He just couldn't picture it.

"Yes. When I asked her why he left she pulled me onto her lap and she cried." Meredith replied. "She murmured something about us not being enough. That he had made his choice. She was always harder on me once he left. She became cold and distant, like she couldn't bear to look at me. The day after he left she changed, like someone had flipped a switch."

"Mer..." Derek began softly, his heart breaking.

What could he say to her? Her family life had been so different from his own. He couldn't image not being surrounded and supported by people who loved and cared about him. The first family get-together he had taken Meredith to had overwhelmed her. She had been dazed and confused, sticking to his side like glue. Gradually she had become used to the way his family operated and she had relished it, soaking up every new experience the way plants soaked up water after a drought.

"I just want to know, Der. I want to know what she meant." Meredith replied desperately. "I want to know why he left and I'm not leaving Seattle till I find out."

"We'll find out, Mer. You know we will." Derek promised.

"I'm scared." Meredith whimpered softly. "I'm scared to know, and I'm scared not knowing."

"You know that whatever it is, I'm here for you, right?" Derek asked, searching her face.

She turned to face him, a smile breaking. "I know."

Derek nodded and turned to look at the house again. He didn't know what he had been expecting. Some forbidding looking place with turrets and bats. No, that was too extreme. But the pleasant looking house in beside him was definitely not what he had pictured.

"Oh my god." Meredith's voice broke into his thoughts.

"What?" Derek asked, but she was already undoing her seat belt and leaping out of the car.

Derek watched as she walked swiftly up the sidewalk to the house next to her childhood home before he unclasped his seat belt and took off after her.

Meredith felt a huge smile break across her face, one she couldn't contain. With her heart thumping in her chest she hurried alone the sidewalk, past her house before turning into the house next door.

"Mr Walters." She called, stopping in the middle of the driveway.

The old man watering his garden turned at the sound of his name. When he saw Meredith standing in his driveway his tired, wrinkled old face broke out into a huge smile as tears danced across his eyes.

"Meredith?" He called out in wonder, dropping his watering can and making his way slowly towards her. "It can't be you."

Meredith meet him halfway, tears filling her own eyes. The old man held out his arms and Derek watched as Meredith walked right into them, her arms encircling the man and holding on tightly.

"My dear, I knew you'd come back." Mr Walters said huskily, wiping a tear from the corner of his eye. "Look at you. You're all grown up."

"I am." She laughed, smiling as he grasped her hands in his.

"Oh, it is good to see you. I haven't seen you since you were...oh, 13 or 14 I would say."

"No, you haven't." Meredith smiled. "You still live here?"

"I do. I'm too old to shift now." He said nodding, glancing up as Derek walked up to stand just behind Meredith. "And who might this young man be?"

"Oh, Mr Walters, this is Derek. Derek, this is Mr Walters, my old neighbour." Meredith said brightly.

"Nice to meet you." Derek held out his hand.

"So this would be your beau?" Mr Walters asked curiously, accepting the offered hand as Derek nodded in answer to his question. "I always knew you'd find a good one. Well, come inside."

"Oh, we don't want to bother you." Meredith said hastily. "You were busy."

"Oh, stuff and nonsense." Mr Walters scoffed. "I'm 78 years old. When am I ever busy? The garden will wait."

"Well, if you're sure, that would be lovely." Meredith smiled.

"Of course I'm sure." He replied, tucking her arm in his. "You'll have to tell me what you've been up to."

"That could be dangerous." Derek said laughing.

"Always was with this one." Mr Walters said smiling, his eyes bright. "Come in and you can have some lunch."

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"The place hasn't changed." Meredith commented when lunch was over, sitting down on the sofa and motioning for Derek to join her.

"No, I don't suppose it has." Mr Walters replied, lowering himself down into an armchair across from Meredith and Derek.

"How's Mrs Walters?" Meredith asked, any minute expecting to hear the bubbly voice of the little old lady who used to babysit her every so often as she came back from shopping, a pastime she had loved.

"My Essie passed away last year." He said sadly, glancing towards the pictures displayed on top of the piano.

"Oh." Meredith breathed, her heart sinking. "I'm...I'm so sorry."

"It was peaceful." Mr Walters assured her. "Her heart just gave out."

"You must miss her." Meredith said quietly.

"Oh, I do. But I had 59 years with the woman I loved. I think God was kind to us, really." Mr Walters replied. "She would have loved seeing you again, you know."

Meredith smiled softly. "I missed you both when we moved."

"Not as much as we missed you." Mr Walters assured her. "Derek, do you know we used to look after her occasionally when her mother was in surgery. She had quite the imagination, this one did."

"Oh god." Meredith said under her breath.

"Do you see that tree stump there, by the driveway?"

Derek stood up and walked to the window, nodding.

"Well, Meredith here used to pretend that tree stump was the table for the garden fairies. She used to leave them bits of cakes and muffins, cut up in to tiny pieces." Mr Walters said, his eyes shining. "She was always bugging my wife to make fresh sweets for her to leave out on that stump."

Derek laughed, turning to face Meredith. "Really?"

"I was six!" She said by way of an explanation, covering her face with her hand.

"Mer, that's adorable." Derek laughed.

"She made them swings, too." Mr Walters said nodding. "I have a photo somewhere."

"He doesn't need to hear about the swings." Meredith interrupted, groaning.

Mr Walters just smiled and pointed Derek towards the mantel about the fireplace. "The photo on the end, I think it is Derek."

Derek walked over and picked it up. It was Meredith all right. She was sitting in the middle of the lawn, a pile of picked daisies at her feet. Hanging around her neck was a long daisy chain. She was smiling at the camera, her two front teeth missing, her golden hair done up in pigtails on the top of her head.

"She was making them swings so they wouldn't get bored." Mr Walters said softly. "Always thinking of others, she was."

"She still does." Derek replied, replacing the photo at the end of the row.

"I would imagine she would."

"I'm still here." Meredith replied blushing heatedly, giving a little wave.

"So you are." Mr Walters said smiling at her, before stifling a yawn. "Excuse me. The new pills my doctor is making me take seem to tire me."

"We should really be going." Meredith said standing up. "We have to be back soon anyway."

"It meant a lot that you came and said hello, Meredith." Mr Walters said quietly.

"You're welcome." Meredith replied, bending down and kissing him on the cheek.

"Come and visit sometime, won't you?" He asked, clasping her hand in his.

"I will." Meredith promised. "You take care of yourself."

"Derek, it was nice to meet you." Mr Walters said sincerely, pushing himself up out of his chair. "You treat this one well."

"I will." Derek said smiling, shaking his hand. "Thank you for telling me the fairy stories."

"Don't you go teasing her now." Mr Walters said smiling.

"I think it's safe to say he will." Meredith replied, rolling her eyes.

Mr Walters laughed. "Oh, we always tease the ones we love."

Meredith gave an awkward smile as Derek coughed. "Thank you for lunch."

"Anytime, my dear, anytime."

Mr Walters escorted them out, waving down the driveway before shutting the door.

"I can't believe he still lives here." Meredith exclaimed, opening the car door and climbing in the passenger side. "You would have loved his wife, she was the sweetest person in the world."

"Sweeter than you?" Derek asked, turning the car on. "Fairy swings, Mer?"

"You aren't allowed to tease me, remember?" Meredith reminded him, smiling in spite of herself.

"I had four sisters and I don't think any of them ever did that." Derek commented as they drove away.

"Is my...grandmother coming tonight?" Meredith asked, ignoring Derek.

"According to your dad, yes. And nice dodge, by the way." Derek said glancing at her.

"Good. So there will be one person I know at this barbecue." Meredith sighed.

"It'll be fine, Mer." Derek replied, navigating the traffic. "We'll be there soon."


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: This is a really loooong chapter...hope it isn't too long for reading. It's more like two chapters in one, so hope that is okay. I had some issues with this update, and to be honest, I don't know if I like it, but...here it is. Happy reading! :-)**

Meredith stared at herself in the bathroom mirror, reminding herself to breathe. It was not the best way to start an evening, especially one that had her heart racing in her chest, the beat thundering in her ears. Forgetting to breathe would be bad, very bad. Like, running out of air and dying bad. She felt nauseous, physically nauseous and nothing she did seemed to make it go away. For whatever reason, her hands were shaking ever so slightly, her palms sweating.

"Woman don't sweat, they glow." She muttered to herself as she applied her mascara, attempting to still her hand. "Why that's important, I have no idea."

Meredith sighed and set down the mascara, flattening her hands against the cool vanity. She studied her reflection, analysing every aspect of herself as she fought to quell the rising panic. She couldn't work out what her problem was, but the thought of spending the evening surrounded by people she didn't know was terrifying her. Ever since she had arrived she had felt off-balance, out of touch with who she really was.

"Mer?" Derek called out through the closed door, before he knocked gently.

"I'll...I'll be out in a minute." She called out, exhaling sharply.

The idea of facing both the Hall and Grey families was freaking her out. It was freaking her out more than a little. No one had told her what to expect, who was coming, how _many_ were coming. She had simply been told what time she had to be ready by. It was now 6.15 pm and she still hadn't made it out of the bathroom. In fact, it felt like she had spent all her time in Seattle locked in the bathroom for some reason or other. It was almost as if she had reverted back to her childhood ways of hiding when she was scared and unsure. In fact, the only thing missing between then and now was her one-eyed teddy bear. She was probably blowing the whole evening out of proportion, she knew that, and yet it was very hard to stop.

"Mer?" Derek called again.

"I just need a second, Derek." Meredith said desperately. "Go down without me."

"Mer, open the door." Derek replied firmly, though his voice was laced with concern.

Meredith sighed in resignation. He wasn't going to give up. He'd just keep knocking until she gave in. If he was anything, it was persistent, especially when it came to her. She straightened up and reached over, twisting the lock.

Derek heard her unlock the door and slowly pushed it open. She was standing facing the mirror, rubbing her hands nervously down her pant-clad thighs.

"Alice said casual, right?" Meredith said rapidly, swallowing to try to dissolve the lump forming in her throat.

"You look beautiful." Derek said sincerely by way of an answer, closing the door behind him.

He reached down and pulled her hands away from her legs, clasping her wrists.

"Stop panicking." Derek ordered softly.

"I'm not panicking." Meredith protested.

Derk raised an eyebrow and tilted his head, simply staring at her.

"I'm not." She insisted. "I'm not panicking, I'm...anxious."

"Which has basically the same meaning as panicked." Derek pointed out, smiling slightly.

"I'm fine." Meredith sighed.

"You're shaking." Derek said dryly. "Fine people do not shake."

"I'm...barely shaking." She replied lamely.

"Which is still shaking too much." Derek said carefully, letting go of her wrists and leaning against the wall. "So, what's up?"

"I don't know. I just feel a little..."

"Anxious." Derek supplied for her, grinning.

Meredith shot him an exasperated look before turning back to the mirror.

"I've been downstairs." Derek began.

"Oh god..." Meredith groaned. "How bad is it?"

"So far? There's you, me, Izzie and Alex." Derek replied. "And of course Thatcher and Alice."

Meredith looked up in surprise. "Seriously?"

"Seriously." Derek nodded.

"That's it?"

"That's it." Derek repeated.

"But...who else is coming?" Meredith enquired, looking puzzled and confused.

"Alice's parents are coming, as well as Ida. Oh, and Alice's sister and her husband."

"So that's like...10 people." Meredith said slowly. "11, if I count myself."

"Yep." Derek smiled. "11 people. That's it. The big gathering isn't till tomorrow night."

"So clearly this isn't a Shepherd family function." Meredith murmured, relief slowly filling her. She selected a lip gloss and began applying it to her lips.

Derek chuckled. "Hey, you like my big family!"

"Because I _know_ them." Meredith replied, snapping the lid back on her strawberry-scented lip gloss.

"You also didn't hide in the bathroom, therefore giving you the opportunity to actually get to know them." Derek challenged.

"First of all, I was not hiding." Meredith glared at him in the mirror. "Secondly, it was different with your family."

"Why?"

"I don't know. It just was." Meredith replied quietly, whipping around to face him, her hand gestures out in full force. "Ever since we arrived I've felt...I don't even know what I've felt. It's like I'm off-balance or something. I hate that feeling. I don't like feeling unsure of myself. I'm a grown woman, damn it!"

"Believe me, I know." Derek said under his breath, watching as she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.

"I just...I feel like I have to prove myself to them."

"You don't have to prove yourself to anyone. You're actually pretty spectacular just the way you are." Derek said softly, his eyes smiling.

"That's your opinion." She said quietly.

"That's the opinion of anyone who knows you." Derek corrected. "I just met a man that hasn't seen you in 10 years who cried when you walked up his drive. In fact, he thought so highly of you he kept your photograph up on his mantel, beside the one he has of his wife."

Meredith's mouth curved up into a small smile.

"Ida's coming this evening," Derek continued, "because she wants to see you, talk to you, get to know you again."

Meredith's smile grew a little bigger. Derek followed it with one of his own.

"You're feeling pretty proud of yourself right now, aren't you?" Meredith laughed, bumping him gently with her shoulder in unspoken gratitude.

"You're smiling so yeah, I am." Derek smirked. "I knew it would work. But on the off-chance that it didn't work, I was going to tell you what your step-mother has just told me."

"She isn't my step-mother." Meredith corrected automatically. "And what has she just told you?"

"We're going dancing tomorrow."

"We're what?" Meredith asked, her jaw dropping.

"We're having dance lessons." Derek said, laughing at the look on her face. "Oh come on, Mer. You knew about it. You told me when you first came up with the brilliant idea for me to escort you here."

"I completely forgot." Meredith groaned, closing her eyes.

"Should I be offended?" Derek asked, his eyes twinkling. "I'm getting the feeling I should be offended."

"I don't dance, Derek." Meredith informed him, giving her head a little shake. "I mean, I've never danced. Not...properly."

"That may be as sad as the car door incident."

"Dance lessons? Really? Why do _we_ have to have lessons? We're not the ones getting married." Meredith continued on, ignoring him.

"According to Alex, if he has to do it, so do we. Izzie seems to think it will be fun." Derek shrugged, suppressing the image of Meredith in a white dress, walking up the aisle towards him.

"It isn't that bad, Mer."

"Wait a minute. You've danced?" Meredith asked in surprise.

"A little." Derek said grinning. "So you'll be fine. I have a vague idea what to do."

"What, you think I'm dancing with you?" Meredith teased.

"You're not?" Derek asked, sounding a little worried.

Meredith shrugged. "It's not like you've actually asked me. A woman likes to be asked, you know."

"Meredith Grey, will you please do me the honor of being my dance partner tomorrow?" Derek asked, waving his hand in the air and bowing.

Meredith giggled. "_What_ was that? Did you just bow?"

"Mer, you're kind of ruining the moment." Derek said seriously.

"I'm sorry, but were you channeling Prince Charming or something?" Meredith laughed.

"Mer..." Derek groaned, standing up straight.

"Fine! Fine. I'm sorry. Yes, kind sir, I would love to accept your most gracious offer." Meredith replied, still laughing, though a little relieved that she would be partnered with Derek.

"Thank you, fair maiden." Derek replied, picking up her hand and kissing it gently. "And now, I really think we should get going."

"Okay." Meredith said simple. "11 people. I can cope with 11 people."

"Sure you can." Derek assured her. "Can we leave the bathroom now, before Alice comes looking for us? I really don't want her to get the wrong idea again."

"Sure." Meredith laughed, letting him lead her out of the bathroom.

The panic was dying away, the slight hand tremors receding. She had another night to reconcile herself with the idea of a huge gathering. She could panic then.

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"Meredith, Derek!" Alice exclaimed happily as they made their way into the kitchen. "There you are!"

"Can we help you with anything?" Meredith asked, looking around the cluttered kitchen.

"No, no. We have it all covered." Alice assured her, her eyes twinkling as she followed Meredith's gaze. "I know it doesn't look like it, but there is a method in my madness."

Derek chuckled. "It looks like my mom's kitchen actually, right Mer?"

"Yeah." She replied, smiling slightly.

It did remind her of Amy's kitchen. At least as far as the mountains of food went, and the delicious smells floating through the air. But the feeling was different. Amy's kitchen was a place she felt comfortable, until someone put a cooking utensil in her hand, that is. And really, Derek's family had all learned fairly quickly that it wasn't a good idea to give Meredith any responsibility in the kitchen. No, her job was the washing up. Before he had become ill, Meredith and Derek's dad used to clean up together, the rest of them excused from the job. After he had died, Derek took over the role. In the Shepherd kitchen she felt warm and wanted and...well, like she fit. Here it was a different story. She was a round peg in a square hole. Though Amy was nice enough, and did her level best to include Meredith, she still felt awkward.

"Your mother is a good cook, then?" Alice was asking.

"She is." Derek nodded. "She's the best."

"Well, I'm sure her kitchen is more organised than this." Alice laughed.

"No, not really. We have a big family, so it's a lot of dishes." Derek said smiling. "A lot of mess."

Meredith snorted, covering her mouth with her hand when she realised what she had done.

"What?" Derek asked, chuckling at the dull flush that worked its way over her cheeks.

"Nothing. But your family isn't big, Derek. It's huge. It's bigger than huge. It's like your own private community." Meredith grinned.

"It's not that big, Mer." Derek laughed.

"How many siblings do you have, Derek?" Alice asked, glancing from one to the other and smiling.

"Four sisters. There's five including me." Derek informed her.

"Oh, I always wanted a big family." Alice said wistfully. "Of course, I only had Alex. I would have loved a daughter too. I suppose I'm getting one really."

Alice turned to Meredith and smiled. Meredith felt panic scream through her veins as she struggled to school her reactions. She wasn't entirely sure that she wanted another mother, step-mother or not. One was enough. For all her faults and flaws, Meredith had loved her mother. Replacing her, or even just replacing her title, wasn't something she really wanted. Besides, Derek's mother already filled that position. She looked on Meredith as a honorary daughter, scolding and praising when she felt it was necessary.

"Come with me, I'll introduce you to everyone." Alice was saying.

"Everyone's here?" Derek asked casually, grasping hold of Meredith's hand.

He could almost see what she was thinking, he could definitely feel the tension rolling off her in waves.

"Almost everyone." Alice replied, untying the apron from around her waist. "Your grandmother isn't here yet, Meredith. Thatcher's just gone out to pick her up."

"Seriously?" Meredith cleared her throat, glancing at Derek and raising her eyebrows in surprise.

Alice looked at her curiously. "Yes, of course."

"But I thought..." Meredith's voice faded away. "Never mind."

"No...what, dear?" Alice prompted, folding the apron and setting it down on the kitchen counter.

"I just...I thought they didn't get along." Meredith murmured.

"Oh no, they get on. They had a little bit of a...tiff recently. Just before you came, actually. But they'll get over it." Alice assured her, motioning them to follow her.

"Did it seem like they got on to you?" Meredith whispered under her breath as they followed Alice through the house and out onto the porch.

"I don't know, Mer. I don't really know them." Derek whispered back.

"Yeah, well...me neither." Meredith muttered.

"Ellie!" Alice called.

The woman, Ellie, it would seem, was a short, plump woman with bright red hair. It was done up all around her head in tight curls. Her make-up was just as bold as her hair, light blue eyeshadow spread thickly across her eyelids, the pink of her lipstick clashing with the color of her hair. She smiled broadly as Alice gestured towards Meredith and Derek. She whispered something to the tall man beside her before hurrying across the grass and up the porch steps.

"You must be Meredith." She beamed, sticking out her hand.

"Yes, I am." Meredith said smiling.

There was something about this woman that commanded a smile. Her eyes sparkled, her cheeks a rosy red several shades lighter than her hair.

"I'm sorry, who are you?" Meredith asked, giving a little laugh.

"Oh my, how rude, Alice. You haven't told her about me? I'm deeply hurt." The woman grinned, cupping Meredith's hands in both of hers.

"Well, if you'd give me a chance. Meredith, this is Eleanor Smart. Ellie, as she better known. She's my older sister." Alice said, shaking her head in exasperation.

"A great pleasure it is to meet you." Ellie beamed, still holding on to Meredith's hand.

"It's nice to meet you too," Meredith responded, casting a look at Alice. "You're really sisters?"

"Yes." Alice laughed. "We looked a little alike, once upon a time."

"Well, blond was boring." Ellie replied. "I like to make a statement."

"I know." Alice said dryly, before indicating towards Derek. "Ellie, this is Derek Shepherd, Meredith's boyfriend."

"Is he really?" Ellie asked happily, dropping Meredith's hand. "Well, Derek Shepherd, if I wasn't married to that ridiculously tall man over there I'd be fighting her for you, there's no doubt about that."

"Really?" Derek laughed. "Well, thank you. But I'm more a one woman kind of man."

"Hmm. You look it." Ellie replied, linking arms with Meredith. "You have excellent taste, Meredith."

"I know." Meredith giggled.

"Do you mind if I steal this one away from you, Derek?" Ellie asked, her head only just reaching Meredith's shoulder.

"As long as you give her back." Derek said smiling, squeezing reassuringly before letting go of Meredith's hand.

"Oh, I'll bring her back to you in one piece. I'll introduce her to the rest of them, Alice, and you can go back to cooking." Ellie beamed.

Derek watched as Ellie led Meredith away down the porch steps, leading her out onto the grass and gave a little chuckle.

"And that's my sister." Alice said, shaking her head. "She'll be fine with her, Derek. You can come help me with the meat till Thatcher gets back."

"Sure." Derek replied easily, giving Meredith one last look before following Alice inside.

"So, you're the young woman that will become my new niece." Ellie said smiling, pulling her arm away from Meredith and walking beside her.

"I guess I am." Meredith replied, nervously glancing back towards the house before returning the woman's smile.

"I'm not going to eat you." Ellie said bluntly, her eyes smiling as she following Meredith's gaze.

"Oh...I know." Meredith said, turning back to the rather eccentric woman.

"Then relax. Come along, I'll take you to meet my parents." Ellie said with a small laugh.

Meredith followed obediently as Ellie walked up to the small group on the lawn and gently touched the elbow of an older woman.

"Mom, this is Meredith." Ellie said smiling. "Thatcher's daughter. Meredith, this is my mother, Ruth Hall."

"Well, it's lovely to meet you, my dear." The woman said, smiling in an identical way to both her daughters. "And please, call me Ruth. Alex has told us about you."

"Really?" Meredith said, looking taken aback.

"Yes. He said you were a photographer?"

"Yes, I am." Meredith replied.

"Bernard, this is Meredith." Ruth said loudly, tapping the older man standing next to her. "Thatcher's daughter."

"Is it really?" Bernard said just as loudly, pushing his glasses back up his nose. "Nice to meet you."

"You too." Meredith answered.

"He's a bit deaf." Ellie whispered in Meredith's ear.

"It's nice to meet you too." Meredith repeated in a louder voice.

Bernard nodded, smiling at her.

"Well now, tell us about your job." Ruth said brightly. "It must be terribly exciting."

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Derek walked out onto the porch, leaning against the railing as he watched Meredith from afar. Alice had told him to go outside and enjoy himself once he had got the meat started, despite his protests. He was pleased he had given in as he gazed at Meredith. She was laughing and chatting away quite happily, her three companions having put her completely at ease. Her giggle rang out across the grass, bringing a smile to his face. She looked the happiest he had seen her on this trip, perhaps with the exception of the time they had spent out together that day. There she was, laughing and smiling with ease as she carried on her conversation. She must have felt his gaze on her because she turned, smiled at him and gave a little wave. Derek lifted his arm and waved back at her, catching the smile she threw his way before she turned back to answer a question.

"She looks happy." A voice called over his shoulder.

Alex walked over to Derek and stood beside him, crossing his arms over his chest and taking a swig of the beer he held in his hand.

"Yeah, she does." Derek said quietly.

"Good." Alex replied before moving to sit down on the cane furniture that adorned the porch.

Derek turned and took a seat opposite him. "I meant to thank you."

"For what?" Alex asked.

"Calling Ida." Derek said simply, crossing his leg and resting his ankle on his knee.

Alex shrugged. "Someone had to do it. Besides, I like the old woman."

"She's certainly got a way about her." Derek laughed.

"What are we laughing about?" Izzie asked, appearing on the porch, a glass of wine in her hand.

Alex moved over to make room for her and slung his arm around her shoulder. "Ida."

"Oh." Izzie laughed. "Is she here yet?"

"Not yet." Derek replied. "Thatcher went to get her."

"So, he caved." Alex stated.

"He invited her, if that's what you mean." Derek replied.

"Dude, that wouldn't have made any difference." Alex grinned. "She'd have turned up anyway."

"I guess she would have." Derek laughed.

"Here they are now." Izzie observed, pointing towards the driveway as Thatcher's car turned in.

Derek turned to look at the same time the crunching of the gravel alerted Meredith to the presence of a car. Meredith glanced over her shoulder and smiled, excusing herself from the small group before crossing over the the now parked car. Derek watched as Thatcher turned off the engine and climbed out, shutting the door behind him. Ida opened her door, her face breaking out into a smile as she saw Meredith standing waiting.

_So far, so good._ Derek thought, smiling.

Meredith walked towards her grandmother, and without a word reached in to help her out of the car. Ida accepted the hand gratefully and stood up. Thatcher handed her her cane and without a word headed towards the house, Bernard, Ruth and Ellie following him in. Meredith frowned as she watched him go, before turning back to her grandmother.

"Ignore him." Ida said frankly, leaning on her stick as she walked up the driveway. "He's not happy with me at the moment."

"If it's something I've done..." Meredith began before she was interrupted.

"Of course it's nothing you have done." Ida assured her. "Don't you worry about it."

"But..." Meredith continued as they made their way towards the house.

"No. No buts. It's nothing you've done. The problems are of his own making." Ida replied firmly. "Now, tell me what you've done with yourself since I saw you."

"It was only yesterday." Meredith giggled, walking slowly as they reached the porch.

"I know." Ida laughed, her cane making a dull thud as she slowly climbed the steps. "But you and Derek must have done something. I can't imagine you stayed around here all day."

"We didn't." Derek smiled, standing up and offering Ida his seat.

The old woman smiled in greeting before sitting down in his vacated seat. "Thank you Derek."

"You're welcome." Derek replied, pulling Meredith into his side.

"Alex, Izzie." Ida nodded, smiling at them. "How are you this evening?"

"Great!" Izzie chirped. "Did you hear about the dance lessons?"

"I did." Ida said laughing. "If it wasn't for my hip, I'd join you."

"You like dancing?" Meredith asked, sliding her arm around Derek's waist as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

"Oh, I used to love it." Her grandmother replied, sighing. "Your grandfather used to take me dancing on Friday nights. He was the most wonderful dancer. The way his feet would move...it was like poetry."

"That's so sweet." Izzie said laughing. "Every Friday night?"

"Every Friday." Ida nodded. "Up until the time I had Thatch. But we still went out dancing whenever we could."

"Maybe she should be your partner, Der." Meredith laughed.

"You two are going as well?" Ida asked.

"Yeah." Meredith groaned.

"It'll be fun!" Izzie interrupted, "right Alex?"

"Sorry, babe. I'm with Meredith." Alex groaned, though flashing Meredith a smile. "Sounds like hell to me."

"Oh, rubbish." Ida scoffed. "Everyone should try it at least once."

"Yeah." Izzie nodded. "Derek, you and I should partner up. Leave these two to complain together."

"Sorry, no can do." Derek replied grinning. "Mer already accepted my offer to dance with me."

"You had to ask?" Alex asked, smirking.

"Yeah, she's high maintenance." Derek replied, grinning at the look Meredith shot him.

"So, you never told me what you did today, Meredith." Ida interrupted.

"We went for a bit of a drive." Meredith replied. "I took him to the Space Needle."

"Oh, you used to love that place!" Ida exclaimed. "I was the one who took you the first time."

"Really?" Meredith asked, her brow wrinkling. "I don't remember that."

"Yes, really. You were about 3 or 4 years old." Ida said in a soft voice. "I'd take you every time I came to visit. In fact, since I moved to Seattle 6 years ago I've been back every year."

"So you like it too?" Derek asked.

"Like it? Why yes, I do. The view is stunning." Ida confirmed.

"We also went to my old house." Meredith said quietly.

"Did you?" Ida said in surprise. "Whatever for?"

"I don't know. To see if it had changed, I guess." Meredith shrugged, suddenly feeling slightly uncomfortable.

"And has it?" Ida enquired. "I haven't seen the place in years."

"No. Even Mr Walters still lives next door."

"Oh, he was a delightful man." Ida said smiling. "His garden was always beautiful."

"It still is." Meredith laughed softlly.

"Did he ever tell you about the swings?" Derek piped up, grinning.

"The swings?" Ida repeated, looking confused.

"Derek!" Meredith gasped, hitting him on the chest. "Don't you dare!"

"Oh, come on Mer, it's cute." Derek laughed, rubbing the spot her ineffectual fist had connected with.

"What's cute?" Izzie asked, laughing.

"Nothing!" Meredith insisted.

"Apparently Meredith used to make daisy chains for the fairy's in Mr Walters garden to use as swings." Derek grinned, capturing her hand in his as she aimed for his chest again, dropping a quick kiss on the tip of her nose.

"Ass." Meredith muttered.

"Okay, that may be the most adorable thing ever!" Izzie laughed.

"Must be a chick thing." Alex commented, grinning. "A guy would never think of doing that."

Derek merely grinned, looking down towards Ida when he heard her sniffle. "Ida?"

"Grandma?" Meredith said in concern, pulling away from Derek and crouching down in front of her.

"Ignore me." Ida said, smiling through the mist in her eyes.

"No. What's wrong?" Meredith asked quietly.

"I..I missed out on all of that." Ida whispered. "I missed out on your childhood."

"It's okay." Meredith murmured, placing her hand over the old, wrinkled one.

"It's not." Ida said, shaking her head. "I should have made the effort."

"I...honestly, it's fine." Meredith repeated, twisting her head to look at Derek.

"Promise me that when you go home you'll send me some pictures of you." Ida said, blotting at her eyes with the tissue Izzie passed her.

"I promise. I'll come and visit you, too." Meredith assured her.

"I would like that very much." Ida smiled. "Very much indeed."

"Food's ready!" Thatcher called, walking out onto the porch. "Mom?"

"Oh, I'm fine. Something blew into my eye." Ida said, waving away his obvious concern.

"Do you need anything?" He asked frowning.

"Just food." Ida replied.

"Oh. Alice said to come and get you all. It's ready."

"Great." Alex said, leaping up and pulling Izzie to her feet. "I'm starving."

"You're always starving." Izzie commented, rolling her eyes.

Derek helped Ida up and gave Meredith's shoulder a quick rub before following the others inside.

"Meredith?" Ida said, laying her hand on Meredith's arm.

"Yeah?" Meredith asked, smiling at her.

"I love you." Ida said quietly.

Meredith stopped, her heart quickening in her chest. "Oh! I..."

"You don't have to say anything." Ida said quickly. "Please, don't say anything. I just wanted you to know."

"I...Thank you." Meredith replied, her own eyes misting up a little.

Ida smiled. "Come now, let's go and eat."

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Derek stared at his laptop screen, rereading what he had just written though his mind wasn't on his work. Dinner had gone well. Alice had been in good form, laughing and generally seeming to enjoy themselves. In fact, everyone had had a good time. Meredith had even joined in, answering questions willingly and laughing along with the rest of them. Yes, it had gone very well indeed. Derek gave a little sigh, relieved that the evening had passed by without any repercussions. So far, at least. Ellie was certainly entertaining, and worth her weight in gold. There had been no awkward silences with her there. She was more than happy to hold a conversation all by herself, if need be. Thatcher had been quiet, as usual, though he had seemed to relax as the night wore on. Now that everyone had left and the dishes were done, the household was sleeping.

Derek glanced over at Meredith. She was sleeping curled up on her side, her hand cupping her cheek as her hair fanned out across the pillow. She looked so peaceful tucked up in bed, completely relaxed in sleep. He smiled. He was inexplicably proud of her. She had been so nervous and yet she had carried off the evening with artful precision, in her own graceful way. Meredith gave a small stretch and her eyes fluttered open. She blinked for a few seconds before the room came into focus.

"Derek?" She mumbled sleepily, sitting up and rubbing her eyes. "What are you doing?"

"I'm just doing some work." Derek whispered. "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."

"But...what's the time?" She asked, looking confused.

"A little after 1 am." Derek whispered again.

"Come back to bed." Meredith murmured.

"I will soon." Derek promised. "Go back to sleep, Mer. I'm fine."

"Okay." She mumbled, laying her head back down and snuggling into the pillow. Within seconds she was out to it, making little snuffling noises in her sleep.

Derek smiled and got up from where he sat at the antique desk in the corner of the room, and walked over to the bed. He pulled the blankets up, tucking them around her gently. She murmured and rolled onto her back, her body completely slack. Derek leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead, brushing the hair away from her face before he straightened up and went back to the desk. He sat down again, remembering the expressions on Meredith's face as she had laughed and giggled out on the grass. His mouth curved up into a smile as he began typing.


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews, as always! So, this chapter sets up the next one, which will be the dancing 'lessons' and also the friends/family gathering. You will have your answer to the Thatcher thing in the next few chapters. Thanks for reading! :-)**

"Good morning." Thatcher murmured as he walked sleepily into the kitchen.

"Morning." Derek replied, glancing up from where he sat at the table, a cup of hot, strong coffee in his hands.

Thatcher opened the cupboard and reached for a coffee cup, looking around the kitchen.

"There's fresh coffee in the pot." Derek said coolly, pointing to the kitchen counter.

"You must have woken early." Thatcher commented, pouring out the dark, black liquid and adding milk.

"Not really." Derek shrugged.

Derek was being almost rude, his tone and manner detached and aloof. He and Meredith had been in Seattle for two nights and this was probably one of the longest conversations Thatcher had had with either of them. He knew it hurt Meredith, though she hadn't said anything to him. Underneath the smiling, laughing woman that had graced the table last night was a scared, unsure little girl who just wanted, and needed, to know the truth. Derek had been silently fuming since they arrived in Seattle, and now that he and Thatcher were alone in the kitchen it only seemed to get worse. For years, Derek had seen the effect Thatcher's decisions had on Meredith's life. She hardly discussed her father, instead seeming to put all her energy into forgetting about him, though Derek knew that had never worked. He had seen the looks of longing and sadness that had adorned her face when she had observed his own relationship with his father. Even when observing the stern conversations, the groundings, the disappointed speeches...Meredith had still maintained that same look of longing. She wanted that relationship with her father, one where the anger and disappointment showed that he cared. Oh yes, Thatcher Grey had missed out on the total loyalty, love and devotion his daughter would have given him. But the thing Derek held Thatcher most responsible for was Meredith's attitude to love. She had never been in a relationship that lasted any longer than a few months. While that fact caused Derek to breath a sigh of relief, it also worried him. When relationships seemed to be becoming something more, Meredith shied away from them. True, there had only been the one 'serious' relationship, and in Derek's point of view the guy hadn't been worthy of Meredith anyway, but that wasn't the point. Meredith seemed to believe that any relationship was doomed to failure, so why should she bother?

Now, the man who Derek had been prepared to dislike instantly on sight was calmly standing in the kitchen, his hair standing up all around his head drinking coffee as though he had not a care in the world. Inwardly Derek seethed in anger. Thatcher seemed like a likable person. He came across as harmless and ineffectual. But Derek didn't see that now. All he saw was a coward, a man who willingly threw away his family only to replace it with...what? For someone who was so family orientated as Derek was, he simply could not wrap his head around that one. There would be nothing, nothing short of death that could separate him from his child, or any member of his family.

"Last night went well." Thatcher was saying, taking a sip of his coffee.

Derek merely nodded.

"Well, I should probably get dressed." Thatcher murmured uncomfortably, putting his coffee down on the kitchen counter and heading towards the door.

"Are you ever going to tell her?" Derek asked suddenly, ice dripping from his tone.

Thatcher froze but didn't turn around.

"It's why she's here, isn't it?" Derek remarked again, jerking the words out in distaste.

"I don't see how that's any business of yours." Thatcher bit out, turning to face Derek.

"Oh, it's my business." Derek corrected him, standing up and shoving his chair back. "I care about her, she's everything to me. It's my business when she's not happy. It becomes my business the minute someone upsets her. She won't confront you on it, but I'll be damned if I'm going to sit back any longer and watch you jerk her along."

"You are not a part of this family." Thatcher replied, his eyes glowing. "It's nothing to do with you."

"Is she a part of it?" Derek challenged.

"Of course she is." Thatcher said through his teeth.

"So the rest of your family can know the truth. Hell, even Alex can know the truth but your own flesh and blood can't?" Derek said harshly.

Thatcher said nothing.

Derek gave a short, sharp laugh and shook his head in disgust.

"Look, there are things you don't understand." Thatcher said suddenly. "I had a choice to make. It wasn't easy, but I made it. I'm not proud of it, but it had to be made."

"If it's what I think it is, then it wasn't a choice at all." Derek snapped. "You could have had both."

"It isn't that easy." Thatcher snapped back. "You have no idea what you are talking about."

"You need to tell her. And you're going to tell her. Soon." Derek said, his voice low.

"I said I would explain." Thatcher replied, his cheeks flushing in anger. "I'll do it in my own time, when I'm ready. _Not_ when you say it's time to."

"When you're ready?" Derek repeated. "Will you ever be ready? We've been here for two days now, and this is the most you have ever talked!"

"It isn't easy...explaining..." Thatcher broke off.

"Explaining why you're such a coward?" Derek retorted, his teeth clenching.

"I will not be spoken to like this in my own home." Thatcher replied, thrusting his shoulders back.

Derek ignored him and walked over to the kitchen sink, striving to control the anger raging inside him.

"I'll tell her." Thatcher was saying. "I'll tell her."

"You'll tell her soon." Derek warned.

"I..." Thatcher began, only to be interrupted.

"No, you'll tell her soon, because the longer you wait the more it hurts her. I won't have that." Derek informed him tightly. "The longer you wait, the bigger the chance she'll find out from someone else. _You'll_ tell her soon."

All the anger and resentment seemed to drain from Thatcher and he sighed. "I'll tell her tonight."

Derek tipped out what remained in his coffee into the kitchen sink. He grabbed a cup out of the cupboard and filled it with hot coffee before he turned to face Thatcher once more.

"You don't tell her when she's alone." Derek said softly, staring him straight in the eyes. "You make sure that someone is nearby, me, Ida...I don't care, but if you're going to break her heart, one of us will be there."

Thatcher gave a tight nod, indicating his agreement. Derek stared at him for a few seconds before picking up the cup of coffee and walking out of the room.

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Derek climbed the stairs, breathing unevenly. He hoped that he hadn't just made a huge mistake, that he was in fact right...knowing the truth would allow her to heal. He had realised last night that the situation suited Meredith perfectly. So far she hadn't had to face up to anything, she was able to hide from it. He knew she wanted the truth, she wanted it badly. Yet it also completely terrified her. So her wanting to know, but her father avoiding telling her worked for her. But enough was enough. She had been wondering, and running, from the truth for years now. She had to find out eventually, and now she would. Tonight. Thatcher had promised. Tonight was the night. Derek fully intended to make sure that promise was kept, come hell or high water. He stopped outside their bedroom door, giving his breathing time to regulate, and the fury a chance to dull a little before he went in.

He took calming breaths, inhaling and exhaling deeply, his chest rising and falling in perfect rhythm. When he was satisfied that Meredith would not be able to detect the slightest bit of difference in him between last night and this morning, he carefully held the coffee and turned the bedroom door handle.

She looked so peaceful when she was asleep. In the time since he had left the room to go downstairs, she had rolled over onto his side of the bed, her tiny fists nestled under her chin, her golden blonde hair fanning across the pillow. He smiled as she muttered something and turned her face into the pillow.

Derek walked across the room and set the coffee down on the bedside table before sitting on the edge of the bed, the matress dipping slightly under his weight. He leaned forward and brushed the hair off her face, gently running his thumb across the soft skin of her cheek. Meredith tilted her head into his touch, and murmured softly.

"Mer." Derek called softly, giving her shoulder a gentle shake.

She wiggled slightly, burying her face more firmly against the pillow.

"Mer." He tried again, smiling.

This time there was no movement from the small lump under the covers.

"Mer, wake up." Derek said again, pulling the covers away from her.

She groaned and yanked them back up, lifting up the pillow with one hand and sticking her head underneath.

"Mer, I know you're awake." Derek chuckled, lifting the pillow away from her.

Green eyes clashed with blue.

"Good morning, sunshine!" Derek called cheerfully, the look on her face chasing away a little bit more of the anger from that mornings confrontation.

"Go away." Meredith mumbled, shutting her eyes.

"I'm hurt!" Derek mocked, placing his hand over his heart. "I come bearing gifts and you tell me to go away."

"Is it a slice of cold pizza?" She asked hopefully, her eyes still closed.

"No, I want to wake you up, not clog your arteries." Derek said laughing.

"If you don't have pizza, then I stand by what I said before." Meredith informed him rolling over onto her other side, presenting him with her back.

Derek walked around to the other side of the bed and lay down beside her till they were almost nose-to-nose.

"Oh god." She muttered. "You're harder to get rid of than super glue on bare skin."

Derek rolled over, picked up the coffee from beside the bed and handed it to her, the scent tickling her nose.

"Coffee." She moaned, struggling into a sitting position. "Give it!"

"Clearly you're not a morning person." Derek laughed, handing it to her and watching as she took a mouthful.

"I can be a morning person." Meredith protested, cradling the coffee in her hands. "I just have to be woken up the right way."

"And what is the right way?" Derek asked curiously.

_Yesterday morning was a pretty damn good way to wake up._ Meredith thought to herself. _I could definitely cope with waking up like that. Every. Single. Morning._

She could almost feel how it had felt to wake up in his arms, his hands doing things to her body that they definitely hadn't done before. Things that she really wouldn't mind them doing again.

Meredith's face flushed at the direction of her thoughts.

"Mer?" He prompted.

_Well, I can't tell him that the perfect way to wake up is with his hand on my boob!_ She muttered silently.

Instead of answering him, she swung her feet over the side of the bed.

"I'm up!" She informed him quickly, running her fingers through her hair with one hand, the coffee securely in the other.

Derek rolled onto his back, lifting his hands up and settling them under his head. "Good. You have to get ready for breakfast."

"What time is it?" Meredith asked, getting up and setting the cup down on the window sill before she started hunting through her bag for jeans and a t-shirt.

"Just after 8 am. According to Alice, breakfast is at 8.30." Derek replied, stretching a little.

Meredith turned to glance at him, her eyes widening and straying to where his shirt had ridden up, leaving a gap of skin between the top of his pants and the bottom of the shirt. She whipped her head around to face the wall, taking a deep breath.

"Great." She croaked out. "I'll go have a shower."

"Good idea." Derek replied, sitting up against the headboard. "I might get some more work done while I wait for you."

"Hey, what was up with you working last night?" Meredith said, suddenly remembering waking up to the sound of the someone typing.

"Nothing was 'up' with me." Derek shrugged. "I felt like writing."

Meredith dumped her clothes on the bed a took a good look at him for the first time. He was smiling at her, yet there was something...

"Der...what's wrong?" Meredith frowned, sitting down on the end of the bed.

"Nothing." Derek replied.

"I don't believe you." Meredith said simply, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Mer, I'm fine." Derek insisted.

He groaned inwardly. He had been so sure that she wouldn't notice, that he had rid himself of anything that would make her suspect how angry he had been. She wouldn't be happy with him interfering, he knew that. More because his interfering was forcing her to face the truth, when in reality she was happy running from it.

"Meredith fine, or Derek fine?" She asked, giving him a little smile.

"Derek fine." He assured her, tilting his head and smiling. "Honest, Mer. Don't worry about me."

"Are you sure? Because your eyes aren't smiling." Meredith said softly.

"I'm just a little bit worried about tonight." Derek said truthfully, his full meaning lost on her.

"You mean with everyone coming? Yeah, me too. But last night went great. And they will all be here tonight. It's not like we have to meet anyone new, we can talk to those we already know." Meredith replied, giving him a reassuring smile.

"This is a first." Derek said raising an eyebrow. "You telling me things will be okay."

"I've told you that before!" Meredith said indignantly.

"I meant on this trip." Derek laughed.

"Oh. That's true. Look at me, I'm growing!" She grinned.

"That you are." Derek replied.

"To be honest, I'm more worried about making an ass out of myself this afternoon." Meredith admitted.

"What, the dancing lessons?" Derek asked. "You'll be fine."

"This coming from twinkle toes himself." She teased, her eyes dancing.

"Hey, I resent that! I said I had a vague idea. I've danced _once_, and it was years ago. It's not like I do it regularly." Derek corrected.

"Oh, Mark is going to have so much fun with this." Meredith giggled.

"Only if you twist my words." Derek replied groaning.

"Which we both know I will." Meredith said, finishing off his thought for him.

"Unfortunately."

"So you're sure you're alright?" Meredith checked again.

"Completely sure."

"Really? Because even if you are only a little bit unsure, it..." Meredith began.

"Shower, Mer." Derek reminded her, interrupting her little spiel.

"Oh. Crap. I have to get ready." Meredith said quickly, leaping off the bed.

"Yes, you do." Derek smiled. "Unless you want to go downstairs in your pajamas."

"I really don't." Meredith said, shaking her head. "I really, really don't."

"That's what I figured." Derek laughed. "So go get dressed, woman!"

"I'm going!" Meredith replied, picking up her clothes. "And we'll go down to breakfast together?"

"I promise I'll wait for you." Derek said sincerely. "Now move your ass!"

Meredith immediately obeyed, bending over ever so slightly and shaking her hips. Derek burst out laughing, and she turned to grin mischievously at him. He just shook his head in amusement and pointed to the door. She rolled her eyes and left, giving one more shake of her hips as the door closed behind her.

Derek chuckled, and shook his head in exasperation. Watching her shake her ass was not the best way for him to calm down. Really, it seemed to have the opposite effect, raising his pulse within seconds. But she was in a good mood today, a playful mood it would seem. Which was good. Very good. With the dance lessons and then the guests coming this evening...not to mention the whole 'Thatcher finally growing some balls' thing, then a good attitude would help her get through the day. Whether she still had it come tomorrow was another thing altogether. Derek felt the smile slide off his face as a seed of worry planted itself in his stomach. He could only hope she was ready for whatever was to come.


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N:** Thank you all for your comments. A few things...firstly, this update is more of a filler. Secondly, the next one is the 'revelation,' as I promised it within two chapters. I've said before (I can't remember if it was on here or the other board) that the Thatcher thing is not hugely original, by any stretch of the imagination. It is more like a small twist on an ancient idea. So, I hope people won't be too disappointed. It forces her to deal with the abandonment thing in a very real way. The Thatcher situation is the reason Meredith came to Seattle, it is something she needs to sort out and face before MerDer can come to a head. Which is also coming very soon. I hope you stick with me. :-) Thanks for reading.

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The cars pulled up outside dark red bricked building, Izzie chattering happily to anyone willing to listen. Meredith, allowed herself to be pulled out of the car by the blonde who was determined that everyone have as much fun as she obviously intended to. Thatcher, Alice, Meredith and Izzie had all gone together, while Alex had driven Derek.

"Are you dreading this as much as me?" Alex asked dryly, turning into the first available park.

"Would you relax? It could be fun." Derek replied, unclipping his seat belt.

"Fun? That's really not the word I'd use." Alex muttered, opening his door and getting out, Derek following suit.

"So why did you agree to come, then?" Derek asked curiously, slamming the door shut before bracing his hands against the hood of the car and looking across at Alex.

"Agree?" Alex replied raising an eyebrow. "Have you met my mother and my girlfriend?"

"Point taken." Derek laughed.

"Dude, if I didn't come they'd both turn my nads into earrings."

"I get the picture." Derek winced. "Thanks for that, by the way."

"I can turn this to my advantage." Alex said, nodding a little as he locked up the car.

"How?" Derek glanced up at him.

"Izzie's an optimist. I'm a pessimist." Alex explained grinning. "It leads to great make-up sex. I complain, she gets pissed and..."

"Oh." Derek groaned as they made there way towards the studio. "Thanks for sharing."

Alex just shrugged. "Ain't nothing but the truth."

"Great." Derek muttered.

"What's up with you?" Alex asked frowning.

Derek stared at Alex and sighed. He had to tell someone, it was driving him insane. This trip was full of secrets and deception, something he wasn't used to. He and Meredith were pretending, though that was the least of his problems. Add in to the equation Thatcher's determination to keep his secret and the stress levels began to rise. But perhaps one of the hardest things for Derek was attempting to hide the feelings that bubbled closer and closer to the surface, feelings he couldn't and wouldn't tell her now. He had said he would wait a week, one week...how hard could that be? Turns out...extremely hard. Acting 'couply' with her took no effort at all, it came naturally. There was no awkwardness, well, nothing beyond a few seconds anyway. No, there was no awkwardness because it felt right, he felt complete when he was with her. There was none of that awkward first-date type feeling. It was like they were taking the next logical step. And it felt real. That might make him a 'girl' in Mark's eyes, but it didn't change the fact that it was true. He had managed to hide the truth from her for years without it getting awkward, yet every hour that passed, every little touch made it that much harder to control the urge to just lay it all at her feet and let the situation sort itself out. Added to the stress of hiding the fact that he was desperately in love with her, he was now not telling her that he had interfered in the course of her life...big time interfered. He hadn't told her that Thatcher planned on telling her tonight, and he hadn't told her that he thought he knew what the big 'secret' was. She had asked him and he had lied, saying he had no idea what it could possibly be. But now Alex was giving him the opportunity to spill out at least one of his problems and he was grasping that opportunity with open arms before he exploded.

"I talked to Thatcher this morning." Derek said quietly, stopping in his tracks. "Actually, it was more a one-sided conversation."

"About?" Alex asked, shoving his hands in his pockets and leaning against the building.

"Meredith."

Alex nodded slowly. "And how did that go?"

"I called him a coward." Derek answered, rubbing his forehead exhaling slowly.

"So? He is. I've called him worse." Alex shrugged.

"I wanted to call him worse." Derek admitted.

"Yeah?" Alex smirked.

"Yeah. Bastard was on the tip of my tongue..." Derek muttered.

"So, what did he say?" Alex asked carefully.

"He's telling her tonight." Derek informed him, sighing.

"About damn time." Alex said harshly. "He should have told her years ago."

"Alex, what..." Derek began, raking his fingers through his hair.

"There you two are!" Izzie exclaimed, pushing open the door and holding it open for them. "We've been waiting for you! Jess can't start without you."

"Who's Jess?" Derek asked, his forehead crinkling.

"The dance teacher." Izzie said smiling happily.

"Izzie?" Meredith appeared in the doorway, an anxious look on her face. "Oh, you found them?"

"Yeah." Izzie rolled her eyes. "They're dodging coming in."

"Hey, we are not." Derek protested.

"I was." Alex murmured, grinning at the exasperated look Izzie tossed him.

"Look, can we just get going?" Meredith asked, motioning them inside.

"Since when did you want to do this?" Derek asked, following her inside.

"Since I realised that faster we start, the sooner we can be finished." Meredith informed him, leading them up a flight of stairs.

As they reached the entrance to the room they were obviously going to use, Izzie shrugged out of her coat and handed it to Alex.

"Can you hang that up?"

"Sure." Alex replied. "That's another minute I get out of this. Anything else you want hung up? Your top, bra, pants?"

"You want me to dance naked?" Izzie raised an eyebrow.

"Hey, it would liven this up." Alex said suggestively, wiggling his eyebrow.

"Mer, give me yours." Derek said smiling at her and ignoring Alex.

"You want my bra?" Meredith asked curiously.

"Yes. Wait, what? No! I meant your coat." Derek fumbled, clearing his throat.

Meredith laughed and turned her back on him, shrugging her shoulders as he pulled it gently away from her.

"I'll go with Alex." Derek told her. "We'll be right there."

"You're both coming back, right?" She asked suspiciously, turning back around to face him.

"Unless there's a window in the coatroom, sure." Alex said casually.

Meredith glared at him, before turning and staring at Derek.

"Mer, relax. Jeez, you two could be related. Look, I'll bring him back kicking and screaming if I have to." Derek promised, grinning at her.

"I'd like to see you try." Alex muttered under his breath.

"Everyone, move your asses!" Izzie said suddenly. "This is so incredibly rude. Thatcher and Alice are waiting, not to mention Jess, and we are just standing here! So move your ass...now!"

"Yeah, alright Iz. We're going." Alex responded immediately, striding off down the hall.

"Are you going to do your little dance?" Derek leaned in and whispered in Meredith's ear.

"No." She giggled. "I only do that when you say."

"Good to know." Derek winked before following Alex down the hall.

"Right Meredith, are you ready?" Izzie said, grabbing her arm and dragging her into the room.

"Do I have any choice?" Meredith replied laughing as the door closed behind her.

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"Oh my god!" Derek muttered under his breath, stopping dead in the doorway.

"What?" Alex said in annoyance. "Man, you're in my way."

"Why did I assume the instructor would be a woman?" Derek hissed.

"It's a guy?!" Alex replied. "Iz said the intructor's name was Jess."

"Yeah, well, apparently _that_ is Jess." Derek replied in a low tone, watching the dark-haired man that was currently talking away to Alice.

"You still want me to relax?" Alex asked as they walked slowly across the wooden floor.

"Alex, Derek, there you are!" Alice called out, waving them over. "Come meet Jess. He's giving us the lesson."

"It's not so much a lesson as a quick tutorial." Jess laughed, holding out his hand.

Derek nodded and accepted the offered hand. Alex raised an eyebrow by way of a greeting before glaring at his mother.

"Oh, don't you look at me like that!" Alice scolded. "All I'm asking for is an hour of your time, just so you don't embarrass yourself at the wedding. It's really not to much to ask, Alex."

"I don't care if I embarrass myself." Alex reminded her. "And who says I want to dance at the wedding."

"Well, I do." Alice replied instantly. "And your girlfriend wants to dance, so unless you want me to find her someone else to partner with...you'll do this for me."

"Alright everyone!" Jess called out. "If you all partner up now, this will go much faster. We've only got an hour."

Meredith walked over to Derek and stood beside him, watching as both Izzie and Alex and Thatcher and Alice partnered up.

"Excellent. Alright, we're going to waltz. It's the easiest and the quickest to learn." Jess was saying. "But basically, as long as you are moving in unison with your partner, I'm happy. Whatever steps or turns you want to throw in it, that's up to you. The point is to look like you know what you're doing. Whether you actually do or not is beside the point. I'm going to need a partner to demonstrate this on."

Jess switched on the music before walking over to Derek and Meredith and holding out his hand, his mouth curving up into a slow smile. "If you'd like to help me."

Derek felt irrational annoyance begin to curl around his stomach. It wasn't the same feeling he'd had that morning, this was different. It only got worse as Meredith hesitantly put her hand in his and allowed the tall, dark-haired, good-looking dance intructor to lead her out into the middle of the room. She looked gorgeous, it was no wonder the man had picked her. Her hair fell in soft waves around her shoulder and framed her face. The dark green sundress she wore clung gently to her curves before falling down to just below the knee. Her shoulders were bare, the creamy skin looking soft and oh-so touchable. Only Derek wasn't so sure he wanted anyone else touching her...even if it was just holding her hand.

And then Jess took her into his arms.

The feeling grew, what had once been annoyance was rapidly growing into something else, something far worse. Alex threw him a pitying look, and slung his arm around Izzie's shoulder which only made things worse. Jess was explaining something about rising and falling, and the importance of counting. Yet all Derek could see was another man holding Meredith in his arms, while she laughed nervously. Another man who looked like a dark-haired Brad Pitt, his arm muscles tensing as he explained the correct posture, the correct way to hold your partner. And then he was pulling her close and guiding her smoothly around the floor, his hand seeming to stray places another man's hand had no business being.

Derek's eyes narrowed as Jess pulled her closer still, his hand splayed out across her back. Derek wasn't coping, he really wasn't. Dancing seemed even more intimate than dating. Dating someone else he could deal with. But dancing? Pressed up against some other man? Nope, that wasn't working so well for him.

"I think we get the picture." He said suddenly, his voice rising over the music.

Jess stopped, still holding Meredith in his arms. "Alright. The rest of you, get into your pairs and lets see how you go."

Derek stalked across the floor, his jaw clenched. "I believe that's my partner."

Jess smirked. "I guess it is."

He raised Meredith's hand and kissed the back softly, watching Derek out of the corner of his eye. "Meredith, it was a pleasure dancing with you."

"She gets it." Derek snapped, hauling her up against his side.

Jess raised an eyebrow and circled around them, heading towards Alex and Izzie.

"What the hell was that?" Meredith asked as Derek drew her slowly into his arms.

"That was complete bullshit." He muttered.

"What was?" Meredith asked, frowning.

"That...the whole...wandering hands thing." Derek blurted out, fully aware of how insane he sounded.

"What?" Meredith asked.

"His hands. They were...wandering." Derek continued on, mentally telling himself to shut up but his mouth wasn't listening.

"His hands were on my back. It's not like he grabbed my boob, Derek."

"Really?" Derek snapped. "He looked like he wanted to mount you right here in the middle of the room!"

"Oh my god, Derek...he did not!" Meredith protested, his words bringing a soft flush to her cheeks.

"Oh yes he did." Derek countered, glaring down at her. "You can't look like that and not expect..."

"Look like what? I look like me!" Meredith replied in exasperation.

"Exactly!" Derek snapped again.

"What are you, jealous?" Meredith began. "Because..."

"I think we are here to practice dancing." Derek interrupted, pulling her that little bit closer.

His voice seemed to drop lower as he stared intensely down at her. "So let's dance."

And with that they began to move, Meredith following his movements with ease, the gentle pressure he placed on her back helping her move with immense grace and poise. Never in her life had she danced like this. Never. She gazed up at him, her eyes never losing the connection she currently had with his. She could feel the warmth of his hand seeping into her skin, leaving a tingling sensation behind. She felt her pulse accelerate just a little as they whirled around the room. Everything else faded away, the music, the sound of Izzie telling Alex to get off her foot, the murmuring ramblings of Thatcher as he tried to lead...all of it disappeared and it was only them. Derek and Meredith. They were the only thing that mattered as they melted into one another, the dance wrapping them in their own little world, sending them to a place where they could only feel.

Derek let his hand move slowly over her back, the skin smooth to his touch. His gaze moved down her face, falling on the gentle swell of her lips. They had never looked more tempting then they did at that moment, yet he held back. For now he relished the feel of her in his arms, they way their bodies moved so perfectly together, so naturally. There was a rightness in their movements, perhaps not in technique, but in emotion and feeling...it all came through as they danced across the floor. Heat flowed through him, starting in his toes and moving though his body, filling him with an intense, burning need. His hand slid lower, nestling in the small of her back as he tugged her even closer, her pelvis rubbing against his as they turned around and around.

Meredith felt like she couldn't breathe as his hips connected with hers, his thighs rubbing against her as their legs moved together. Liquid fire pooled in her stomach, making it hard for her to think, only feel. Derek was dipping her now, his arms holding her safely as he gently bent her backwards, the long line of her throat exposed as her head fell back. As he raised her up again, their eyes connecting once more, an intense, burning gaze that couldn't seem to be broken. Derek was leaning towards her, his lips parting. She felt her breath quicken in her throat, her own lips parting in anticipation.

And then the music stopped.


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N:** Thanks for the reviews, I don't think I've ever got so many for one chapter...lol. You're all seriously awesome! This update really speaks for itself. Like I said before, the Thatcher thing isn't hugely original, but it definitely serves its purpose. And please don't throw things at me. I always fix what I break. Promise. :-) Thanks so much for reading.

The silence was deafening in the small room. The song faded away and the room fell quiet. They remained motionless for a moment, the connection they had just felt still there, still holding them bound together as though tied with invisible string. The moment seemed to stretch out in front of them, freezing them in that split second.

Then they moved.

Derek leaned forward at the same time she did, their lips meeting somewhere in the middle. It wasn't initiated by either one, but a merging of the two. It wasn't hot and heavy, but slow and deep, their mouths seeming to say in passion what they couldn't say in conversation. Derek cupped her face gently as he nibbled on her lip, sucking gently before sliding his tongue in to duel with hers. Meredith tipped her head back and tugged on his lip with her teeth, hearing his breath catch in the back of his throat. The delicious things Derek's mouth was doing to her coaxed a small, barely discernable moan from low in her throat. The kiss ended not long after it had begun, with both of them gently pulling away, their eyes locked together.

Derek exhaled shakily as though it pained him to do so and Meredith gulped, her fingernails digging into his shoulder as she fought to remain upright, her legs quivering uncontrollably. She couldn't seem to tear her eyes away from his, the blue globes piercing into her very soul, alight with awareness. Intense. That was the only word to describe it. Intense. In fact the feeling was so intense that is scared her. They had kissed before and that had been explosive, but this was different. So completely different. It had everything and nothing to do with lust. This was a whole different level of chemistry, a different kind of connection.

The sound of someone coughing broke the spell they had weaved around themselves and they both turned in unison towards the sound of the noise. The rest of their party were all standing perfectly still, their eyes glued to the couple gripping each other tightly in the middle of the dance floor. Izzie was staring at them, her mouth wide open, a look of slight awe in her eyes.

"Did you two want us to leave, or...?" Alex drawled out.

"Alex!" Izzie hissed. "Why do you do that?"

Ignoring the rest of the room, Derek turned back to face Meredith, his hands stroking gently down her cheeks and around the curve of her jaw before falling away to his side. Meredith slowly loosened her grip on his shoulders until her hands were resting lightly against him. They slid down his chest, resting there for a heartbeat before they fell away from him. Silence reigned supreme between them, the only sound was the rise and fall of their chests.

"Well, if you dance like that you'll certainly outshine all of us." Alice laughed awkwardly, glancing from Thatcher to Meredith and Derek, and then back again.

"Seriously, where did you guys learn to do that?" Izzie asked staring intently at them. "And how come you didn't tell us?"

Meredith licked her lips and took a deep breath, moving away from Derek. He watched her go with almost a sad expression on his face. It took all her effort not to raise her hand to her mouth and touch her tingling lips. That was more than a kiss...it had to have been. She had felt it resonate throughout her whole body, the feeling pouring over her like rain.

"Um..." Meredith stuttered, desperately searching her brain for a sentence, any sentence.

Derek ran his fingers through his hair, watching her carefully as he said, "We didn't learn it."

Meredith's eyes clashed with his for a split second before she turned away again.

"Well, chemistry helps." Jess said casually, before turning to show Thatcher the proper way to lead.

"Yeah. I guess it does." Derek said quietly, following Meredith to the side of the room.

She was fiddling with the folds of her dress, running the material nervously between her fingers.

"Mer..." Derek said softly, leaning against the wall.

"That wasn't so bad." She interrupted quickly, her hands trembling ever so slightly as she let go of her dress, clenching her hands into fists to attempt to still the gentle shudders. "We didn't make complete idiots out of ourselves. You know, I thought we would...but that went okay. I think. But I'm not a dancer, what do I know? We probably just broke about one hundred different rules. And we didn't count, Derek. Jess said we should be keeping count in our head. I wasn't counting. Were you counting? Because if neither of us was counting then that would be bad. Because we are meant to count. We really need to get moving, Derek, Alice has people coming over tonight and we need to get ready. Things have to be done and..."

She needed time to think, time to digest what had just happened to her. It was as if she had been lifted out of her body, looking down on them as their lips had joined. They needed to talk...desperately. But she needed a quiet moment to herself, time to think about how much she was willing to risk. There was so much to say, so much to think on, so much to feel that it was overwhelming her. And so she rambled, hoping that if she kept talking she would give herself time to think. But the more she talked the more she confused herself, her feelings so mixed and unsure that no amount of rambling would unwind them.

"Mer." Derek said again, resignation slowly settling into his face.

He knew her. He knew her better than she knew herself most of the time. He could pick, almost down to each individual word, exactly what was going through her mind. So, once again he let it go. Giving in to her silent request, he let her avoid.

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Meredith carried a tray of drinks outside, balancing them carefully as she made her way out the back door of the house and down the steps that led out onto the grass, her heels sinking in with each step. Izzie followed behind her, carrying a second tray. Alice and Thatcher had hired a small marquee, erecting it in their backyard, the spacious area offering more than enough room for the 60 or so people currently milling around. It was part decoration, part weather protection as it was supposed to rain, but no one knew when.

That afternoon Alice had kept them all busy with jobs for everyone as she flitted here and there, her desire for the evening to go well spilling out into her demeanor. There had been no time for Meredith to talk with Derek, or for her to even think about what it was she wanted to say. She honestly had no idea how she felt anymore, the confusion more intense now than it had ever been. Instead she had spent the afternoon setting out chairs and helping clean the house while Izzie helped with the cooking. But as she had dusted and vacuumed, one thing had become clear. She viewed him as more than a friend, and probably had for a long time now. The question was whether or not it was worth the risk, and that was a decision she hadn't come to yet.

Alex and Derek had hung twinkle lights along the trees and around the house, giving the evening that special touch as the little lights shone as bright as the stars. Three long tables were set up, covered in crisp white tablecloths and ready to groan under the weight of the feast Alice had prided herself on making. Right now both Alex and Derek were helping Alice bring out the food, while Thatcher walked amongst his guests, chatting away happily.

"It's so pretty." Izzie sighed, setting her tray of drinks down on one of the tables provided and rubbing her arm.

"It does look nice." Meredith agreed, redistributing the weight in her hands before carefully lowering it to rest beside Izzie's tray. "The boys did a great job."

"It's just so romantic." Izzie replied softly. "Like thousands of firefly's dancing around."

Meredith giggled. "Izzie? Exactly how much wine did you drink?"

Izzie laughed. "Sorry, I'm not drunk. Not yet, anyway. Give me a few hours, though. That stuff is seriously delicious!"

Meredith chuckled, picking up one of the wine glasses and sipping at the cool, sweet liquid. "You're right. It is good."

"So, where did you meet Derek?" Izzie asked suddenly as she turned and headed back towards the porch surrounding the house and leaning against the railing.

"Derek?" Meredith repeated, following along behind her. "Oh, I've known him for years."

"I thought you must have." Izzie mused quietly.

"Why?" Meredith frowned, taking another sip of her wine.

"I don't know. You guys just have this...amazing connection. You're like one of those old, married couples you see walking the streets holding hands."

"Gee, thanks." Meredith murmured.

"No, I mean it's like you've known each other as long as they have. Spent a lifetime together. Like you know every little thing about him, every thought and feeling without having to say anything. That's rare, Meredith."

Meredith nodded slowly. "Yeah, I guess we do."

It was true. But then they had spent a significant portion of their lives together. They were Meredith and Derek. Even when they hadn't known each other they were destined to be Meredith and Derek. He had been a part of her life for so long that maybe she took him for granted. Maybe she didn't really see him for who he was, but what he represented.

"Oh, come on. The connection between you pulsated off the dance floor! Hell, even I was getting hot and bothered, and I wasn't even dancing!" Izzie was exclaiming. "I've never seen anything quite like it."

"Yeah...I guess." Meredith stammered, twirling the wine glass in between her hands. Confused. She was so confused.

"So how long have you known him for?" Izzie asked curiously.

"10 years." Meredith replied. "We met when I was 14. He was 16. We went to the same school, lived in the same street. We did everything together."

"You smile when you talk about him." Izzie commented with a grin, her eyes sparkling.

"What?" Meredith asked in surprise.

"Yeah. You get this smile like you have a secret nobody knows." Izzie laughed, nudging her with her elbow.

"You have a secret?" Alex asked as he sauntered up to them, slinging his arm around Izzie's waist. "Do tell!"

"Hi." Izzie said pointedly, raising her eyebrow.

"Oh, right. Hi." Alex murmured, pressing a quick kiss to her lips.

"Much better." Izzie teased, laying her head on his shoulder.

"So what's this about a secret?" Alex asked, grinning at Meredith.

"Nothing." She murmured. "We...it's nothing."

"Girl talk." Izzie said nodding.

"So nothing important." Alex smirked.

"You're such an ass." Izzie replied, smacking him on the chest with the back of her hand, though smiling up at him.

"I'm going to get another glass of wine." Meredith interrupted, suddenly feeling very much a third wheel.

"I'll get it." Alex replied instantly.

"No, no, I've got it." Meredith said smiling. "I'll be back in a minute."

They seemed such an odd mix, Izzie and Alex. Fire and ice. Oil and water. Hard and soft. And yet somehow they worked, fitting perfectly, their differences complementing each other. Meredith wanted what they had. She wanted a real relationship, not something where she was pretending, but something real that would last. Only therein lay the problem. Did they ever really last? Confusion. Utter and complete confusion.

She sighed as she headed towards the drinks, completely lost in thought when a small figure darted in front of her, tripping her up and tangling itself in her legs.

"Ooooph." Meredith grunted as she went down hard on her knees.

The soft grass cushioned her fall, her hands automatically reaching for the boy who was on his stomach in front of her, his blonde hair sticking up in all directions.

"Hi!" The little boy smiled up at her, his tongue poking out through the gap in his front teeth as he pushed himself up off the ground. "I'm Robert."

"Are you?" Meredith laughed, taking a leaf out of his hair and helping him stand.

"Yep. I'm four." He grinned cheerfully, standing up in front of her, his head level with hers.

"Well, I'm Meredith." She replied smiling, giving him a once over as she looked for any obvious injuries.

"Oh, I'm so sorry." A woman called, rushing over to them. "Robbie, I told you not to rush off!"

"It's alright," Meredith assured her. "Honestly."

The woman sighed. "He really should have stayed home, but I couldn't find a babysitter."

"Really, it's not a problem." Meredith said again, pushing herself to her feet. "He's sweet."

"Yeah, I'm sweet." He mimicked, grinning at his mother. "Mer'dith said so."

The woman rolled her eyes, running her hand through his hair in an attempt to return some semblance of order. "Sometimes you are."

Meredith laughed at the frown that crossed his face as he tugged the hand away.

"So, how do you know the bride and groom?" The woman asked, picking up the little boy and settling him on her hip, ignoring his struggling attempts to get down.

"Oh, the groom is my father." Meredith replied, smiling at them before glancing around to look for Derek, wondering where he had disappeared to.

She found him almost immediately. He was standing on the other side of the lawn, talking and smiling with Ida. Her grandmother had her hand resting on his arm, her eyes shining in amusement as she listened intently to whatever he was saying, her face breaking out into a smile. Almost as if he felt her gaze, he looked up. His mouth curled into a slow smile and he winked at her before turning his attention back to the old lady hanging on his every word.

Meredith watched the exchange, warmth building inside her. She was happy. More than happy, she was thrilled. Ida seemed completely taken with Derek and Derek appeared to think just as highly of her grandmother, a genuine smile on his face as he talked to her. The fact that they both approved of the other gave Meredith a deep sense of satisfaction.

"Really?" The woman was saying. "I didn't know he had a daughter."

"Oh, well...he does." Meredith replied, smiling awkwardly at her before glancing back towards Derek.

"We knew about George, of course." The woman said frowning a little. "I don't think he ever said anything about a daughter to us though. That's most strange."

Meredith snapped to attention, whipping her head around to face the woman, her forehead crinkling.

"Wait...who's George?" She asked cautiously, dread already beginning to curl in her stomach.

"George is...Thatcher's son." The woman replied, frowning and looking at Meredith like she was slightly insane, as if it was something she should know.

Which it was. Only she didn't know. She didn't have even the slightest inkling of what the woman was talking about.

"His...what?" Meredith repeated the words over and over in her head yet they didn't seem to hold any meaning for her. She shook her head, trying to comprehend then but the rushing in her ears seemed determined to prevent logical thought. She closed her eyes as her vision blurred and panic took root within her.

A son? He has a son? But...she would know if he had more children. How could she not know? He was her father. Any children he had were part of her too and yet she had no idea what this woman was talking about. Meredith heard the woman murmuring to someone before she hurried away.

The next thing she knew her father and Alice were standing in front of her, their faces anxious as they waited for her to speak. They both look pinched and worn, their faces a dull gray.

"A...a son?" Meredith croaked out, feeling as though her throat was closing up.

"Meredith, don't make a scene." Thatcher muttered, glancing around at the guests as the conversations around them lowered to a gentle murmur, people more interested in the scene in front of them than what their companions had to say.

"I...a scene?" Meredith felt the tears begin to well up, the lump in her throat grew bigger and more painful every time she tried to swallow. "You...how..how old is he?"

"Meredith..."Alice said gently. "I..."

"How...old...is he?" Meredith bit out, her lip trembling violently now.

"He's 18." Thatcher replied quietly, lifting his hand and reaching for her.

He might as well have slapped her. She felt the number hit her squarely in the chest, as she did the maths in her head. The despair she had felt before was nothing compared to what she felt now, fresh pain rolling over her in waves each time she tried to breathe. Pain so intense the world spun on its axis. She wished she didn't know. She wanted to turn back time to the day the invitation had arrived, wishing she had refused to come. Her chest was burning as she remembered her mother's words to her at the tender age of six. _'We weren't enough, Meredith. He didn't choose us.'_ Oh god. She hadn't been enough. It was perfectly obvious. What was so wrong with her that he couldn't have picked her? It wasn't just that he had left her, he had left her for someone else.

"Oh my god." Meredith breathed as the full meaning hit her, her stomach turning somersaults inside her. "Oh my god."

She vowed she wouldn't be sick as she backed away from the man reaching for her, her eyes wild and unseeing, registering nothing but a number. A number that now haunted her every thought. _Eighteen. Eighteen. Eighteen._

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"Really. She came to tell me that the 'lumpant' book had fallen behind the sofa. Honestly, I had no idea what the devil that was until she led me to it. I fished it out from behind the sofa and it turns out that she meant elephants," Ida chuckled. "She really was a cute little girl."

"I bet she was." Derek grinned, looking over to where she stood.

Things had changed since he had last looked over. Gone was the smiling, relaxed looking woman of two minutes ago. In her place was a devastated shell of a person. As his eyes made contact with her small figure, the smile slid rapidly from his face. There, standing on the grass was Meredith, her face completely pale, not a shred of color in her cheeks. She was teetering slightly, her eyes wide and filled with pain as she backed away slowly from the man now standing in front of her, the woman having disappeared. Alice now stood to the side of them, wringing her hands as she watched the situation unfold before her, her face anxious and upset. Meredith was shaking her head, her hands braced as if to ward off an attack as she continued backing away, suffering and torment evident in her every movement.

"No." Derek whispered, his voiced laced with pain.

"What?" Ida asked, turning around.

"Oh dear lord." She said quietly as she realised what was happening. "No. Derek..."

Ida swiveled around but she was talking to nothing but air. Derek was already gone, his long legs eating up the grass as he ran towards Meredith, his heart pounding in his chest as only one thought went round and round in his head. _She knew._

He reached her in seconds, though it felt like minutes, and touched her arm gently. She turned her wounded green eyes on him before she allowed him to wrap her in his arms, burying her head against his chest in an effort to escape from the harsh reality before her.

"Mer." Derek murmured, his heart tightening painfully in his chest as if her pain was his own.

"He...son...I...I...son..." Meredith was almost hyperventilating as she squeezed the words past the lump in her throat.

"I know." Derek said softly, stroking her hair. "I know."

It was the wrong thing to say.

As soon as his low voice reached her ears she stiffened and pulled back, a single tear marking a path down her cheek. Her eyes widened in shock before she braced her hands against his chest and pushed with all her strength, taking a few steps back.

"You knew?" She whispered, one hand clasping her throat.

"I thought maybe...Mer, I didn't really..." Derek began but she was backing away now, stumbling a little as her breath shortened.

"No. Stay away from me." She bit out, shaking her head at him, her hair falling over her face. "You stay away from me!"

"Mer..." Derek said painfully, reaching out to her.

"No." She said forcefully, leaping back as though his touch burned her, her eyes hardening into dark shimmering green emeralds, the look something he didn't like or recognise before she kicked off her shoes, turned around and ran, her hair billowing out behind her.

"Meredith!" Thatcher called after her, moving as if to follow.

Derek rounded on him, fire and fury flashing in his eyes as he flattened his hands against Thatcher's chest, his arms shaking with the effort it took not to hit him.

Thatcher frowned and looked down at the hands pressing firmly into his chest before returning his gaze to meet Derek's.

"Back off." Derek demanded tightly before he turned and ran after Meredith, his heart leaping into his throat.

_She knew._


	26. Chapter 26

Meredith ran across the grass, the blades tickling her feet. Running away. She was running away like the coward that was half her DNA. But she couldn't process it, she couldn't process any of it. Eighteen...that meant...but no, she wouldn't think about it. So many emotions poured through her. Hurt. Shock. Resentment. Anger. Betrayal. They all battled for first place, the feelings merging together until she couldn't tell one from the other. She felt as if she had been in a head on collision, and she had definitely come out second best. It was too much too quickly. The mornings dance lesson had led to thoughts about Derek, the intense feeling of rightness she had felt leading to rambling thoughts about their relationship and where they currently stood...and now she knew what everyone was so afraid to tell her. She had a brother, a baby brother. A brother that had been born the same year her father left. A brother everyone had seen fit to hide from her. Her father hadn't only walked out on her, he had walked out knowing he was replacing her with another family. Her feelings for Derek, the feelings that the shocking truth had stirred up within her...it was all too much, far too much. And so she ran.

When her feet hit the pavement she slowed to a quick walk, the concrete cold and hard against her bare feet. She had no idea where to go, it seemed only important that her feet keep moving.

"Mer!" Derek called, his legs closing up the distance between them, though his voice seemed to come from a long way off.

Meredith closed her eyes, her feet keeping up their pace as she ignored him, desperate to be anywhere but where she was. Anywhere but facing her immediate reality, because the hurt currently stabbing at her core was taking away her ability to breathe.

"Meredith, would you stop!" Derek called again, his voice desperate.

She kept right on walking.

"I told you to stay away from me!" Meredith replied, hot, angry tears stinging her eyes as she stared straight ahead.

"Mer..." Derek said softly as he finally caught up with her, laying his hand gently on his arm.

"No!" She snapped, her feet stilling as she jerked her entire body away from him. "Go away. Just..._go_, Derek!"

"No." He replied simply, standing his ground, his heart thundering in his chest as he took in the sight before him.

She looked at him in slight surprise, her eyes softening for a split second before the hardness he had seen in her eyes when she had realised the truth returned in full force. Her face looked as though it was set in stone, each feature carved from ice, the lone tear pooling on her chin the only sign that something was desperately wrong.

"I've asked you to go." Meredith spit out, wiping away the tear with the back of her hand.

"And I've asked you to stop." Derek countered stiffly.

"How could you?" She blurted out suddenly, rubbing her bare arms as the wind picked up a little, swirling around them as they faced each other on the sidewalk, the street lights casting shadows all around them. "How could _you_ of all people keep something like that from me?"

"I didn't." Derek began, watching the tears building up in her eyes. "Mer, I..."

"You said you knew!" She yelled, the tears spilling over and rolling down her cheeks, streams of hurt and betrayal. "You...who I trust the most...how...I don't..._how_, Derek? How could you do that?"

"If you trusted me you'd listen to me!" Derek responded, his voice rising. "You'd let me explain instead of leaping to conclusions!"

"How could you know and not tell me?" Meredith whimpered, the tears flowing hard and fast now, running down her face. "You knew and you didn't tell me."

"I didn't know." Derek insisted. "I thought maybe that was what it was, but I _didn't_ know for sure!"

She was shaking her head at him, her eyes wide and glimmering with tears as a single droplet fell from the skies above, hitting the pavement and shattering into thousands of minuscule specks of water. As the first one hit the ground, yet another fell, and another, and another. It wasn't long before the rain that had been threatening all day descended upon them, showering them in hundreds of glistening drops.

"Mer, I swear I didn't know." Derek said again squinting his eyes as he looked upwards before turning back to her, his voice desperate as the rain soaked through his shirt.

"I _asked_ you. I asked you if you could think of a reason for why he left and you said you didn't know. You could have told me then!" She cried out, hugging her arms to her chest.

She didn't even seem to notice the change in the weather. Her eyes were dark with pain, seeming far too large in the paleness of her face. Even her lips seemed to have drained of color, leaving her looking like a mere ghost of the happy, smiling woman who had inhabited her body that morning. The huge raindrops were drenching her hair, the tendrils sticking to her head and making her appear even more lost and confused.

"You lied to me!" She said, anger jerking through her words.

"No I didn't!" Derek shouted, worry giving way to anger. "I never lied to you. I told you the truth. I didn't know why he left! I suspected, yes, but I didn't _know_!"

"You could have told me!" She shouted back, her shoulders shaking with the effort to keep the sobs from pouring out. "You should have told me what you thought it was!"

"No, I couldn't." Derek growled roughly, shaking his head to move his wet hair away from his eyes.

"Yes you could." She insisted, wiping away the tears that still fell from her eyes, mingling with the rain.

"No I couldn't!" Derek shouted back at her. "I _couldn't_ Mer. That look on your face right now? I can't be responsible for putting that there! I can't be the one who makes you look like that. Ever. I can't!"

"You could have warned me!" Meredith cried out, her breathing accelerating. "It didn't need to be a surprise! You could have said something! Anything!"

"Meredith, be reasonable!" Derek replied, fire flashing from his eyes.

"Why? Why should I? No one thought it was a reasonable thing for me to know. No one told me I had a brother! No one felt that I deserved the truth enough to tell me. No one! Not Ida, not Alice, not Thatcher. Even you didn't think I needed to know!"

"Then why did I force your father to tell you?" Derek demanded to know, taking a small step towards her. "Why did I stand in his kitchen and call him a coward, and make him promise to tell you? Why would I do that if I thought you didn't need to know? I came here with you because you asked me to. I came here to help you find the truth, not hide it from you!"

"You _helped_ them hide it from me!" Meredith shouted, her whole body shaking now. "You helped them when you lied to me!"

"Damn it, Mer. I didn't lie! You're not mad at me. I'm not the one you want to yell at. You can't bring yourself to yell at him so you're taking it out on me!"

"No, I am mad at you! How dare you? How dare you tell me what I'm thinking, what I'm feeling!" Meredith yelled. "You don't know the first thing about it!"

"I know what you're thinking. You're thinking about the fact that your father left you because he got some other woman pregnant. You think that you weren't enough to give him a reason to stay. You've spent years wondering if you did something wrong to make him leave, and now you think that you just weren't enough. You're yelling at me because you're scared if you yell at him he'll leave again, and you haven't got all your answers yet." Derek replied, taking yet another step towards her. "You know that he's the one that screwed up! _You_ know it, his own mother knows it...hell, even he knows it! You know it but it is easier to blame yourself. It's easier to blame me. You know that I never lied to you. You're standing here screaming at me because you have to scream at someone and I'm your safety net!"

"No, you _were_ my safety net!" Meredith replied, a small sob escaping.

"I still am! You're standing here, in front of me, accusing me because you know _I_ won't walk away from you. You know you can scream and yell at me and I'll still be here. I'll still show up. I'll always show up. You trust me to still be here when you have finished venting, when the dust has settled. I'm not the one you're mad at, and underneath it all you know it!" Derek replied, lowering his tone just a little as he watched the stony expression on her face crumble.

She seemed to wilt before his eyes, the sobs she had been struggling to hold back flooding out, her body shaking violently with the force of them. It was almost instinct that had her propelling herself towards him, his arms encircling her automatically and pressing her body close to his. She sobbed as though her heart was shattering in her chest, the sound breaking off pieces of his own heart as misery poured from her.

"I'm sorry." She cried out between sobs as he cradled her gently against his chest. "I...yell...and...sorry...I'm sorry..."

"Mer, it's okay." Derek murmured, his hand stroking her wet hair as he pulled her as close as he could, her small frame fitting perfectly with his. "Sshh, it's okay."

"I want to go home." She whimpered through the sobs, her entire body trembling. "I...want...to go...home."

"Okay." Derek promised, rubbing her back. "Okay Mer. We'll go. We can go. It's okay."

They stood that way for a while under the street lights and the crying sky. Anyone looking out their windows would think they were crazy, two people clinging to each other in the middle of the pavement as the heavens rained down on them. They no longer cared about the rain; they were already wet. Instead Meredith accepted the comfort and security that Derek offered, his arms her haven, her safe place. The place where she felt cherished and wanted, the place she felt warm and, dare she think it, loved. She cried into his chest, her tears, though many, making no difference to his sodden shirt. Her violent, heart-wrenching sobs were gradually slowing down, the shaking and trembling easing.

"Why can't people just be honest with me?" She murmured against his chest, hiccuping softly as his heart thumped reassuringly in her ear.

"You want honesty? _Complete_ honesty?" Derek asked softly, grasping her shoulders and pulling her gently away from him, searching her eyes intensely as water ran down his face. "Because I can give you honesty."


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N:** Wow! You blew me away with your responses to the last chapter. I just hope this doesn't disappoint. I know it's short, but the chapters should be getting back to their normal lengths. Thanks for reading.

Derek framed her face with his hands and looked deep into her eyes, a combination of tears and rain causing her eyelashes to sparkle. She stared back at him, hesitant and unsure. His voice had dropped low, his eyes softening until they were as smooth as velvet yet an intensity shone from them she'd never seen before. He ran his thumbs gently over her cheeks, raising a hand to tenderly brush away the wet tendrils clinging to her forehead. And then he leaned in. His mouth brushed hers, the merest whisper of a kiss. The touch of her lips was so intoxicating, so uniquely her that what happened next was an inevitability. His mouth settling possessively on hers, smothering her lips in his.

She felt it. Right down to the soles of her feet. The feelings that had been made so clear to her that morning when he had held her in his arms returned with full force. Relief washed over her. Relief from the burden of the days events, relief from the insecurity and vulnerability eating away at her insides, relief from the confusing emotions that were her feelings for him. As his lips gently caressed hers, the world made sense again and she lost herself in that kiss. His kiss.

Derek put everything he had into this one moment, this one kiss, his one opportunity to show her how much she meant to him, how good they could be together if she would only take the leap of faith. He nibbled, sucked, stroked, pulled. His tongue gently stroked hers, the pleasure so intense it had to be a sin. His hands molded to the contours of her face as he kissed her with all his excess energy, a delicious, tender assault on her senses. Every. Single. One. Warmth flooded through him, filling him with a sense of satisfaction and belonging. There was an urgency to it, a sense of desperation, and yet it maintained its sweetness and a depth of feeling that was the very essence of their relationship. Their mouths merged and moved together in unison, her hands taking on a life of their own, slipping up to run through his thick, dark curls.

Derek broke off the kiss slowly pulling away from her, his hands still cupping her face as her eyes drifted open, clashing with his.

"That's honesty." He breathed softly. "It's not pretend. It's brutally honest. You and me. Us."

Meredith stared into his eyes, his warm blue eyes never leaving hers as she listened to his words, allowing them to fill her with hope. A hope she had not dared think on. For a moment she pushed away her troubles, she forgot the events that had led them to where they were currently standing. The middle of a sidewalk with torrents raining down on them as he said the words that would change everything. Forever.

"What I feel for you isn't fake, Mer. This week...it isn't a pretence for me. It's real. I'm not acting, I'm not faking, I'm not pretending." Derek said softly, watching her intently. "I don't have to."

"I don't...I don't understand." Meredith stammered, her head still clearing away the fog his kiss had created. "Derek, I don't..."

"I don't need to pretend with you, Mer. I already love you. I've been in love with you...forever." Derek said, giving her a small smile and tilting his head. "Treating you as more than a friend...it's easy for me. I don't want to be your friend. I want to be your everything the way you are mine."

Meredith felt as if the earth was rolling beneath her feet. _His everything._ She heard the words, she took them in but it took her a moment to register them. She had never been someones everything. He loved her? But...why? They were friends. They had been friends for years. Best friends. It felt like they had been friends all their lives. When had his feelings changed so completely? And how had she not known. How had she not known that he felt the same way she did. He was her soul mate, ridiculous as the concept was. If anyone was perfect for her, it was Derek. Utter confusion took hold of her. She knew what she felt, how different her feelings were to what they used to be. Oh yes, she knew. Only...were her feelings really different? Or had she always felt the way she did about him, but never taking the opportunity to realize it? Had she been fooling herself into believing what she felt for him was mere friendship for so long, that eventually she thought it was true?

"I know this is really bad timing, Mer. You have so much going on and I swore that I would wait...but I...it's hurting me. Pretending to mean more to you is hurting me because I want it to be real so badly. I want it more than anything else." Derek said, his eyes burning into hers. "It hurts to think about a life with you, to pretend that it is something I want and to know that it's all a show. It demeans what I really feel for you. But I did it. I did it because I love you. And I'd do it again in a heartbeat because you needed me. But I can't do this anymore."

He loved her. Derek wouldn't lie, not to her. He never lied. Even when she was shouting at him she knew that he wouldn't have lied, but she had felt safe venting with him. He was completely right, he was her safety net. One that withstood her moods, her indecision, her own personal dramas. He was her rock that never moved. But therein lay her problem. How could he be her safety net if she ever needed saving from him? When things went wrong, Derek was there. He was always there. But he might not be if they took things further. He couldn't protect her heart from himself. Didn't she need to make sure that nothing damaged the friendship she had come to rely on so heavily? Was their friendship worth more than the life they could have together? She needed reassurance. Reassurance that taking the ultimate step in their relationship wouldn't end badly. Reassurance that she wouldn't end up with nothing. She had her whole future to gain by admitting to him how she felt. But she also felt as though she was risking her future if she told him the truth. Honesty. It was a confusing concept.

"Why didn't you say something before?" Meredith whispered, her heart racing in her chest as her thoughts swirled around seeking to make some semblance of sense.

"I tried to say something. You dodged it. You asked me to let it go, so I did." Derek reminded her quietly. "I let it go because it was something you needed. Now it's time to do something because I need it. And what I need is you. That's all I know. That's it, that's my reality. That's the honesty you were after. I know that I want to die when I'm 110 in your arms. I want a lifetime with you and only you."

"Oh, Derek..." Meredith breathed. "I...want...but...oh."

_I need you too._ She screamed inwardly. _Why does the fear have to hold me back? Why should I let it?_

"What do you want?" Derek asked gently, brushing away the tears that had begun to form once more in the corner of her eye, mingling with the rain that still fell down from the sky, though it had slowed somewhat.

"I know what I want to say, what I want to tell you." Meredith whispered. "I know how I feel. But I don't know what I want."

"How do you feel?" Derek asked urgently, needing her answer, whatever it may be. "Mer, what do you feel?"

She looked into the eyes of the man who had always been there. The man who had held her hand at her mother's funeral. The man who had opened up his life and his family to her, giving her more than anyone had ever given her. And now he had given her his heart. Suddenly she wanted to leap. She wanted it all. She wanted to take the chance that for once in her life things would go right. She wanted the fairy tale that she didn't believe in, she wanted them to somehow be true.

Derek 's heart stilled as he waited for her response. He had added to her burden and he wished that somehow things had been different, that somehow he could have picked a different moment to tell her. He wished he could have kept to his vow to tell her at the end of the week. On the other hand he felt relieved. He had finally admitted it, finally told her how he felt. She hadn't run. As he waited for her to reply, that was the one thought that went around and around in his mind. She was still standing there, soaked through to the skin, her hair hanging limply down around her shoulders. She looked wet and cold and a little stunned...but she was still there. Still standing.

He watched as something within her changed, her posture becoming a little straighter, a little more determined. He frowned slightly as the seconds dragged on. And then she smiled and reached forward, grasping his arm and pulling her close to him. Gazing into his eyes she stood on her tip toes and looped her arms around his neck, her wet body plastered against his. Their bodies fused together, their saturated clothes sticking to them like a second skin, giving them an extra feeling of closeness before she finally spoke.

"I feel...everything."


	28. Chapter 28

Derek closed his eyes, his arms squeezing her tightly as he let her words sink in. He had hoped for it, wished for it, longed for it. He had wanted it with everything in him. He had wanted it, but he hadn't expected it. Her words seemed to steal away coherent thought, his mind unable to concentrate on anything else but the tiny woman wrapped in his arms. She felt everything? As in...everything? Because love was everything. It was the ultimate everything. So it had to be included in her 'everything.' Right? Until this moment he hadn't realized just how badly he needed to say the words, how much the truth had been weighing on him, dragging him down. And he had been carrying it around for years, tucked away somewhere, too scared to finally come out and admit it. Now that the truth was out there, he found himself needing everything from her. The need to hear her say the words smoldered away inside him, the embers of that feeling catching alight the more he reflected on what she had said. She hadn't said it. She hadn't said 'I love you.' But everything was good, everything was very good. Everything was...well, everything. Which meant there was nothing that she didn't feel. Didn't it?

Derek pulled back, tilting her face up to his, his hands so gentle on her face. "Mer..."

She looked up at him, her eyes clear and bright, though her smile was unsure. He ran his thumb softly over her lips, a tender smile gracing his face. He opened his mouth to speak but the words never eventuated. The short, sharp toot and the headlights from a car interrupted him. He gave a barely discernable groan of annoyance as the car pulled over and beeped the horn again. The front passenger opened, and Alex called out to them.

"Get in!" Alex shouted, indicating for them to hurry up as the wind blew the rain in the open door.

Derek turned back to Meredith, taking in the water streaming down her face, her sodden clothes, the tiny shivers racking her body. He reached out and grabbed her hand, pulling her along behind him as he ran towards the car. He slammed the front door shut and opened the back door, pressing Meredith into the car and climbing in after her, putting the door shut behind them. Water dripped from their hair, their wet clothes saturating the seat.

"Alex." Derek sighed, running his hand through his wet hair.

"Everything okay?" Alex asked casually, though his eyes narrowed in repressed anger.

"We're wet, Alex." Meredith said apologetically, ignoring his question and throwing a quick glance at Derek under her eyelashes.

"I know." He replied, looking at them in the rear-view mirror. "There are towels in the back there. Izzie put them in."

Derek picked up one of the fluffy white towels, opened it out and drapped it around Meredith's shoulders, staring into her eyes as he briskly rubbed her arms in an effort to warm her up.

"So, where to?" Alex asked, leaning back in his seat and drumming his fingers on the steering wheel.

Derek pulled away from Meredith and opened out the other towel, wiping his face and toweling his hair at least partially dry, all the while watching her closely.

"I..." Meredith began, before the full force of the evenings events hit her. Where could she go? She wasn't going back there, she couldn't. And Derek wasn't going to go back without her. He'd refuse. He would never leave her. But now they were homeless. They couldn't stay on the side of the road forever. She took a shaky breath, and glanced helplessly at Derek.

"A hotel. Any hotel." Derek said firmly, immediately responding to the look in her eyes.

"Derek, we can't." Meredith murmured. "We have no clothes, no money with us."

"Your stuff is in the back." Alex said simply, turning around to smile reassuringly at her. "It helps having Izzie around. Apparently she thinks of everything."

"She packed up our things?" Derek asked, his eyes widening.

"Yeah. It's all there."

"How did she know...?" Meredith began, her teeth beginning to chatter.

"She didn't think you would want to come back tonight." Alex shrugged, turning the heat onto high.

"So she knows..." Meredith trailed off. "Everyone saw..."

"Yeah." Alex said gently, pulling the car away from the curb and heading down the street, the rhythmic swishing of the wipers the only sound in the now otherwise silent car.

Meredith fell quiet, slumping back in her seat. She was exhausted, emotionally and physically. She felt as though she had experienced every possible emotion in the last half an hour, and now they all crashed down on her, pressing her back against the seat. She could feel Derek watching her in concern but she couldn't so much as lift her head to smile at him. She closed her eyes, scenes from the day flashing through her. She could feel Derek's arms around her as they whirled around the dance floor. She could feel the warmth enter her heart as she remembered how it had felt to finally confront the fact that her feelings were more than she pretended they were. She felt the nauseous tightening of her stomach that had hit her the minute the truth had finally come out. As she sat there, her body aching with tiredness, her mind replaying everything that had happened that day she realized the truth. She was so overloaded with emotion that she couldn't tell Derek what she wanted to tell him. She physically couldn't make the words come out, they were buried under everything else she was keeping in. The one emotion she longed to express, the one thing she wanted so badly was hindered by her avoidance of her father. Everything she wanted to say to him, everything she had wanted to tell him for 18 years was crushing the best thing that had ever happened to her. And now she was running away. The feelings would still be there, the dread and insecurity that had built in her stomach was never going to go away, no matter how far she distanced herself from Thatcher. Not if she didn't do something about it. Derek deserved more from her, he deserved all of her, something she was unable to give him in her current state. They had had their moment, that one moment that everyone dreams of. He had told her he loved her and now she couldn't say the words back to him, not in the way she wanted to. Not yet. Not like this. Her eyes snapped open as she realized what she needed to do, no matter how much the thought of it sent panic coursing through her. For herself, for Derek she had to do it. Meredith took a deep breath.

"Alex? Can we...can we go back?" She asked quietly.

Alex turned to frown at her before reverting his attention to the road. "What?"

"I need to go back." Meredith said again, her voice shaking ever so slightly.

"Mer?" Derek asked, his own voice laced with concern. "I don't think that's a good idea."

Derek had been silently watching her for the last few minutes, watching as emotions flitted across her face only to be replaced by a completely different one a second later. She looked exhausted and completely drained. He knew what she wanted to do and while it thrilled him that she was finally willing to confront the man responsible for so much pain, it worried him. She was in no state to tackle it now. His confession, Thatcher's confession...it was a lot to take in, a lot to deal with. Going back now could destroy the little bit of progress they had made, and while it might seem selfish, the thought terrified him.

"I need to." She replied, rubbing her forehead tiredly.

"Mer, you're exhausted." He said gently, taking her hand in his and moving his thumb in circles around her palm. "We can come back in the morning."

"I need to do this." She said again, looking down to where their hands joined. "I don't want to do it, Derek. I _need_ to. For me, for...I just need to. If I don't do it now, it'll be too late."

"Too late for what?" He looked confused.

Meredith turned away from him, leaving her hand in his as she stared out the window into the rain. It would be too late for them if she didn't do this now. Now, while she had the courage to do it. Derek didn't understand, he didn't realize that she could never be what he needed, not if she kept running. She definitely had something to run from, something that hurt and scared her. But the thing she was running to was worth more than her fears and insecurities. At the end of the road was Derek. Maybe her life had been leading her to this, to this moment. If she didn't take it, then he would and could never be hers.

"Meredith, what do you want to do?" Alex asked quietly, the tension in the car building.

_Hide._ She thought. _I want to hide away. But I can't._

Turning to face Derek, she looked into his confused and worried gaze. "Go back. I need to go back."

Alex swung the car around, water spraying up from the tyres as he turned back to head in the direction they had just come.


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N:** This is a continuation of the previous chapter. I would have uploaded them together, but I wasn't sure how long this would take to write and I wanted to get something up in case this took ages. This chapter is the chapter that points to progress for Meredith and Derek, though maybe not directly. But the events of this night leave the door wide open for them. Hopefully it comes across the way it is meant to. The next chapter will be back to the MerDer of it all. Thanks, as always, for reading. :-)

The car was deathly silent, all three occupants seeming more than happy to follow the unwritten rule to not speak.

Meredith sat perfectly still, staring out the window into the night, watching the street lights as they glowed through the rain. She unconsciously flipped her watch around her wrist, back and forward, back and forward. Her hands shook, though whether it was from nerves or the fact that she was drenched was hard to tell, maybe a combination of both. Parents argued with their children all the time. It was a natural part of life, perhaps a natural part of any relationship. To be able to disagree and yet still love the person, still respect them. Only there was nothing natural about her relationship with her father, there was no respect there. To her, she would always see him as the father to a 6 year old girl, not the 24-year old woman she had become. Meredith had never learnt how to confront him on something, how to challenge him. She could air her feelings to Derek without worrying about his reaction. They had fought over the years, but they always sorted it out, their friendship still as strong as ever, maybe even stronger because of it. Meredith could argue with Amy Shepherd when she felt she was being unreasonable or unfair. And she had, numerous times. Amy was her surrogate mother, scolding her when she thought it was relevant. Their relationship was close enough to withstand the rare quarrel. But the anger that Meredith felt towards Thatcher was in a league of its own. It whirled and swelled inside her, a dam waiting to burst. This was the biggest thing she had ever faced in her lifetime, perhaps the thing that had shaped who she was. This confrontation would now shape who she could become, and that thought made her nervous. Nervous and furious that it was necessary at all.

Derek watched as Meredith fiddled with her watch, her eyes glazed over, unreadable. He had a bad feeling about this. It wasn't that Meredith wasn't strong, she was one of the strongest people he knew. No, he was worried that this was a big mistake. He realized that this was of significance for Meredith, that is was something she needed to do. He wasn't sure he knew why she was so adamant that they turn back, but just the fact that she had recognized it was important, that she had acted on that impressed him immensely. In a few short days she had gone from being someone who wasn't willing to place the blame where it belonged, to a person who was now on her way to make the move that would either make or break her. It was the break option that had him worried. He was worried that Thatcher would say something that would reverse every bit of progress Meredith had made. He sat there silently, watching her out of the corner of his eye, fighting back the urge to tell Alex to turn back.

Alex steered the car carefully through the slick streets, the moonlight shimmering brilliantly on the pavement. He liked Meredith. Truth be told, he had been determined to like her simply because he despised what Thatcher had done. But from the time he had met Meredith he had felt an affinity to her. Both of them had father's that had walked out on them, though his father had left his mother for alcohol rather than another woman. Still, it had hurt and although he held Meredith's father in contempt for the lie he had told, and what he had done to his daughter, Alex did appreciate the fact that Thatcher truly loved his mother. He made her happy. To Alex, lying in any form was unacceptable. But to continue on with a lie that hurt so many people really put his back up. From the time he had heard Meredith had accepted her invitation to the wedding, he had known what he would do. Organising the meeting between Ida and Meredith had been his way of righting a wrong, or at least part of it. Ida was a tough old woman who had earned Alex's respect and admiration from their very first meeting. When he had realized that she didn't know her grandaughter would be arriving he had called her up and told her, informing her of the plan for Meredith and Derek to stay Thatcher and Alice's. Thatcher was still a little pissed that Alex had interfered, but Alex couldn't give a shit. Both of them had had a right to know, and no one else had seemed to be doing anything about it.

Alex glanced in the mirror, the tension in the car was reaching unbelievable heights. The worry coming from the backseat seemed to fit his own. Meredith had wanted, or needed, to turn back and he respected her decision. If he had the opportunity to lay things out for his father, he'd take it. He wouldn't deny Meredith that same chance. The last thing he had seen back at Thatcher's, before he leapt in the car, was Ida confronting her son. Izzie had disappeared into the house, later coming out laden with bags and tossing them at his feet before running to get some towels. The guests had deemed it appropriate to depart, most of them getting ready to leave as they had taken in the uncomfortable situation. And Ida had made her way across the lawn, her pale blue eyes burning.

_"What have you done?" Ida asked, standing in front of her son. "Dear god, what have you done?"_

_"Not now, Mother." Thatcher snapped, his face pale._

_"You had to know she would find out. Why didn't you tell her? I told you that she had to hear it from you!" Ida replied, her tone both furious and desperate._

_"So everyone told me." Thatcher said resentfully, glancing down at Meredith's shoes still laying on the grass where she had removed them._

_"So help me, if I lose that girl again because of you..." Ida said quietly, though firmly._

_"I can't deal with this now." Thatcher replied, his voice full of steel._

_"No, you never could. That was your problem." Ida snapped. "You've avoided this issue for nearly two decades! When were you planning on dealing with it?"_

_"It's my life, my problem." Thatcher bit out, running his hands through his hair. "It has nothing to do with you!"_

_"Your decision affected everyone, Thatcher. You, me, Meredith, George...you have to take responsibility for your actions." Ida informed him tightly, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. "She was hurt more than was necessary. My grandaughter ran away because you didn't have the decency to tell her yourself. Your father would have been ashamed of you."_

_"Ida, maybe this isn't the time..." Alice intervened quietly, placing a calming hand on Thatcher's arm._

_"You condone this, what he's done?" Ida asked incredulously._

_"No. Of course not. But people make mistakes." Alice replied anxiously. "You two fighting over this is not going to help."_

_"She's gone." Ida pointed out. "She's left, Alice. At this point, nothing helps."_

_She gave her son a look of utter disappointment before she turned to walk slowly into the house."_

Alex let the recent memory fade into the distance as he turned the car into the driveway, the rain still pelting down onto the windscreen. He pulled the car as close as possible to the house and turned off the ignition, sitting there silently for a moment before he spoke.

"We're here." He said quietly.

Derek looked up, seeming to notice for the first time that they had arrived. He turned to look at Meredith, gently touching her on the arm. "Mer?"

"I'm ready." She said quietly, undoing her seat belt.

"Look, take the keys." Alex said firmly. "When you're done here, drive yourself to a hotel. I'll pick the car up in the morning."

Derek nodded, reaching into the front and grasping hold of the keys dangling from Alex's finger.

"I'm coming in." Derek informed Meredith, leaning back and watching her closely, his voice not allowing for any argument.

"Yes." She said simply, her voice sounding strained. "You are."

Derek merely nodded, releasing the clasp on his own seat belt and opening the door.

All three figures dashed towards the house, their feet pounding up the porch steps in unison as they ran from the rain. Alex hastily wiped his feet on the welcome mat before pushing open the front door, holding it open and waiting for both Meredith and Derek to walk inside before following after them, the door clanging shut behind him.

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They entered the kitchen to find Thatcher, Alice, and Izzie all sitting at the kitchen table. Izzie was sitting with her head in her hands, while Thatcher and Alice sat quietly, neither one saying a word. All three of them looked up as the door opened, Alice's face turning to one of surprise.

"Meredith." She murmured softly, her face filling with silent relief.

"Oh my god, you guys are soaking!" Izzie said, pushing her chair back and standing up.

"Can I get you something?" Alice asked awkwardly. "Hot coffee or...something?"

"No. Thank you." Meredith replied stiffly, her eyes never straying from her father's. Any nerves she had felt melted away as she stared at him, instead the anger fully consuming her. He had taken so much from her, her childhood, her grandmother, her belief that she was worth something...and now he was succeeding in taking away her ability to tell the man she loved exactly how she felt. A man who stood beside her always, his constant strength there whenever she needed it. She wouldn't let him take Derek from her too, she couldn't.

Thatcher looked back at her, taking a quick indrawn breath, his expression veiled.

"Meredith..." Alice began, taking note of the look on Meredith's face.

"Mom." Alex interrupted sharply, shaking his head.

Alice closed her mouth and looked at him in surprise. Without speaking, Alex gave a subtle jerk of his head, his eyes clashing with Izzie's and motioning her out of the room. Izzie took one last look at Thatcher and Meredith before she nodded and left the kitchen. Alice went to protest, motioning towards Thatcher but Alex gently took hold of her arm and led her from the room, acknowledging the look of gratitude from Derek with a small nod before he closed the door behind them.

"Why?" Meredith asked, her voice wavering a little, from either anger or suppressed emotions.

"I take it you are staying?" Thatcher asked Derek, using every opportunity to avoid her question.

"Yes." Derek replied, his voice rigid. "Answer her question."

"Meredith..." Thatcher sighed, leaning his elbows on the table. "I had a choice to make."

"You had an affair." Meredith said flatly.

"Yes."

"You had an affair. You had another child. And you left."

"Meredith...she was pregnant. I loved her, I couldn't just..." Thatcher replied.

"Where is he?" Meredith interrupted. "My...brother. Where is he?"

"He visits his mother's parents every year." Thatcher informed her. "He's in San Francisco. He went early this year because...well, the wedding and...he's away."

"Does he know about me?" Meredith asked quietly, shivering a little in her damp clothes.

"No." Thatcher replied. "I didn't feel it was necessary."

Meredith closed her eyes. She had a brother, a baby brother. Who didn't even know she existed. She had always envied the relationship Derek had with his sisters. Oh, they annoyed him no end, but he loved them. Each and every one of them gave him something, added something to his life. He watched out for them and they returned the favor. Now she found out that she had a brother, something she never thought she would have. And he knew nothing about her. She let the wave of pain wash over her before the anger returned once more. It was just yet another example of something her father had taken from her.

"You left me for him." She said biting her lip.

"It wasn't easy." Thatcher replied, his voice rising. "It's not something I'm proud of, but I did what I had to do."

"Bullshit." Derek muttered under his breath, his own anger bubbling to the surface.

Thatcher turned his head to glare at Derek, his face red with annoyance. "Look, when I found out she was pregnant, I had to make a choice. Your mother wanted me to make it a clean choice. Him or you. That was the ultimatum. I couldn't have both, and I loved Louise and she was carrying my child."

"You could have fought for me!" Meredith cried out angrily. "You had rights. You could have fought for me and you didn't!"

"Do you think I made the decision lightly?" Thatcher asked, his eyes flashing. "Do you think it was easy for me?"

"Do you think it was easy for _me_, watching you walk out and learning that you were never coming back? Do you think I didn't notice the way my mother's attitude towards me changed after that night? That my family collapsed around me because of you?" Meredith shouted, anger taking hold of her and sweeping her away. "You walked out on me, and you hide behind the fact that you had to make a choice. A choice you didn't even have to make. Derek's right, you're nothing more than a coward!"

"I am still your father, and a member of my family will not speak to me like that." Thatcher said, his eyes narrowing in his pale face.

Something clicked inside Meredith, like a puzzle it all fell into place. She thought of Peter Shepherd, the man that had died with his family around him, holding his hands as he slipped away. The man that had screened her boyfriends, telling her when he didn't think they were good enough for her. He had yelled when he found out that she had stayed out all night partying, with only a girlfriend for company. He had given her a lecture on what could happen to her if she wasn't more careful, yelling at her until she had cried and then he had taken her in his arms, whispering that he wanted to take care of her, but she had to meet him halfway. The man hadn't been related to her at all and yet he had taken an interest, watching over her even from a distance, treating her as one of his own. Thatcher hadn't contacted her in any way since she was 6 years old, instead seeming to put her to the back of his mind as he concentrated on living his life the way he wanted. He was nothing more than a sperm donor. Yes, something definitely clicked, and she felt lighter all of a sudden. It wasn't about her. It had never been about her. At such a young age there was nothing she could possibly have done to make him leave. It was on him. All of it. The circumstances that had changed her life were not of her own making. The blame lay with him, squarely on his shoulders. He had chosen wrong, taken the easy way out.

"You're not my father." Meredith said quietly, her voice angry and determined. "You lost that right the minute you left. I thought it was me. All this time, all these years I thought it was me. But it wasn't, it was you. All of this is on you! I was nothing more than your plaything, something you got tired of. I never changed, you did! Years, I've spent years wondering what I did, what was so wrong with me that you had to leave. You've affected everything that happened in my life, every decision."

Meredith took a deep breath as hot, angry tears pricked her eyes. "You're not my family, not my real family. There's more than one type of family, and I have Derek, and Cristina, and Mark and...Derek's family. I have a family, a great family. I have people who love me for who I am, who care about me, faults and all. I realize that I'm lucky. And I don't need you. For years I took on the responsibility that should have been yours, and now I'm giving it back."

Meredith turned her back on him, closing her eyes for a split second before she straightened and headed for the door, her feet seeming to feel lighter with every step. She had taken her burden and given it away to its rightful owner. Derek reached for her hand, laced his fingers with hers and walked out with her, squeezing her hand gently as she wiped away tears with her free hand.

It seemed to be a repeat of the night 18 years ago that had led them all to this moment, but this time it was Thatcher who watched as his daughter walked away from him, leaving him behind as she stepped out into the rain.


	30. Chapter 30

Derek slid the hotel key-card in the slot in one smooth movement, the tiny light flicking from red to green as the dull click indicated the door was unlocked. He twisted the handle and held the door open for Meredith. She slipped silently passed him, walking into the room they had reserved for the night. Derek sighed as he pushed the door closed, sliding the safety chain into place. He turned and leaned against the door, watching as Meredith dropped her bags onto the floor and stood in the middle of the room, folding her arms over her chest. She hadn't said a word in the car, nor had she spoken as he had checked them in to the hotel, the receptionist giving them a strange look as she took in their damp attire. Meredith was shivering slightly, rubbing her hands briskly up and down her arms in an effort to warm them up. For the first time ever in their relationship he didn't know what she was thinking. Normally he could read her like a book, her thoughts and feelings written all over her face. But she had carefully schooled her emotions in the car, reaching out to turn on the radio before slumping back in her seat in exhaustion.

He felt a little like he was walking over hot coals, waiting for her to speak. He was so proud of her, of what she had just accomplished. Never in his life had he expected to hear her tell her father all the things she had finally managed to say. Thinking them was one thing, saying them, out loud, was another thing entirely. But she had done it, with class and style, the way only she could. He could only hope that in handing it all back to Thatcher she had found the peace that had eluded her for so long.

"Mer?" Derek asked quietly, crossing over to stand beside her.

"Yeah?" She replied, her eyes curiously bright.

"Go have a shower." Derek instructed, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. "You're shivering."

"Don't you want one?" She asked, kicking off the shoes she had pulled out of her bag to cover her bare feet.

"Are you offering to share?" Derek teased lightly, grinning at her.

It seemed to be all she needed to pull herself out and up from the slight slump she had been in. She laughed, the sound rebounding off the walls.

"Not right now." She replied dryly, rolling her eyes.

"Was there an emphasis on the 'now'?" Derek smirked, enjoying the blush that spread out across her cheeks.

"Not intentionally." Meredith replied with a smile, a small shudder racking her body.

"Shower. Now." Derek said firmly, grasping her shoulders and turning her in the direction of the bathroom.

"But what about you?" She asked in concern, lightly brushing her hand over the damp shirt clinging to his chest.

"I'll have one when you're done." He informed her, tilting his head ever so slightly as he studied her face.

"What?" Meredith asked self-consciously, bringing her hand up to pat her hair.

"Nothing." Derek answered, his words barely audible.

"But..."

"Mer, if you don't get in the shower now, I really will be joining you." Derek said pointedly, his body giving a light shiver of its own.

"Right. Going." She said quickly, picking up her toilet bag from on the floor before turning and disappearing into the bathroom.

Derek sighed, pulling out the chair that accompanied the wooden desk in the corner room and sat down. She was talking, she was laughing, she was smiling. But something seemed...off. It wasn't even necessarily a bad thing, it was just...something. He heard the shower turn on, his body longing for the warm deluge of water running over him, washing away the rain and her tears.

Meredith peeled off her dress, the wet material clammy to the touch. She eased it over her head and tossed it on the floor, reaching behind her back to unclasp her bra before that too joined the dress on the bathroom floor. She was tired and cold, her body longing for a soft, warm bed. With a sigh of anticipation, she stuck her hand inside the shower, testing the water temperature before she stepped in, the warm water streaming over her body. It was cleansing, in more ways that one, almost an emotional baptism. As the water flowed over her she allowed herself to let go, tears stinging her eyes and spilling down over her cheeks to mingle with the water. She had done it, done what she never thought she would do. It wasn't in her nature to deliberately hurt people. In fact, she usually went out of her way to make sure that she didn't, but this time she hadn't cared. The hurt and pain she had been carrying for so long had melted away with the realization that the course of her life was not of her own making, that knowledge seeming to be the trigger needed for her to accept her lot in life and begin to move on. The tears weren't ones of sadness or of regret, but of healing, making their way slowly down her face, the very symbol of her past washing away. She didn't expect to feel this...free. It was the only word to describe it. She was free. She wasn't bogged down by the events in her past, instead she lifted her face towards the water as warmth spread through her, her uncontrollable shivers dying away. She had certainly never expected the change to be so instant and yet it was. She allowed herself to give into the tears as she sobbed out everything she had taken with her for so long, all the emotional baggage that had weighed her down, a lot of the damage so deeply rooted that she hadn't know it was there. Never again would she allow herself to go back to how she had been. She was sure she'd have her moments when she'd slip up, reverting back to the way she had been, but in this moment, as the water ran over her body she was filled with a sense of relief and determination. Her life would change, starting tonight.

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Derek ran a tired hand over his face as he heard the water turn off. All he wanted was a hot shower, a soft bed and Meredith. Not necessarily in that order, but nevertheless, that was his wish list. His body was cold and completely spent, the day spent worrying about when Thatcher intended to speak to his daughter having taken its toll on him. The apprehension and worry was still there, but for different reasons. He and Meredith had to have a discussion. Things had changed between them and one of them at least needed to acknowledge that. He wasn't sure how that conversation was supposed to go, given everything that had happened that night. When he reflected over it he realized just how much emotional upheaval she must have been feeling. Still, something needed to be said, there were things he needed to know but whether or not she was willing to give him that was over to her. The words he needed to hear couldn't come from him, he couldn't force them. She had to give it willingly, and taking into account what she had just been through he didn't see it happening anytime soon.

The bathroom door creaked as it opened, and Meredith walked out, towelling her hair dry. Derek looked up, his heart stilling in his chest for a few beats. She was wearing one of the hotel bathrobes, the sash knotted around her middle accentuating her tiny waist, the white flannel seeming to dwarf her small frame. Her creamy skin peeked out at him where the two sides overlapped, a large portion of her neck and chest remaining uncovered and open to his gaze, making him wonder exactly what she was wearing, or wasn't wearing, underneath it. He gave an inward groan. How much was one man expected to take? The woman he loved was standing in front of him, looking oh-so-delectable, her cheeks rosy from the warm shower, her eyes sparkling. She smiled at him, drawing his attention to her mouth and the soft, pink lips he had tasted only that morning.

"Shower's free." She said softly, watching him from under her lashes as she continued drying her hair the best she could.

Derek coughed quietly. "Right. I'll be out in a minute."

He stood up, giving her a smile as he moved past her, a flowery scent filling the air around her. A scent that was distinctly and uniquely hers. He stifled another groan and disappeared into the bathroom. As he stripped off his shirt and dropped his pants, something on the floor caught his eye.

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me!" He muttered, bending down and picking up the tiny scrap of lace from on the floor, dangling the bra between his fingers. "It's official. Apparently the universe hates me."

He tossed the bra aside, throwing it on top of the rapidly growing pile of wet clothes as he stripped down, reaching in to turn the shower on. He'd have to take a cold shower, the way he was going, and the idea didn't appeal. He was freaking freezing. Standing in the rain for extended periods of time tended to do that to a person. And now he was the guy who watched the woman he loved completely fall apart and then pick up the pieces of her life, only to want her in the most intimate sense not an hour later. That was great. That was just perfect. It wasn't who he was, not at all. At least he didn't like to think it was. But he had waited for her for so long, he had loved her for so long, unable to express himself in any way but friendship and he wanted that to change. He didn't expect anything. He had no expectations. In fact, he wasn't even entirely sure how she felt about him, whether it was something real or not. Because it was real to him. It was the feeling that had kept him moving for the last five years. Now he had reached a standstill, determined not to move back to hiding his feelings away, but unsure how to proceed past his confession. He gave a deep sigh and stepped into the shower, allowing himself five minutes where he wouldn't think about the uncertainty plaguing him.

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Derek walked out of the bathroom wearing only his pajama bottoms slung low on his hips. He ran a hand through his newly washed hair, his gaze drawn to Meredith. She was sitting cross-legged on the bed, leaning back against the headboard, the bathrobe parting to reveal the smooth length of her legs. She had her eyes closed, her breathing deep and even.

"Are you okay?" He asked cautiously, sitting down on the edge of the bed. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, his head turning to look at her as he gave a little sigh. He felt so completely unsure of himself, a feeling he wasn't used to having, certainly not with her. They had been friends for so long that for now he ignored what he wanted from her, he ignored how much he needed to ask her what 'everything' meant. He couldn't let her just sit there, despite the confessions he had made not two hours ago and his confusion at her response. If she was hurting he had to know.

"Mer?" He repeated, frowning a little.

Her eyes slid open and she smiled softly. "I'm okay."

"You know it's okay not to be, right?" He asked carefully, watching her closely.

"I did it." She murmured. "I actually did it."

"Yes, you did." He replied, smiling a little.

"I feel..." She murmured again, breaking off as her forehead furrowed.

"You feel what?" Derek asked quietly.

"Good." She replied, her eyes widening. "I actually feel good. I did it, Derek. I really did it."

"You know I'm proud of you, right?" He asked softly, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he smiled.

She smiled a small, secret smile. "I think I'm proud of me too."

"Well, you should be." He replied, standing up and pulling back the covers on the bed.

Meredith uncrossed her legs, sliding off the mattress to pull back the blankets on her side of the bed. "I'm tired though."

"Me too." Derek said quietly, ignoring the burning need to ask her to clarify 'everything.'

He turned on the bedside lamp and flicked off the main light, climbing in to bed. "Let's just go to sleep, Mer."

She gave a small nod of agreement, slipping in under the covers.

"You're wearing the robe to bed?" Derek asked, watching as she pulled the blankets up under her chin.

"I was cold. It's comfortable." She explained softly.

Derek rolled onto his side to face her, smiling as she did the same, her hands resting under her chin. He reached behind him and switched off the light.

As the room plunged into darkness, it seemed to give Meredith the courage she needed to bring up the topic that was now worrying her.

"Derek?" She whispered softly.

"Mmmm?" He replied.

"I don't want things to get awkward."

"What?" He asked, reaching over to turn on the light.

"Now that you've...said things...I don't want things to get awkward." She whispered again.

"Mer? What do you mean exactly?" Derek asked, frowning.

"Could you turn off the light?" She asked quietly, the light seeming to steal away the courage that had just flooded through her.

Derek looked confused, but did as she asked. "Mer?"

"I just...I'm worried."

"Why?" Derek asked gently, feeling her shift uneasily next to him.

"If we make this...more...we could...it could...we might..." Meredith babbled, finding it difficult to say what she meant.

"We might lose our friendship." Derek finished for her, giving a small sigh.

"Yeah." She whispered. "I can't lose you. If things went wrong...if it got awkward...I..."

"Mer, we've been pretending for the past few days. It wasn't awkward, aside from the odd moment when we kissed. It wasn't awkward, it came naturally. No one suspected we were lying. What does that tell you?"

"That we're good actors?" Meredith muttered, her pulse racing a little.

"I told you I wasn't pretending, and I stand by that, Mer. But you...you were." Derek reminded her, his heart aching a little. He needed to ask her, he wanted to ask her...he was just afraid that he had his hopes up for something she could never feel for him.

"But it wasn't awkward." She was saying softly, almost in awe.

"It wasn't awkward." He repeated in a whisper.

The room fell silent as she allowed his words to sink in. He was right, it hadn't been awkward. It had felt the most natural thing in the world to lean into his side, take his hand in hers, slide her arms around his waist. All those little touches she had done without thinking, without even being aware of it half the time.

"Go to sleep, Mer. We'll talk in the morning." Derek said softly, closing his eyes with a sigh.

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The alarm clock blinked in the darkness, the red numbers flashing at her, mocking her inability to sleep. 2 am. It was two o'clock in the morning and she was wide awake, the only thought going around in her head something she desperately needed to share. For the last hour she had lay there awake, listening to his rhythmic breathing as he lay on his back. She needed to tell him, he needed to know just how she felt, the feeling welling up inside her, dying to come out. Tears pricked her eyes as she remembered his words. _I already love you. I've been in love with you...forever. Treating you as more than a friend...it's easy for me. I don't want to be your friend. I want to be your everything the way you are mine. What I need is you. That's it, that's my reality. I want to die when I'm 110 in your arms. I want a lifetime with you._ The feelings inside her grew more intense as she replayed his words over and over. Suddenly, it wasn't good enough to wait till morning. She had to tell him now. Right this second.

"Derek?" She whispered, leaning over and touching him gently on the shoulder. He gave a little groan and shifted in his sleep.

"Derek." She said again, shaking him a little bit harder.

When he didn't wake up she leaned over him, pressing her lips gently to his. His eyes opened and she deepened the kiss, his arms coming up to wrap around her.

"Mer, what..." He began sleepily, before she placed her hand gently over her mouth.

"I love you." She whispered, staring down at him, the small gap in the curtains letting in just enough moonlight that she could see his face. "Derek, I do. I love you so much."

Derek heard the words and suddenly he was wide awake, his hand lifting to gently caress her face. She was smiling at him, a single tear falling down her cheek. He wiped it away with his thumb, his heart filling with a feeling so intense he felt like he would burst. She loved him. Everything else faded away and it was only the two of them. Meredith and Derek, the way they were born to be.

Meredith felt his thumb brush away the tear that had leaked out and she lowered her head again, brushing her lips against his, the kiss whisper soft. He grasped the back of her neck and pressed her more firmly against him, her body lying on top of his as his tongue slid into her mouth, every feeling they both felt culminating in this moment.

A moment neither of them intended to stop.


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N:** This fic has now changed in rating from 'T' to 'M'. Please don't read this update if it will offend you. The second half of this chapter will be coming soonish. Thanks as always for reading, and for the reviews. :-)

Derek ran his fingers through her hair, the strands silky soft. He lazily explored the contours of her mouth, slowly driving her crazy before he pulled back, breathing hard. Meredith gazed down at him, her expression confused.

"Mer..." He breathed, running his thumb over her bottom lip and tucking her hair behind her ear. "Maybe...we should..."

She knew what he was going to say, but she didn't want to wait. She needed him in a way she had never needed anyone, her confession of love still hanging in the air between him. She loved him. Completely. She could finally admit it to herself, finally admit it to him. She wanted and needed to show him just how much she felt. Meredith shook her head, her eyes clear and shining. She leaned down and crushed his lips with hers, taking control. Her lips covered his, moving slowly, savouring every taste, every stroke of her tongue teasing and tantalizing. She was making the decision, this was what she wanted. She kissed him with everything she had, saying without words what she wanted. He seemed to understand, rolling her over onto her back, his body coming down hard on hers. They were pressed together, chest to chest, thigh to thigh, not an inch of space between them. Just the way it should be.

Meredith's mouth went dry as she stared up at him, his eyes dark with passion. She wanted this. She wanted him. Desperately. Derek lowered his head and she rose up to meet him, her body trembling in anticipation. His lips covered hers in a burning kiss, their tongues dueling as passion flared. This felt right. Natural. Like they could do it every day for the rest of their lives. His lips moved over hers, his teeth nipping gently on her lip, tugging it into his mouth. Heat pooled in her stomach, washing through her like a burning tide. She gripped his shoulders tightly, her hands slipping down his bare back, the muscles tensing under her touch. The heat was spreading now, her body tingling at the thought of his hands on her. He hadn't touched her yet, but every nerve was standing to attention, ready and waiting for that first sensation.

Derek molded his hands to her face as he drew her in for another deep kiss. He wanted to take this slow, to enjoy every touch, every kiss, every feeling. Her body shifted restlessly under his as he slid his lips from hers, kissing a path down her cheek. His mouth found the soft, tender skin at the base of her neck and he licked gently, his tongue swirling in the hollow of her throat. He felt her tug on his thick, dark curls and he raised his head, staring down at her flushed face. She ran her tongue over her lips, wetting her plump bottom lip as she fought for breath. His gaze shifted, following the path of her tongue as it darted across her mouth, tempting him beyond measure. As his mouth descended yet again, his nimble fingers worked away on the tie of her bathrobe, his lips distracting her as he worked. He felt the knot give way and he lifted his head, smiling a little at her moan of frustration.

Derek braced himself with one arm, supporting his weight as he slowly parted her robe, his eyes locked with hers. Slowly, carefully he pulled the material away, watching her shiver as her skin was bared to the open air. Taking his index finger he drew a path down the line of her nose, dipping his finger quickly into her slightly open mouth before he continued on over her chin and down the long line of her neck, leaving a trail of fire behind. He slid his finger further down her exposed body, running his finger between her breasts and over her slender stomach.

Meredith's breath caught in her throat as his finger reached the apex of her thighs. He wrenched his gaze away from hers, his finger dipping into the moist heat at the very core of her for a split second before he trailed it back up her body, leaving a path of moisture behind. Meredith groaned, her head falling back against the pillow as he worked his subtle magic. He had barely touched her and already she was so turned on she could burst at any moment. She was hot and wet, more so than she had ever been and she needed something...now.

Derek was making the most of it, taking his time as he explored every inch of her. He had waited for this moment for five years, five long years of dreams and fantasies and he had every intention of living up to them. Already he was hard and aching, the sight of her naked body enough to make him groan inwardly. The robe had parted, falling away at her sides to give him an unencumbered view of her soft, creamy skin. Her breasts were full and round, moving with each indrawn, shaky breath she took as she watched him silently. Her nipples stood pink and hard, begging for the attention only he could give them. He shifted his gaze down, following the smooth line of her stomach, the small cavern of her bellybutton before coming to rest on the soft curls at the junction of her thighs. She had felt so good, her wet, inner walls grasping hold of his finger before he had pulled it away, the temptation too much for him. She was so beautiful, lying stretched out before him, her body his to pleasure in every possible way. He intended to take full advantage.

Meredith watched him as he studied her closely, his eyes cloudy with passion. And then he was dipping his head, taking one hard, throbbing nipple into his mouth and sucking hard. Meredith gave a strangled cry and nearly jerked off the bed, intense need spiraling through her body, shooting down towards the dull ache between her legs. Her breast swelled, warm and tight as his hand closed over her, his thumb stroking one hard peak while his mouth did delicious things to the other. He rolled her nipple between his fingers, squeezing the sensitive tip.

"Derek..." Meredith moaned, making a move to sit up but he gently stilled her movement, his hand leaving her breast to press her back against the mattress.

"No. I want you just to feel." He said softly, his breath coming in irregular bursts. He wouldn't last if she touched him now, his erection pressing heavily against his pajama bottoms. He wanted to thrust into that molten heat that would welcome him in but he was holding off, making this last for as long as he could, showing her how he felt about her, putting her first as always.

"But..." She murmured, her eyes glazing over as he thumbed her breast once more.

"Just relax." He breathed, bending his head to capture her rosebud once more and his fingers wandered over her flat stomach.

Relax. Easy for him to say. Her muscles tensed beneath him, her hips moving under him just as he had dreamed she would. Her pulse raced within her, pleasure darting from the tips of her breast and down to her core and then back again, slowly driving her insane with need. She needed to touch him, to feel him but he wouldn't let her. Ínstead he suckled , feeling her hands roaming over his neck as she unconsciously pressed him closer to her. She was purring beneath his hot, warm mouth, her hips moving in slow circles, telling him without words what she wanted, what she needed.

Derek pressed warm kisses to her stomach, her damp thighs parting on their own accord as his hands moved under the open robe to grip her hips, effectively trapping her beneath him. She couldn't move. He wouldn't let her. Instead he held her steady as his mouth closed over her very center, the part of her that was demanding something more. Intense pleasure shot through her, her hips bucking in response. Her entire being was focused on the movements of his tongue as he played with her moist folds, running his tongue up and down her slit, before probing deeply. He plundered her hot, wet depths with the same thoroughness he had given her mouth, his lips moving over her and effectively ruining any train of thought she might have had. While his mouth did unspeakable things, his finger slid in to join in the teasing, finding the hard nub of her clitoris and pressing, desire lancing through her, an electric shock of passion. She was moaning now, her fingers in his hair, tugging, pulling, pressing as he continued his ministrations.

She tasted sweet, sweeter than he had ever imagined. He sucked on her clit, hearing her give a short, sharp scream and he smiled in response. She was shaking now, her body gleaming with sweat as she made the slow climb towards complete and total fulfillment. Feeling her nearing the end, he probed her depths with his fingers before sliding two inside her, thrusting deep.His finger slid effortlessly along her hot, wet channel, the evidence of her desire closing around him. She felt the fingers as they penetrated, stroking and twirling inside her, spurring her on. She gasped, arching against him.

"Derek..." She begged, her eyes glinting from beneath heavy lids before they shut completely, the need for relief overriding everything else. "Please...oh god...pl...please!"

She was aroused beyond belief as she teetered on the edge, waiting for that final fall into oblivion. His fingers plunged inside her again, responding to her plea as they moved in and out, picking up the rhythm of what would come later. The fire within her burned red hot as sensation swelled, her muscles clenching around his fingers. Her hips bucked once more, pushing her clit towards his mouth as desire burst within her and she was climaxing, riding wave after wave of pleasure, crying out in her release as shudders racked her body.

Meredith came down from her high, her body relaxing as he withdrew his fingers, sucking on them gently, her liquid pleasure coating his digits. She lay there, her chest heaving, her skin flushed from satisfaction. Still, deep inside her she needed more. She needed that ultimate connection, she needed that moment where two people were as close as they could ever be. She wanted him to feel the same way she had, she wanted that moment with Derek. She opened her eyes, looking into his hot gaze, reading the frenzied desire running through them. Oh no, the night was not over.


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N:** Here's part two. I've uploaded these as chapters on their own so people can skip them it they want to and not miss anything important. Next update will be safe for everyone! :-)

Derek watched as her breathing slowed, her eyes fluttering open as she lay beneath him. Silver specks smoldered in the dark blue of his eyes, pure passion igniting within them. Holding his gaze she slowly sat up, pushing him gently until they were both kneeling on the bed, his pajama bottoms slung low on his hips. With slow determination she shrugged out of her robe, rolling her shoulders as each sleeve slipped down over her arm, pooling around her legs. He smiled, reaching over and pulled it out from underneath her, tossing the white bathrobe onto the floor. If he thought she had looked beautiful before, it was nothing to how she looked now, completely and totally naked. Her blonde haired spilled down over her shoulders in waves, the tendrils framing her face still flushed with pleasure. Her creamy skin spread out before him, not a mark marring the perfection of her body. Her mouth seemed to hold a secret, curving up into a slow, sweet smile, the lips red and swollen from his kisses. She lifted her arms, winding them around his neck and locking her hands at his nape as she pulled him close to her, her tender nipples grazing his chest and causing her to shiver gently while driving near oblivion.

She felt incredible, soft and pliant as his arms curled around her waist, her skin warm to his touch. He had tasted her, pleasured her, and now he could hold her in a way he never had before. Where she was soft, he was hard, so very, very hard, the contrast turning him on even more. If that was possible. He needed her so badly, more than he had ever needed anyone. He had proof of that in the erection currently residing in his pants. It was more than lust, it had to be. He felt in tune with her, his body recognizing her needs just as she seemed to know his.

Meredith could feel the evidence of his desire, rock hard and pulsating against the smooth skin of her stomach. That evidence was irresistable. She smiled. He groaned softly as she pressed against him, rotating her hips in a gentle circle, brushing against him, a thin piece of material the only layer separating them. Derek slid his hands down the delicate length of her spine, applying subtle pressure until she was molded against him, her curves fitting into the hardness of his body. She tilted her head, raising her lips as his own descended on hers, nibbling, sucking, pulling. Derek took what she willingly offered, plundering her mouth as he kissed her deeply, searchingly, her tongue boldly tangling with his. Their lips met and melded together, time after time, taking each other within the deep recesses of their mouths.

Meredith felt Derek's hands slide down her back, grasping hold of her hips as he rocked her against him, extreme pleasure darting through their bodies. His desperate moan filled her mouth, stirring something inside her. She wanted to drive him crazy the way he had her, give him the intense, scolding pleasure she had found with him. She pulled back, watching him closely as her hands caressed his chest, running her palm back and forth over his nipples, feeling them tighten the way hers did beneath his touch. They pebbled under her hands as she flicked them lightly with her finger. Meredith felt the coiled tension within him as she teased and tantalized, running her fingers through the soft hair sprinkling his chest. His skin was burning hot, matching the heat smoking in his eyes. Carefully she ran her hands down his chest, down to where the dark vee of hair paved the way to his erection. She slid further still, watching him as her hands made their way inside his pants, her small hand grasping his not so small, rock hard penis. He shivered and shook as she moved her hand up and down, running her thumb over the tip before she withdrew, pulling her hands away from her.

Derek was desperate now. Her hands had been on him, stroking him, pleasing him...only to stop suddenly, leaving him feeling bereft. The room swirled around him as he closed his eyes and moaned, need curling within him, his stiff member aching and throbbing for release. He felt her hands wander back down towards his hips and then she was pulling on the material, guiding it down his thighs as his penis sprung free, standing to attention. Meredith spread her hands against his chest and guided him down onto the mattress, pulling the pajama's away from him before tossing them onto the floor beside her robe. He lay beneath her as she straddled his hips, leaning down to kiss him, her breasts brushing his chest once more. She could feel him beneath her. Hot. Hard. Aroused beyond belief. She shimmied down his body, pulling a moan from him as she brushed against his erection. She bent down and paid homage to his nipples the way he had hers, sucking and biting gently.

Derek growled low in his throat, threading his fingers through her hair as she placed soft kisses over his chest, her lips pulling on his hard nubs. She let her fingers wander over the broad expanse of his shoulders, down over his chest and stomach, toying with the hair leading a path to between his legs. Crisp, dark hair that led the way to untold pleasure. He'd explored her body and she intended to do the same. She trailed her fingers over his warm skin, tracing the muscles and hollows with the tips of her finger before she made her way down to his straining member.

Derek's pulse sped up as her fingers slid down, her hand dangerously close to his steel hardness. He needed her to touch him, needed it desperately, his body crying out for relief. Every muscle locked as she moved lower, sweeping her hands over his taut thighs.

And then she touched him.

His body jerked, twitching as her hand covered him, her fingers curling around his thick, rigid length. She stroked him gently, the light touch nearly driving him insane with a need for more. He stiffened as her thumb brushed over the head of his penis, the pearl drop forming on his tip spreading across her fingers. Her hand moved up and down, stimulating him to the point of explosion. She bent her head and her tongue darted out, licking him softly. He moaned and shifted beneath her, reaching down to pull her back up his chest just as her mouth lowered again.

"Mer...I can't..." He grunted, pulling her up to straddle his hips once more. "It...this will...over...can't."

She leaned towards him and pressed a gentle kiss on his lips in response, moving her hips in slow circles, rubbing her dripping heat against him. If it were possible his eyes darkened even more, narrowing slightly as he watched her.

"Tease." He moaned, griping her hips tightly and holding her steady, preventing her from moving.

She moaned as she lost contact with him, her motions from before having felt so good against her heated skin. She needed him inside her, she wanted to feel him moving within her, carrying her over the edge with him. She felt him shift slightly, need glowing in his eyes, his face straining with the effort it took not to thrust into her as his hips bucked a little. He was leaving it up to her, the decision to make this real and final. She could read it in his eyes, in the way he watched her, waiting for her to give her consent.

She gave it.

Meredith made that first move, capturing his throbbing shaft in her hands and guiding him between her slick thighs, holding him there for a moment before she lowered herself down, supported by his hands on her hips. She let herself sink down, the head of his shaft slipping inside her, drawing a deep, low moan from within him. Watching her face, his muscles rigid in anticipation, he let her set the pace as her body sunk around him, her moist heat clinging to his hardness. She froze, the feeling of him entering her stopping her from moving. She felt deliciously impaled as his length penetrated her tight sheath. He stretched her, filled her, completed her, the feeling more intense than any other in her life.

Derek struggled to breathe as she paused, holding him within her, her walls clamping down on him and squeezing tightly. It was pure torture. He needed to move. He needed it now, the pressure inside him growing stronger with ever second. She wasn't moving. Why wasn't she moving? God, he needed it.

He groaned again, moving his hips gently, seeming to knock her out of her daze. She gave him what he wanted then, taking him completely inside her, his unyielding hardness reaching places that had never been filled, both physically and emotionally.

They began to move, Derek's grasp on her hips lifting her and helping her set the pace as he bucked his hips beneath her, driving himself into her as she rode him, her breasts swaying with every movement. Heat flooded through them, spurring them on to new heights, new realms of pleasure.

Derek suddenly stilled for a moment, rolling her over carefully until he was on top, watching her as she panted for air beneath him. Meredith spread her legs further apart, her need for him plain to see. Their bodies shone with sweat as once more he began to thrust, his steady rhythm increasing the pressure inside her, his strokes coming harder and faster as he surged within her. Each time he pounded into her she groaned, only to moan again as he withdrew, her inner muscles clenching, trying to keep him in. Wetness pooled inside her, coating him as he rocked his hips against hers time and time again.

Derek could feel the pressure building, the desire to release coming hard and fast, spiraling through him. She was whimpering beneath him, her hands on his hips, pulling him towards her with each hard thrust. Her need increased with every movement. He slipped his hand between them, finding her damp curls as he pressed on her engorged clit, the sudden touch pushing her over the edge and she fragmented, her walls pulsating around him. All of her senses seemed to come together at that one moment, exploding around her as she reached her second orgasm with a loud cry.

As she cried out beneath him, Derek felt her inner muscles squeeze him and it was enough. His body shuddered, the tension inside him rolled, coiled, his thickness swelling frantically within her. With a harsh groan of satisfaction he thrust one last time, and then he broke, pouring himself into her, finally completely spent. His senses went blind as he collapsed into her waiting embrace.


	33. Chapter 33

**A/N:** Sorry about the delay! This is two chapters in one, really. I had the first part written but this site wouldn't let me post it when I tried yesterday for some reason. Anyway, I'll post them both together. The very last part of this is rated M.

The sun streamed in through the gap in the curtains, spilling out over the bed where the couple lay. Meredith gave a little stretch, arching her back slightly as she yawned. She froze as her body hit something hard wrapped around her. Something hard and incredibly warm. Something naked.

A hand was splayed out over her stomach, anchoring her to the heat radiating from behind her. She was cuddled in Derek's arms, his legs tangled with hers as he breathed softly in her ear. She felt completely and utterly satisfied, and not just in the sexual sense. There was something about waking up with Derek's arms around her. She felt safe and secure. She felt wanted. More importantly, she felt loved. They had woken up together before, his hands roaming her body while she slept. This wasn't the first time she had experienced his arms around her, felt what it was like to wake up with him. She had known then that it was how she wanted to wake up for always.

But this was different. For some reason, there was a difference this time. And yet nothing was different, at least not on the surface. They were in the same position they had been a few days ago, but still...it was different. Maybe it was their closeness of the night before, maybe it was because she had finally admitted how she felt, both to Derek and to herself. But she thought that the biggest reason was Thatcher. She had confronted him on just how badly he had hurt her. She had worked up the courage to tell him how devastating his actions were on her life. She had faced her fears and said the words she had wanted to be able to say for years. She had freed herself from the feeling that she could never be loved. The realization that his abandonment had nothing to do with her was cleansing, in a way. It allowed her to feel for the first time that people weren't going to leave her the minute she did something wrong. Because she hadn't done anything wrong. She had been a normal six year old little girl, with a father who wasn't man enough to live up to his responsibilities. Her head spun with just how much had happened in the last few days. It was a lot to take in, a lot to cope with. Last night had been her break from that, her feelings for Derek overriding everything else.

It had been more than sex. She'd never felt that way before. Ever. She'd had lovers, but she'd never slept with someone she truly loved, not the way she loved Derek. She'd never let herself feel more than casual affection, telling herself it wasn't worth it, that relationships didn't last. But her feelings for Derek couldn't and wouldn't be denied. When she had first started to become aware of them she had tried to turn them off, to shove them down but they merely grew, stronger than ever. They were more intense than anything else she had ever felt.

As she snuggled into him she had no regrets, not a single one. In fact, it might have been the best decision she had ever made. No, it wasn't a mistake. Far from it.

Derek had been lying there for the past hour, content to hold her in his arms as she slept peacefully beside him. He had woken early, his thoughts making it impossible for him to sleep. It was hard to believe that it wasn't a dream, that last night she had actually told him she loved him. He had known that he needed to hear the words, but he hadn't realized just how desperate he had been for them, or how much lighter he would feel. His face broke out into a smile as he allowed himself to fall back into that moment. _'I love you. Derek, I do. I love you so much.'_

Derek could feel her slowly start to wake up, her body changing from the complete relaxation sleep brought to a slight tension as she felt his arm around her. He waited for the inevitable freak-out. He waited for the moment when she would start rambling as she leapt away from him, stammering and blushing in all her naked glory.

That moment never came.

Instead she snuggled back into him, wiggling till her bare bottom was snug against his groin. He felt surprise fill him as she gave a little sound of contentment, almost like a soft purr. He tightened his arm around her waist, breathing in the scent of her.

"Hi." He whispered into her ear, his hand gently caressing the smooth line of her stomach.

"Hi." She whispered back.

"Thank you." He said quietly.

"For what?" She asked softly, her stomach tingling from his touch.

"For...everything."

Meredith smiled and twisted in his arms, turning her body around to face him. "You're...no regrets, right?"

Derek smiled gently, lifting his arm up to brush the hair out of her eyes. He leaned in and kissed her, stealing her breath as his tongue stroked hers, teasing a response out of her. She slid hers hands slowly across his chest as he made slow love to her mouth, his lips covering her in absolute possession. He let her know on no uncertain terms that she was his and he was hers. He felt her tremble as their bodies pressed together, their legs entwined beneath the covers. Her breasts rubbed against his chest as she kissed him back, slowly and sweetly, passion building between them. Derek pulled back as desire flared, the need to talk to her out-weighing the need curling within him. For now.

"No regrets." Derek said quietly, brushing his thumb across her lips as she stared back at him. "None at all."

He watched as the smile slowly spread across her face, her eyes twinkling. "Me either. But...are you sure?"

"I've wanted to do that for 5 years. I've loved you for five years." Derek admitted. "Believe me, I definitely don't regret it."

"Five years?" Meredith repeated softly in surprise.

"Mmmm hmmm." Derek murmured, his eyes soft and warm as he watched her.

"But...why didn't you say something?" Meredith asked.

"I didn't want to scare you away." Derek replied honestly. "And I didn't think you could ever feel the same."

"I had a crush on you when I was 16." Meredith said softly, peeking at him through her eyelashes.

Derek raised an eyebrow, the corner of his mouth twisting slightly. "Really?"

"Yeah. But we were friends and...well...I didn't think you would ever want me that way." Meredith replied. "God, Derek. We are so good at discussing everything else. Why have we waited this long?"

Derek paused as he ran the question over in his mind. "I think it is hard for friends to go from being friends to more than that. Especially us, Mer. I wasn't willing to risk our friendship if you didn't feel the same. It's the thing that's most important to me. You and me. It's the most important. It always has been."

"Me too. And I'm sorry for hurting you." Meredith said quietly, dropping her gaze down the the sheets.

"What?" Derek asked, tilting her head back towards him. "What are you talking about?"

"You said that it hurt you. Coming here. With me. I didn't mean to hurt you, Derek."

"Coming here didn't hurt me. If you hadn't asked me I'd have come anyway." Derek said fiercely. "Pretending is what hurt me. Pretending to mean more to you than...that's what hurt."

"I'm sorry." She whispered.

"It's not your fault. I should have told you." Derek responded, gently stroking her cheek. "I should have listened to Dad."

"Your dad?" Meredith asked. "About what?"

"You." Derek replied with a small smile.

"Me?"

"He told me that the thing I loved most was standing in front of me." Derek said softly.

"He knew?" Meredith replied, her eyes misting.

"I guess so." Derek said, smiling sadly.

"Did everyone know but us?" Meredith asked carefully as she widened her eyes.

"Well, I knew." Derek pointed out. "It just took me a while to figure it out. But I think I've always known, deep down."

Meredith lay her head on his chest, cuddling in against him as he ran his fingers through her hair, gently kissing her on the top of her head. She sighed with contentment, closing her eyes and relishing the feeling of complete and utter emotional freedom. She was hiding nothing from him now, she was hiding nothing from herself. She was literally naked and vulnerable before him and he still wanted her. He loved her, faults and all. There was liberty in that knowledge, a sense of belonging that came with loving someone with no reservations, knowing that they loved you back the same way.

"Mer?" Derek murmured. "You're okay, right?"

"With what?" She murmured, soothed by his hand as he rubbed slow circles across her back.

"Your dad...George..." Derek trailed off, waiting for her answer.

"I'm fine." She said quietly.

"Mer..." Derek warned, his hand stilling.

"No, Derek, I really am fine." Meredith insisted, lifting her head away from his chest.

"Okay." He said simply, smiling at her. "So, are we staying here or...you said you wanted to go home. If you still want to, we can."

"No, I'll stay."

"Seriously?" Derek asked, frowning. "You know you don't have to stay, right?"

"Yes. But I think I want to meet my brother before we go back. And..." Meredith stopped mid-sentence.

"Ida." Derek said softly.

"Yeah. I need to talk to her, Derek." Meredith said desperately. "I shouldn't have left without talking to her. That I _do_ regret."

"So that's what we can do today. It's not like we have anything else to do." Derek promised her. "We'll fix it, Mer."

"Okay." Meredith replied softly. "But...not right now, okay? I want to stay like this for a bit. Please."

Derek pulled the covers up around their shoulders, pulling her tightly into his embrace before he answered her softly, a contented smile on his face. "Okay, we can stay like this. I really do love you, Mer."

"I love you too." She said quietly, sighing as he wrapped her in his arms.

_For always._

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Derek grinned as he listened to the off-key singing coming from the bathroom. He doubted she even knew she was doing it but she was in there, standing under the spray of water singing 'My Heart Will Go On.' He shook his head slightly as he chuckled, rummaging through his bag as he picked out his clothes for the day. He loved this feeling, waking up with her in his arms, listening to her warble as he prepared for the day. It was simple, natural, something he had never thought he would enjoy so much and yet he did. They could clean toilets together and he'd still be happy. It was an odd feeling but a welcome one.

His phone broke through his thoughts, vibrating on the wooden bedside table and dancing across the surface. Derek reached over and picked it up, glancing at the ID screen before answering.

"Mark?"

"Where the hell have you been?" Mark demanded down the phone.

"Hello to you too." Derek frowned.

"Man, you don't have time for 'hello.' You have to come home. Now." Mark insisted.

"What? Why?" Derek asked, worry immediately filling his voice as he sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Martin called. He has been trying to get hold of you ever since you left." Mark said urgently.

"How? He never rung me." Derek frowned.

"He's emailed you. When you hadn't responded yesterday he started ringing your cell phone. He couldn't get hold of you so he rang me." Mark informed him.

"Oh, I had my phone turned off yesterday because...it doesn't matter. What the hell does he want so badly?" Derek asked, running his hand over the stubble on his chin.

"The deadline's changed."

"What?" Derek asked, his jaw dropping a little. "How much?"

"They want the final draft done in two weeks." Mark said quickly.

Derek fell silent for a moment. _Two weeks. Shit._

"Derek?" Mark called into the phone. "Shep? You still there?"

"I had six weeks, Mark. Where did my six weeks go?" Derek asked quietly, trying to quell the growing panic.

"They want to have the book release sooner, have it on the shelves in time for Christmas." Mark replied. "He said you were aware of the possibility that they would want it sooner."

Derek sighed and closed his eyes, groaning. "I was. But when I never heard from him I figured nothing had changed."

"It's not a big deal. You can pull it off, you've done it before. Just come home and talk to them." Mark pointed out.

"I can't come home." Derek said instantly, opening his eyes.

"Mer will understand." Mark argued.

"I know that." Derek replied, running his hands through his hair.

"So then just tell her."

"I'm not telling her, Mark, and I'm not coming home." Derek said again, more firmly this time.

"Derek..." Mark began.

"Mark, just shut up for a minute." Derek snapped, running solutions to his problem over and over in his mind.

He wasn't going to tell her. He knew what she'd say, what she'd want him to do. She'd tell him to go back. Hell, she'd _demand_ that he go home. But she wouldn't stay here by herself. He knew her. She come with him, she'd be packing her bags the very second she told him. She wanted to meet her brother, she'd said so herself and this might be her only chance. Derek didn't want to be the one who denied her that right. He didn't want to be the reason she decided to come home. He wanted it to be her decision, something she did on her own terms.

But he had two weeks. Two weeks to get his latest novel finished. He was already well on his way to completing it. It was definitely possible. He could do it, he was sure of it. Okay, he wasn't sure of it, but he was fairly certain. He had written a lot the other night back at Alice and Thatcher's.

"My heart will go ooooonn." Meredith sung, penetrating the silence as he contemplated what he would do.

"What in god's name was that?" Mark said suddenly. "Where the hell are you?"

"That's Mer." Derek replied, a reluctant grin forming. "We're in our hotel."

"What's she doing?" Mark laughed.

"She's...singing, apparently." Derek answered, shaking his head. "She's in the shower."

Mark paused. "She's in the shower?"

"Oh. Um...yeah." Derek replied slowly.

"What exactly happened to the separate room idea?" Mark asked knowingly, the huge grin on his face reflected in his voice.

"Things changed." Derek replied.

"Clearly." Mark drawled out. "So did you sleep together yet?"

"Mark." Derek groaned. "I'm so not answering that."

"Which means you did." Mark replied happily. "About damn time, really."

"Great. Thanks. Glad you approve." Derek muttered. "Look, can we get back to my problem?"

"I've already told you what I'd do. Just come home early. Although I can see why you wouldn't want to if you and..."

"Mark." Derek warned, cutting him off.

"Oh, you don't want to discuss the tiny blonde you've loved for years?" Mark asked innocently, though his tone mocked.

"Look, would you concentrate please!" Derek replied in exasperation. "I need help here!"

"Derek, I've already told you what to do." Mark reminded him.

"Yeah, well, I've already said I'm not doing that." Derek muttered. "I need...I need you to get me an extra week."

"What? Why me?"

"Because I'm not there and I have my hands full at the moment." Derek pointed out.

"Oh!" Mark grunted. "Thanks for that image."

"If you'd climb out of the gutter for two seconds you'd be of more use to me." Derek said in a low voice.

"So you want me to ring Martin." Mark asked with a groan.

"Yeah."

"Seriously? Because the guys an idiot."

"Just...have him call me." Derek asked.

"Okay. And then what are you going to do?"

"Work my ass off when I get home." Derek muttered. "Unless I get a lot done while I'm here."

"Whatever, man. By the way, your mom's organizing a family dinner and she requires your presence."

"She _requires_ my presence?" Derek repeated raising an eyebrow.

"Her words, not mine. And she doesn't just mean you, she means Meredith too."

"Fine. I'll deal with that later. Just..."

_"Faaaar across the distance and spaaaces betweeeeeen uuuuussss."_

"How does such a small person make so much noise?" Mark asked dryly.

"It's a small room. It echos." Derek defended, walking towards the bathroom as her song came to an end. "Mark, I really have to go."

"Sure. Just...ring if you need anything, alright man?" Mark said seriously.

"Yeah, okay." Derek murmured.

"Oh, and Derek." Mark said quickly.

"Yeah?"

"I really am happy for you." Mark said quietly

"Thank you." Derek replied just as quietly, ending the call and tossing the phone behind him onto the bed.

Derek pushed open the bathroom door and walked in quietly. The temptation was far too great for even a saint to resist. And heaven help him, he was no saint. Steam curled around him as he pulled his pajama bottoms off and added them to the small pile of her clothes on the floor. With quiet determination he pushed the shower curtain aside and stepped into the shower behind her, snaking an arm around her waist and pulling her wet naked body back against his. She gave a little shriek of alarm, her body jerking as she automatically pulled away from him.

"Mer, it's only me." He whispered in her ear, pulling her back against him as he wrapped both arms around her waist.

"Derek." She breathed softly.

"Who else were you expecting?" He murmured.

"You're in my shower." She said quietly, leaning into his embrace.

"I am." Derek murmured, nibbling on her ear.

She gave a little shiver and turned in his arms. "We haven't done this before."

"There were a lot of things we hadn't done before." Derek reminded her, resting his forehead against hers as the hot water streamed down over them.

"I think I like it." She admitted softly, winding her arms around his neck.

"Mmmm. I definitely like the showering together." Derek smiled. "More showering together, I say."

"I could get used to this." She murmured as his lips met hers, the kiss whisper soft.

"Oh, I think you'll have to." Derek breathed, kissing her again, his tongue slipping in to duel with hers.

Meredith felt desire stir inside her as he ran his fingers through her wet hair, the scent of her conditioner engulfing them. His hands wandered down her wet, lithe body, stroking and caressing till she squirmed against him.

Derek's problems seemed to melt away in that moment as he held her in his arms, the water and his need her for calming and soothing him. Suddenly he felt like he could do anything, be anything, accomplish anything as long as they stayed like this. Exactly like this. As she flattened herself against him he relished the feeling of having her in his arms.

Meredith experienced a sudden rush of emotions so powerful they weakened her to the point where Derek's arms were the only thing holding her up. She sagged against him, feeling him shift slightly to support her weight. Derek turned and leaned her against the shower wall, slipping his thigh between her legs to support her. She groaned as his thigh rubbed that part of her still sensitive from the night before, the desire inside her increasing in leaps and bounds.

Derek framed her face with his hands, running his thumb over her soft pink lips sparkling with drops of water. Her hair was plastered to her head, tendrils clinging to her shoulders. He gathered her hair away from her, pushing it over her shoulder as he leaned in to press soft kisses over her bare neck before his lips roamed down towards her nipples. he took the red tip into his mouth, sliding his tongue around in figure-eights, feeling her nipple harden beneath his more than capable mouth. She was moaning softly, tangling her fingers in his damp curls, pressing him closer to her as he sucked her into his mouth. Dampness pooled in her secret folds as she pressed herself against his thigh, rubbing gently in an effort to ease the ache inside her. It didn't help, instead it only increased her need as heat darted through her. His hand cupped her breast, molding the rounded flesh in his palm as he continued his sweet teasing.

Derek lifted his head, watching as water poured over her, drops clinging to her flesh before rolling down her body. He followed the path of the water with his finger, drawing a line down the the wet curls at the junction of her thighs. She gave a soft cry of pure need as he slipped his finger between her legs, applying direct pressure to the part of her longing for his attention.

"Derek." She moaned, wiggling her hips as he slid his finger inside her, capturing her cry of desire with his lips. "This isn't going to work."

"Yes it will." He murmured against her lips as he slowly stroked her closer towards completion.

Meredith slid her hands over his broad shoulders, digging her nails into his skin as the fire of desire licked through her veins. She reached down and ran her hand slowly down the length of him, hearing him groan softly as she caressed him in repeated motions. Derek placed his hand under her thigh, lifting her leg high on his hip as she guided him to her moist heat. He filled her, thrusting deep as Meredith gave a deep sigh, feeling him move within her. Her skin felt alive as her nerves tingled under his touch. Their heated and slick bodies strove together, intimately locked as they moved in that age-old rhythm. They reached their climaxes together, their bodies tensing as they both cried out, Meredith tightening around him as he burst inside her. Their breathing slowed as they slowly came back to earth with a sigh of contentment.

Derek held her close as she sagged against him, her legs shaking ever so slightly as the water rained over them.

He was exactly where he wanted to be.


	34. Chapter 34

Meredith leaned back against the seat as Derek shut the door carefully, her eyes following him as he walked around the front of the car and climbed in the driver's seat.

"I think I ate too much." Meredith groaned, placing a hand on her stomach.

"Really?" Derek laughed. "I told you that 3 pancakes ago."

"You're gloating. Seriously? Seriously! I'm in physical pain and you're gloating?" Meredith moaned, leaning her head against the window of the car.

Derek gave a little chuckle as he slid his seat belt into its clasp and clicked it into place.

"And now you're laughing at me." Meredith grumbled, closing her eyes.

"I've never seen anyone eat quite as much as you." Derek replied, his lips twitching.

"You've seen me eat before!" Meredith protested.

"True. But you outdid yourself this time." Derek answered with a grin.

"And still you find it amusing." Meredith said with a soft moan.

"French toast, bacon _and_ pancakes, Mer." Derek reminded her, sticking the key in the ignition and starting the car. "I honestly don't know where you put it."

"I was hungry! I didn't eat much yesterday." Meredith pointed out, still slumped against the window.

"True. Of course, the vigorous physical activity probably didn't help." Derek laughed.

"Oh god..." Meredith groaned as a hot flush swept her face.

"Hey, I'm not complaining!" Derek teased, his eyes shining as he watched the blush stain her cheeks. "I enjoyed said activity. Both times."

"I sincerely hope you are referring to us dancing." Meredith replied, covering her eyes with her hand.

"Is that what they are calling it these days?" Derek smiled, leaning over to pull her seat belt over her shoulder and doing it up.

"Ass." Meredith mumbled under her breath.

"One of us had to bring it up eventually, Mer." Derek replied slowly, running a hand softly over her hair.

"I know." She murmured, dropping her hand away from her eyes. "But still...ass."

"You love me anyway." He murmured back at her, winking.

"I guess I do." She replied with a soft laugh.

"You _guess_?" Derek repeated, raising an eyebrow even as his heart leapt a little within him.

"That's what you get for being an ass." She said firmly.

"You're cute when you blush." Derek murmured, his voice dropping lower.

"So this is a new hobby of yours, then?" Meredith asked with a barely discernible groan. "Making me blush?"

"Oh yes." Derek smiled, tilting his head slightly as he watched her.

"Wonderful." Meredith grumbled, though her mouth curled slightly.

"So, are we going to discuss this?" Derek asked softly as he maneuvered the car away from the curb, leaving the hotel behind them.

"We said it wouldn't get awkward." Meredith said quietly, lifting her head away from the window and turning to look at him.

"It's not awkward, it's different." Derek corrected quietly, glancing at her quickly before turning back to the road. "Do you honestly feel awkward?"

"Right this second?" Meredith asked, staring out the window as she clutched at her stomach.

"Yes." Derek replied quickly. "Right now, at this moment...do you feel awkward?"

"No. Not at all." Meredith replied honestly with a soft smile. "But I do feel full.

Derek laughed even as he breathed a silent sigh of relief. "I don't. But then, you did eat my breakfast, so..."

"You said you were done!" Meredith protested, smoothing her hands over her jean-clad thighs.

"And two seconds later my bacon disappeared." Derek reminded her.

"It looked good." Meredith admitted. "I couldn't resist. Besides, you ate my mushrooms."

"You gave them to me." Derek said dryly, signalling left and following the road around. "And you don't even like mushrooms."

"But you do." Meredith smiled happily. "So it works out."

"It seems we're a perfect match." Derek said smiling broadly.

"I guess we are." Meredith agreed with a grin.

"Again with the guessing. I'm going to get a serious complex soon." Derek remarked, giving a little nod. "You just watch. I'll be a shell of the man you knew."

"It's a figure of speech." Meredith rolled her eyes. "I don't literally mean that I'm guessing."

"You're not good for my ego. I hope you know that." Derek informed her as the city sped past them. "It's getting a serious dent."

"Good." Meredith said automatically. "It could use it."

"You've been my girlfriend for less than a day and already you're wounding me." Derek said with a sigh, his eyes twinkling.

Meredith froze.

Oh God. Girlfriend. She was his girlfriend. Why had that never occurred to her? How had she not pieced that together in her mind? It was as if everything else had been sorted, the puzzle had nearly been complete. It had just been missing that one vital piece. The piece that had now fallen into place, fitting perfectly with the rest. She loved him. 'Girlfriend' was a perfectly acceptable word. In reality only a short time had passed since she had learned how he truly felt, but to her it felt like an eternity. It was as if they had been hanging in that moment, everything happening in slow motion, the thought of what came next never occurring to her. The huge steps forward they had taken in the last 24 hours didn't seem that big, until now. They weren't scary big, but instead they seemed to be a natural progression. But...girlfriend.

"Mer?" Derek was saying, his voice cutting through her thoughts. "Don't freak out. Please don't freak out."

"I'm not freaking out." She said slowly as a strange warmth filled her, blocking out the uncomfortably full feeling in her stomach.

_Girlfriend._

Girlfriend.

Girlfriend.

She liked that thought. In fact, the more she ran it over in her mind, the better it felt.

She liked it. She liked it a lot.

"You look like you're freaking out." Derek said quickly as he navigated his way through the traffic, pulling the car over at the earliest possible moment, nerves churning in his stomach.

He was an idiot. More than an idiot. He was completely and utterly brainless. What on earth has possessed him to say it? He thought it, he felt it, he knew it...but it didn't mean she was ready to hear it. To him it was just a word, something that represented what he already felt, something he had felt for a long time. He already knew what she was. But she was different, so very different from him. To her it was more than a word. She didn't have 'significant others', at least not ones that had had the official titles. He supposed it made her feel safer, made her feel more in control if there were no labels. No labels meant no expectations. No expectations meant she didn't have someone to disappoint, and no one to disappoint her. Yet knowing all this, he had to go and open his big mouth. He should never have said it, he should seriously never have said it.

"Derek, I'm not freaking out." She said again, her voice steady and more determined than before.

Derek frowned a little, his hands falling away from the steering wheel as he glanced towards her before he spoke slowly. "You're not freaking out?"

"No." She replied quietly, a smile spreading across her face. "No, I'm not. I just...I never thought of it like that."

"Oh." His smile slid away.

"No, Derek...I don't mean that I don't think of you as...that I haven't thought...I just...damn it." Meredith said in frustration. "This isn't coming out right!"

"Mer, it's fine." Derek said quietly.

"No it's not. I just...I didn't think of it like that because...it's...it's you and me. We've always been...well, us. I mean, of course we've always been us, who else would we be? It's not like we moonlight as Santa Claus and the Easter bunny." Meredith rambled, nerves getting the best of her as her every thought came tumbling from her mouth. "You'd need to put on weight and grow a beard, and I'd need to...well, become a rabbit. And maybe a male. Is the Easter bunny male or female? I've always wondered that."

"Mer." Derek interrupted.

"Right. Sorry. It's only that...I've never used the word before." She blurted out. "Ever. With anyone."

"I know." Derek said with a small smile.

"Right. And so...I just...we're you and me, Derek. It didn't feel like anything had changed. It doesn't feel different, not in a scary way. It feels...right. Like we fit. Maybe we've been at that stage for longer than we think, we just didn't admit it." Meredith mused quietly, giving a helpless shrug of her shoulders and looking at him pleadingly. "I've never said it before, but I want to say it with you."

"So no freaking out?" Derek asked carefully.

"Nope." Meredith smiled. "I already told you...no regrets. In fact...I...I like it."

"Yeah?" Derek said with a grin. "I can call you my girlfriend?"

"Yeah." Meredith nodded, her cheeks blushing lightly.

"You're blushing again." Derek told her cheekily, elation filling him to the point of bursting as she pressed her palms to her flushed face.

She liked it. Derek felt like he was 16 again, but he couldn't wipe the smile off his face if he tried. Hell, he didn't want to try. It was firmly plastered on and there was no removing it. Her confrontation with Thatcher seemed to have done more for her than even he had realized. The pre-Seattle Meredith would have run at the very mention of the word, but the woman sitting beside him was glowing happily, the desire to run seeming to be the last thing on her mind.

Meredith knew the truth. It wasn't Thatcher that had changed her. Facing Thatcher had been the release she needed to push through the crap that would have kept her from every admitting how she felt about Derek. But it was Derek that had given her the strength and the motivation to confront her father. He had forced her to admit how she felt, how she had probably felt for years without ever fully realizing it. They were still them, only they were now a stronger version of themselves, a better version of themselves. A more intimate, closer them. She was his girlfriend. She belonged to him, and he belonged to her. Life was good.

Derek held out his hand, watching as she placed hers in his, his fingers wrapping around her and squeezing tight. She leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss on his lips, deepening it as he took the opportunity to slide his tongue within the warm contours of her mouth. He cupped her chin in his free hand, stroking her soft skin with his thumb as he slowly and sweetly kissed the breath right out of her.

With an effort, Meredith gathered her wits and drew her lips away from his deep, lingering kiss. And then she smiled.

That was all it took to reassure him.

She had never been happier.


	35. Chapter 35

**A/N:** This update is basically all dialogue. I'm not quite sure how that happened, but it just kept coming out...lol. Hopefully it is easy enough to follow. Thanks for the reviews, and thanks for reading! :-)

Meredith let out a little giggle as she pulled away from Derek, settling herself back in her seat.

"What?" Derek asked.

"Nothing. It's just...I haven't made out in a car since I was 17." She said with a breathless laugh.

"What can I say? I'm irresistible." Derek said cheerfully, giving her a little wink.

"Apparently you are." Meredith smiled, shaking her head a little. "What happened to the dent in your ego? That didn't last long."

"I bounce back quickly from disappointment. Wait. Who did you make out with?" Derek asked, completely irrational jealousy hitting him squarely in the stomach.

"Oh...it...it doesn't matter." Meredith hedged, squirming a little.

"You can tell me." Derek grinned. "Unless it's someone embarrassing."

"Viper." Meredith admitted, running her fingers through her hair.

"Viper? You kissed Viper?" Derek asked, raising an eyebrow as he signalled before pulling the car away from the curb.

"Um...mmmm." Meredith murmured, watching him out of the corner of her eye.

"Seriously?" Derek asked, a little stunned.

"Okay, you're judging me." Meredith huffed, crossing her arms over her chest.

"No...okay, yeah, a little bit. I thought we had agreed that you would turn him down if he ever asked you." Derek reminded her.

"He was the most popular boy in school, Der. Plus he had the accent. He asked me out and...well, I somehow managed to accidentally agree to go out with him." Meredith grimaced.

"How do you _accidentally_ agree to date someone?" Derek asked with a small chuckle.

"I don't know. I was nervous. I never thought he'd ever ask me." Meredith shrugged.

"So you rambled." Derek stated matter-of-factly.

"I may have done." Meredith mumbled, though she smiled.

"How come you never told me about this before?" Derek asked as he navigated through the morning traffic.

"I don't know. It never came up." Meredith replied. "It's not like anything happened."

"Good. Because I'd have to kick his ass. You know that, right?" Derek asked, giving firm nod.

"Oh lord. Derek, it was 7 years ago." Meredith pointed out in exasperation.

"I know. But he was a friend of mine. All of them had strict instructions not to..." Derek broke off suddenly, reaching over and flicking the radio on, music filling the car.

"Strict instructions not to what?" Meredith asked with a tiny frown as she turned the music down.

"Don't get mad." Derek told her quickly.

"Yes, because every sentence should start with 'don't get mad.' " Meredith responded.

"The guys knew you were off-limits." Derek said with a wince, waitng for the inevitable annoyed response.

"You told them I was off-limits?" Meredith asked in surprise.

"Not in so many words." Derek said slowly. "But that was the general idea, yes."

"Why?" Meredith asked.

"Because it was weird. It would have been like watching them date my sisters, only much, much worse. And none of them were good enough for you anyway." Derek said softly, glancing at her quickly before turning his attention back to the road.

"Oh." Meredith replied quietly, meeting his gaze for a split second before she turned away.

"You're not mad?" Derek asked.

"No." Meredith said slowly as a smile spread across her face, her eyes glowing.

"So you guys dated." Derek said casually, though his arms tensed.

"No. We went out once." Meredith corrected.

"Hmmm." Derek murmured before indicating to the road in front of him. "Which way, Mer?"

"Turn right up here. Derek, honestly, it was nothing." Meredith said quietly. "One date, one time, one kiss."

"Okay." He replied.

"Is it? Because you seem...I don't know...jealous, or something." Meredith said cautiously.

"I don't get jealous." Derek said firmly, whipping his head around to stare at her.

"Oh really?" Meredith asked dryly, taking in his posture, the way he held his neck so stiffly.

"Well, I didn't used to." Derek muttered.

Meredith smiled and placed her hand on his thigh, giving it a gentle squeeze. It was stupid, and probably really immature, but she liked the fact that he was jealous, even if he was only slightly jealous. She couldn't remember anyone who had ever been jealous over her. Then again, jealousy wasn't exactly a familiar emotion to her, either. She had never really been with someone who was important enough to bother with getting jealous. To her, the fact that he was acting all tense and twirly made her feel that little bit more special.

"Me neither." Meredith replied. "But I wanted to poke that woman in the eye at the Space Needle."

"What woman?" Derek asked as he threw her a casual wink.

"Good answer." Meredith laughed, before it turned into a small cough, her breath catching in her throat.

"Mer?" Derek said in concern. "You okay."

Meredith cleared her throat. "Yeah. I'm fine."

"That didn't sound fine." Derek replied, his brow drawing together as she coughed again. "Are you getting sick?"

"No." She promised him, clearing her throat again.

"This is why you don't stand out in the rain." Derek murmured, giving the hand resting on his thigh a light squeeze.

"It's fine, Der. It's nothing. Honestly."

"Okay, but..." Derek began before his phone beeped in his pocket, cutting him off.

"Damn. Can you get that?" Derek asked, looking for the next turnoff.

"Sure." Meredith said easily. "Where is it?"

"Right pocket." Derek nodded, lifting his hips off the seat a little to give her better access.

"This can't be safe." Meredith remarked as she slid her hand in his pocket, her fingers grasping hold of his cell phone. She wiggled them and dug a little deeper, trying to get a better grip.

"This definitely won't be safe if you move any further to the left." Derek replied, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

Meredith giggled, pulling her hand out of his pocket, her nails grazing his thigh. She looked down at the screen.

"One message received." She read out. "Want me to read it to you?"

"Sure." Derek said easily, his thigh still tingling a little.

" 'kay. It's from Mark." Meredith murmured, scrolling down. "Rung M. Expect a phone call. Did my best. Let me know how it goes."

Derek nodded as she put the phone down, a small frown on her face.

"Who's M? What's he talking about?" Meredith asked as she deleted the message.

Derek chided himself inwardly. He should have guessed it would be from Mark, giving him an update on his conversation with Martin, a conversation Derek did not want Meredith to know about. At least not yet. "Mom. He's talking about Mom."

"You're lying." Meredith said softly as her eyes narrowed.

"Mer..."

"No. I know you, Derek. I know when you're lying." Meredith said quickly. "What aren't you telling me?"

"It's not important." Derek replied.

"Obviously it's important." Meredith countered.

Derek sighed, raking his fingers through his hair. Telling her the truth was a really bad idea, but so was lying. Either way he was screwed, and not in a good way. He didn't want to lie to her, he wasn't used to it and it didn't feel good. But telling her the truth meant going home before she was ready, and going home before she was ready would have consequences for both of them, not just Meredith. She needed to stay, and what's more, she wanted to stay. That alone was progress, progress he wasn't willing to meddle in. But he had a funny feeling that if he didn't answer her soon she'd toss him out of the car with her tiny, ineffectual fists.

"I'm not lying." Derek lied smoothly.

"Yes you are." She snapped back, leaning back in her seat. "I don't care if you don't want to tell me, but don't lie to me Derek."

_Great._ Derek groaned inwardly. _Of course she couldn't have said that before I did actually lie. Okay, so now I have to tell enough of the truth that I'm not lying, without telling her anything that gives her an excuse to leave. That's just great. Who am I, superman?_

Derek sighed, before giving her a half truth. "Mom talked to Mark and told him that she expects us at her place for dinner when we get back."

He watched carefully as she studied him before her eyes widened.

"Oh no." She moaned, dropping her head in her hands, her hair falling around her like a curtain.

"What?" Derek asked frowning. "Mer, what?"

"Dinner with her? Or dinner with the whole family?" Meredith mumbled from beneath her hands.

"I don't know. The family, I guess." Derek replied.

Meredith raised her head, her eyes wide and slightly panicked.

"Why do you look like that? You know my mother. You basically lived with us. What's the big deal?" Derek asked in confusion.

"She's going to know." Meredith pointed out.

"Know what?"

"She's going to _know._" Meredith stressed.

"Mer, you're going to have to expand on that." Derek said dryly. "Saying it twice doesn't help me."

"She's going to know we slept together." Meredith whispered, looking a little horrified at the thought.

Derek laughed, his eyes shining in amusement at the look on her face.

"It's not funny!" She protested, hitting him on the arm.

"Okay, probably not a good idea to hit me when I'm driving. And it is funny, Mer. She already thinks we were sleeping together anyway."

"Sorry." Meredith mumbled, unconsciously rubbing his arm. "And...what?"

"She already thought we were dating when we left. It's a pretty natural conclusion to jump to." Derek pointed out with a soft laugh.

"But we weren't." Meredith babbled. "And now we actually are. And she's going to look at me all knowingly, and I'll blush and then she'll know for certain that I'm the girl sleeping with her son."

"Okay, first of all...breathe. Second, you are a hell of a lot more than the girl who is sleeping with her son, and she knows it. Thirdly, she's hardly going to quiz you on our sex life. Stop panicking." Derek said softly, reaching across and placing a comforting hand on her knee.

Meredith took a deep breath before she frowned. "What do you mean, 'and she knows it.' "

"I told her how I feel about you." Derek replied softly. "She already knows, Mer."

"Does she hate me?" Meredith asked quietly.

"Hate you? Why would she hate you?" Derek frowned, rubbing her knee.

"It's one thing to be okay with your son's best friend. It's another thing entirely when she becomes the woman he's seeing." Meredith nodded.

"She's more than okay with you. She loves you. And she knows I love you. That alone would be enough for her. But she actually happens to think that we belong together." Derek reassured her with a smile as he turned the car into the desired street.

"Really?" Meredith asked, pushing her hair back off her face.

"Really." Derek confirmed. "She's a smart woman."

"Oh really? Because she thinks we belong together?" Meredith asked with a small smile.

"Oh yes." Derek nodded smiling broadly. "She was smart before that, but it just proved how smart she really is."

"You're hopeless." Meredith laughed.

Derek merely chuckled. "So you're good?"

"I'll tell you after we've seen her." Meredith replied.

"Fair enough." Derek smiled, pulling the car over and turning off the ignition. "We're here, Mer."

"What, already?" Meredith asked, spinning around to stare out her window at the house opposite them.

Derek picked up a small piece of paper. "According to the address and directions Alex gave us, yeah. This is it."

Meredith took a deep breath, nervously flipping her watch around her wrist. "I guess we should go in, then."

"Yeah." Derek said softly.

Meredith turned to look at him, biting gently on her lower lip, pulling the flesh between her teeth. Derek undid his seat belt and reached over, running his hands gently across her lips.

"Don't." He whispered tenderly. "This will be fine."

"I just hope she isn't mad." Meredith whispered back, taking his hand in hers.

"She won't be." Derek said confidently, raising her hand to his and kissing it softly. "You ready?"

Meredith nodded, unclipping her own seat belt and shifting in her seat. "I'm ready."


	36. Chapter 36

**A/N:** This chapter is long. I haven't covered everything I intended to cover, either. So I'll post this now, and continue on from here in the next chapter. So if it seems to be unfinished...that's because it is. :-P There will be more Mer/Der interaction coming up, but I think this update needed to happen. Thanks for reading! P.S I hope everyone enjoyed Grey's. I don't know about anyone else, but I absolutely loved 4.12!!

Meredith followed Derek up the small concrete path, dragging her feet a little more with each step. This visit was her idea. This was something she had chosen to do, something she had volunteered for. She didn't have to be here. If she wanted to she could turn around and leave. The problem was that she was torn, unable to decide whether this was what she should be doing or not. Indecision weighed heavily inside her, conflicting her.

"Meredith." Derek said quietly, stopping suddenly.

"What?" She replied, jerking herself out of her thoughts.

"You said that not talking to her was something you regretted." He reminded her gently, caressing the hand he held clasped in his.

"I know."

"Then why do you keep tugging me?" He asked, tilting his head as he watched her closely.

"I'm not." She argued.

"Mer, I've had to drag you for the last few steps." Derek pointed out. "Do you want to do this?"

"I...I don't know." Meredith said quietly, staring down at her shoes. "Maybe this isn't such a good idea."

"What are you afraid of?" Derek prodded softly, frowning as he took in her nervous posture, her worried demeanor.

Meredith raised her head. "I'm not afraid."

"Then why are we standing here?" Derek questioned, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Because you stopped me." Meredith replied quickly, briefly leaning her head into his touch as his hand lingered on her cheek.

"Mer..."

"I'm fine. I'm good. Truly. Totally fine. Great. I'm great." Meredith interrupted, nodding at the end of each stilted sentence. "Completely and utterly fine. Perfect. Fine."

"I can tell." Derek drawled out though his eyes narrowed slightly. "Considering you've said the word 'fine' four times in the last 10 seconds."

"I want to do this. I do." Meredith sighed.

"Who are you trying to convince, me or you?" Derek asked softly.

"Maybe a bit of both." Meredith admitted, turning to face the small house in front of them.

The house was small and cosy in appearance, the pot plants dotted around the front of the house giving it a welcoming look. It looked friendly, which was crazy. Houses were only houses. It was families that made then friendly, families that made a house a home. The Shepherds had a home. Meredith had lived in a house. There was a huge difference between the two, a difference she had noticed the minute she had stepped inside Derek's home. It was just the way things were, or the way things had been, they way they had become once Thatcher left. But it didn't have to be the way things stayed. Ida was family, real family. Meredith knew she had a chance for a family if she was only willing to take the leap of faith that things would work themselves out. She wished that she hadn't run. She wished that she had had the courage to stay and talk things out with Ida, but it had hurt too much. Standing there listening to some stranger give her news about her family had been a type of pain she never wanted to feel again. Her feet had needed to run, it was an automatic response. When it came down to it, her fight or flight response was heavily weighted towards flight. Or it had been. Now she wanted to fight for what she wanted, she wanted to prove to herself and to everyone else that she could do it. She could have the family, and the kids, and the guy. She could have it all, but it was up to her to grab it. Life had never exactly dropped things in her lap, she had always had to work at what she had. Life gave her lemons, but she was determined to make lemonade. Or at least that was the plan.

"We can't stand out here all day." Derek murmured.

"Right. I know. That. I know that. I'm ready." Meredith responded automatically.

"Okay. So let's do this." Derek smiled, leading her with sure, firm steps towards the house and standing back as Meredith approached the door, leaving the final decision up to her.

Meredith's finger hovered over the doorbell for a moment before she made her decision, pressing the small red button before stepping back into the comforting circle of Derek's arms. He slung his arm around her shoulder, drawing her closer to his side as they waited, kissing her quickly on the top of her head.

Meredith heard the lock click as it was released, and then the door opened slowly.

"Meredith!" Ida said in surprise, leaning heavily on her cane as she took in the couple standing in front of her. "You're here."

"I...yeah. I hope that's okay." Meredith said quickly. "I wasn't sure if..."

"Oh no dear, come in." Ida replied instantly, her eyes lighting up with pleasure, though there was uncertainty lurking in their sea-green depths.

"Thank you." Meredith murmured, Derek's arm dropping away from her as she stepped into the house, leaving him to follow her.

"You can hang your coats up there if you like." Ida informed them, gesturing towards a coat rack in the corner by the door.

Derek slipped off his own jacket and hung it over his arm before turning to help Meredith out of her coat, pulling it gently down over her shoulders. Meredith glanced behind and smiled, her eyes bright as he smiled warmly in response.

Ida was watching them closely, her gaze thoughtful as she took in the soft, secret smiles.

Derek pulled his gaze away from Meredith, giving her a small, barely noticeable wink before he turned to hang their clothing up on the wooden, antique coat rack. It stood a little over 6 feet high, made of a dark, almost black wood. But what intrigued him the most were the long, claws that proceeded out of it, replacing what would normally be a hook. It was certainly unique, albeit a little creepy. It didn't seem to match the rest of the house, or at least the little bit that Derek could see. The walls of Ida's home were a soft cream, the thick, plush carpet also cream, with large, patterned rugs running the length of the hallway. Navy blue curtains framed the windows, with gold ties keeping them in place. The house had a warm feel to it, with nick knacks placed haphazardly around the place, mementos she had collected over the years, though strangely there was still a kind of order to them.

Derek gave the claws one more curious look before following Ida and Meredith into the sitting room. He waited for Ida to settle herself into her armchair before he took a seat on the sofa beside Meredith, automatically lacing his fingers through hers.

"Would either of you care for some tea? Coffee?" Ida asked suddenly, starting to stand. "I was about to make one when the door bell rang."

"I'll get it." Meredith jumped in, standing up. "Just point me to the kitchen."

"No, no dear. I'm capable of making it." Ida protested as Meredith walked the few steps towards her.

"I know." Meredith said quietly. "But so am I."

"I see you inherited my stubbornness." Ida smiled.

"I'd say that's a definite possibility." Derek grinned, moving to stand. "Mer, I'll give you a hand."

"It's okay, I'll be back in a minute." Meredith assured him.

"Mer...kitchen." Derek said softly, raising his eyebrow and staring at her.

"I can make a cup of tea, Derek." Meredith retorted.

Ida watched the exchange in amusement, her head turning back and forward between the two.

"Ida? How do you have yours?" Meredith asked, pretending she didn't hear Derek's chuckle.

Ida ignored the brief stab in her heart at the lack of the term 'Grandma' and smiled slightly. "Weak black tea please, Meredith. No sugar. The kitchen's through the door and to your left. The teabags are in the cupboard beside the window."

"Alright. Derek?" Meredith asked.

"Water's fine for me, Mer."

Meredith nodded, walking from the room and taking a deep breath. She leaned back against the wall, giving herself a moment before she headed to the kitchen. She needed time to collect her thoughts, and making drinks gave her that opportunity. She was freaking out a little bit, completely unsure about what she wanted to say. She had questions that needed answers but she didn't know how to ask them. Telling Thatcher exactly what she thought of him had been surprisingly easy once she got going. But Ida was different. Ida hadn't influenced her life for years, simply because Meredith had forgotten that she existed. Meredith wasn't entirely sure how to bring the subject up. She wanted to know about George. She wanted to know what he was like. She wanted to know why Ida had been content to forget her when it seemed that she had enjoyed spending time with her when she was little. Meredith sighed, her chest rising and falling before she pushed away from the wall and walked down the hall towards the kitchen.

The kitchen was spotless, not a single thing out of place. Even the magnets on the refrigerator were perfectly even, set out in neat, straight lines. But it was the picture stuck to the door that held her attention. Or rather, two pictures. Both pictures curled up at the edges, the photos creased as though they had been handled a lot, as though someone picked them up and stared at them on a regular basis. The first picture was of a brown-haired boy of about 9 or 10, sitting on a swing with an ice cream in his hand. He was smiling at the camera, a goofy sort of look on his face. His hair was sticking up all over the place, none of it seeming to go in the same direction. The next was a picture of her, the first day she started kindergarten. She was 5 years old, her blonde hair pulled up into pigtails, her smile showing off the gap in her teeth. Meredith felt a reluctant smile grace her lips as she stared at the pictures. Her and George. That had to be him. He looked a lot like Thatcher. It was her and her brother, she'd guarantee it. There they were side by side, right there next to each other. It seemed such a silly thing to notice, something so simple and normal. But for Meredith it gave her the boost she needed, the confidence she had been looking for. They were both there, on the fridge, in plain sight of anyone who walked it. Ida had given them both the same importance. Both of them. Equal status. For now, that thought was enough.

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"Can I ask you something?" Derek asked Ida, crossing his foot over his ankle.

"Of course." She said simply, patting her hair.

"Where did you get the coat rack?" He asked quizzically.

Ida laughed, giving her head a little shake. "Hideous, isn't it."

"Oh, I wouldn't have said that..." Derek said quickly.

"Oh come now, Derek. I hate the thing. I've always hated it." She smiled. "You're hardly going to hurt my feelings."

"In that case...yes, it is." Derek admitted. "It's...menacing."

"It was a gift from my mother-in-law. She seemed to love it, and my husband...well, he didn't want to offend her by not using it. It's been there for years. She always seemed to give us things that she deemed to be exotic or original. I think I've hated everything she ever gave us, including the two huge dog sculptures that she had made especially for our front steps."

"You could get rid of it, you know." Derek reminded her.

"You know, it's actually grown on me. It reminds me of my Harry every time I see it." She replied with a soft smile. "I still hate it, but it brings back memories."

"Harry?"

"My husband. He died 20 years ago this coming January."

"Oh, I'm sorry." Derek murmured.

"Nonsense." Ida scoffed. "I came to terms with it years ago."

"Did Meredith ever meet him?" Derek asked curiously.

"Yes." Ida murmured. "He saw her a lot when she was a baby, and up until she was three or four we came every year. He couldn't travel often once he got sick."

Derek nodded. "So how did you get out of using the dog sculptures?"

"They scared the living daylights out of our cats, so we gave them back to her." Ida replied, her eyes sparkling mischievously.

"Did they really?" Derek asked suspiciously.

"No, but she wasn't to know that." Ida grinned, the corners of her aged eyes wrinkling in amusement. "In fact, we didn't have cats when we told her that."

Derek laughed, his eyes dancing. "So you lied."

"Sometimes a lie is kinder than the truth." Ida answered. "Then again, more often than not they do irreparable damage."

Derek felt the smile falter slightly before he murmured a reply. "True."

He was living his own lie at the moment. Perhaps it was one of those moments when a lie was kinder than the truth, but he was beginning to wonder if that was the case, and whether Meredith would view it that way.

"I'm surprised she came." Ida was saying quietly, giving a little sigh. "Considering the secret we have been keeping from her. The lies we've told."

"It was her idea to come, actually." Derek informed her, giving her a sympathetic smile.

"Oh!" Ida said in surprise. "I really didn't think she would."

"She's worried you're mad at her." Derek replied, shaking his head. "For running."

Ida gave an ironic laugh, the sound harsh and bitter. "Oh, I'm not mad at her. I rather think she is mad at me."

"She just doesn't understand." Derek reminded her. "Trust me, you won't find someone more loyal than Mer. Or more forgiving."

"There are some things a child should never have to forgive." Ida said slowly. "I listened to my son, I listened to her mother. I never listened to myself. I should have, Derek. Regret doesn't feel good in an old body. I've carried it for too long."

"Here you go." Meredith called suddenly, walking slowly into the room, carefully balancing two glasses of water and a cup of tea on a tray.

"Is the kitchen still intact?" Derek asked cheekily, though giving Ida a mildly worried look.

"Of course." Meredith said indignantly, handing Ida her tea.

"Thank you dear." Ida said smiling. "Is there a reason I should be worried about my kitchen?"

"No." Meredith replied, handing Derek his water.

"Yes." Derek countered with a grin.

Meredith shot him a look of exasperation before she sat down beside him, her glass clutched in her hand.

"You're thinking about throwing that water at me, aren't you?" Derek murmured in her ear, his breath tickling her cheek and making her shiver.

"I considered it." Meredith muttered. "But I don't want to ruin her furniture."

"Don't hold back on my account." Ida sang out sweetly. "I've thrown many a glass of water over the years."

"You know, I believe you." Derek laughed, nudging Meredith with his shoulder and feeling her reciprocate the gesture.

Meredith glanced at Derek, opening her mouth to speak as his phone rung, the sharp trill plummeting the room into silence. Derek groaned inwardly, reaching into his pocket and pulling out his phone, staring down at the screen. 'Martin' flashed repeatedly at him, demanding that he answer it. Tension was rolling off Meredith in waves now, the realization that she would have to face Ida on her own hitting her suddenly. She begged him with her eyes to ignore it, and he very nearly did, the plea almost too much for him to resist.

"I have to take this." He murmured apologetically, glancing towards Ida and then back to the woman sitting stiffly beside him. "I'm sorry. I'll be back as soon as I can."

Meredith nodded, squeezing her hands together as he reached over and placed his water on the coffee table before he stood up and walked quickly from the room, giving her an encouraging smile as he disappeared out of sight. Meredith felt her courage begin to slip, Derek's absence increasing her nerves. She heard the front door open and then close behind him.

"You seem different." Ida mused quietly, taking a sip of her tea.

"I do?" Meredith frowned.

"Yes. In fact, you both seem different." Ida remarked, her eyes taking in every movement from the sofa. Something was different, yet she couldn't quite put her finger on whatever it was that had changed. But something definitely had, it radiated out of Meredith, despite her nervous appearance of the moment.

"Oh." Meredith said lamely, unsure of what she could really say to that.

"I would go so far as to say you found what you were looking for." Ida said shrewdly.

"What I was looking for?" Meredith repeated, frowning. "I...I don't think I was looking for anything."

"Sometimes things find us anyway." Ida said with a small smile.

"I suppose they do." Meredith replied. "Your home is lovely."

"Thank you." Ida murmured, taking another sip of her tea, accepting the change in subject as she prepared for one of her own.

Ida was nervous. She was the most nervous she had ever been in all her 73 years, and that included her wedding day. She knew this day would come eventually, or at least she hoped it would. At some point she had wanted the chance to explain herself, the chance to explain her actions over the years. What she had said to Derek was true. Twenty years was a long time to carry around a load of regret, especially when it grew heavier with every year that passed. Now Meredith was sitting in front of her, willingly sitting before her, and the urge to explain herself to the child she had left behind was getting more and more intense. Ida had been so afraid that when Meredith had run away that she wasn't just running from her father, but she was also running from her. Ida had thought that would be the last time she would see her grand-daughter, yet here she was, sitting on the sofa. It was more than she had hoped she would get, and she was going to make the most of the time she had been given.

"Meredith." Ida sighed, placing her tea cup in her lap and pinning Meredith with a brilliant stare. "We both know why you are here and it's not to discuss my home. We might as well confront that now."

"Oh! I...I do have questions." Meredith admitted slowly, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"You want to know why I left you." Ida stated matter-of factly. "There are things you need to understand, Meredith. It wasn't just a simple matter of me leaving you. It was...complicated."

"Complicated how?" Meredith asked, lifting her legs from off the floor and tucking them underneath her, her posture casual when she felt anything but.

"Do you remember your grandfather at all?" Ida asked, sliding her finger around the edge of her teacup.

Meredith frowned. "No...I...I don't think so."

"Hmmm." Ida murmured. "He passed away the year you turned 6, about a month before your father left."

"Oh. I'm...I'm sorry." Meredith replied softly, watching the sadness that seemed to settle on Ida's shoulders.

"I'm not telling you this to gain your sympathy, Meredith. I've dealt with his death, and made my peace with it years ago. But you never forget the one you loved, not if you loved them the way I loved Harry. I'm telling you this so that maybe it will help you try to understand. The night your father rang to tell me that he was going to be a father again...well, I was thrilled. Harry had just died and Thatcher and you were in Seattle, I was in New York. I was lonely. The idea that I was going to be a grandmother again, well, it filled a void. Not completely, but it helped. I naturally assumed that it was your mother who was pregnant, but as you know that wasn't the case."

Meredith took a deep breath, closing her eyes for a second as she listened closely.

"Thatcher told me about Louise, George's mother. I was devastated, Meredith. I don't believe in divorce, and I definitely do not condone adultery. I've never been so angry or disappointed in my son. Ever. But your father loved Louise. If you believe anything, believe that. And he and your mother had had issues for a long time."

"Please don't blame my mother." Meredith bit out, her eyes misting as the loyalty Derek spoke so highly of reared its head. "She may not have been perfect, and she may have been...cold...at times, but she stayed. She did the best she knew how. That's all anybody can do."

"Oh Meredith, I'm not trying to blame your mother. In all of this, my family have treated both her and you abominably. If I could take back all that happened, I would."

"But then you wouldn't have George." Meredith murmured.

"No. I wouldn't have George." Ida agreed softly. "You'll like him, Meredith, if you give him the chance. He got his sweetness from his mother. He can be a klutz, he's awkward...but he has good intentions. He'd like you."

"He doesn't even know about me." Meredith stated coolly.

"No, he doesn't." Ida agreed, shaking her head. "It's one of the many things your father and I have argued about over the years. He felt it was easier to let you both live in ignorance, while I wanted to tell you. That's a large part of the reason I left you, Meredith. Your father knew I wanted to tell you. He knew that I wanted my only grandchildren to meet, but he didn't want that. With Harry dead, Thatcher and you were all I had left. I could only have the one child, though it broke my heart that I couldn't give my husband the big family he wanted. I was risking my son if I pushed too hard. And then your mother gave him an ultimatum."

"George or me." Meredith nodded, her heart clenching a little.

"Yes." Ida agreed. "She told him it was all or nothing."

"He chose nothing." Meredith said flatly.

"He chose for both of us, Meredith." Ida said quietly, shifting in her armchair. "His decision that night was not only meant for him."

"What?" Meredith asked, brushing the hair out of her eyes.

"Your mother didn't want anything to do with our family after he left. I understand her reaction, I know why she made that decision...but it cut me out of your life. Thatcher left you in her care, the decision was hers and she wanted no part of anything that had to do with my son."

"So my mother is the reason you left." Meredith stated as the tears built up in her eyes.

"No." Ida shook her head swiftly. "In part she was, but no, not completely. She can't take the blame for something I did, Meredith. There has been too much shifting of blame already."

"I...I don't understand." Meredith shook her head as if to clear it, a lone tear falling down her cheek.

"My husband was dead. My son had left his wife. My world was falling apart. I'll regret it till the day I die, but I chose the easy option, Meredith. Things were already complicated, and I couldn't deal with any more. Not then. Not without Harry. I gave in and let Thatcher have his way. I never pushed to see you, I never made that extra effort. I just let you go." Ida ended on a whisper, regret evident in every word she spoke. "The fault is mine, and mine alone."

Meredith said nothing, sitting in utter silence as the tears rolled down her cheeks.

"Meredith, I'm so sorry. What I did, I have no excuse for it. I've lived with the regret of my actions for a long time." Ida breathed out, her face pale as she waited for a reaction from the mute woman sitting in front of her. "I've missed you and wondered about you every day since I last saw you."

Meredith sat there as she allowed the words to sink in. She thought back to the two photos that had meant so much to her when she had seem them, proof that Ida really hadn't forgotten about her, the edges of the photo ragged with age and excess handling. It was easier to forgive someone who actually regretted the decisions they had made, something Thatcher didn't seem to feel. He kept telling her that it wasn't easy, but not once had he apologized, not once had he even admitted that he might have been wrong, that he could have fought harder. But Ida was begging her, her eyes pleading with her to at least have some understanding of the choices she had made and how much she wished she could change them. The crazy thing was that Meredith did understand. While part of her was angry to think she had missed out on so much growing up, the unfairness of it all weighing on her, a bigger part of her realized how Ida must have felt.

"It's...it's okay." Meredith said softly, wiping away the tears. "I just wanted to understand."

"It's not okay, Meredith. At all. I should have forced contact with you sooner." Ida replied, blinking back tears of her own. "Only I didn't want to hear you say you could never forgive me."

"Okay, maybe it isn't okay. But I do understand or...whatever. I don't want to hold on to it anymore." Meredith sighed. "I just needed to know why."

"So you came to Seattle for answers." Ida nodded slightly, her eyes glassy. "Did you get what you came for?"

Meredith fell silent for a moment as she contemplated the question. She _had_ come for answers but she would be leaving Seattle with so much more than that. She had gained her life back, managing to say things to her supposed father that she had never thought possible. She had a family in Ida that she had never thought she could have, and even in George, if he wanted to be in her life. She was even leaving with Alex and Izzie, two people she never would have met if she had torn up that gold envelope like she had intended to do. But most importantly she was leaving with Derek. He had been there at the start, he had loved her despite her issues, despite everything. They would leave Seattle even closer than when they had arrived.

Meredith felt her face break out into a broad smile, her eyes shining as she nodded. "Yes. And then some."


	37. Chapter 37

Derek pulled the door closed behind him, letting out the breath he hadn't known he was holding before he answered his phone.

"Martin." He said with a grimace.

"About damn time." The man on the other end fumed. "I've been trying to contact you for bloody ages!"

"Your English accents back." Derek sighed. That was never a good sign.

"Of course it is. It appears when I'm pissed off. There better be a damn good reason you're on the other side of this country!" Martin ranted, his voice rising with every word.

"I had six weeks." Derek reminded him, gripping his cell phone tightly.

" 'Had' being the operative word." Martin snapped. "You had six weeks and now you don't."

"And you're telling me this now?" Derek snapped back, his own temper flaring.

"I warned you this could happen." Martin pointed out tightly.

"Weeks ago!" Derek responded, running his fingers through his hair in frustration. "When you never got back to me, I assumed the deadline had not changed."

"Look, I only found out a few days ago myself." Martin said tiredly, sighing into the phone. "I've been ringing you for days until I realized you weren't home. And since you don't seem to be replying to emails..."

"I've been busy." Derek said tensely.

"Writing, I hope." Martin interjected.

"No, not writing. Because, as far as I knew, I had six weeks!" Derek exploded, worry and panic slamming down on him.

This book was special, it was different from his previous novels and he wanted to get it right. Two weeks didn't give him the time he wanted to make sure things went perfectly. This book was more important than anything he had ever written. Now he was so confused and unsure. Did he tell her or not? For his own peace of mind he wanted to, but for hers he was willing to wait. It wasn't even that he was willing to make the sacrifice, it was more that he was unwilling to be the reason she left. Maybe she'd stay without him. That thought didn't last long. Meredith was strong, she could stay by herself and be perfectly fine, but she was loyal and she loved him, as a friend and as something more than that. She'd come home if only for the simple reason that he was going home. He doubted she'd stay by herself, and he didn't want her to have to. But god, how he longed to tell her. It was what they did, what they had always done. They talked. About stuff. Anything. Everything. Always. It felt so strange to be hiding something from her. So wrong and unnatural. In a way, his actions were completely selfish. He didn't want to be the reason she came home before she was ready. On the other hand, she was going to kill him if she ever found out. It wouldn't be pretty, he knew that. There would be pain. And yelling. And more pain. And definitely more yelling. But she wasn't going to find out, it was as simple as that.

He could hold it in. He could. Although...this was definitely something he would normally vent to Meredith about. She'd let him rant and rave and then she'd say something Meredith-y and he'd feel better. But this time he couldn't do it. He couldn't tell her that he was now totally screwed. Or he felt like he was totally screwed. In reality, he could probably do this. If he calmed down enough to think it through he could totally do this. Probably.

There was that word again. Probably. There was the possibility that things just weren't going to work out to his advantage. Crap happened. Stuff often hit the fan. Life got complicated. And he really had no idea how long Meredith intended to stay in Seattle. In fact, he had no idea whether or not she planned to attend the wedding. She had said she would stay, but for what? To see George? To see Ida? To go to the wedding? To poke Thatcher in the eye with a very large stick? Derek really had no idea, though in truth, he hadn't even asked. He had sort of been basking in the fact that he had managed to live out a few of his fantasies, and they were all much, much better in reality. The imagination could only take you so far. But reality...oh, reality has some tricks up her sleeve. Good tricks. Great tricks. Mind-blowingly amazing tricks. Tricks he wanted to repeat, and then when he had finished, he wanted to start all over again.

"Forget about the six weeks! They're gone. This book has to be ready for the shelves by Christmas." Martin retorted stiffly, pulling Derek out from the rapidly porny directions his thoughts were taking.

"You can't take an entire month off me, Martin." Derek said fiercely.

"I'm not. It wasn't my decision, but it is a fact now. Two weeks, Derek."

"I need three." Derek responded immediately. "Three weeks, Martin."

Martin let out a deep sigh, his exasperation seeping down the phone. "Derek..."

"Three weeks." Derek urged. "Just...a little longer, that's all I need."

"Like I told that bloody friend of yours, that isn't possible. Two weeks. Two. Him threatening to hunt me down and kill me isn't going to give you an extra week." Martin said firmly.

Derek snorted as a reluctant smile crossed his face. "He threatened you?"

"He barely covered it up with that grin of his, but yes, he did." Martin growled.

"He called you, how could you possibly know if he was grinning or not." Derek rolled his eyes, scrubbing his hand across his face.

"I could hear it." Martin grumbled. "The guy is an idiot."

"Huh. Funny." Derek said dryly. "He said the same about you."

"Not exactly the way to go about getting an extra week, Shepherd." Martin pointed out.

"You just told me it wasn't possible. I don't really have anything to lose." Derek reminded him, exhaling slowly.

"I'm sorry, Derek. I am."

"Yeah. Great." Derek mumbled.

"No, I really am. Look, you've done it before when you thought you couldn't." Martin prompted.

"That's not the point." Derek replied immediately, narrowing his eyes in frustration. "I had no distractions then."

"So get rid of your distractions."

"You make it sound so easy." Derek sighed, tugging on his hair.

"Dump your current distraction." Martin advised. "Pick her up again later."

"Not an option." Derek bit out, the so-called advice not helping his mood.

"It was a joke." Martin said in surprise, reacting to the vehemence he heard in Derek's voice.

"Yeah, well, it was a bad one." Derek muttered.

"Look, Derek, I have to go. I'm sorry, mate. I really am." Martin said slowly.

Derek ended the call without another word, slipping his cell phone into his trouser pocket with a deep, heart-felt sigh. He began to pace backwards and forwards. He had wanted more time, and he wasn't going to get it. Now he needed something different, something that gave him the time he needed to write, time to make the necessary changes to his work while still keeping Meredith close. He needed a miracle.

* * *

"Turn the page." Ida said smiling, settling in beside Meredith on the sofa.

"That's my grandfather?" Meredith asked, her eyes scanning the pages of the album.

"Yes. You would be about...oh, three or so in that photo." Ida nodded slowly.

"He's handsome." Meredith said softly, studying the man whose lap she was seated on in the photo, his arms enfolding her close to his chest. The image did not prompt even the slightest memory.

"Yes, he was." Ida laughed. "He had quite the following of women, let me tell you. He was considered a catch."

"But you won him, right?" Meredith grinned, turning the page over with a quick flick of her wrist.

"Yes, but it took a while. He wasn't the settling down type. Or he wasn't until he met me." Ida chuckled.

"He changed his mind, then." Meredith smiled, tilting her head as she flipped through the book, page after page of photos from her past.

"He did. Quickly, too." Ida smiled softly, rearranging the cushions behind her back.

"That's me up the Space Needle!" Meredith exclaimed, a broad smile breaking out over her face.

"Yes. That was your first visit." Ida nodded, tilting the album to give her a better view. "You loved it."

"It's an odd thing for a child to enjoy." Meredith mused as she turned yet another page.

"I think you liked the elevator, to be honest." Ida grinned. "You had a captive audience. You chatted the whole way up and the whole way down, babbling on about something or other."

Meredith giggled before she froze, her eyes now coming to rest on a baby she didn't recognize, a baby with brown hair instead of blonde, the dark eyes wide and curious.

"That's George." Ida said simply, watching Meredith closely as she stared down at her baby brother.

"Oh." Meredith replied, turning page after page until she reached the end of the album, the silence in the room palpable.

"Meredith?" Ida prodded gently, taking the navy blue album out of Meredith's stiff hands.

Derek leaned against the door frame as he watched the scene unfold in front of him. Meredith and Ida sat side by side on the couch as they gave their attention to the book in front of them. The fact that they were willing to sit next to each other told him that things had gone okay, at the very least. They looked a damn sight happier than he felt right at this moment. They were laughing and smiling as they turned the pages of the album, their faces animated with delight and the newness of a family they had both been missing.

And then Meredith froze. For a second he considered announcing his presence, walking in to see if she was alright, but instead he stayed where he was, his eyes narrowing as he waited to see how this played out. The next words out of Meredith's mouth tugged a smile onto his face.

"Do you...do you have a recent picture of him?" Meredith asked carefully, wringing her hands together as she waited.

"Oh." Ida said in surprise. "Of course I do. It's over there, on the piano. That's the most recent one I have."

Meredith pushed herself to her feet, walking across the room, her feet digging in to the soft carpet as she reached out a hand and picked up the wooden frame, holding it in front of her as she stared down at the face of a brother she didn't know. He was sitting on a rock Meredith recognised as the one in the backyard of Alice and Thatcher's place. His hands were pressed together, braced between his legs as looked straight into the camera. He was hunched forward ever so slightly, making the artist in Meredith want to reach into the photo and adjust his posture. He did look an awful lot like Thatcher, even in the way he sat. But what caught her attention the most was his hair. And once she noticed it was hard to look away. She started to giggle, the sound light and musical as she shook her head, more giggles escaping with every second that passed.

"Well, what on earth are you laughing about?" Ida asked, relaxing as the sound of Meredith's laughter filled the room.

"Blue. It's blue. He has...blue hair." Meredith replied, pressing a hand to her lips as her shoulders shook.

"Oh." Ida replied with a frown. "Yes, somehow I had forgotten about that."

"I had pink hair." Meredith grinned, turning to face her grandmother.

"I beg your pardon?" Ida asked, her eyes widening.

"Pink. My hair was pink." Meredith repeated, the tiniest laugh spilling out.

"You didn't!" Ida gasped.

"Oh yes, she did." Derek replied, striding into the room, the sound of Meredith's amusement filling him, for now chasing away his worries. "Bubble-gum pink. Although it did make her easy to find."

"It was my own personal rebellion." Meredith shrugged, grinning at Derek before glancing down at the photo she still held firmly in her hands.

"But..._pink_...really, Meredith." Ida said, unconsciously patting her own gray hair.

"Yeah." Meredith nodded. "Pink."

"How long did that phase last?" Ida asked, shaking her head though her eyes shone with something a little like amusement mixed with shock.

"About 6 months." Derek answered, walking over to stand beside Meredith and staring into her eyes. "She wore a lot of black too."

"I did." Meredith confirmed, matching his gaze, heat traveling up her spine at the unexplained intensity she read deep inside him. "A lot of black."

"I liked the pink hair." Derek murmured.

"Really." Meredith murmured back.

Meredith felt herself get lost in his hot gaze, his eyes searing into hers, their connection stronger than ever until she forced herself to look away, her heart beating that little bit faster.

"Really. I thought it was very daring." Derek said in a low voice, reaching out a hand to run a strand of her honeyed locks through his fingers as he leaned close to whisper in her ear. "But I like the blonde better."

Meredith felt his breath tickle her skin, her knees weakening slightly as his mouth lightly touched her ear before he moved back, the blue of his eyes dark with something she couldn't quite grasp.

"So you don't want me to change?" Meredith asked slowly, her breathing a little uneven.

"No. Not a damn thing." Derek murmured fiercely, reluctantly letting her hair fall back onto her shoulders.

"You're telling me that both my grandchildren aspired to look like cotton candy? Multi-colored cotton candy?" Ida asked indignantly, shaking her head in exasperation as she watched the interaction on the other side of the room. "Or a character from a Dr. Seuss book!"

"Seems so." Meredith smiled, her whole body warming in response to Derek's answer.

The smile remained on her lips as she placed the photo back where it belonged on top of the piano, her gaze once more falling on her brother. He had blue hair. Her brother had blue hair. Maybe they were more alike than she thought. Granted, she'd never met him. He'd never met her. But he had blue hair. She'd had pink hair. It was probably silly that she even cared, but for now it was a start.

* * *

"So that went alright." Derek mused, opening the car door for Meredith as she slid out.

"Yeah." Meredith nodded with a smile. "How was your phone call?"

"Is that your way of asking who I talked to?" Derek suddenly snapped, his sudden sharp tone surprising even himself.

Meredith frowned a little, slamming the car door shut before stepping back from him. "I...no. I assumed it was your mother."

Derek sighed, closing his eyes for a moment as he adjusted his shoulders and softened his tone. "No, it wasn't."

"Okay." Meredith murmured, side-stepping around him as she headed towards the house they had parked outside.

"Mer." Derek called out, quickening his steps as he chased her, laying his hand on her arm and stilling her movements. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it the way it sounded."

Meredith studied him for a moment before she nodded, turning to walk again as he tightened his grip on her arm.

"Mer..." He groaned, tugging on her gently in an effort to make her stop.

"It's fine, Derek." Meredith promised, pulling her arm away from his. "I'm not mad."

"No, but you are annoyed." Derek pointed out, sighing.

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are." Derek reasoned, reacting to the glint in her eyes.

"No, I'm not." She said firmly.

"Yes, you are." Derek argued.

"Okay, _now_ I'm annoyed." Meredith grumbled, frowning at him. "You're making me act like a two year old."

"I'm sorry." Derek said quietly. "I didn't mean to snap at you. I just...I don't know. I'm sorry."

"Okay." Meredith said simply, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"Meredith..." Derek ran his fingers through his hair, his expression more than apologetic.

"It's fine, Der. Honestly." Meredith replied, nodding a little. "It's not like I never snap at you."

"Yeah...still..." Derek trailed off with a sigh. "Martin. It was Martin that called."

Meredith pulled a face. "Oh! Is everything okay?"

Derek watched as the concern filled her green eyes, her button nose wrinkling as she waited for his answer.

He took a deep breath and made his decision.

"Everything's fine. He just had a question for me. You know how he is." Derek lied smoothly, resisting the urge to grimace as the words tumbled out.

"Yeah." Meredith grinned. "I do know."

"Yeah. It's okay. I've sorted it out." Derek smiled weakly.

"Okay." Meredith replied. "If you're sure, then okay."

"I'm sorry I was an ass." He murmured, cupping her chin in his hand.

"You should be." Meredith breathed before his lips covered hers, pulling her bottom lip between his own and sucking gently. She gave a small moan and slipped her hands up his chest, winding her arms around his neck, her fingers playing with his dark curls. She clung to him as he feasted on her mouth, her body weakening until she could barely stand, her weight supported by the arms pressing her tightly against him. Derek ran his tongue over her lips, slipping it inside her and trusting deep, the movement stirring something within her. Longing. She shifted against him, his tongue, his lips, his hands working their magic as passion flared. As the power of the kiss grew, Derek felt a now familiar yearning beginning to build and he regretfully pulled away, desperate for air.

They were both panting slightly, Derek's eyes dark with incomplete passion as he stared down at her, rubbing her red and swollen lip with his thumb.

"We should probably stop." He whispered reluctantly, his hands caressing her hips.

Meredith swallowed hard, clearing her throat. "Um...yeah. Good. Good idea. Yeah."

"We're in a driveway." Derek pointed out slowly. "We should probably remember that."

"We should." Meredith nodded, breathing out slowly as her hands slid back down his chest, falling away to her sides.

"Maybe I'm not sorry I was an ass." Derek teased, tilting his head. "I like the response I get."

Meredith just shook her head, rolling her eyes a little as she leaned against him. "Yeah, for now you like it. Next time I'll kick you in the shins."

"You'd go from making out with me to kicking me?" Derek drawled out, rubbing slow circles on her back with his palm.

"Absolutely." Meredith grinned.

"You know, you're very, very bossy." Derek pointed out.

"Yep." Meredith smiled. "It keeps you in line."

"True." He laughed.

"Though to be honest, I think I prefer the kissing. More kissing, less kicking I say." Derek nodded seriously, his eyes sparkling.

"I'm sure you do." Meredith laughed.

"We should probably go in." Derek said, reaching for her hand.

"You could. Unless you'd like to suck face for a bit longer." A male voice called out lazily from behind them. "I'm easy."


	38. Chapter 38

**A/N:** Sorry for the wait, guys! Uni started this week, and I had assignments and things due that I needed to finish off. As for Derek's lies, I agree. I don't like it either, I hate that he is lying to her, but he has his reasons, as do I. This update jumps through time a little bit, skipping out a portion of Meredith and Derek's visit with the person they were meeting, simply because it could have gone on for another chapter with nothing happening that was important to move this story along. So you will read part of their visit before they go back to their hotel. Anyway, thanks for the reviews, and thanks as always for reading. :-)

They both froze as the voice reached them. Well, it was confirmed. They were definitely in the right place. Meredith instantly recognized the voice, and she couldn't have been any more mortified if she'd tried. She turned her head slowly and pulled away from Derek, turning to follow the voice, a flush already staining her cheeks.

Alex stood with his arms crossed, a smirk on his face as he watched them. "I see you found the place."

"Yeah, Ida gave us directions." Derek replied, squeezing Meredith's hand reassuringly as she gave a small groan of embarrassment.

"Get over it, Grey. It's nothing Iz and I haven't done." Alex said casually, taking far too much pleasure in the slightly uncomfortable situation she found herself in.

Derek didn't seem to care. He was grinning from ear to ear, his dark blue eyes twinkling as he watched her blush darken. There really wasn't anyone she could think of that would be a worse person to have caught them than Alex. Except maybe Derek's mother. Or Mark. Mark would laugh his ass off and tease her mercilessly. Or actually, Cristina's reaction would have been interesting. Meredith gave an inward sigh as she realized those were three people they would have to talk to, to explain things to, to point out that things had changed. Then again, his mother already knew apparently, which was going to lead to the dreaded family dinner. Oh, that was going to be fun. She would rather chew off her own arm than go to that dinner. Not that Derek's family were horrible. In fact, it was quite the opposite. But she had seen the way they protected him, especially from any women he had taken home to meet the family. Not that there had been many, but his sisters reserved judgement, watching closely for the tiniest signs that the girl wasn't good enough for their only brother, and then they pounced.

"Thanks for that, Alex." Meredith winced, realizing he had spoken and pulling herself out of her rambling thoughts. "That makes me feel so much better."

Alex grinned, stepping aside and indicating the open front door. "You can come in, you know. I know I look good standing here and all, but I am more than a decoration."

"Oh, we were just going to give you the keys and call a taxi." Meredith said quickly. "We don't want to bother you. We can come back another time, or just...we can...I don't know...we have..cell phone, so..."

"Dude, just come in." Alex interrupted, looking a little astonished as he motioned towards the door once more.

"And that was only a mini ramble." Derek murmured as he passed Alex, chuckling.

"Hell." Alex muttered before following them in.

Meredith stepped into the house, a sweet, pleasant scent filling the air around them.

"Something smells good." She commented as Alex closed the door behind them, holding out his arm for their coats.

"Izzie was stressed." He said simply, taking their coats and walking into the lounge, tossing them over the back of an armchair.

"Oh." Meredith replied, glancing at Derek who shrugged helplessly. "Right."

"Sit down" He instructed. "I'll tell Iz you're here."

"Oh _crap!_" A voice screeched from the other end of the house, the words laden with frustration and annoyance.

Alex frowned and immediately headed towards the sound, short, sharp curses filling the air every few seconds.

"Izzie?" He called, padding his way down the hall, while Meredith and Derek followed him into the hall. "Iz!"

"Alex!" Izzie called out. "Don't come in here!"

"Why not?" Alex replied, halting as he waited for her answer. "What happened?"

"Nothing! I just...dropped a tray." Izzie answered quickly. "Just...stay out there!"

"Iz, Meredith and Derek are here." He reminded her, beginning to head towards the kitchen once more. "Are you alright? I'll come give you a hand."

"No!" Izzie shouted in panic. "I'll...I'll make drinks. You entertain. Maybe...maybe Meredith could come help me!"

"Sure." Meredith offered immediately, giving Alex a smile as she passed him and continued walking swiftly towards the kitchen.

"What was that all about?" Derek asked as Meredith disappeared into the kitchen. The two men saw a whirl of pink before the door slammed shut behind her.

"Beats me." Alex shrugged. "Women."

Derek raised his eyebrows, glancing back towards the closed door.

"Come on." Alex grunted. "Might as well relax."

* * *

"Oh my..." Meredith began before Izzie materialized next to her, pushing the door shut.

"Ssshhhh!" She hissed. "They'll hear you!"

"What the hell...?!" Meredith asked, her eyes wide and her mouth dropping open. "What happened?!"

"I had a small problem." Izzie admitted, crossing her arms over her chest and glancing around the kitchen.

The first thing Meredith noticed were the muffins. The muffins that took up every available inch of space, basket dotted around the room at random, even the table laden with the sweet treats. But the muffins weren't the only thing that drew her attention. There was water everywhere. It covered part of the kitchen counter, mixing with an open box of floor that had tipped over the counter, forming a type of paste. Water dripped down the front of the cupboards. It weaved its way across the tiled floor in little rivers, slowly seeping further and further across the room. There were no words to describe the state of the kitchen except complete and utter chaos.

"What happened?" Meredith asked again, picking her way carefully through the rivets of water.

"Life hates me. That's what happened, Meredith, life hates me. The one day, the _one_ day I need things to go well and everything falls apart!" Izzie ranted, squeezing some of the water out of the apron she had tied around her waist. "I mean, this is karma, right? I've done something unspeakable in another life and now the universe hates me. It hates me, Meredith, and this is karmic revenge. Karma!"

Meredith let out a giggle, trying to stifle it with her hand as she took in the indignant expression on Izzie's face.

"You think this is funny?" Izzie asked astonished.

"Well..." Meredith began before she was interrupted.

"This is not funny!" Izzie growled. "I have water everywhere, _everywhere_. Alex is never going to let me hear the end of this."

"Well, what happened?" Meredith asked for the third time, gesturing around her.

"I don't know!" Izzie wailed. "I was running water in the sink, waiting for it to heat up so I could wash the baking dishes. I turned my back for a second, that's all it was, a second! When I looked again, there was water everywhere! I think the sink was blocked or something, I don't know."

"A second?" Meredith repeated doubtfully, raising an eyebrow as she took in the state of the room.

"Okay, so it might have been more than a second." Izzie admitted. "I was putting the chocolate thingies on the muffins. I think I got distracted."

"Maybe we should ask them..." Meredith said, gesturing towards the closed door as Izzie interrupted her once more.

"No!" Izzie insisted, sounding horrified. "We can clean this up. We have to clean this up, because I've already done enough damage today. He can't see this, Alex can't see this! I swear, I'll never live it down."

"What else have you broken?" Meredith asked curiously.

"I...that's really not important." Izzie dodged. "You have to help me. Please."

"Well, sure." Meredith replied with a nod.

"Oh, thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Izzie breathed out a sigh of relief. "I'll be back in a moment."

While Izzie quietly opened the kitchen door and disappeared for a few moments, Meredith took the opportunity to survey her surroundings again. She tended to make a mess in her own kitchen whenever she tried to cook. She'd dropped eggs on the floor more times than she could count. But even her kitchen had never looked this bad. Although, to be fair, her pathetic attempts at cooking usually got her kicked out of the kitchen before it had the opportunity to get to this stage. It didn't take long before Izzie was back, a stack of towels in her hands which she dumped on the table, pushing aside a few baskets to make room for them.

"Izzie, is something burning?" Meredith asked cautiously, sniffing the air.

"Burning? No, I...oh crap...the muffins!" Izzie cried out in surprise, spinning around just as her feet slid out from under her, the water beneath her feet playing it's part in bringing her tumbling down on her backside in a flail of arms and legs.

"Ooooph!" She grunted as she hit the floor with a solid thump. "Damn it! That's the second time that's happened! My ass is going to be black and blue, and probably dented!"

"Izzie, are you okay?" Meredith asked in concern, managing to control the laughter dying to come out.

"Yeah." She groaned. "Though my dignity is taking a huge hit today."

Meredith reached out a hand. "Here."

"I think I'm safer down here." Izzie informed her, her legs splayed out awkwardly. She straightened her legs, stretching slightly before she registered what Meredith had said that had made her land on her ass for the second time in one day. "Oh my god! My muffins!"

"I've got them." Meredith assured her, coughing as she pulled the muffin tray out of the oven, her hands covered with the purple oven mitts she had found on the counter. A thin layer of smoke curled its way through the room, the smell causing Meredith to wrinkle her nose in disgust.

"How bad are they?" Izzie asked anxiously, trying to peer at them from her spot on the floor.

"I think they are beyond repair." Meredith said as she placed the hot tray on the cake rack Izzie had left out, poking at the top of one blackened muffin with her gloved hand.

"Of course they are. See, I told you. Karma." Izzie nodded with a groan. "This is really not my day. I'd tell you about it, but I'm trying to pretend it never happened."

"So you're living in denial?" Meredith asked with a small laugh.

"Yep. Right now, it's working for me." Izzie nodded.

"Been there, done that." Meredith murmured. "It's not just a river in Egypt and all that. It's a freaking ocean or whatever."

"Unfortunately it doesn't fix my muffins." Izzie sighed.

"It's not like you don't have enough already." Meredith reasoned, pulling off the oven mitts and tossing them onto the dry portion of the kitchen counter. "What's with all the muffins, anyway?"

"When I'm stressed, I bake. Muffins de-stress me." Izzie replied. "I don't usually burn them."

"I do." Meredith giggled, tossing Izzie one of the towels before she began to wipe up the counter top, pushing the excess water into the sink.

"You don't bake?" Izzie asked, getting up onto her knees and drying the front of the cupboards.

"Nope. Or cook. It doesn't have good results. Derek's banned me from his kitchen." Meredith laughed as she continued cleaning. "What are you planning to do with all these muffins?"

"Eat them and get hugely, gloriously fat." Izzie mumbled, finishing drying the cupboards and moving on to the floor.

"Seriously?" Meredith asked, squeezing out the water out of her cloth.

"No. Though it's tempting and I could totally do it. I'll take them to a homeless shelter, or to the children's hospital or something." Izzie replied with a smile.

"Oh. That's nice of you." Meredith commented.

"George volunteers there, sometimes." Izzie said casually, mopping up the water on her hands and knees, the liquid soaking through the towels as she wiped the floor, the small lake in the middle of the kitchen slowly but surely disappearing.

Meredith froze, her breath stilling in her throat. "Oh you...you know George?"

"Yeah." Izzie said in surprise. "You didn't know that?"

"Well, I figured you knew him through Alex..." Meredith trailed off.

"No. I know Alex through George." Izzie corrected, balling up the wet towels and tossing them into the corner of the kitchen before she grabbed yet another dry one and continued drying. "George and I volunteered together for a while."

"Oh. So you know him well, then."

"Yes and no." Izzie replied. "I wouldn't say I know him well. I don't know his personal life stuff, but I do know what he's like, as a person. You can tell me to go to hell or mind my own business if you want, and I don't mean to stick my nose in where it's not welcome, but he's worth getting to know, Meredith. He's sweet, he really is."

"So everyone keeps saying." Meredith murmured, picking up the bag of flour and carrying it over to the rubbish.

"You're going to meet him though, right?" Izzie asked carefully, pushing the hair out of her eyes. "He'd want to meet you."

"It's a bit hard when he's visiting his grandparents in San Francisco." Meredith replied. "But yes, I am. I think. I guess."

"Have you seen a picture or something?" Izzie continued, "Because we'll have one here somewhere, I think. You know, if you wanted."

"I've seen some, thanks." Meredith replied with a small smile. "Blue hair and all."

"Yeah, that was really strange." Izzie frowned, adding yet another wet towel to the rapidly growing pile in the corner.

"What do you mean?"

"The hair. Everyone was really shocked when he did that. It's not George. He's not the blue-haired sort. Long and shaggy maybe, but not blue. But he won't tell anyone why he did it. Personally I think he did it to prove a point." Izzie murmured.

"To who?" Meredith asked getting down on her knees to help her.

"Alex. His family. His friends. I don't know. George is predictable, he's low-key, he doesn't dye his hair odd colors. He doesn't take risks. Like I said...it's strange."

"He doesn't get on with Alex?"

"They...tolerate each other. Although I think Alex likes George more than he will admit, and vice versa. Alex is pushing for you guys to meet, anyway. He's sick of the lies."

"There isn't...more, right?" Meredith asked quietly.

"Not that I know of." Izzie said honestly, throwing her a sympathetic smile.

Meredith nodded slowly.

"Drinks!" Izzie burst out suddenly. "I forgot!"

"You get the drinks, I'll keep drying." Meredith suggested, shaking her head as Izzie bounded to her feet.

Meredith bit her lip, nibbling nervously as she wondered what to do next. Did she go to the wedding? Did she turn up to meet George? Did she go to the wedding or not? Right now the questions seemed to hard to figure out. She needed a little bit more time to decide what it was she wanted to do.

* * *

"You okay?" Derek asked quietly, glancing at her swiftly. She was lost in thought, her body stiff as she stood beside him in the elevator, watching the numbers change as they were carried up towards their floor. During the taxi ride back to the hotel she had sat in complete silence, not saying a single word as the driver had engaged Derek in meaningless conversation. She had snapped the catch on her watch, clicking it back and forward, the sound the only noise she had made.

Derek couldn't work out if she was happy or sad, her emotions so very hard to read right at this moment. She was frowning, her brows drawn tightly together, only it seemed more of a puzzled expression than an angry one. She didn't seem worried, yet nor did she seem relaxed. In fact, everything about her at this moment was a contradiction.

The elevator dinged, and the doors opened revealing their floor. They stepped out and continued on down the hall towards their room, Derek watching Meredith out of the corner of his eye.

She didn't seem to know how she felt, indecision radiating from her as she increased her pace to keep up with his longer stride, her long fingers still working away at the clasp of her watch. His question had rolled right off her, almost as if she hadn't heard it, yet the slight nod of her head suggested that she had.

"Meredith." Derek prompted, reaching one hand over and capturing on of her busy hands in his, squeezing lightly before he released her again.

"I'm fine." She murmured.

"Okay..." Derek replied, his tone disbelieving.

"I am." She insisted, her eyes clashing with his as he turned to look at her. "I'm fine."

"Okay, even if that's true, it's time for a new word to describe what you're feeling." He interjected, nodding seriously.

"I feel..." Meredith began with a sigh, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"Grumpy." Derek guessed, casting a sideways glance at her.

"No."

"Dopey."

"No!"

"Happy."

"Derek..."

"Sleepy."

"Seriously Derek..."

"Embarrassed."

"Stop naming dwarfs!" Meredith said in exasperation, holding her hands up as they stopped outside their room.

"Embarrassed isn't a name of one of the dwarfs." Derek pointed out with a chuckle, his mouth curling.

"Yes it is." Meredith frowned. "He blushes all the time."

"No, that's Bashful." Derek replied instantly.

"Eh." Meredith groaned. "What's the difference?"

"The difference is that they are different words." Derek grinned.

"Derek..." Meredith moaned, losing all control of the conversation, not that she had ever really been in control in the first place. "It doesn't really matter."

"I'm sure it matters to all the kids whose favorite dwarf was Bashful." Derek argued, his eyes dancing.

"No ones favorite dwarf is Bashful." Meredith stated, shaking her head.

"And just how would you know? You thought Embarrassed was a dwarf." Derek reminded her, inserting their key card into the slot. The red light flicked to green on the second try, the dull click indicating the door was unlocked. Derek pushed it open, motioning for Meredith to move ahead of him, his hand automatically moving to the small of her back, gently pushing her ahead of him as he closed the door behind them.

"I know because Bashful is the one people always forget. Ask them to name them all, I bet they forget Bashful." Meredith responded with a mock glare, shrugging out of her coat and draping it over the back of one of the chairs. "You do realize we are arguing over the seven dwarfs, right?"

"Well, they're important." Derek replied with a wink, slipping the key card back into his trouser pocket.

"Really." Meredith said slowly with a little giggle, flopping down onto the bed.

"Of course. They're in the title, they're important characters!" Derek said firmly. "It's like saying Gulliver wasn't important in Gulliver's Travels, or Harry Potter isn't important in Harry Potter."

Meredith shook her head, her blonde hair falling down around her shoulders as she laughed, the sound lifting not only Derek's spirits, but her own. The banter came easily for them, it always had, and it gave her a sense of familiarity at a time when everything seemed to be changing. Sitting here with him, just the two of them, listening to him tease and pester her into a good mood...that was normal for them. And for Meredith, right at this moment when she had family members popping in and out of her life, when she was back in the city of her childhood, back in the place that had shaped so much of who she was...she needed that feeling of normalcy to stabilize her, to give her the sense that she belonged somewhere, to someone.

Derek watched as she plunged back into silence, though the smile remained on her face, reflecting in her eyes. Their afternoon with Izzie and Alex had been fun, he enjoyed spending time with the couple. They really were an odd pair, Izzie's overwhelming cheerfulness balancing out with Alex's tendency towards sarcasm and a blunt type of honesty. It had helped him to forget about his book, and his current situation, if only for the afternoon. Martin's phone call replayed in his head now, reminding him that he needed answers out of Meredith if he was going to form some sort of pro-active plan. Derek kicked off his shoes and joined her on the bed, leaning his back up against the headboard.

"So...what's on the agenda for tomorrow?" He asked carefully, not wanting to push her.

"I don't know." Meredith replied, lying back on the bed, her legs dangling over the edge.

"Mer, are we going to the wedding?" Derek asked, giving up on the not pushing idea. It didn't seem to be getting him anywhere.

"I don't know." She replied again.

"You need to make a decision." Derek prompted again.

"I know." She murmured, staring up at the ceiling. "Can I decide in the morning? The wedding isn't for a few days."

"Okay." Derek sighed. "In that case, what do you want to do now? We can go out for dinner later, or..."

"Can we...can we stay in tonight? Order room service, watch a movie or something?" Meredith asked, turning on her stomach and scooting up the bed until she lay next to him.

"Sure." Derek agreed easily, smiling tenderly at her. "If that's what you want to do, then okay. We can do that."

"Okay." She returned his smile, her expression changing suddenly, her nose wrinkling as she gave a delicate sneeze, her body jerking ever so slightly. "Okay, so maybe I am one of the dwarfs."

"Sneezy?" Derek laughed. "Nah, his nose was bigger than yours."

Meredith grinned, her eyes watering as yet another sneeze tickled her nose.

"Mer, are you getting sick?" Derek frowned, rubbing his palm over the soft skin of her cheek.

"No." She replied firmly.

"Are you sure?" Derek pressed, tilting his head as he studied her.

"Yes." She said with determination, the look in her eyes softening her response as she lifted her hand to cover his. "So what movie do you want to watch?"

Derek leaned over and picked up the remote from the bedside cabinet on his side, handing it to her as he turned his hand over till their palms met, lacing their fingers together. "I don't care, you pick."


	39. Chapter 39

Derek sat on the edge of the bed and slowly pulled off his socks. He watched out of the corner of his eye as Meredith sat cross-legged on the bed, pressing buttons on the remote as she flicked through the movie options, a frustrated scowl on her face. A night in was just what he needed. He was tired. All of a sudden he felt the tiredness hit him. He wasn't tired in the traditional sense of the word, it was more an emotional thing. His brain was tired. He just wanted a few hours to relax and rejuvenate himself, and spending the night with Meredith offered him the chance to do just that. He knew that it had been a tough few days for Meredith. Ever since they had arrived she had faced one thing after another, a stack of dominoes that teetered precariously as they got higher and higher. Derek was waiting for the crash, waiting for that moment when they all came tumbling down. Each new experience was yet another small, black domino to add to the rapidly growing pile. Seeing her father again, meeting Alice and then Alex, finding out about Ida, finding out the truth about George, confronting her father...and then had come the 'I love you too, ' something that hadn't really sunk in for either of them yet, at least not completely. Derek knew that she had been through a lot, that her emotions had been wrung out of her with every second that had passed, but if he was honest he had been through just as much. He was in tune with her emotions, so much so that the feelings coursing through her veins became his. The things that she suffered through, he suffered right along with her. It was the way things were, the way they had always been. While she had been worrying about meeting her father, he had been worrying about how it would effect her as well as worrying on her behalf. When she had been worrying about finding out the truth, he had been worrying that the truth would break her. The reasons for their fears might have been different, but they had both felt them, they had both faced them. And now he was exhausted.

Derek gave a tiny sigh as he stood up, unzipping his pants and sliding them down his legs before he stepped out of them, tossing the over the chair that accompanied the desk. He unbuttoned his shirt until it hung open, revealing the crisp chest hair underneath. His gaze fell on his laptop, the sight causing an immediate tightening in his stomach. He had to begin typing at some point. He exhaled deeply, wrenching his gaze away as he heard Meredith muttering behind him.

"Crap." Meredith said under her breath, throwing the remote down onto the bed as she gave a small yawn.

"What?" He asked softly, turning to look at her.

"There's nothing here." She complained with a little dry cough. "They're all crappy movies."

"Seriously? Nothing?" Derek inquired, picking up the remote and scrolling through the options. His brow furrowed with every choice he passed by, nothing appealing to him "Oh, you're right. There really is nothing."

"Trust us to pick the hotel with the crappy pay-per-view movie choices." Meredith groaned, falling backwards onto the bed.

Derek smiled and walked over until he stood beside her, staring at her for a moment before he braced his arms of either side of her body and leaned down to press his lips gently to hers. She gave a soft sigh, her hands sliding into his soft curls as he lazily explored her mouth before he pulled free, staring into her eyes with an intensity so sudden that it stole her breath right out of her body. Her mouth twisted up into a warm, tender smile as she ran her finger lightly over his lips, her gaze watching as her finger danced gently over the lips she longed to press against her own and keep there forever, the feeling of 'rightness' sending warm shivers down her spine. Her hand fell away from his mouth, moving down his body and stroking his hard chest, the dark curls tickling the tips of her fingers. Derek shifted his weight onto one arm, reaching up to capture her hand in his, kissing her palm before he straightened up, a smile gracing his own mouth.

"You need to get changed." He murmured tenderly, tilting his head as he watched her beneath his lashes.

"Mmmm." She agreed quietly, wishing he had kissed her again instead of moving away from her. "I should."

"We can watch something on TV if you want." Derek offered with a tiny shrug, reaching down to grasp both her hands as he pulled her up into a sitting position before he slowly released his grip. "You know, instead of a movie."

"Sure." She said easily, standing up and moving towards the corner of the room that housed her bags. She rummaged through them, pulling out the piece of clothing she intended to wear. "I probably wouldn't make it through a whole movie anyway."

"You're tired?" Derek asked, a soft frown settling on his face.

"A little." She admitted. "I feel...heavy. Which sounds weird, but I do."

"I'm tired too." Derek murmured with a smile.

"When did we get old?" Meredith said in mock horror, glancing at the clock. "It's not like it's late."

"It's been a full-on few days." Derek reminded her. "It hasn't exactly been a walk in the park."

"No, I guess not." Meredith replied, turning away from him.

"Mer?" Derek queried. "You okay?"

"Yes." She said instantly, keeping her back to him.

"I don't believe you." He replied with conviction in his voice.

"I am fine, Derek. It's just...why does everything in my life have to be hard?" She asked softly, wringing the t-shirt in her hands. "I always have to do things the hard way."

"I don't know, Mer." He replied just as softly, walking over till he stood behind her, placing his hands on her shoulder. She leaned her cheek against his hand for a brief moment before she took a deep breath and pulled away from him, and turned around.

"Aren't you sick of the drama?" She asked, her eyes filling with sadness.

"What do you mean?" Derek asked with a frown.

"My drama. There always seems to be something." Meredith pointed out, the light from the bedside lamps shining off her hair, giving her a luminous look. "Most people could go to their father's wedding and just enjoy the day. You know, take some photos, eat some cake. But not me. No, I have to carry around an extra suitcase just to cart all my emotional baggage with me."

"It's what made you you." Derek said softly, capturing her watery eyes with his own velvet blue gaze. "What you call drama...it's the things that make up who you are. And I happen to love you the way you are, emotional baggage and all."

"But when does it get too much?" She asked quietly, worry filling her gaze for a split second before she hid it behind a fake wall of indifference.

"Never." He replied firmly, reaching out and taking hold of her hands. "Never ever."

"Yeah?" She asked with a small smile.

"Yeah." Derek replied instantly, squeezing her hands in his. "You don't ask for it, Mer. The things that happen to you...you didn't ask for them. It wasn't by choice. But you deal with them. You're stronger than you give yourself credit for, you're stronger than anyone I know."

Meredith watched him closely for a moment, reading the sincerity in his hot gaze. Her worry seemed to melt away as he told her with his eyes just how much he meant every single word he said. His lip curved up into a sweet smile, his head tilting again as he watched her, his eyes never leaving hers, just the way he never left her, his presence the one sure thing in her ever-changing life. Meredith felt her own smile begin to break in response to his, the reassurance exactly what she had needed right at this moment. Derek watched as slow acceptance seemed to fill her eyes and he gave a satisfied nod, turning her gently and guiding her towards the bathroom.

"Go get ready." He suggested.

"I'm going." She replied obediently, glancing over her shoulder once with a smile before she disappeared from view.

Meredith stripped off her clothes before tugging the t-shirt over her head. It hung loosely from her body, the end barely grazing her knees. She looked in the mirror, groaning a little as she took in the sight before her. In reality she felt a bit ickly, her throat felt scratchy and sore and tender when she swallowed. Her body was exhausted. She was more than ready to crawl into a nice warm bed with Derek and relax, to allow the messy moments from the last few days to disappear. She knew she had decisions to make, choices that had to be decided sooner rather than later. And she knew what she would tell Derek the next time he asked what the plans were for the next few days. She would meet George. She wanted to at least be able to say hi, if nothing else. She had nothing to lose by meeting him, so there didn't seem to be any point in refusing. And by all accounts he was a genuinely nice person. She didn't want to go home regretting the fact that she hadn't at least made an effort to contact him somehow. As for the wedding...she hadn't made her mind up on that one yet, and for now she couldn't be bothered giving it the thought she needed to make the right decision. She tugged her fingers through her hair in an attempt to sort of the mess it had become before she flipped the light off and walked back out into the room.

Derek looked up as Meredith stepped out of the bathroom, the sight of her wearing nothing but a skimpy t-shirt hitting him squarely in the stomach. His gaze started at the base of her legs and worked its way up, taking in the creamy, smooth length of her legs as his eyes travelled up her body, taking everything in before he met her gaze, giving a sheepish grin as he read the knowing look in her eyes.

"Stop looking at me like that." She instructed clearly, tugging on the bottom of her t-shirt.

"Like what?" He asked indignantly, his eyes concentrating on the way she chewed on her bottom lip.

"Like you've seen me naked." She replied, working hard to stop the blush from creeping onto her cheeks.

"I hate to break it to you, but..." Derek trailed off, raising an eyebrow that spoke volumes.

Meredith let out a short laugh, giving a little shake of her head as she turned off the main light, the glow from the bedside lamps the only light in the room, aside from the glare of the television as 'Without a Trace' played on the screen.

"You're lucky I'm tired." Derek murmured with a wink, pulling off his unbuttoned shirt and adding it to the rest of the clothes he had draped over the chair, before he disappeared into the bathroom, the sound of running water filling the room.

Meredith climbed into her side of the bed and leaned back against the headboard, giving a little stretch before wiggling as she sought to get comfortable. The soft mattress felt like heaven against her weary body. She heard the water switch off as she settled back against the pillows and watched the screen directly across the room from her, trying to follow along with the story, though they had already missed the first twenty minutes or so.

"What do you think you are doing?" Derek demanded suddenly, appearing beside her.

"What do you mean?" Meredith frowned, turning to look at him while plumping the pillow behind her back and wiggling again.

"Move." Derek instructed with a firm nod of his head, ignoring her question.

"I...move?" Meredith questioned, shock evident in her eyes.

"Move." He said again, this time quietly, nudging her gently between the shoulder blades with his hand.

She looked up at him curiously, her brow crinkling as she began to move over towards his side of the bed.

"No, not that way." Derek said softly, grasping hold of her arm. "Move forward."

"Oh. Okay..." Meredith trailed off, scooting forward a little.

She felt the bed dip as he climbed in behind her, his long legs parting as he pulled her against him till her back was flush against his bare chest, his legs nestled snugly around her hips. He had made himself her own personal blanket, the incredible warmth radiating from his body flowing through her, relaxing her completely. She leaned back into him gratefully as his arms slid around her waist, her head falling back onto his shoulder. He dropped a quick kiss on her forehead, shifting his body a little before he found the perfect spot and he leaned back, his own body relaxed, the feel of her in his arms enough to chase away any demons he might have fought.

"I like this." Meredith said quietly, her hands gently stroking the arms banded around her waist. She was completely at ease as she felt his steady heart beat against her, his breath warm and minty fresh. After a full few days of meeting new people it felt wonderful to have time to themselves, in a different way than usual. She didn't have to think about everything she said or did, she could be herself and truly relax for the first time in a while.

"This show?" Derek asked, his voice soft as he relished the feel of her soft form in his arms.

"No. Well, yeah. But I meant this. You and me. Sitting here like this." She admitted, snuggling into him that little bit more as she pressed her back even more firmly against his chest. "I like it."

Derek smiled, the pleasure her words gave him spreading quickly through his body, causing his body to shiver ever so slightly.

"Me too." He agreed softly, breathing in the soft lavender scent that seemed to follow her. "Me too."


	40. Chapter 40

**A/N:** Hey everyone. I'm so sorry. I feel so stupid right about now. I updated this about 5 days ago on another site, and for some reason I thought I had updated it here too, but someone reminded me over there that I actually hadn't. I had the first part of this update uploaded and ready to post, and for reasons only known to me I never clicked submit. So this is both of the latest updates in one. Sorry about my moment of stupidity! I won't do that again. :-)

Derek quietly turned on his laptop, glancing back at the bed from his spot at the hotel supplied desk. Meredith lay on her side with her blonde hair fanning out across the pillow, her hand tucked under her chin as she snored gently. She looked so peaceful, her body completely relaxed as she slept. Derek smiled, watching as she snuffled softly and wiggled in her sleep, her small nose wrinkling before her breathing equalized again. There was something about being near her, being able to watch her when she wasn't aware of it, observe her while she slept...it was peaceful...aside from the occasional snore that slipped out, of course. His smile widened as he thought about all the reasons he loved her. She was beautiful, there was no doubt about that. Her features delicate and as fine as porcelain, her eyes deep blue-green pools that he could easily drown in, a smile that could warm even the hardest of hearts. Yes, Meredith Grey was beautiful, but that wasn't why he loved her. She was as lovely on the inside as she was on the outside, if not more so. She didn't have a malicious bone in her body, it simply wasn't in her nature to be cruel or calculating. As cheesy and lame as it sounded, it was her heart that had captivated him. From the time she was fourteen years old, he had seen something special in her, something that had drawn him to her and in ten years of friendship that something had never diminished, instead whatever it was had grown and flourished. The fourteen year old girl who had intrigued him from his very first sighting of her had grown into the twenty-four year old woman he couldn't live without.

Derek watched her from across the room as she stretched slightly, her eyes fluttering open as she gave a small yawn. She turned her head, her arm reaching out for him and finding nothing but an empty bed. She frowned, her brow crinkling as she sat up, rubbing her eyes and giving a small cough. She yawned again as her eyes connected with his and then she smiled slightly, the corner of her mouth twisting.

"Hey." She said quietly, almost in a whisper.

Derek pushed back his chair and walked over to her, sitting down on her side of the bed, leaning over and placing a gentle kiss on her lips. "Morning."

"Were you watching me sleep?" She asked with a small frown.

Derek smiled, brushing the hair out of her eyes. "Maybe."

"What are you, some kind of weirdo who watches women sleep?" She whispered with a raised eyebrow, though she smiled.

"Maybe." Derek said again, dropping yet another brief kiss on her lips. "Did you sleep well?"

Meredith gave a tiny moan and shook her head, trying to ignore the burning in her throat. "Not really. What's the time?"

"It's early." Derek replied quietly. "It's just gone 5 O'clock."

"Why are you up?" She asked, stifling another yawn and rubbing her eyes with a tiny fist.

Derek shrugged before replying. "I don't know. I woke up, I thought I'd get some work done."

"You weren't working, you were watching me sleep." Meredith pointed out, rolling on to her side. "Which is a little creepy, just so you know."

"What can I say?" Derek grinned. "You're cute when you sleep."

"Oh great." She muttered, her eyes closing.

"What?" Derek asked, rubbing his hand up and down her arm.

"Puppies are cute. Little girls with pigtails are cute." She replied, wrinkling her nose. "Grown women are not cute."

"I beg to differ." Derek answered. "You're very cute."

Meredith opened her eyes and stared at him. "Seriously? _Cute_?"

"Sure." Derek said easily. "You make little snuffling noises when you sleep."

"I do not!" Meredith protested, her voice sounding hoarse.

"Yes you do." Derek nodded with a smile. "And you snore."

"What?" Meredith's eyes widened. "I snore?"

"Only a little." Derek hastened to add. "Honestly, it's no big deal."

"But...snore...I...really? Are you sure it was me?" She asked quickly.

"Considering you're the only other person in the room, yeah, I'm sure." Derek grinned.

"How do you know it wasn't you?" Meredith questioned with an indignant expression.

"Because I was awake." Derek laughed, squeezing her arm gently before he moved his hand away from her.

Meredith sighed and sat upright, giving a barely discernable shrug. "Okay, so it was probably me."

"I think that's a fair assumption." Derek smiled, his expression changing to one of concern as Meredith screwed her face up, her eyes watering as she sneezed, her body jerking from the force. She groaned and flopped back against the pillows, swallowing gingerly as she wiped her eyes.

"Mer?" Derek asked. "You okay?"

"Yes." She nodded, reading the doubt in his eyes. "Really, I'm fine."

"Meredith..." Derek trailed off, staring her down.

"What?" She dodged, blinking away the added moisture as her eyes watered again.

"You're not fine, are you?" Derek pressed, his gaze intense as his eyes clashed with hers.

"No." She mumbled, rolling over on to her side and burying her face in the pillow.

"You're sick." He sighed, running a gentle hand down the back of her head.

"Yes." She said miserably, her voice muffled by the pillow.

"What's wrong?" He asked quietly, slipping off the bed and pulling the blankets more securely around her and tucking her in.

"My throat hurts." She said quietly, turning her head to look at him. "And I'm all stuffy."

"See, this is why you don't stand out in the rain!" Derek chided. "Now you're sick."

"You were out there too! Besides, that's only a myth." Meredith pointed out with a little sniffle

"Well, whatever. Either way you're sick." Derek reminded her, crouching down beside the bed. "I don't like it when you're sick."

"Neither do I." She said pitifully.

"I'm well aware of that." Derek informed her, smiling in sympathy.

"You know, maybe I was snoring because I'm all blocked up." Meredith suggested, sneezing again. "It's the colds fault, not mine."

"I'm sure that's what it was." Derek replied dryly, his mouth curling. "You want me to get you anything?"

"No." She replied, snuggling down into the pillow.

"I'll get you some water." Derek informed her, ignoring her answer.

"No. I'm fine." She responded automatically, wincing as she coughed.

"Mer, you have to keep up your fluids." Derek protested.

"Derek, my throat feels like it's lined with razor blades. I don't want any water. I don't want to swallow." She replied, sniffing.

Derek pushed himself to his feet and disappeared into the bathroom, reappearing a few seconds later with a box of tissues clutched in one hand, and a bottle of water from the minibar in the other. He walked back over to her and sat down on the bed, placing the tissues and the water on the bedside cabinet next to her.

"Thanks." She murmured, accepting the tissue he handed her and watching as he picked up the water again and unscrewed the lid.

"Drink." He commanded, waiting for her to push herself up with an exasperated growl before he handed her the bottle. She obediently took a few mouthfuls, swallowing carefully before she gave the water back to him and then she sunk down again, cuddling into the pillow once more.

"Happy now?" She muttered huskily.

"Yep." Derek responded easily, ignoring the grumpy tone of her voice, a usual occurrence when she didn't feel well. Meredith wasn't known for being a good patient and she hated being sick. The best course of action was to force her to take care of herself and try not to annoy her. Derek sighed as he looked down at her, watching as her eyes drifted shut.

"Derek." She murmured quietly, feeling the bed shift under his weight as he leaned over her.

"Yeah, Mer?" He whispered, again tucking the blankets under her chin.

"Thank you." She replied softly, her eyes remaining closed.

"You're welcome." He said tenderly, kissing her on the forehead before he stood up.

Derek stood watching her for while as she slipped back into sleep, her chest rising and falling with each breath she took. When he was sure she had fallen completely asleep he headed back to his computer and sat down at the desk. He stared at his screen, his brain refusing to concentrate on the task in front of him. He kept looking over his shoulder at the woman lying in the bed.

On a whim Derek unplugged his laptop and carried it over to the bed. He climbed in beside Meredith, settling himself back against the pillows as he balanced his computer on his knees. He glanced at Meredith again, smiling as he watched her turn over until she was facing him, her warm breath tickling his arm as her eyelashes fluttered against her cheek. He gave a contented sigh before he turned his attention back to his screen, opening up his latest chapter, the chapter he had begun to write on their second night in Seattle. It felt like a lifetime had passed since he had typed it. So much had changed and at the same time it felt like nothing had. It was an odd feeling, one that left him slightly off-balance. Whether that feeling was good or not had yet to be decided, but for now he used that feeling to inspire him, passing along that feeling of uncertainty to his main character. With a sigh Derek began to read what he had written, his fingers flying over the keys as he added to it, the words pouring out of him. The characters took on a life of their own. He could hear their voices in his head, see their faces in his mind, feel how they felt as they confronted the situations he put them in. He was often praised for his ability to capture his characters in a moment, a singular moment where they became 'real', the intensity behind them leaping off the page as the reader absorbed them into their souls. For Derek, writing was personal. He poured so much of himself into his books, especially this one. His fears, his hopes, his dreams. Each character was important to him, and his creations were layered individuals, not always appearing as they seemed. He gave them depth, a one-dimensional character something he refused to write.

Derek looked up from his laptop every now and then to see if she was alright, her occasional dry coughs punctuating the little world he created for himself when he was writing. For the next few hours, while Meredith slept, now cuddled up against his side, Derek worked solidly beside her, each word sending him that little bit closer to finishing something he had literally put his heart and soul into.

* * *

The shrill sound of his cell phone ringing propelled Derek up and off the bed in his desire to reach it before the sound woke Meredith. She was still asleep, curled up against the pillow, her hair falling in soft waves over her shoulders. Sometime in the last few hours she had kicked off the covers, and no matter how often Derek replaced then, her legs would work their way out again. She now lay with her leg dangling over the side of the bed, the sheet wrapped around the other leg. Her t-shirt had ridden up, her bare stomach peeking out from beneath it. She didn't look particularly comfortable, but she was sleeping and for now that mattered more than his desire to settle her properly on the bed.

Derek picked up his phone, glancing at the caller ID before he answered the call and pressed the phone to his ear.

"Hey Mom." He said quietly, glancing back towards the bed before he headed over to the sliding door that led out onto their balcony. He slid it open and stepped outside, closing it behind him.

"Hello sweetheart." Amy said cheerfully. "How are you?"

"I'm fine." He answered, leaning against the railing. "How's everything at home?"

"Oh, it's good. Nothing to worry about." Amy began.

"Nothing to worry about?" Derek repeated, frowning. "So there is something that I would potentially worry about?"

"No, dear. It's really fine. Nancy had a small car accident, but she's alright." Amy said quickly.

"What?" Derek interjected, his heart beating a little faster. "Nance is okay, though, right?"

"Of course she is. Not a bump or a bruise on her. I'm just letting you know before you hear from someone else. You know what this family is like. I didn't want you to worry unnecessarily." Amy soothed.

"But she's fine?" Derek asked again, running his fingers through his hair.

"She's perfectly alright." Amy assured him again. "I wouldn't lie to you, Derek."

"Okay." Derek breathed. "Okay."

"Now tell me, how's it going out there?" Amy asked carefully.

"It's..." Derek paused. "It's...we're good."

"How's Meredith?" Amy questioned.

"She's got a cold at the moment, but she's good." Derek replied awkwardly. This was one of those moments when he was unsure how he was supposed to answer. He doubted that Meredith would appreciate having her family's every secret announced to the world. It wasn't that his mother was a gossip, far from it. But Amy would care enough to mention it to Meredith, maybe even before she was ready to discuss it which could only lead to bad things. Keeping quiet was a much safer option.

"That's not what I meant, and you know it." Amy responded. "How is she really, Derek?"

"Maybe Mer should tell you about it herself." Derek said hesitantly.

"She's met him then?" Amy asked. "Poor thing. What's he like? Your father and I never met him, of course, but we certainly didn't think highly of him, given the fact he walked out on such a lovely child. Your father always wanted to meet him, simply to let him know what he thought of him."

"Thatcher's...I don't know, mom." Derek sighed. "He kept things from her, things she has to deal with now. He hurt her. He's not high on my list of model father's, that's for sure."

"Oh dear. How is she coping?" Amy asked in concern. "He always was a sore topic with her, and rightly so."

Derek smiled, turning his back against the Seattle backdrop as he leaned his back up against the railing and stared through the glass door at the sleeping woman who occupied his thoughts. "She's as strong as ever."

"She always was stronger than she gave herself credit for." Amy mused.

"The man's an ass." Derek muttered. "A complete and total asshole."

"Derek." Amy warned in a low voice.

"Mom, believe me, this is one of those times when calling someone an ass is definitely called for." Derek said hotly.

"You always did leap to her defense." Amy said quietly. "I see nothing has changed."

"What?" Derek replied with a frown. "You make that sound like a bad thing."

"No, dear. Not at all." His mother said softly. "I was merely making an observation."

"Of course you were." Derek sighed in exasperation, his tone more than sarcastic.

"And now you're annoyed with me because you think that somewhere in that comment of mine I was saying something negative about Meredith." Amy pointed out slowly.

"I..." Derek began before he realized that she was right. She was absolutely right. The small flare of annoyance he felt had come the second he thought that his mother was criticizing Meredith in some way. It had been an immediate response, the feeling curling round his stomach, his eyes narrowing slightly.

"I wasn't, Derek. I love her like my own daughter, you know that." Amy reminded him firmly. "To imply otherwise is hurtful."

"I'm sorry." Derek sighed. "It's instinctive, I have no control over it. It just...it happens."

"Der, I know. That was my point. You can't help it. I know that. From the time you brought her home, you've watched out for her. I expect nothing less from you."

"So you did mean it was a bad thing?" Derek asked quietly.

"People need to stand on their own two feet, Derek. No one can rescue us all the time." Amy said calmly.

"Mer does stand on her own two feet." Derek responded. "She's dealt with every crappy thing that's been thrown at her since we got here. She can take care of herself."

"I know that." Amy sighed, leaning against her kitchen counter. This conversation would spin rapidly out of control if she wasn't careful, and she couldn't seem to explain herself well at all. She wasn't willing to start an argument with her son over something she wasn't even sure she could explain. From the time Meredith and Derek had met they had formed a bond, a bond that had never once been broken. They had supported each other through the ups and downs of life, through the traumas and the triumphs, the loses and the victories. They were so close they might as well be one person, and they had been like that since they had met. They walked through life together, in unison. She was well aware that Meredith could take care of herself. She often imagined Meredith as the little girl that had basically raised herself, with little help from anyone, to become the wonderful 14 year-old girl that her son had befriended. Amy knew that Meredith hadn't had it easy. Ellis hadn't made things simple for her, and she could only imagine what it was like growing up in a house with only the cold woman Ellis had seemed to be. Yes, she was well aware that Meredith could take care of herself, she just often wondered whether Derek realized that or not, and whether or not he truly believed it. But for now Amy was letting it go.

"I know she can." Amy repeated again, more firmly this time. "Forget I said anything, honey. I didn't mean anything by it. Now, there was another reason for my call."

"Dinner." Derek nodded, pressing his hand against his forehead.

"Yes." Amy confirmed. "When you get back I want you to come over for dinner. Both of you."

"Yeah, Mark mentioned it." Derek replied.

"Well, when will you get back?" Amy asked.

"I don't know." Derek said truthfully.

"Derek Shepherd, there is no getting out of this. You will bring Meredith home for dinner. We've known her for years, I understand that, but she's your girlfriend now and you will bring her over if I have to drag you here."

"Mom, I'm not trying to get out of it." Derek replied with a laugh. _Yet._

"It sounds very much like it, Der."

"I know. But I honestly don't know when we will be back. I don't know what Mer wants to do yet."

"Do? What she wants to do about what?" Amy asked slowly, confusion settling in.

"It's a long story, which she can tell you herself. She has things she has to do here before we come home, but I don't know what she's got planned yet. I'll ring you when we get back, Mom." Derek promised, his eyes warming as he watched Meredith start to stir through the glass, her chest rising as she yawned broadly, stretching her arms up above her.

"Alright." Amy accepted. "Send Meredith my love, won't you?"

"Of course I will." Derek promised. "Tell Nance I'll see her when I get home."

"She's fine, Derek. It was just a small accident in a parking lot." Amy said simply. "But I'll tell her. And make Meredith a hot drink with honey. It's good for the throat. Lemon works too."

"I will."

"Alright. Have fun. I love you." Amy said warmly.

"Love you too." Derek replied, before he ended the call, already moving forward towards the blinking woman now sitting upright in bed.


	41. Chapter 41

**A/N:** Firstly, let me apologise for the sudden hiatus. I've had exams during the last month, and they haven't been fun. Needless to say though, they are over now, so I promise not to go anywhere near this long without updating ever again. I've got a month off from uni, so I will get back to regular updates. Secondly, thanks so much for the PM's everyone, I really appreciated them, and hopefully I responded to everyone. If I didn't, please accept my apologies for that too. Hopefully there are still people interested in this story, even after my horrifyingly long break. Anyway, thanks again, and welcome to the new readers. :-)

--

Meredith woke slowly, her eyes struggling to open. The extra sleep seemed to have done some good. Her body had lost some of that nagging tiredness, that exhausted, weighted down feeling that made her feel like curling up in a ball on the floor and sleeping for a year. She wasn't a good patient. Derek liked to point out that she was one of the worst people he knew when it came to feeling ill. She knew she wasn't a good patient, she knew she frustrated him. She blamed her independence. She had been trained from a little girl to take care of herself, it was just how she was. Meredith remembered that every time she had complained to her mother about feeling sick, Ellis would end up telling her to stop behaving like a baby, always pointing out that she had a hospital full of sick people, really sick people and she didn't have the time nor the inclination to listen to her daughter complain about a trifling illness. Over the years she had learned to let Derek in, to let him take control - very rarely, but it did happen. She had learned what it meant to accept help from others. But the sick thing was the time when it all came rushing back, and she preferred to go it alone, to fall back on her old habits rather than bothering anyone. It was instinct.

Meredith gave a tiny stretch and yawned, rolling over to face the door that led out onto the balcony. Her brow furrowed as she watched Derek talk urgently into his cell phone as he paced back and forward, his body tense. Something was wrong, she could see it in his stance. His movements were stiff and awkward, the small lines around his mouth were more pronounced as he spoke quickly to whomever was on the other end. Worry rolled off him in waves and Meredith shifted in the bed, intending to swing her legs over the side and go to him when he closed his eyes, his body relaxing as he gave a sigh, his chest heaving. Meredith remained poised, ready to leap out of bed if his demeanor changed again. It didn't. Instead, a small smile creased the corner of his mouth as he unclenched his hand and ran his fingers through his hair.

Meredith relaxed back against the pillows as she continued to study him. He hadn't changed much over the years; he was simply older, taller, hopefully with a better taste in music. He was still the same person who had sat down next to her on the steps of her new house, content to ride out her stubborn streak and sit with her until her mother saw fit to return home from the hospital. The way their friendship had started was how it had always continued - with support and trust, an unbreakable bond. Meredith tried to ignore the niggling feeling in her stomach. It wouldn't go away, and she couldn't put her finger on what was bothering her. But something was, it definitely was. If she was honest, she was still a little concerned that the friendship she loved so much would crumble under the weight of their new relationship. She had meant what she had said about no regrets. She had none, not one single regret. Yet. That was part of what was bothering her. That feeling of the 'yet' that hung over her wouldn't go away. Everything seemed to disintegrate for her eventually, every relationship she had ever had seemed to end in tears. Except with Derek. And now she had a feeling plaguing her that wouldn't go away, the feeling that something was wrong. It somersaulted in her stomach, producing sharp prods of worry that appeared out of nowhere.

She loved him, more than she had ever thought she could love anyone. She loved him enough to break through the wall of doubt and fear that had held her back for so many years. She loved him enough to have found the courage to say things to Thatcher she had never dreamed she could say, things that had allowed her a kind of freedom and peace within herself that she hadn't known existed. No, she had no regrets, but she did have worries. Worries which flung her into emotion after emotion, concern growing that she wasn't girlfriend material. Still, she told herself she was being pathetic, that her insecurities were only going to drive him away if she couldn't find a way to deal with them. She could talk to him if she needed to, she had always been able to. Derek never lied to her. Ever. She trusted him implicitely, and if she told him her worries she knew he'd help her work through them.

Then there was the decision she had come to regarding George and the wedding. She had lay there, listening to Derek tap away on his laptop, the sound lulling her into a sort of daydream. She imagined meeting George, and a small smile had graced her face. The fact that the thought of meeting him hadn't made her run for the hills pointed out to her that she would be making a huge mistake if she chose to go home without meeting him. According to Izzie, according to Ida, according to the woman who had announced his existence at her father's house, George was a nice guy. So she was comfortable with her decision. But still, in the back of all her 'fineness', something seemed off. Meredith gave a little sigh just as a sneeze tickled her nose, her body jerking with the force.

"Ugh." She moaned, reaching a hand over to the bedside table and grabbing the tissues Derek had given her. She sneezed again, this time into the tissue. She grunted in frustration before wiping her nose, balling up the tissue and dropping it in the rubbish bin Derek had thoughtfully moved to her side of the bed. Meredith fluffed the pillow underneath her head before falling back onto it with a grown.

She heard the door slide open and felt the breeze that whooshed in the open door blow softly across her face and she smiled.

"Hi." Derek murmured, the bed dipping beneath his weight as he sat down beside her.

"Hi." Meredith returned, giving another tiny yawn, her eyes crinkling.

"Sleep well?" He asked, brushing the hair back off her face.

"Yes. Well, better anyway." Meredith replied, smiling at him.

"Good." Derek leaned towards her, intent on giving her a quick kiss until he felt her push against his shoulders with her tiny fists. "What the...? Mer?"

"I'm gross." She muttered, turning her head away from him.

"Gross?" He laughed, hovering over her.

"Yes, gross. My eyes keep watering, I'm sneezing like something out of a cartoon, my nose is red and blotchy..."

"And drippy." Derek grinned, handing her a tissue.

"Oh God." She groaned, blowing her nose. "See, I told you...gross. I'm gross."

Derek laughed, leaning down and pressing a gentle kiss on her cheek. "So, we compromise."

Meredith shook her head in exasperation, though her eyes shone with barely contained pleasure at the small gesture. It was the little things that he did that always made her feel special, whether he intended them that way or not.

"How are you feeling?" Derek asked. "You feel a little warm."

"What, you're taking my temperature with your lips now?" Meredith raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, didn't I tell you? It's my newly acquired skill." Derek smiled.

"I'm fine." Meredith assured him, coughing slightly.

"You sound it." Derek drawled out, scooting back against the pillows and drawing her closer to him.

Meredith rested her head on his chest and closed her eyes. His heart beat steadily against her cheek, the sound soothing. "I'm good."

"You know, you make the worst patient." Derek sighed with a shake of his head.

"So you've told me, numerous times." Meredith mumbled into his shirt. "I hate being sick."

"I know." Derek murmured, watching her from beneath his lashes. "Though I don't think you will find anyone who actually likes being sick."

"Mark does." Meredith giggled, breaking off to let out a small cough.

"Yeah, well, he's the exception to the rule." Derek chuckled while reaching over for her water and handing it to her.

"It's your sisters fault." Meredith informed him, taking a sip of water, the cool liquid soothing her burning throat.

"And why is that?" Derk asked, raising an eyebrow.

"He wouldn't be so bad if they hadn't coddled him every time he got so much as a splinter." Meredith said with a smile. "He plays on it and the women in your family react predictably every single time. And don't raise your eyebrows at me, you're just as bad as he is."

"I am not!" Derek protested, stroking her hair gently.

"Yes you are." Meredith rebutted, staring at him intently. "You have your mother wrapped around your little finger."

"I had to make use of all the estrogen in that house. Testosterone was in limited supply." Derek grinned with a little shrug. "What was a boy to do?"

"You're pathetic." Meredith smiled back and shook her head.

"Hey! I resent that." Derek growled in a low voice.

"I'm sure you do." Meredith giggled, handing him back the water and closing her eyes.

"So what's up?" Derek asked slowly, the smile fading from his face as he leaned back against the headboard.

"I was going to ask you the same thing." Meredith said quietly.

"What, you're reading minds now?" Derek asked, closing his eyes.

"Yep. I mastered that ability while you were discovering you have a thermometer in your lips." Meredith replied swiftly.

"Ah, so yesterday?" Derek bantered back, rolling his shoulders as he sought for a more comfortable position.

"Derek..." Meredith trailed off, lying her palm against his chest.

Derek sighed. "That was mom."

"Is she alright?" Meredith asked automatically, pushing against his chest as she raised her head.

"She's fine. You know mom, she'll outlive us all." Derek reassured her, pressing her head back against his chest. "Nancy had a car accident."

"What?!" Meredith exclaimed, lifting her head again only to have it shoved back down.

"Mer, you're going to pull a muscle in your neck if you don't relax." Derek complained.

"Only if you keep shoving me." Meredith protested. "Is she okay? What happened? Do we need to go home?"

"Whoa, too many questions." Derek interrupted. "Yes, she's okay. She had a small accident in a parking lot or something. No, we don't need to go home. Mom said she's perfectly fine, just shocked, I think."

"Okay. Well, as long as she's okay." Meredith said, releasing the breath she had forgotten she was holding. "Although, it doesn't come as a shock."

"What doesn't?" Derek asked.

"Nancy getting in an accident." Meredith smiled. "She was never the best driver."

"Or the calmest." Derek interjected.

"True. She gives new meaning to to the term 'road rage.' " Meredith giggled.

"Well, not everyone can have a great teacher like you had." Derek said with a grin. "You know, patient, diligent, thorough, brilliant."

"Would you like me to leave you alone with your ego? At the rate it is growing you'll both need the whole bed in a matter of minutes." Meredith asked sarcastically.

"No, it's okay. We'll get a room later, once you're asleep." Derek responded, dropping a kiss on her head.

"Good to know." Meredith laughed. "So what else did she want?"

"She..." Derek paused, unsure of what to say. He wasn't really sure what had just happened with his mother, or what their conversation had meant. It was one of the strangest conversations he'd had with her lately, and he had no idea what point she had been trying to make. She had just been repeating what he had already known. Meredith was strong, she could take care of herself. He knew that. Why his mother thought he didn't, he had no idea. But considering he had no idea what she had been getting at, he didn't know what, or if, he should tell Meredith.

"She what?" Meredith prompted, drawing small circles on his chest with her fingertips.

"She...mentioned something about the dinner she wants to have when we get back." Derek replied truthfully.

"Oh crap." Meredith groaned. "I'd hoped she'd forgotten about that."

"Mom? My mom? The woman who raised me? The same woman who never, ever forgets anything?" Derek asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Okay, yeah, I admit it was a long-shot." Meredith admitted.

"You really don't want to go, do you?" Derek asked quietly. "You're dreading it that much?"

"No, I'm not dreading it. I'm...apprehensive." Meredith replied cautiously.

"Why? You've known my family forever. It's not like it's a real meet-the-mother-type situation." Derek pointed out slowly.

"No, it's worse." Meredith muttered, covering her mouth as she let out a little cough.

"Mer, you've never met the parents of a boyfriend, how would you know whether or not it's worse?"

"Because if you don't know them, then there is nothing to lose if they don't like you. Granted, it could cause problems in the relationship if they didn't like you, but it isn't going to change anything really. Well, I mean it would but...I'm not explaining this well." Meredith took a deep breath, pausing mid-ramble.

"No, it isn't." Derek agreed, placing his hand over the one on his chest and squeezing gently. "Care to try again?"

"There's more to lose in this situation than in a normal meet-the-parent-type thing." Meredith whispered.

"What, are you afraid she's not going to like you anymore?" Derek frowned, lacing his fingers through hers.

"Maybe." Meredith murmured.

"Mer, that's crazy. I told you, she already said we were made for each other. We already know what she thinks. She gave me her blessing when we were in a fake relationship, why would it be any different now that we're in a real one?" Derek asked slowly, his tone reassuring.

"It's just...it'll change our relationship." Meredith said quietly.

"Yours and mine?"

"Mine and hers." Meredith corrected with a sigh.

"What? How?"

"Derek, there's a huge difference between the woman who is your best friend and the woman who is your girlfriend." Meredith said in exasperation.

"There's really not." Derek replied.

"Of course there is!"

"No, there's not, considering that they are both the same woman." Derek replied calmly.

"Ha ha, very funny." Meredith growled.

"I wasn't trying to be funny, I'm trying to talk you down from the ledge." Derek replied with a shake of his head.

"What ledge?" Meredith frowned in confusion.

"The ledge that you seem to think you're on. Going to dinner with my mother is not the crisis situation you seem to imagine it is." Derek insisted.

"Under normal circumstances it wouldn't be, no. These are not normal circumstances." Meredith wailed, sniffing.

"Mer, it'll be fine. She just told me on the phone that she loves you like you were her own daughter." Derek informed her quietly.

"I love her too." Meredith replied, snuggling closer to his side.

"So then it will all work out. She already loves you. It's not like you have to win her over, or have inane small talk with her. You've already done that. Dinner will be just like any other dinner we've had with her, the only difference is that I may hold your hand."

"In front of your mother?" Meredith gasped.

"Mer..." Derek groaned.

"Okay, I'm sorry. I'm making a big deal out of nothing. It'll be fine. Really. It'll be completely and totally fine."

"Who are you trying to convince, me or you?" Derek murmured.

"Me. But it really will be fine."

"Yes, it will. It'll be fine." Derek assured her.

"We need a new word." Meredith muttered. "Fine has lost all meaning."

"It'll be excellent. Fantastic. Stunning. Superb." Derek replied.

"What are you doing, channeling Hugh Grant?" Meredith giggled.

"Okay, minor segue there." Derek said, confused.

"He says superb a lot." Meredith shrugged.

"Oh, you've met Hugh then, have you?" Derek asked, his eyes twinkling.

"No. I wish. I just meant that he seems to say that a lot in his movies." Meredith replied.

"You wish?" Derek repeated.

"I have a thing for Hugh Grant." Meredith admitted, lifting her head off Derek's chest and sitting up as a sneeze built up within her.

"You have a thing for Hugh Grant?" Derek laughed.

"Don't laugh!" Meredith frowned, just as the sneeze escaped, her body jerking delicately.

"I'm not. Really." Derek grinned, trying to stifle his laughter.

"You're pathetic." Meredith rolled her eyes.

"What did I do?!" Derek asked, raising his hands in front of him.

"You're mocking me!" Meredith pointed out, grabbing a tissue and blowing her nose as quietly as she could.

"Well, he's...old." Derek said offhand.

"He's not old!" Meredith protested.

"Mer, he has to be 50."

"Well, he's not." Meredith remarked.

"So how old is he, then?" Derek asked, folding his hands behind his neck, his stance completely relaxed.

"He's 48." Meredith replied indignantly.

"Ah. Okay. Well, Mer, you're 24. He's twice your age."

"Age has nothing to do with it, not when you have his accent. And his hair. God, I love his hair." Meredith sighed.

"Oh." Derek said slowly.

"Derek?" Meredith questioned. "You're not jealous, right?"

"Of Hugh Grant? No." Derek scoffed.

"I like his hair because it reminds me a little of yours." Meredith admitted.

"But mines better, right?" Derek asked, tilting his head.

"Of course." Meredith replied instantly, smiling at him.

"Good to know." Derek smiled, winking at her.

"This conversation is pointless." Meredith sighed.

"Never a truer word spoken. So, are you going to tell me what's up with you?" Derek asked, pulling her down gently so that she rested in the crook of his arm. "I told you my problem."

"I don't have a problem." Meredith said softly, snuggling in closer again as he pulled the covers up around her.

"Okay. Well, if it isn't a problem, then what is it?" Derek queried.

"I've come to a decision. We're going to the wedding. If that's okay with you." Meredith blurted out.

"Of course it's okay with me. What are you doing about George?" Derek asked quietly, rubbing her absent-mindedly on the arm.

"I'm going to meet him. He'll be at the wedding anyway, so..."

"So we're staying." Derek said, smiling in spite of what her decision meant for him and his book.

"We're staying." Meredith confirmed, closing her eyes and letting the words wash over her.

She had made a decision and she was sticking to it.


End file.
